My 100th Post(confettii, balloons, Elton John singing Tiny Dancer)

She can't believe it either.

I can’t believe it. 100th post. Can you believe it? Neither can I.

What the fuck WordPress? No confetti? No fancy parade of balloons? Where is Elton?

Jipped again. I work all this time, busting my brain for  ideas to amuse you people and what do I get?

Nada.

Zip.

I am just kidding WordPress. Where would I be with out you? How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

At night, when I am alone clutching my laptop, I have you to keep me warm.

WordPress, because of you, I have made countless of blogger friends who not only laugh with me but also laugh at me. And who doesn’t want that? It’s truly brain altering. It’s nice knowing that even after all the doctors who wanted to lock me away for life due to my so called mental instability(everybody has an opinion), you provided me with a support group in readers that basically said that we need more doctors out there putting us all away.

Because of you, I now have a place to write all my random crazy thoughts.

1. Got caught hugging the radio today at work.
2. If I had a donut shop, I would just make the dough then use a shot gun to shoot a hole in it to make a donut. Why hasn’t anyone else thought of this? I might have to quit writing and further investigate this endeavor.
3. When asked where was a certain employee, I immediately let out “He was vomiting and speaking tongues. So I sent him home. He was suffering from Acuta Throat Asoreitis.”

WordPress, you have created a network of quirky, insane, diabolical, down right hilarious mofos ever. People I envy, laugh with, are awe of, and even just admire. And I think that’s all I wanted for Christmas. Friends.

Everyone here just wants to speak out and be heard. To share and just have someone to listen. Thanks for letting me have that. I have been a lover of writing since my mother handed me a diary in the 1st grade.  I am finally back into the writing loop and have never felt better about myself.

So too 100 more posts!

 

NOT!

I can’t just end it like that. I don’t do sappy. Well I do but then I get all uncomfortable and then I wiggle in pants. And then well I just get outta control making an uncomfortable joke about how funny shows about little people are.

Soooo ….. I handed my boss some papers he asked me for and there he caught a glimpse of my nails. I had painted them like a month ago and the paint was chipping. SO SUE ME!

What are you looking at?

“Uh, you should do something about those nails.”

“uh what?”

“Your nails. You should paint them or get them done.”

I wasn’t gonna say anything. I planned to walk right out the office with my usual WTF look. But then it hit me, that’s what I normally do. My God I am a writer! And I need shit to post. Besides its Christmas, he can’t fire me. Right?

So I backed my ass right in there and said, “Ok so here is the plan. You bring the nail polish tomorrow and I’ll clear 15 minutes out of my day and you can paint them. I just can’t seem to find the time between driving my kids around, cooking, doing laundry, helping my kid with homework, cleaning my house, designing a giant snowflake for the Christmas show my daughter is in, packing lunches, ironing clothes, reading stories, and trying some time to sleep at night time. So if you wanna be a doll and hook me up, shit I’ll take it.

There it is!

Elton John is singing: Hold me closer tiny dancer! Count the headlights on the highway! Lay me down in sheets of linen! You had a busy day today.

Yes. Yes I did.