In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘Common Sense’

Pick Me! Pick Me to Be Your End of the World Buddy!

Yesterday as my hubs and I were watching the movie The Darkest Hour….

The-Darkest-Hour-2011-upcoming-movies-27890285-1280-1024

I made a keen observation when dealing with these end of the world, apocalyptic events. I already know that whether it be by zombies, aliens, or nuclear weapon, I know that my hubby has a good chance of surviving. In fact, I could almost bet on it. He is a conservationist and can make do with anything. He has  common sense and strong survival skills. Example: all we have at the house to eat is tortillas, peanut butter and spaghetti O’s.  Bam! He just made a feast! Also, he can build anything and fix anything.  He is very good with guns and can make a shank like a prisoner!
So in the event of catastrophic events, look for him. We will probably be overtaking a Wal-Mart.

Now, I realized as I watch this movie that women aren’t really valued to survive. How can they? Most are panicking and screaming their heads off most of the movie or until they die. I realized in the movie and like most end of the world movies; there are two types of women.

It’s very rare that you will find a woman survivalist. I am not a survivalist by any means. So therefore women will be classified in two groups: Women who will die vs Women who won’t.

Women who will die are easy to spot. They are constantly screaming and panicking like a mother THROUGH THE WHOLE MOVIE. In the beginning when you  first see people killed or dead bodies, its normal to be distressed and a little freaked out. But really through the whole movie?! After a while, I am just rooting for you to die. These ladies usually make rash decisions, completely not listening to those with common sense and objection to survive and let their panic lead them to final death! (Finally!!) They are basically running around like a chicken without a head crying and being Debbie Downer!

DD

Its excruciating! Where is your will to survive ladies?!?

Then there are those who will live. They may freak out at first but only in the beginning. After that, its game on. They get on a grip that this is their reality and GET THE FUCK OVER IT! They are constantly keeping themselves busy gathering supplies, keeping morale up, staying positive, learning how to use a gun, and just being whatever the group needs. Most importantly, they are listening to everything around them.

I would like to believe I am in that group. I don’t freak out or gross out easy. When my sister made me watch that clip of two girls one cup, I watched it all, while eating and not even flinching of disgust.  I am overly optimistic, I am constantly doing something and working especially in times of distress. I am also awesome under stress and pressure. In fact, that may be where I shine the best!  The only con is that I have late reaction to things . For instance, I don’t react to things the way a normal person would. I have no feeling for anything until hours later when I realize I should have been pist, insulted, or happy about something. That also may be a good thing but if I getting shooting at it may take me a while to realize that I am getting shooting at and that I should move to cover. Still just to be on the safe side I carry my survival handbook with me and I am currently working on an end of the world back pack complete with a  tomahawk, rope, duck tape, world map and USA map, nuts, granola bars, matches,  knives, and first aid kit.

That and also I plan to be attached to the husband’s hip. He increases my survival up to 40% as long as I listen and don’t get annoying.

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12 Monkeys but for Kids

Remember this movie?

It was crazy… about crazy people doing and acting crazy. You know in a nutshell.

The reason I bring this up is because last week I took a week vacation. And in the week I got acquainted with my kids cartoons. There are some demented kid shows out there.

Take for instance, and I know I have mentioned this one before,  but Yo Gabba Gabba is one weird ass show.

I figure this one is geared for really really small kids with songs like Don’t Bite Your Friends.  However, my kids have never bit anyone before so now I don’t know if I am a good parent or Yo Gabba Gabba is. When ever I watch it, I wonder if this is what the 60’s were like with all the swirly colors, big shapes, and mythical creatures dancing around.

Man I was totally born in the wrong era!!

It also bothers me how skinny DJ Lance is!! He is straw-thin and he looks like he could bend and contort his body in weird ways. He seriously scares me!!

Quick someone get this guy a buttery greasy steak!!

The second is Dino Dan.

This show is about a boy who loves dinosaurs. He is the only one who can see live dinosaurs walking around his town and he also uncovers clues about the past and secrets of the dinosaurs.

Doesn’t sound too bad right?

WRONG!

This kid psycho!! All he talks about is dinosaurs!! He is not a normal kid. When his child hood friends are playing tag, being kids, having fun, enjoying their youth, Dan is looking at a picture book of dinosaurs.

I would have had my kid checked!

He is gym and running track. His coach wants to talk to him about running and Dan breaks out about how this dinosaur ran and how fast he was. That’s nice Dan but we are talking about you and running!!

Another time, he is class and his teacher is instructing the class and he just rudely interrupts her to talk about dinosaurs. Then the class starts talking and the teacher is spent trying to get the class to listen to her but she can’t because this show isn’t about respect or paying attention in class. No, it’s about this boy and is obsession with dinosaurs!!

ARE YOU SERIOUS????

Does anyone else see whats wrong with this?!?!?!

I have a few issues with other cartoons. Handy Mandy can have a bit more of a personality if you ask me. Oso Special can actually do some actual saving instead of trying to help a kid find something for show and tell.

Kid shows are weird. Then again, my kids watch them so maybe my kids are weird.

I guess I will worry when my kids start dancing and tripping on colors and imaging prehistoric creatures.

I am not looking forward to that doctor bill.

28 Years Later-This is Me

Tomorrow I am 28 years old.

Who knew I would have lived to be a quarter of a century and then some?

Am I surprised? A little. A palm reader told me I would die in a car crash but she assured me I wouldn’t see it coming or feel any pain. It will be instant. I would be too busy listening to music.

That may or may not be the truth but I am totally cool with it happening that way. As long as no one is with me at the time, I am totally cool!

I won’t kid you, the older I get, the more anxious I get. It’s scary getting old. Somehow your whole being becomes a battle field. In your mind, you can still do things as you were able to when you were much younger. However, your body disagrees. I am trying to stay busy and active and at the end of the day I am shocked that my body is rebelling.

I can’t say that I am fully accepting getting older because I haven’t.

What I will say is I do feel wiser. Not wise just wiser. And honestly this is the first time I am feeling this.

Lately I feel like I have been challenged based on what I know or what I believe.  I am also surprised by my answers.

Here is what I learned:

Don’t rule out people completely. They may surprise you.

It’s not that I’m negative nor am I a pity party but I am not used to people doing anything for me. I don’t expect anything from anyway. That’s just the way I am. I am always the giver. I love being the giver.  However, I have learned how to recently receive. Not just in material things but the kindness of people is so overwhelming. I can’t believe I am being thought of.

Practice patience.

I am still learning this one. I am not a perfectionist by far but I love things to be perfect. For instance, I NEED to have the house cleaned, dinner hot and ready when my hubby comes home. I am psycho like that. I want things to always be perfect for him. Always. It stresses me out when they aren’t.  Yet, I need to understand that not everyone is on my time-table. Patience with the little people, I say to myself.

I also need to be patient with my children. Especially with them. I am so busy trying to make everything perfect I don’t stop and just patiently listen to them, patiently let them do something, and patiently let them be kids. Patience is teaching me to not worry so much about the people I don’t want them to be and actually start concentrating on the people that they are.

Let Loose.

I seriously need to drink more. I need to have fun. My life is fleeting. Pretty soon I will just have memories and I need to entertain my grandchildren with something.

Accepting Myself

Since I was younger, I was always being concerned with being liked, with being a nice person. I would take it to heart when someone would say something against me or if someone didn’t like me. I am always paranoid about that.

Why?

Because I wanted to just be this great person.

Little do I do that I am actually doing it.

This is who I am now. I need to accept this is me. I am nice enough. I am good enough. The good person that I was always striving to be exists in me. I am already there. If I stay on this path, I can’t lose.

I am sure there is more that I have learned but this is what I have been thinking of lately.

I can be cool with getting older because that’s just another journey. And who is up for another adventure?!

If it doesn’t work out, I will just move to Montana, find a secluded cabin in the woods, and maybe kick the bucket fighting off a bear Legend of the Fall style!!

While You Were Crashing the Kennedys’ parties/Running from West Nile I was scratching up some losers!

Seriously you guys… West Nile ain’t no joke. I have like 50 mosquito bites. The odds are one of them has to be West Nile infected. Geez, why couldn’t this disease stay in Egypt?!

While we are freaking out about these blood sucking little insects, there was real news going on out there. And in between scratches, I found some news that I think you need to know.

Plus I think reading about stupid people is a good ego boost for all of us regular sane people!!

Sometimes you think people must have a bit of a conscience or filter when they are committing crimes.  At least to the point where they can avoid getting caught.

Not this man.

 

World, I would like you to meet Joshua Basso.

This Florida man (again Florida? What are you guys smoking over there?)  was arrested and charged with misusing the 911 system after admitting to investigators that he made seven separate calls between last Wednesday and Friday requesting female deputies for sex.

Da fuck….

The funny thing is this guy was arrested for doing the exact same thing in November of 2009.

Back then, he claimed to be masturbating while he queried an emergency operator about her breasts and whether she would be willing to have sex with him.

Here is the link to listen to his 911 call from 2009. You know you wanna…

Perv 911 Call

This mosquito epidemic is hitting the nation in full force. I am right now scratching my legs with a razor.

And some people are calling 911 when they get bit!

A Fort Worth woman recently called the ambulance service to report that her 1-year-old nephew was apparently bitten.

“And I got scared because that bite looks like that mosquito bite like they show on the TV,” the woman said.

The 911 operator asked if the baby was awake and responsive.

“Yes, he’s playing around like normal,” the woman said. “I just want to make sure that it’s nothing, you know, dangerous.”

MedStar EMS say they have received a number of similar calls.

Ok, even as sit here covered in mosquitoes, I have to say that’s pretty funny.

People! I may be complaining but I know I should have brought my anti-itch creme and some alcohol to work to keep soothing my bites. And I also know too that if I start to feel flu-like symptoms, I should head to my doctor to get it checked out.  911 can’t do anything for your itchiness.

Sometimes… late at night…. I get scared for the future.

Before I go… back to work…. I would like to express my condolences to the family of our American hero Neil Armstrong.

Armstrong was the first man on the moon, followed shortly after by Buzz Aldrin. Yes, he is famous for something else besides ‘Dancing with the Stars’ on ABC. Seriously, if that’s the only reason you know him, just stop reading now. Anyway, like any other major historical event, there’s a group of freaks out there that think the whole event was staged. I’m talking about the moon landing, not ‘Dancing with the Stars’, by the way. I’m pretty sure “DWTS” is totally staged.

Here is how Buzz Aldrin reacts to one of those nay-sayers.

God Bless America!!!

Dear Women of the Nation

Dear Women of the Nation,

 

I would like this time to express my condolences to our gender. A part of us died this week and I feel I need to bring attention to it.

For many years, our great great great grandmothers like Susan B Anthony fought for our rights and our equality. Somehow that great respect has been tarnished.

What am I talking about? Well, let me tell you a story.

The setting: Erwin, Tennessee.  The year: 2001.

A mother by the name of Mysti Potter was teaching her 3-year-old daughter to drive.

Yes! Her 3-year-old daughter.

Hmmm, why would you need to teach your 3-year-old to drive?? Ohhhh, maybe so she could run down to the store and get her mother a pack of cigarettes!! Totally makes sense.

Flash back to 2012:  Mysti’s daughter, at age 14, set off  driving a stolen car lead police in a two-state high-speed chase.

People I can’t even make this shit up! I can’t. I tried.

It gets better!!

Mysti’s daughter (unnamed BECAUSE SHE’S 14!) stole a friend’s mom’s Jeep and had actually picked her mother up so Mysti could get a pack of cigarettes. Mysti didn’t know the Jeep was stolen and WAS surprised her daughter elected for a high-speed chase — since she’s ALWAYS told her to pull over if the police flag her down.

Well now, how did the daughter not heed her mother’s advice?? Maybe since she has been driving since she was 3, she freaked out being pursued by a cop.

I really like how the mother doesn’t seem surprised at all. She was just chilling on the news smoking a cigarette.  Like if it was always a matter of time he daughter was going to be on a high-speed chase through two states!!

Really, what can you say? I am at a loss for words.

And you would think it would end there. That a woman with a IQ of 50 would be a once in a million thing.

I am sorry to disappoint you all… but there are more.

A Providence, Rhode Island woman was arrested Tuesday night by Rhode Island State Police troopers after she allegedly rear-ended them while drunk.

Ok, that is pretty stupid. No… that’s fucking retarded.  The only other thing she could have done that would be labeled as mentally insane would be to walk into a police station shouting that she was hammered!!

Of course, the police pull her over. And what do they find?

The woman had her two young children in the car at the time she did it, but luckily they were not injured.   A breath test showed her blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit.

So… to recap… a woman drunk as hell reams a cop car with two children in her car. And she wasn’t even a little drunk. She was like Hangover Part 3: Reaming into to Cop Cars drunk!

The 32-year-old mother’s  3-month-old was in a booster seat (Booster????!!!!!) but the seat wasn’t connected to the car and wasn’t properly restrained.  The 6-year-old was not restrained in any way.

SMH!!!

I am so glad she hardly ever (HARDLY EVER… so not never) drives drunk with her kids.

What the hell??

Everything is just going to hell!! I actually fear for the future. Hopefully I don’t make it pass 30 years old.  It’s just too scary out there.

We all need to form a group and not only get these kids outta these environments, but we also need a way to confiscate these women’s ovaries! Stop mass producing women!! Just stop it! I beg you!!

Can we do it? Can we confiscate women’s ovaries? Think how many kids we could save!!

So  while I try to figure out how to commence Save the Ovaries from Stupid Women 2012, watch this:

Will is the only other person that feels as I do!!

 

 

How To Be Really Annoying At Work

I, MarinaSleeps, have tested the boundaries and limits of my co-workers. I almost led them to going postal… on me.

YeahI did that!

I got on people’s’ nerves! And you can do it to. Just follow my free easy steps and I will assure you that you will be on your way to being the jerk everyone KNOWS and LOVES despises.

1. Involve yourself in a discussion you know nothing about

And do it often. If you are new at this, you may need a little help. Doing this sober is only to cause you to hang back and look like an amateur. You need to get hammered. Pour a bottle of Bailey’s in your coffee or Vodka in your water. Whatever you need to do, do it to get hammered.  This way you wont be afraid to show your ignorance. You soon will discover once the room starts spinning that you have VERY STRONG VIEWS on everything.  You’ll be a WEALTH of information. You’ll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

2.  Make Things Up

Suppose your co workers are talking about Bangkok’s economy (again something you know nothing about) and you are trying to  that Bangkokians (is that right? Oh well fuck it.. Hell yeah It Is!!) are underpaid. This is all based on the fact that you are UNDERPAID so hell yea you got an opinion even if it has nothing at all to do with the topic at hand.  Plus, you will be damned if the people of Bangkok are doing better than you.

Don’t say: I think the people of Bangkok are underpaid.

Say: Say instead: “The average Bangkokian’s salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level.”

What?!

I don’t know but it sounds awesome. Always make up exact figures.  And if you are asked where you got that info from… make that up also.  Say: “This information comes from Dr. Samuel L. Dell’s study for the Scotch Report published on May 7, 1982. Didn’t you read it?” Say that in the same tone of voice you would use to say, “You left your shit covered underwear in my bathroom.”

3. Use Words that are Meaningless but Sound Important and Weighty

First memorize this:

Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
Ipso facto
Ergo
So to speak

Also, memorize some Latin abbreviations like “i.e.” and “e.g”  which are all short for “Naa Naa Naa Naa Na I can speak Latin and you can’t.”

Add these words in any part of your sentence. For instance, say: Let me put it to you this way. In terms of the ratio vis-a-vis cheese dip qua tostados,  there would need to be an even amount so to speak but there is an always lack of cheese per se, as it were. Ergo, ipso facto, case closed. E.G.

No one could give a possible retort to that.

4. Use an abundance of irrelevant comebacks.

Crap like:

 

  • You’re begging the question
  • Don’t Compare apples to oranges
  • What are your parameters?

That last one is extremely important because I don’t think anyone knows what parameters are other than engineers.

And also don’t forget the classic: You’re so linear.

Here is how to use these babies….

You say: As JFK said in 1969…

Coworker: JFK died1963.

You say: You’re begging the question

You say: Mexicans like most Europeans…

Coworker: Mexicans aren’t Europeans.

You say: You’re just being defensive.

You say: Since the invention of electricity….

Coworker: Electricity is not an invention.

You say: Well DUH!

5.  And to really drive your point across… Compare people to Hitler

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, “That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say,” or “You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler.

My favorite is: He has a Hitler-esque  thing going for him.

Follow these instructions closely.

Only then can you get a paid leave of absence without even asking for time off!

Wordless Wednesday: I Don’t Want to Live On This Planet Anymore

Thanks to James Cameron (seriously James stop!!) we get to have Titanic be re-released in 3D!!

Uhhhhh… yay??

Wow…. I can think of a billion things off the top of my head that I would rather do then see Titanic.

Again!

1. Cut my toe nails

2.  Super glue my self to vagina

3. Organize my stamp collection.

  4. Chew gum

But this post isn’t about me…. nooooo. It’s about other dumb people. Yes!! Other dumb people who tweet.

After reading this…. you might need a hug.

There are no words for this.

I mean… how? Who? What?

(Shakes head)

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