In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Archive for the ‘Random’ Category

Merit Badge #1 Not Throwing Up After a 5 Hour Drinking Party

bachelorette-party

So I finally was invited a to a bachelorette  party. I have never been to one, nor have I been out partying and drinking in years.  Lets try to NOT roll your eyes at my lameness.

Did I get drunk? Yes. Did I dance a lot? Yes. Did I have a good time? Sure.

Movies have ruined things like this for me.

Where was my crazy almost illegal night?? Where was my wicked ass tiger that was supposed to be in my bathroom? There were no new tattoos or piercings. Everyone was accounted for. We could have at least left someone behind … that would have been epic.

The one thing that was funny was certain girls were throwing up in the limo or out the window. That was hilarious trying to stay sane with the smell.

Still, it’s not like I expected anything. But damn, we were back home at midnight. My kids were still up (rules don’t exist when mommy isn’t around) for god sake!

Like I have been saying, men have a more fun time.  And mum’s the word on the activity they will do. The following days the girls were like remember when “Lucy” fell or remember when Marina was dancing on the pole.

Shut the fuck up!! Ya’ll get a little wild and now I shall pay for it forever.

One thing I am proud of is that I didn’t fall, throw up in the limo, and I kept up with the little 24-year-old girl who parties for a living.

Someone should create merit badges for these kinda things.

There were a few things I learned that night:

  1. It’s very necessary to do things like this from time to time. Stress relief. And it keeps you young.
  2. Always have a seasoned drinker with you.
  3. Vodka and cranberry is sooooo good.
  4. After while everything taste the same.
  5. No heels… or you will fall and fall and fall. I wore flip flops cause I am a lazy ass. Point for me!
  6. Process every drink you take. It helped me concentrate on where I was at and how I felt.
  7. I missed dancing.
  8. No one cares what you wear, only in the beginning when no one is drunk.

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Alas, For I Am Without Pranks Today

I’m sad.

I have nothing to trick you with today! I’m without jokes today on this blessed day! Blast!

And I am terrified to read anything today because I am so guilable!

I ran through a possible list of things I could have pranked with …

I could tell you I am pregnant but that would be really just scaring myself. I thought I could tell you I was dying from a terminal illness but I actually haven’t had a physical since… I don’t think I have had one. So who knows, that may be true!  I also thought of telling you that Lindsey Lohan has turned to Jesus. But I think Jesus would be highly insulted further damning my soul to hell.

I am to lazy to plan anything. I have so many things I wanna do but laziness gets the better of me sometimes. So if it wasn’t for the laziness you would either be mad or laughing so hard right now. I am sure I would have dreamt up something epic. But again, too lazy.

So be weary today.

I am.

I carefully scanned my chair and desk before I sat down. I made others taste my coffee before I did.  You just never know. If someone scares you enough to cause a heart attack, remember they can and will get off because scaring someone to death is strictly only allowed today.

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I Don’t Care How You Get Here- Just Get Here!!

I stopped writing on here for lack of …. “time”.  It still surprised me that people were visiting my site!

Go home people you are drunk!

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Just playing.

Stay.

Truth is I don’t even care how you get here either.  All that matters is that you are here.  And let me tell you, how you guys get here…. its kinda weird.

Most popular searches that lead people to my blog in 2012 to the present?

Huge Boobs

I hope there was enough for you here. Not from me, but from others. I suffer from the lack thereof! We are still working on a cure. But seriously, I hope you had more boobs then you can handle. That may be a good resolution for all. Get your daily dose of huge boobs. Squeeze a friend!

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Eat the Rich

No, don’t so that. Most of them are just skin and bones. Unless you are trapped on Mount Everest or the desert and it seems like the only way. Eating leaves and ants is for pussies anyways.

I had a lot of Fuck Mondays and Tuesdays Suck .

Come on people, if it ain’t Friday it just isn’t cool.

1friday favorite f word

Praise Jesus, he is Mexican

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Come one white people. Let us have this!

Ryan Reynold’s Bike

Really? That got your here? Ok ok no judgement.

Lucky bike. That’s all I am saying.

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I’m totally not looking at the bike!

Thursday Movie Review- Stupid Movies Rule

During my two week holiday/hiatus from life, I saw a lot of movies.

Yay!

I tried to see movies I hadn’t seen, I saw movies I had not seen in a while, and also just saw movies to pass the time. A few of the movies I saw was Ted, Friends with Benefits,  Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, The Rite, Legendary, The Eagle, and many more. However the best one for me was Your Highness.

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Most people I think would regard this movie as stupid and not even bother. However I loved it. It was funny, crude, rude, gross, and very good-looking people in it, and even a hero to root for!
It was actually a very fun movie. Sometimes you just wanna enjoy a movie.

This fantasy lowbrow comedy was directed by David Gordon Green who also directed Pineapple Express.  Pineapple Express was alright but this movie was way better.  It had the same leads as in Pineapple; James Franco and Danny McBride also staring Natalie Portman and Zooey Deschanel.

It is a blend of  genres with the sword and sorcery quest adventure combined with stoner film profanity and lowbrow humor.

Thadeous and Fabious (Danny McBride and James Franco) are sons of the King. They are warriors: Fabious is dashing and skilled and Thadeous is lazy and ineffectual.  Fabious is your typical Knight: handsome, rescues fair damsels, slays dragons and conquers evil.

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Thadeous has spent his life watching his perfect older brother Fabious  embark upon valiant journeys and win the hearts of his people. Tired of being passed over for adventure, adoration and the throne, he’s settled for a life of wizard’s weed, hard booze and easy maidens.

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When Thadeous’s bride to be gets kidnapped by an evil wizard who wants to “mate” with her to create a dragon, the brothers both on the journey to rescue her.

This movie looked like it was really fun to make.  There was lots of balls, penis, and other sexual references that were just so funny. There are parts that would totally offend people. I think those were my favorite parts. And yes there were parts that I was laughing at and covering my eyes too.  Also the dialogue was awesome! I loved every character in this movie. Especially Thadeous’s squire Courtney. He was hilarious!

Knights, wizards, trolls and fair maidens, and they were all congregated for your amusement in a fabulous comedy-adventure with quite the lustrous cast. Its very entertaining in all its vulgar and boundless sense of humor. I love the F-bombs that where everywhere.

I hope someone buys me this movie! Bonus: Natalie Portman in a thong!

Wordless Wednesday- YOU ONLY HAD ONE JOB!!!

I use this line a lot during football season when you are counting on your field goal kicker to get it between those goal posts for those extra points you so desperately need.

The feeling gets so intense as you watch THE FIELD GOAL KICKER miss the goal posts entirely.

Dude!!! You have one god damn job!! To get the ball in between the posts!

Aarrrraghhhhhh!!

So here is “YOU ONLY HAD ONE JOB!” to the rest of the world.

WTF Wednesday-Is That A…. ????

After finding these group of pictures, I think it would be wise to suggest that you singles out there need to hit up on weather men and women. They seem like they trying to communicate something.

This penis is named Isaac and its about to pound the hell out of New Orleans.

Its not just the temperature rising.

You wish buddy… you wish!

Are you telling me the weather or are you just happy to see me?

Mexico you have been a very very bad country!!

So its very clear…. weather dudes are horny.

Actors & Actresses That If They Die I Will Cry My Eyes

Several days ago, it was announced that Comedian Phyllis Diller had passed away.

I really wasn’t familiar with her.

Then Neil Armstrong died. And even though he was an American hero I didn’t witness him walking the moon and he was always apart of history for me.

We seem to be losing many good people. It got me thinking… who would I just freakin balls to the wall cry over if they died?

So I complied a small list of people that I will definitely cry if they kick the bucket!

Steve Martin

I never saw him on Saturday Night Live but I was able to catch reruns. Every movie he has been has been hilarious.  Steve is a big part of my childhood tv/movie watching growing up. I loved The Jerk, The Man with Two Brains,  Three Amigos,  Roxanne, Father of the Bride. He is just an distinguished part of comedy. And he is part of that generation which includes Chevy Chase, Martin Short, and Dan Aykroyd.

Which brings me to my next actor…

Dan Aykroyd

I always saw him as the type of father I wanted.  All his characters were comforting to me and made me laugh as well. He is just a big part of movies for me. I can’t see not watching him in any type of film. Blues Brothers is one my favorite movies. It was something that even as child I understood that a movie like this would be seen as a classic later. And I cherished Blues Brothers. Then we had great comedic movies like Coneheads, Ghostbusters, The Great Outdoors, and one of my favorite movies My Girl.  With Dan, I will be depressed if he ever dies.

Dick Van Dyke

I will so cry if he dies. One word: Mary Poppins!!

He made me love him. He swept me off my feet at like 5 years old.  Then he made Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Oh God… please don’t die Dick. You were the ultimate man to me at 5 years old and you still old. Wait til I go first… I am almost 30!!!

Julie Andrews

Til this day, I can honestly say I never have had any one take my breath as Julie Andrews. She is the interpretation of beauty. I don’t understand why she is not the Queen of England. I was amazed by her beauty, grace, pose, and her wonderful voice. I loved her in movies like Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music. I feel like she was from an age that no longer exists with classic beauties like Judy Garland, Katherine Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, Natalie Wood.

Clint Eastwood

My father forced me to watch westerns so thanks Dad because I never would have seen Clint in his best! Clint was the super hero, the bad ass, the CIA agent of that time. He was thrilling to watch and even now the movies he touch are pure gold.

I am sure there are more but these were the greatest examples of generation slowly passing on by. There are many new actors and actresses that I love now but its nothing like these few. These just didn’t entertain but stole the heart.

Are there any that you can name?

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