In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘WTF!’

29 and Deep Fried

This past Sunday was my birthday. I turned 29 years old.

Weird.

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Who imagines being alive this long? Surely I would have been killed in a traffic accident or something gang related, but no I am still here … turning 29 years old.  I am scared to get older… who isn’t? However I think I am more in shock. Wasn’t I just 16 years old like yesterday? Wasn’t turning 21 while breast-feeding still like an hour ago?

Time has passed before my very eyes… and I now have been  alive 29 years. What the….

The shock has not subsided.

So…. I didn’t do anything to celebrate my birthday. I couldn’t.

Friday I went into panic year before 30 years old panic. I went to the store and bought all these facial creme and washes because if I am going to turn 29 years old I am going to damn well look at least 26! I was gone ho to start taking care of my skin, use the appropriate aging products and all that jazz.

I applied it Friday night, Saturday morning, then spent all afternoon  in the sun. And my facial wash and creme baked on my face  BURNING THE SHIT OUT OF MY FACE especially MY EYE LIDS! My eyelids were dark, wrinkled and puffy.

I aged 70 years  over night. Or got in a fight or cried my eyes out.

I was hideous! There was no way in hell I was going anywhere. And the whole situation made  me more mopey and depressed. I was so sad.

My hubby promised to make it all up to me next weekend, when I won’t look like a deep-fried chick.

Truth is, I don’t feel any different.  In my mind I am still 19. I will probably forever feel 19. The physical part is changing…. and I am trying to will it as much as I can. I honestly want to be fine with getting older but who knows when I will come to terms with it. Once being young is done, its done.

All I ask now is that convenience store clerk card… card the shit outta me please!!

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Alas, For I Am Without Pranks Today

I’m sad.

I have nothing to trick you with today! I’m without jokes today on this blessed day! Blast!

And I am terrified to read anything today because I am so guilable!

I ran through a possible list of things I could have pranked with …

I could tell you I am pregnant but that would be really just scaring myself. I thought I could tell you I was dying from a terminal illness but I actually haven’t had a physical since… I don’t think I have had one. So who knows, that may be true!  I also thought of telling you that Lindsey Lohan has turned to Jesus. But I think Jesus would be highly insulted further damning my soul to hell.

I am to lazy to plan anything. I have so many things I wanna do but laziness gets the better of me sometimes. So if it wasn’t for the laziness you would either be mad or laughing so hard right now. I am sure I would have dreamt up something epic. But again, too lazy.

So be weary today.

I am.

I carefully scanned my chair and desk before I sat down. I made others taste my coffee before I did.  You just never know. If someone scares you enough to cause a heart attack, remember they can and will get off because scaring someone to death is strictly only allowed today.

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While You Were Examining What Beads Went With What Outfit I Was Sleuthing It On The Internet

First things first… I didn’t watch the Grammy’s.

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So I don’t know anything that happened last night. A great sleuth has to make their sacrifices. Well, that and Walking Dead was on.

Hello!! Priorities!!!!

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But I will get to the Grammy’s tonight after I watch my recorded episode of SNL. Justin Bieber was on people!!

I am sure everyone has heard of the manhunt in LA of the ex-cop who felt he was wrongly terminated from the police force and thus took revenge into his own hands. So ex-cop known as Christopher Dorner is accused of shooting three people. Dorner also made an online manifesto stating the corruption he faced in the police force puting the LAPD in a negative spotlight.

Does he look like LL Cool J to you??

Does he look like LL Cool J to you??

Dorner made a online manifesto (which you could read here ) went into detail about the type of misconduct he witnessed in the LAPD. He goes into detail and detail and you learn a lot about that guy. For instance in his ridicule of his superiors downgrading the president and the first lady he side notes, “Off the record, I love your new bangs, Mrs. Obama.

Thats nice of him!!

Then I guess in a way of saying goodbye he starts shout out thank you’s to everyone is has met and maybe not met:

I thank my friends for the awesome shared experiences. I thank the unnamed women I dated over my lifetime for the great and sometimes not so great sex. It’s kind of sad I won’t be around to view and enjoy The Hangover III. What an awesome trilogy. Todd Phillips, don’t make anymore Hangovers after the third, takes away the originality of its foundation. World War Z looks good and The Walking Dead season 3 (second half) looked intriguing. Damn, gonna miss shark week…. Hillary Clinton: You’ll make one hell of a president in 2016. Much like your husband, Bill, you will be one of the greatest. Look at Castro in San Antonio as a running mate or possible secretary of state. He’s (good people) and I have faith and confidence in him. Look after Bill. He was always my favorite President. Chelsea grew up to be one hell of an attractive woman. No disrespect to her husband.”

He gives Anderson Cooper and Pier Morgan some advice! He states how much he adores Ellen DeGeneres.

Tebow, I really wanted to see you take charge of an offense again and the game. You are not a good QB by todays standards, but you are a great football player who knows how to lead a team and WIN. You will be “Tebowing” when you reach your next team. I have faith in you. Get out of that circus they call the Jets and away from the reality TV star, Rex Ryan, and Mark Rapist Sanchez.

Then he lists a number of actress that he finds the most beautiful women in the world. Hey…. Maxim this is where next year’s list resides!

Dorner lists everyone gives them kudos and telling them how much he enjoys them.

He even says “Charlie Sheen, you’re effin awesome.

Awwww how nice. Fittingly Charlie Sheen has responded. In fact, he is the only one that has.  Sheen has recorded a video plea, sent to ABC News, asking the ex-Los Angeles police officer to call him so they can talk things out.

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“Mr. Dorner, this is Charlie Sheen,” the actor said in the video. “You mentioned me in your manifesto, so thank you for your kind words. I am urging you to call me. Let’s figure out together how to end this thing.”

“Call me,” Sheen added. “I look forward to talking to you.”

Sheen, you are my hero. Seriously, you are the coolest man!!

Man the least the others could have done like Serena Williams, Jay-Z, or Jon Stewart could have done was shot the wanted man a thumbs up.

Charlie, all that coke has made you a man after my own heart!

And finally I was thinking who make a good pope since Pope Benedict gave his resignation.

Here is my top five:

1). Gary Busey: Imagine the crazy adventures. I’ll definitely start going to church.

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2) Pope Keith Richards has a nice ring to it

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3) Blake Shelton: The Vatican has use some Honky Tonky if you know what I am saying.

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4)Denzel Washington… this is for mother!

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5) The Rock: Le Sigh

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Sometimes You Need A Dose Of Samuel L Jackson

More than anything, I wish Samuel L Jackson was my best friend. He is that push you need in the morning, you know?
“Wake the fuck up Mothafucker!!!”
How can you say no to that voice?
He would be the buddy you need to give you a good kick in the ass.
And sometimes when other people offer you advice, it just doesn’t process like Samuel’s.
Now Taylor Swift, I appreciate your attempt in riding yourself of your asshole boyfriend but it just hasn’t sold me.
For one, you didn’t use dumbass or bitch!
Here let Samuel show you how its done.

A Petition For Your Help- Save the Biebs

People of the world,

I write today to urge, to plead with you in helping me save Justin Bieber.  If you not aware, a recent attempt on his life was foiled by police. A convicted felon and his nephew plotted to kidnap, torture, castrate and finally kill Justin Bieber.  The evil men intended to have the kidnapping take place in late November as Justin played two sold-out shows at New Your City‘s Madison Square Garden.

That is too close for comfort people!! Justin Bieber is a national treasure and he is very cute. Perhaps when he was younger he was a bit annoying to some. However now that he is legal ….  grown up and matured he has really crossed barriers and made a mark on our culture. Did I mention he is cute?

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Can you imagine this young cutie hurt? I can’t. I didn’t even like the mock beating he received in one of his recent music videos!! Honestly, he is just a kid. Who would want to hurt a kid?? A very cute kid who is legal and very cute and also very legal. Did I mention he was legal?
And also, I have a big problem with someone who wants to destroy all the little Bieber babies Justin may make one day?? I want my children’s children’s children to enjoy the fruits from Justin’s loins for as long as they can be…. er … fruitful. May the fruit be bountiful!!
So today I am asking that at the end this post, you leave a comment in your protest that we need a better way to preserve Justin, our dancing singing treasure. I feel that the only way to justify this horrific situation is that President Obama send some secret service to protect Justin Bieber.  We need some gentlemen with the mentality that they may need to take a bullet, or a castration for the Biebs.  In this way they will be doing their country a big honor!
I know that some may be feel a bit skeptical seeing how Justin wears his pants…
justin-bieber-2012-victoria-s-secret-fashion-show-inside-31but perhaps we can get the secret service to help with that matter too.
Again, thank you for your time and interest in something that is very dear to my heart. Oh yea and for my 7-year-old daughter as well. She would “just die” if something happened to him.  And remember Justin IS   legal!
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Thank you,
Marina Sleeps

Thursday Movie Review- We Are Not Alone-Just Kidding-Maybe

You guys, aliens are real!!!

At least according to the movie The Fourth Kind.

Set in the fall of 2000 and purportedly based on actual events, The Fourth Kind stars Milla Jovovich as Dr. Abigail Tyler, a Nome, Alaska-based psychotherapist whose videotaped sessions with her patients offer the most compelling evidence of alien abduction ever documented.

Its freaking creepy. I saw this the summer it came out… alone… at night…. with only small children in their beds to protect me. And for a week straight, I was scared outta my mind.  I had seen the movie!! And even though I didn’t believe in aliens, that thought brought no comfort. I was scared because if by some crazy off-hand chance that aliens were real then I was fucked. I saw the movie… I knew their secret!!

The critics tore this movie apart. But probably cause they shit in their pants watching it!

The acting isn’t the best but the story itself is terrifying. They show actual tape footage of the people recounting the events of being taken by a strange thing (hello aliens!!).  Then it becomes like you are visiting the Exorcist!!!

First, Tyler’s husband, Will, is mysteriously murdered one night in his sleep, leaving her to raise their two children. She is left distraught and broken.

People of the town come to her with terrifying stories. Using hypnosis, Dr. Tyler  uncovers memories from her patients of alien abduction, and finds evidence suggesting that she may have been abducted as well.

The sessions with three different patients, all  have the same experience: every night they see a white owl staring at them through their windows and recount similar terrifying stories of creatures attempting to enter their homes.Throughout the film, Abbey is shown being interviewed on television during 2002, two years after the abductions occurred.

After hearing the similarities in the accounts of nightly occurrences, Abbey suspects these patients may have been victims of a non-human kidnapping. There is evidence that she herself may have been abducted when an assistant of hers gives her a tape recorder, the tape plays her voice and then there is the sound of something entering her home and attacking her. The attacker speaks in an unknown language. Abbey, though, has no memory of it.

Tyler befriends a language specialist who helps decode the unknown language.

Later, Tyler’s daughter, Ashley, is abducted. The local sheriff doesn’t believe Tyler and accuses her to be linked to her daughter’s disappearance. Tyler undergoes hypnosis in an attempt to make contact with these beings and reunite with her daughter.  Its videotaped and once hypnotized, it is revealed that Tyler witnessed the abduction of her daughter and also shows scenes of her own abduction, showing part of the abductors ship and it is hinted that they possibly took some human egg cells from Abbey as well. The camera scrambles, and Abbey begs to the alien that abducted Ashley to return her, the creature replies, saying that its own child was never returned to it and then calls its self the savior, then the father and finally ends with “I am…God”.

I have no idea what that could mean. Shivers ran through my body when I heard that part. Is it hinting that its child was taken for Jesus?

The film cuts to an interview with Tyler in which she explains that all three doctors with her were all abducted during that hypnosis session and none have memory of what happened.

Tyler then states that after the encounter she wakes up in a hospital after breaking her neck in the abduction. There,  the Sheriff  reveals that Will had actually committed suicide, showing that Abbey’s belief that he was murdered was merely a delusion. Later it is shown that Abbey is paralyzed, presumably due to her neck injury.

In the end, Tyler was never charged with anything and soon leaves Alaska for the East Coast, but still continues to search for Ashley. One of the doctors involved remains a psychologist and Odusami, the language decoder,  becomes a professor at a Canadian university. Both men, as well as the Sheriff refuse to be involved with the interview. And still, Ashley is never found. The TV host then leaves the conclusions up to the viewer.

So is any of this true??

According to a CNN story, there was a real string of disappearances in Nome. The FBI did investigate the disappearances, which took place between the 1960s and 2004, and concluded in 2006 that alcohol and harsh climate  was a  common factor in most of the disappearances.

Then the Alaska’s state examiner reported that she could not find records of an Abigail Tyler ever being licensed in any profession in Alaska. No one by that name lived in Nome in recent years, according to a search of public record databases. The president and CEO of the Alaska Psychological Association said they’ve never heard of the Alaska Psychiatry Journal (a magazine by Tyler), or of Abigail Tyler.

However what is interesting is that ufologist Budd Hopkins commissioned a survey of around 6,000 American adults regarding unusual experiences. Included were five which Hopkins and colleagues claimed were often indicative of alien abduction (the percentages in brackets indicate those who said it had happened to them at least once):

Waking up paralyzed with a sense of a strange person or presence or something else in the room [18%]

Experiencing a period of time of an hour or more in which you were apparently lost, but you could not remember why or where you had been [13%]

Feeling that you were actually flying through the air although you didn’t know how or why [10%]

Seeing unusual lights or balls of light in a room without knowing what was causing them or where they came from [8%]

Finding puzzling scars on your body and neither you nor anyone else remembering how you received them or where you got them [8%]

Three of the above items describe common symptoms of sleep paralysis. Needless to say, there is no convincing evidence for a link between any of the experiences described above and alien abduction. However, according to Hopkins, if you answered “yes” to four or five of the above items, you have probably been abducted by extraterrestrials.

So in whole, 3.7m Americans claim to have been abducted by aliens.

People … it was just a movie!! A pretty freaky one. So  I don’t know what you believe but I still don’t believe in aliens. And I still will prefer zombies to aliens any day!

The Weekend of the Eternal Break-Up

I have some really really devastating news. I am out of Takis… but worse than that… (hold me guys, hold me!) Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez broke up!!

I was not ready for this- this morning. I just can’t handle this!

First it was Rob and Kristen, now the Biebs and Selena!! What is happening to love?!?! I mean why even try anymore? Why even wake up?

I’m not only one feeling confused, lost, and on the verge of losing it based on this new celeb breakup.

This guy lost all reasoning…. seriously.

The next time Ryan McNames wants to lodge a consumer complaint, he’ll know better than to call the Columbia Police Department.

This Missouri man, 19, dialed cops Saturday night to report that he paid $60 to a pair of prostitutes to perform sexual acts for him. As McNames described it, the deal called for one woman to show him her breasts, while the other would perform oral sex on him in the living room of his mobile home.

Apparently only one “lady of the night” held up her part of the bargain while the other collected cash and bought ran to their car and jammed.

So what did McNames do?  He lodged a complaint! Hell yea! But wait, he didn’t call the HR of Prostitutes R US. No he called the cops!

He also requested that officers contact the woman who did not fellate him and “get $40 of his money back,” police reported.

And so he was arrested!

See what happens when you root for a celeb couple and they let you down!!
Don’t worry Ryan, time heals all things!

Another man is obviously in shock from the break up that he is just getting to work and putting on blinders to the rest of the world.

A man, Dale Porch, was dropped off at home last week after working the night shift for the Regional Transportation District but never made it inside. He died on his porch. Family members say hours later, a mail carrier walked by the body to deliver the mail but did nothing to help. The family says the carrier told them he thought the body was a mannequin, a decoration left over from Halloween.

That mail man was left dead inside. DEAD INSIDE Justin and Selena!!

This woman was arrested drinking and driving. Can you see the hurt in her face? The pain?

But seriously, Best. Mugshot.Ever.

So I leave you now to grieve, to grieve for America. All we can do is hope. Hope that love isn’t lost forever!

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