In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘Please Explain This To Me’

Dress Shopping 101 -Don’t look like a hippie or a lady of the night

I went to the “glorious” mall this weekend in search for a dress to wear to the wedding. I am glad I went with my sister-in-law because I would have not known what to buy. In fact, who knows what I would have walked out  with. 3809563_f260

Ahem.

Apparently… I was going for the flow-y stoner dress that would allow me to go skipping through the fields right before they call you to eat some cake. WHICH makes sense to me because it is a garden wedding with hills and a small pond.

I was reminded that I needed a cocktail dress. I needed a dress that shouted I am related to the wedding party even though I am not officially in the wedding. I needed a dress that shouted also indecent proposals will be considered too.

When dress shopping for a dress, there are too many rules. For instance, you can’t wear white. Why not?! There were millions of awesome dresses in white. Truthfully, I may have been asking for trouble buying a white dress. I would have definitely spilled some thing on it. White is asking for trouble.   But again, why can’t you wear a white dress?!?! The bride isn’t going to wear white!!

Everything I picked wasn’t fancy enough. It had to hug your body like it was an anaconda trying to squeeze the life outta you.  At the same time, I could only look the part of an upscale hooker not actually be one. Try explaining that to the sales lady.

I loved all the dresses with pockets. 50034f-682x1024

However, that didn’t scream cocktail/wedding/sophistication/$1000 a night buddy. Still…. a dress with pockets?! I feel like that is a no-brainier. Think of all possibilities! All the little items I could be responsible for. All the little take home wedding accessories/candy I could leave with. Pockets mean safety for me. A place for awkward hands to be kept. A way to look casual and cool and not the least bit outta place.

Sigh.

I also loved the ones that looked very Grecian/Roman looking dresses.

C026-Black-by-Blush-Prom-Dress-S11But damnit, they were only available in white and I would have no idea where to store a bra. I am completely completely dependent on a bra. My chest malfunctions with strapless. I need the support!!

In the end I bought a black satin dress. I thought it was a bit biker looking but I was assured that it was not. I get to wear a bra (yay!!), it does squeeze me to stand up tall, and truth be told its something I never would have picked it but it’s daring so I figure what the hell.

The whole time my sister-in-law was trying to flatter me that I could wear a paper bag and still look good.

Then WHY WEREN’T WE AT WALMART THEN?!

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Thursday Movie Review- We Are Not Alone-Just Kidding-Maybe

You guys, aliens are real!!!

At least according to the movie The Fourth Kind.

Set in the fall of 2000 and purportedly based on actual events, The Fourth Kind stars Milla Jovovich as Dr. Abigail Tyler, a Nome, Alaska-based psychotherapist whose videotaped sessions with her patients offer the most compelling evidence of alien abduction ever documented.

Its freaking creepy. I saw this the summer it came out… alone… at night…. with only small children in their beds to protect me. And for a week straight, I was scared outta my mind.  I had seen the movie!! And even though I didn’t believe in aliens, that thought brought no comfort. I was scared because if by some crazy off-hand chance that aliens were real then I was fucked. I saw the movie… I knew their secret!!

The critics tore this movie apart. But probably cause they shit in their pants watching it!

The acting isn’t the best but the story itself is terrifying. They show actual tape footage of the people recounting the events of being taken by a strange thing (hello aliens!!).  Then it becomes like you are visiting the Exorcist!!!

First, Tyler’s husband, Will, is mysteriously murdered one night in his sleep, leaving her to raise their two children. She is left distraught and broken.

People of the town come to her with terrifying stories. Using hypnosis, Dr. Tyler  uncovers memories from her patients of alien abduction, and finds evidence suggesting that she may have been abducted as well.

The sessions with three different patients, all  have the same experience: every night they see a white owl staring at them through their windows and recount similar terrifying stories of creatures attempting to enter their homes.Throughout the film, Abbey is shown being interviewed on television during 2002, two years after the abductions occurred.

After hearing the similarities in the accounts of nightly occurrences, Abbey suspects these patients may have been victims of a non-human kidnapping. There is evidence that she herself may have been abducted when an assistant of hers gives her a tape recorder, the tape plays her voice and then there is the sound of something entering her home and attacking her. The attacker speaks in an unknown language. Abbey, though, has no memory of it.

Tyler befriends a language specialist who helps decode the unknown language.

Later, Tyler’s daughter, Ashley, is abducted. The local sheriff doesn’t believe Tyler and accuses her to be linked to her daughter’s disappearance. Tyler undergoes hypnosis in an attempt to make contact with these beings and reunite with her daughter.  Its videotaped and once hypnotized, it is revealed that Tyler witnessed the abduction of her daughter and also shows scenes of her own abduction, showing part of the abductors ship and it is hinted that they possibly took some human egg cells from Abbey as well. The camera scrambles, and Abbey begs to the alien that abducted Ashley to return her, the creature replies, saying that its own child was never returned to it and then calls its self the savior, then the father and finally ends with “I am…God”.

I have no idea what that could mean. Shivers ran through my body when I heard that part. Is it hinting that its child was taken for Jesus?

The film cuts to an interview with Tyler in which she explains that all three doctors with her were all abducted during that hypnosis session and none have memory of what happened.

Tyler then states that after the encounter she wakes up in a hospital after breaking her neck in the abduction. There,  the Sheriff  reveals that Will had actually committed suicide, showing that Abbey’s belief that he was murdered was merely a delusion. Later it is shown that Abbey is paralyzed, presumably due to her neck injury.

In the end, Tyler was never charged with anything and soon leaves Alaska for the East Coast, but still continues to search for Ashley. One of the doctors involved remains a psychologist and Odusami, the language decoder,  becomes a professor at a Canadian university. Both men, as well as the Sheriff refuse to be involved with the interview. And still, Ashley is never found. The TV host then leaves the conclusions up to the viewer.

So is any of this true??

According to a CNN story, there was a real string of disappearances in Nome. The FBI did investigate the disappearances, which took place between the 1960s and 2004, and concluded in 2006 that alcohol and harsh climate  was a  common factor in most of the disappearances.

Then the Alaska’s state examiner reported that she could not find records of an Abigail Tyler ever being licensed in any profession in Alaska. No one by that name lived in Nome in recent years, according to a search of public record databases. The president and CEO of the Alaska Psychological Association said they’ve never heard of the Alaska Psychiatry Journal (a magazine by Tyler), or of Abigail Tyler.

However what is interesting is that ufologist Budd Hopkins commissioned a survey of around 6,000 American adults regarding unusual experiences. Included were five which Hopkins and colleagues claimed were often indicative of alien abduction (the percentages in brackets indicate those who said it had happened to them at least once):

Waking up paralyzed with a sense of a strange person or presence or something else in the room [18%]

Experiencing a period of time of an hour or more in which you were apparently lost, but you could not remember why or where you had been [13%]

Feeling that you were actually flying through the air although you didn’t know how or why [10%]

Seeing unusual lights or balls of light in a room without knowing what was causing them or where they came from [8%]

Finding puzzling scars on your body and neither you nor anyone else remembering how you received them or where you got them [8%]

Three of the above items describe common symptoms of sleep paralysis. Needless to say, there is no convincing evidence for a link between any of the experiences described above and alien abduction. However, according to Hopkins, if you answered “yes” to four or five of the above items, you have probably been abducted by extraterrestrials.

So in whole, 3.7m Americans claim to have been abducted by aliens.

People … it was just a movie!! A pretty freaky one. So  I don’t know what you believe but I still don’t believe in aliens. And I still will prefer zombies to aliens any day!

The Lady of the Hill

In honor of this special day, I looked up haunted places in my area.

The one that I am most familiar with and have actually visited is the city’s oldest high school. Its called El Paso High School. Visually, its one of the most beautiful buildings you will see in your life.

Nicknamed “The Lady of the Hill”, the school sits on a mountainside and stands out prominently on the horizon commanding a view of the city. Opened in 1916, the Greco-Roman features of El Paso High made it a unique landmark in town.

The ground floor is below street level. The second floor is at street level, and its two perpendicular wings connect at a 45-degree angle with a heavily decorated Corinthian porch or pavilion. This overlooks the football stadium.

It is truly an oasis in our desert.

However, you may not want to be there after dark. Usually around 2 a.m.  the faint notes of the high school’s fight song begin to sound, then, more clearly, cheerleaders cheering and students laughing, and stamping feet cascading into a pep rally – in a locked empty auditorium.

At this point, you are hearing ghosts.

Tobias H. “Toby” Tovar, 55, a math instructor at El Paso High School,  insists that the high school is the most haunted building in El Paso.

Since the construction, there have been many modifications done to the school to accommodate the growing student body. Because of that, many of the original classrooms and hallways are no more, but there are stories that some of the modifications were done because of spirits that seem to have an affinity for certain areas of the building.

It is said that there is a hall that leads to a balcony that is also closed off.  People say they have seen an image of a girl jumping from the balcony. According to the story, every single day, mist and fog roam the abandoned hallway and there seems to be some “gooey-stuff” on the ceiling. This unusual activity stems from an incident that happened nearly 35 years ago when a distraught teenage girl killed herself by slitting her wrists and then, throwing herself from a balcony at the end of the hallway. There have been enough sightings that a wall was built completely closing the stairway leading up to the haunted hallway.

It doesn’t end there. Since the day it was constructed weird things have been happening.

In the recent El Paso High School yearbook, there is a reproduction of an old photograph showing a young lady in a white dress watching the original construction of the building in 1916. However, this unknown woman was not in the original photograph. Who was she and most importantly, how did she get in the picture?

I used to work for this company that would install data and voice cable in different schools. An employee and I went to El Paso High to survey the work that would be done. I had never heard anything about the school. I remember feeling immediately freaked out even during the day with class in session. I was immediately brought to a certain area where the school kept all their memorabilia of past trophies, awards, and class pictures of years before.

As I looked through the pictures. I ran into a photo that sent chills down my back.

Here is a picture of the class of 1986. Every one is smiling and staring directly at the camera. In the photo, its clear nice day. The picture has no defects despite the time. However, while everyone is clear as day, one person is not.

The girl in the long white gown whose hair is to the side of her face. Her face is completely blurry.

The picture has not been altered or Photoshop in any way. It’s just terribly eerie how everyone is so clear and distinct and hers is disturbingly faint and fuzzy.

What’s troubling for the school is that the girl on white was not in the original negative but is in the developed photo.

The figure in the picture is at the end of a row primarily of teachers. There are two young ladies, one toward the right end of the group and one on the left center of the group who are looking intently toward where this mysterious young lady is standing. Were these two young ladies perhaps the only ones sensitive enough to realize that something was wrong?

This mysterious girl was not part of that particular graduating class and no one in the class that was photographed admitted knowing the identity of the girl. But regardless of how she got into the picture, she is very clearly in the photograph, a lonely looking girl standing before the camera.

Tovar has tons of stories about events at the school. “About 15 years ago, it snowed in El Paso to the point that schools were closed. A few teachers and students had arrived before the closure announcement. Those teachers and students who had been able to make it to school were not allowed to leave due to unsafe road conditions. Having nothing else to do, a group of students and teachers, decided to explore the school starting with the tunnels in the basement,” he said.

At one point, several of the teachers crawled through a small opening eventually coming to a brick wall that blocked the tunnel. The bricks were old and the cement between them was crumbling, but it was clear that these bricks had been added long after the surrounding brickwork. Curious, one of the teachers pushed on the newer bricks until some gave way, revealing a large dark cavity. Pushing a flashlight through the hole, they discovered a sealed off classroom.

“This discovery surprised everyone as no one had even heard a whisper that there might be sealed off classrooms in the building,” said Tovar. The room was small and contained antique desks of the type seen in the television show Little House on the Prairie. There was no doubt that the classroom dated from the original construction of the building. The classroom was still set up with desks in place, texts and student notebooks still in place waiting for the students.

“There were Baby Ruth candy bar wrappers on the floor from a time this product sold for 5 cents as well as numerous 5-cent coke bottles. In one of the student notebooks lying on a desk, they found, in addition to algebra notes and completed problems, a very racy love letter from the owner of the book to a boy,” he explained.

The racy love letter is interesting to me because the story of the girl who slit her wrists and jumped from the balcony of the roof is said to have been depressed over a boy who didn’t return her affections. Could this be the letter of the heartbroken girl?

There was a second sealed off classroom nearby, also ready to receive students, now filled with only dust and silence. Try as they might, they were never able to discover why, two classrooms would be sealed off so fast that they would not be cleaned of debris, desks nor texts nor the students be given time to claim their personal articles.

The vast basement has been used as an overflow morgue during several of our nation’s wars. During World War II there were so many casualties shipped here that bodies had been stored in the basement until the next of kin could be notified. During the Spanish Flu Epidemic in the early part of the 1900s, so many died that the bodies were also stored in the basement of the High School.

At one point in his career in the early 1980s, Toby Tovar was the basketball coach for the 8th grade basketball team. That year, the 8th grade team was undefeated and they were scheduled to play the only other undefeated team in the city. Each afternoon the 8th grade team had gym time scheduled from 5 p.m. to 7.p.m. in the gym immediately below his classroom. A disquieting event happened during practice one day.

Just after they started practice, two waist-high access doors leading to the tunnels flew violently open, slamming back against the wall on either side. Naturally, the assumption eventually reached, even though there was little if any wind outside, was that a freak draft coming down one of the many chimneys had blown the latched doors open. The doors were shut and long heavy bench was placed in front of the doors to make sure that they would stay closed.

“The kids had gone back to their scrimmage game and they were all at the far end of the court. At about 7 p.m., the bench went flying across the court and the doors, that had been securely latched, again flew open violently,” Tovar related. Suffice it to say that this team, made up of gang members who didn’t fear the devil himself, led by a coach who, in his youth had led two tough barrio gangs, decided to leave the building without even taking the time to turn out the lights.

Another story is about the journalism teacher and the journalism staff. He and the yearbook staff would work long into the night to produce a first class yearbook. One night he sent the last students home, and planned on being close behind them, but he had a few last-minute things to do. It was almost exactly 11 p.m. when he finally left.

According to Tovar, when the journalism teacher turned toward the exit, standing in the pool of dim red light thrown by the exit sign was a young lady wearing a blue chiffon dress of the type that would be worn to the School Prom in the 1940s or 1950s. Thinking it was one of his students, asked her what she was doing there and told her to go home.

The girl turned and looked directly at him, her expression one of deep sadness. As he walked toward her, she began to become transparent and he noticed that she was not standing on the floor, but rather hovering in mid-air about a foot off of the floor. When he was only a few feet from her, she glided back into the deeper darkness of the hallway and disappeared.

Another more famous story has to do with the track coach and track team. The Track Team returned to the school very late at night after a track meet in Austin. The Track Teams’ locker room was in the area beneath Tovar’s classroom. The students came into the building to drop off their track gear and pick up their possessions they had left in their lockers.

As the students were gathering their possessions, the coach suddenly heard the sounds of the  Fight Song, cheerleaders performing their cheers and the sounds of a very spirited pep rally coming from the Second Floor Auditorium. Baffled, but thinking it might be a surprise reception for his Track Team that had just won the State Championship, the coach ran up the stairs to the second floor and, even though everything was dark, he dashed for the auditorium, a hundred feet away. Just as he reached the doors to the Auditorium, all of the sounds stopped. He found that the doors to the Auditorium were locked and he could no longer see nor hear anything.

He unlocked the Auditorium and entered. He found everything dark and quiet. There were no sounds that anyone had been there recently.  No sooner had he rejoined his students than once again they all heard the sounds of the Fight Song, cheerleaders leading cheers and voices screaming. Followed by most of the remaining students, the coach dashed back up the stairs toward the Auditorium. Once again, halfway to the door, all sounds stopped, the school was dark and silent as a tomb.

The building is steeped in history but it hides its secrets well. Doing modifications to the auditorium, workers removed the steps leading to the stage and found hidden, one or two books per step, an entire set of a Catholic Encyclopedia hidden beneath the steps. This set of books is complete, lavishly illustrated and a real treasure. How did they get inside those steps? Who put them there and most importantly, why were they placed in such an unusual hiding place?

I have been there after dark. It is the most haunting sight to see. The school itself is overpowering  in visual making it more scary to imagine what goes on behind those doors when the lights shut off for the night.

While You Were Out Trying to Figure if You Like Donkeys or Elephants, I Was Gathering Weekend News.

All women want their ultimate dream wedding whether it’s a destination wedding at Hawaii or a quiet, intimate garden wedding. Some want traditional and some want modern and sophisticated.  Others want something entirely different…

And some other want pizzazz… or violence.

Philadelphia police were called to a hotel early Sunday to break up a brawl between guests of two wedding parties, and when it was over one man was dead of a heart attack and three people were cited for crimes.

It was a straight up brawl of two wedding parties!! Like a little wedding riot.

Awwww. Nothing says lets celebrate love and family like throwing blows!!

Someone even decks the bride!!

I certainly hope the bride didn’t pay for a video photographer. That would have been a waste of  money. She now can see it forever on YouTube and to own the actual tape she just has to wait a couple of weeks for the police to release it from evidence.

~~~~~~~~

Would you eat at Lady Gaga’s restaurant?

Quite frankly, even before discovering this little tidbit I would have been a little hesitant. And I eat EVERYTHING!!

It’s a good thing because the New York City restaurant owned by Lady Gaga and her family this week scored miserably during a Department of Health inspection that found six “critical” violations, including failing to protect food from potential contamination.

Yikes!! Imagine then what her home kitchen may look like!!!

Restaurants that are found to have in excess of 28 violation points are given a “C” grade, the lowest issued by city officials. Lady Gaga’s place had 42!!! What the hell!!!

Some of the violations include: Food not protected from potential source of contamination, Personal cleanliness inadequate, Outer garment soiled with possible contaminant, Effective hair restraint not worn in an area where food is prepared, Food contact surface not properly washed, rinsed and sanitized after each use and many more.

Vomitrocious!!

Well finally the restaurant was reopened and “passed” an re-inspection.

Still… I am probably never going to eat there.

There you go… another weekend pass with some crazy stories to report. Hopefully you all don’t eat at any strip clubs or deck any brides. If you do, make sure to record it!!

WTF Wednesday- A Lesson in Teabagging

Have you heard this news story?

A video went viral on the Internet appeared to show someone in a University of Alabama jacket exposing his package  and tea bagged an unconscious man at a restaurant after the Crimson Tide beat LSU for the BCS football championship on Jan. 9.

Go search for it… I am at work so I can’t.

You know when you are drinking your favorite Earl Grey hot tea and you lift the tea bag in and out of the liquid …

that is not tea bagging.

Ha! (Hmmm… now I want tea…)

I knew that!

Great knowledge I will one day bestow on my kids.

No, tea bagging is when you are a dude and you place your balls on someone. And rub. Some also attempt to put the package in an unconscious or sleeping victim’s mouth.

Ewww I know… dudes are so gross. New hobbies gentlemen!! New hobbies!!

That Alabama fan was facing sexual battery charges but agreed to a lesser sentence of two years in prison.

Yikes!!

The LSU tea bagging victim has sued the guy, asking damages for “mental anguish, humiliation, embarrassment, anxiety and depression … damage to reputation” and lost tuition payments “for having to withdraw from school.”

Ok. I would totally prefer not to be tea bagged but I bet it’s not the end of the world. Clearly not mental distress. Just take a fucking shower.  And maybe a chemical peel….

In the end the tea bagger fucked himself. Why? Sure he shouldn’t have tea bagged someone but in reality the internet fucked him over. If you are going to do something criminal, don’t video tape it!!!

Retards!!

But back to the victim… do you honestly think you are the only victim of tea bagging ever?

There are male fraternities every where! I bet there is an orgy of tea bagging going on!!

I myself have been involved in tea bagging. And it was hilarious!!! Well not me per se. I lack the necessary equipment.

My best friend was drunk. And we were annoyed because he was falling everywhere. Finally, he collapsed at a field in a park. We were yelling at him for him to get his ass up but he was already in that stupid drunk faze.

His cousin mentioned that he should tea bag him. At this point, we were like yea do it. And he did, and it was hilarious!! It was either that or draw a gigantic dick and balls on his face.

Yea… my friend was a little peeved at me for a while… but it was pretty funny. Ahhh, good times.

And I feel it taught him a lesson.  He never got that wasted again.  And what 10 years later… he is very well-adjusted. He hasn’t killed anyone… yet.

So gentlemen… stick to the actual lifting of an actual tea bag. No one wants your junk on their face. And if you must, please make sure you have washed thoroughly! Last thing we need is a tea bagging disease to end the world.

And please, no photography!!

Wordless Wednesday- YOU ONLY HAD ONE JOB!!!

I use this line a lot during football season when you are counting on your field goal kicker to get it between those goal posts for those extra points you so desperately need.

The feeling gets so intense as you watch THE FIELD GOAL KICKER miss the goal posts entirely.

Dude!!! You have one god damn job!! To get the ball in between the posts!

Aarrrraghhhhhh!!

So here is “YOU ONLY HAD ONE JOB!” to the rest of the world.

WTF Wednesday-Is That A…. ????

After finding these group of pictures, I think it would be wise to suggest that you singles out there need to hit up on weather men and women. They seem like they trying to communicate something.

This penis is named Isaac and its about to pound the hell out of New Orleans.

Its not just the temperature rising.

You wish buddy… you wish!

Are you telling me the weather or are you just happy to see me?

Mexico you have been a very very bad country!!

So its very clear…. weather dudes are horny.

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