In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘End of the World’

Pick Me! Pick Me to Be Your End of the World Buddy!

Yesterday as my hubs and I were watching the movie The Darkest Hour….

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I made a keen observation when dealing with these end of the world, apocalyptic events. I already know that whether it be by zombies, aliens, or nuclear weapon, I know that my hubby has a good chance of surviving. In fact, I could almost bet on it. He is a conservationist and can make do with anything. He has  common sense and strong survival skills. Example: all we have at the house to eat is tortillas, peanut butter and spaghetti O’s.  Bam! He just made a feast! Also, he can build anything and fix anything.  He is very good with guns and can make a shank like a prisoner!
So in the event of catastrophic events, look for him. We will probably be overtaking a Wal-Mart.

Now, I realized as I watch this movie that women aren’t really valued to survive. How can they? Most are panicking and screaming their heads off most of the movie or until they die. I realized in the movie and like most end of the world movies; there are two types of women.

It’s very rare that you will find a woman survivalist. I am not a survivalist by any means. So therefore women will be classified in two groups: Women who will die vs Women who won’t.

Women who will die are easy to spot. They are constantly screaming and panicking like a mother THROUGH THE WHOLE MOVIE. In the beginning when you  first see people killed or dead bodies, its normal to be distressed and a little freaked out. But really through the whole movie?! After a while, I am just rooting for you to die. These ladies usually make rash decisions, completely not listening to those with common sense and objection to survive and let their panic lead them to final death! (Finally!!) They are basically running around like a chicken without a head crying and being Debbie Downer!

DD

Its excruciating! Where is your will to survive ladies?!?

Then there are those who will live. They may freak out at first but only in the beginning. After that, its game on. They get on a grip that this is their reality and GET THE FUCK OVER IT! They are constantly keeping themselves busy gathering supplies, keeping morale up, staying positive, learning how to use a gun, and just being whatever the group needs. Most importantly, they are listening to everything around them.

I would like to believe I am in that group. I don’t freak out or gross out easy. When my sister made me watch that clip of two girls one cup, I watched it all, while eating and not even flinching of disgust.  I am overly optimistic, I am constantly doing something and working especially in times of distress. I am also awesome under stress and pressure. In fact, that may be where I shine the best!  The only con is that I have late reaction to things . For instance, I don’t react to things the way a normal person would. I have no feeling for anything until hours later when I realize I should have been pist, insulted, or happy about something. That also may be a good thing but if I getting shooting at it may take me a while to realize that I am getting shooting at and that I should move to cover. Still just to be on the safe side I carry my survival handbook with me and I am currently working on an end of the world back pack complete with a  tomahawk, rope, duck tape, world map and USA map, nuts, granola bars, matches,  knives, and first aid kit.

That and also I plan to be attached to the husband’s hip. He increases my survival up to 40% as long as I listen and don’t get annoying.

The End of the World is Coming: Repent!!!

Yesterday at approximately 8:15pm, my city was hit with an earth quake.

I am telling the truth.

Though I didn’t feel anything while I was vacuuming, this little nature terrorist attack has changed me completely. That 2.5 shake knocked some much-needed sense into me.

This revelation came to me as stared at the ceiling fan above waiting for the aftershocks to cause the fan to fall and crush me: THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING!

 I realized that I have been blinded all these years. And I see the light. I need to get my ass saved and fast. And who better to save my soul then…

No No… not him.

I need to follow the Mayans!!!

It all makes sense. They lived thousands of years ago. They predicted the world would end. They probably also predicted the earthquake last night.

So last night while you were watching the Bachelor/masturbating/refreshing the soil on your Mary Jane patch, I was experiencing the Mayan lawd. And now, I will begin my faith today with a bit of common practices by the great Mayan nation.

If you feel you need saving, I have dug up what we need to start doing as new Mayan members to ensure our ass is not grass.

To be a Mayan, you have to like art, architecture, and mathematical and astronomy. I suck at Math so until I am 100% I will be attending Sylvan for awhile. Also we constantly built shit like empires, kingdoms, palaces and temples so feel free to take the credit for all those.

This one is mine.

Our religion is based on religion. We believe we can tell the future and we do a lot of cloud watching. It’s all very technical.

Also we believe in human sacrifice. For reals. I am extremely excited for this part. My human sacrifice technique could use a little work. But mostly we just take out the heart of people with any anesthesia . That is totally cool.

Ain't no party like a Mayan party cause a Mayan party don't stop.

 

And for the record, we don’t sacrifice our own people. That would be cruel and inhumane. We sacrifice our neighbors. I bet you can totally think of some neighbors that need sacrificing. Think of that bastard that plays his music too loud. Think of the lady who lets her trash roll into your yard.  Sacrifice! And it’s for the good of the truth!! Mayan truth!!

For the record, we Mayans can grow shit like no body’s business!

We discovered sunflower seeds!! I love sunflower seeds. They are so addictive!

Mayan also were ahead of the fashion curve. Its true.

I’m telling you, I have never been more convinced.

I am currently making my head-dress now.

And now that I am on the saving team, I can lay back and grow sunflower seeds with a bit of peace of mind.

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