In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

 

Gus texted me and said that he stopped at a convenience store and bought a burrito. He concluded that it was the grossest thing he ever ate. Yes, he ate it.  All.  Gus is never one to waste money. So if he bought, damn right he is going to eat it!

I was immediately annoyed. Hello Rule# 46. Do you not remember? Never purchase and eat a burrito from a corner store. Where do they have an oven to prepare this so-called food? Where is their “designated area” to put it all together? On the counter near the cash register? Never, I repeat, never buy a burrito from a convenience store? Have you seen the weenies cooking on the burner? Never mind! Don’t look!

This made me think of other rules that I apply to my life. I shall share them with you.

Rule# 18 When using a public bathroom, never concentrate on the people who just left the restroom. It can get ugly. All you will picture is them sitting on the toilet as you are about to do. And when you finally sit down and feel the warmth on the toilet …  you will only freak out. Just walk in and focus at the task at hand. And get out as quickly as you can!

Rule# 12 Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. Think about it people.

Rule# 37 You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby  emerging from her at that moment. Unless you want to hear me remind you that I. am. fat. You must like awkward moments! Good for you.

Rule#26 You can never eat too much candy. If you get sick and throw it up, that’s just telling you: “I’m running on empty! Refuel time!” My kids taught me that one. Am I raising little Platos?

Rule # 8 You only need two tools in your life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn’t, use the tape.

 

Any rules you live by?

 

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Comments on: "Never never I repeat never ….. Rules to Live By" (19)

  1. Rule #3 – Always have a shovel & plastic bags in your trunk ALWAYS

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by A.J., Poster of a girl. Poster of a girl said: Never never I repeat never ….. Rules to Live By: http://wp.me/pBdAM-9y […]

  3. Blisstrack said:

    Rule#4: Expect ANYTHING from ANYONE.

    That avoid lots of disappointments, and you live happier.

    🙂

  4. Make sure you’ve hung up the phone before bitching about the person you were just talking too.

    Never answer the phone if the number is blocked.

    Never never I repeat NEVER get a bikini wax at a strip mall nail salon.

  5. #18 ROCKS! I actually started drafting a post about this. Lol. Never make eye contact, EVER!

  6. Rule #8 is my favorite! I am convinced these two items are must haves in the tool box and you can most likely survive and solve any problem with them alone..and maybe a hammer.
    Hey tell Gus for me NO MORE BURRITOS FROM THE CORNER STORE! THAT IS A NO NO! Is he trying to get Mr. Hankey to make an appearance??? Because that will do it! 😉

  7. One could nearly live their life by #8 alone…

    A few that wouldn’t hurt are:

    Never EVER believe your children when you ask “What are you doing?” and they respond with “Nothing.”

    If someone asks you if you’re a God, you say “yes!”

  8. Gus sounds like he has my kind of religion with money, I always eat what I buy, no matter how crappy it is, if I wasted my money, it is going in my belly!

    Rule #69- Do not share your sexual adventures with co-workers, or strangers. They don’t need to know about your conquests, especially if you’re a woman, if you’re a man, you will probably get a high five.

    Rule #19- Wait to do your business in the bathroom until everyone is out if it’s a small bathroom. If it’s a big public restroom, you should be alright and your business will be drowned out by everyone else’s. I totally live by this rule, I am crazy with paranoia when it comes to using public restrooms.

  9. Rule#2 (I know Im jumping ahead) when in a bathroom of 3 stalls or more, never ever ever ever ever go into the stall in the middle. Go to each end. Nothings more uncomfortable then going to do ur business and them some 1 walks in to the stall right next to u. These r bathroom rules. Always skip one.

  10. Rule#2 (I know Im jumping ahead) when in a bathroom of 3 stalls or more, never ever ever ever ever go into the stall in the middle. Go to each end. Nothings more uncomfortable then going to do ur business and them some 1 walks in to the stall right next to u. These r bathroom rules. Always skip one. O and I love duct tape and W-D40. Ever tear open a box of ice cream…..duct tape holds real nice;-)

  11. I have to admit that i sometimes get bored to read the whole thing but i think that your blog can be an exception. Bravo !

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