In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘Whats the Deal’

Thursday Movie Review- They Still Exist!!!

Yes my Thursday Movie Reviews still exist.  They just have been dormant… sleeping a sound slumber if you will. But they have awoken with a vengeance desperate to review something.

So gather round my little ones,  for I have seen a movie and I am ready to report.

This week I saw Conan the Barbarian. The 2011 version.

And you know what I realized?

My standards are pretty low. Yep, cause I actually liked it. It wasn’t really bad. I wouldn’t see it again but I didn’t regret watching it. It was like, “I am glad I experience waiting in the ER all night. It was quite an experience. That crazy homeless was unforgettable. However I don’t wish to come back.”

Kinda like that.

The movie had a lot of action and even gruesome fighting scenes if you into that like the way I am.  I just couldn’t shake two things.

1) Why haven’t I seen the original one with Arnold?

2) This actor sucks.

Yes, the guy who plays Conan was cheesy. Like very cheesy. And yea sure he had a very nice body… his pecs were amazing… I wasn’t impressed with him.

He kept saying stupid stuff. And the way he would do his eyes captured in the pic above almost made me stab him.

Was Conan so ridiculously angry and violent in the original?

I am not sure if the story line is the same but Conan is bore from a mother fully immersed in battle. She, pregnant,  gets stabbed and her great warrior of a husband comes to her side.

Conan’s mother acknowledges that she is indeed dying but needs to see her son. So the great warrior cuts her stomach open and pulls out her son and names him Conan. Then she dies.

That is pretty bad ass.  That’s way too hardcore for blood.

So the warrior raises his son into young manhood. The entire next scene show the young Conan just thirsty for blood and war. He verges on the crazy and psychotic side if you ask me. But there weren’t any mental hospitals back in those days, so he was just saw as a soon to be great warrior.

The story continues that this crazy warlord invades their land looking for the lost piece to some mask/head-piece that controls the evil and magic. His evil wife was killed and he needs the mask/head-piece to be complete so he can awaken her and make him self ruler of the planet.

This crazed warlord has this daughter that is a witch. She is pretty scary.

They kill Conan’s  entire village and father and also find the piece that is needed to complete the magical mask thing.

So Conan lives his life looking for the man who killed his father.

“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

Sorry I couldn’t help myself…

Then a hot chick gets involved which becomes more of a motive for Conan to kill the warlord.

With every movie where there is a battle of good and evil, it’s not so much who wins but how they got there. You know?

The point is that it does what its suppose to do: entertain.

However, don’t look deep into it because there are a lot of holes in the plot and some of the acting.  Conan the Barbarian brings absolutely nothing new or memorable to the table. It just serves as a reminder about how cool the character of Conan is. And Conan is cool. Visuals here are nothing less than breathtaking, with action and cinematography to help make it so. The main actor is  no Schwarzenegger, I am sure, but he’s capable of developing sympathetic interest. Somewhat.

Does it satisfy, this tale? In its own modest way, it does.

So see it or don’t … you will live.

P.S. I looked up the actor who played Conan. I wasn’t impressed with him the movie… well only his chest.  And after seeing him smiling while posing…  he is actually quite hot.

Jason Momoa

So now I am conflicted. It’s a wonder what a pretty face will do.

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All The Ladies In The Back Say Hey!!

Quick thought: I was thinking this on the way to work. The only way I would not make it to work if I was on my way to work is if I got arrested or got in a car accident.  If any one of those happened, I would definitely try to call in. Maybe they would send me flowers in prison?

Over the weekend, I was hanging with my sister-in-law and she was mentioning the relationship her sister and her sister’s boyfriend have. Her sister has been out there in the dating scene and for the most part was getting tired of it. She finally met someone, a co-worker of my sister-in-law.

They have been together for some time, several months now. However, the guy is …. stupid.

Not like mentally…. more like he lacks the skills that would eventually lead him to an ass beating if he said the wrong thing.

He “jokes” around with the sister and often times goes a little overboard with the so-called “jokes”. The question is how far can he go claiming that he was only joking, a little friendly jabbing?

He “jokingly” makes remarks that would seem like he is insulting her. He always says things that actually belittle her and cut her down. For instance, she went to play golf with him and some people. On their way home, he said that he was surprise how well she did because she just is not athletic at all. Not like his ex girl-friend who  was so athletic!

Well, they just recently found out she is pregnant. He was excited. They both were. However, he is like always “joking” and said to her that she is so boring now because she is always so tired. She is getting fat. (Gasp!!) He might need to trade her in.

He says he is joking.

Repeatedly??

I don’t think so.

I think in cases like this where the guy is a complete dumb ass…. these type of men should be forced to wear a box with a glass case holding a bat. That way when they are out of line, all the girl has to do is break the glass and beat the ever-living crap outta him!

In fact, all men should wear these. If your glass is never broken, guess what? You win!! You are a keeper!!

This is not a man bashing blog.

I am married to a great guy, I can’t complain.

I have a son that is my world. I am currently teaching him not to drive me crazy!

And actually, guys are cool. I normally get a long way better with guys anyway.

No, this blog today is for the douches!

Douchebags make up  60% of men in the world.  My statistics. I have an elite bunch of researchers for your information.  I feel sorry for you because the average woman will run into these the majority of the time.

I hope once these ladies realize that they have, they break the figurative glass case and beat the fuck outta that relationship.

And because of this big percentage of losers, my theory is even more proven that God most definitely is a guy. And based on my findings, he is a douche.

Number one clue?

Are you on your period right now?

That just sums it all up doesn’t it!! Couldn’t God with his all heavenly and masterful design make some “other” way start the process of being able to have babies?? Why do we have to bleed like a stuck pig?? All guys have to go through is voice change.

That’s it!!

How unfair!!

And what about those cramps!?!? Do you know if men suffered from cramps which I call the introduction to contractions, cramps would be the number one health problem in the world?

And lets not even talk about the fatigue, the bloating, the headaches and emotional toll that we can expect every month?!?

Equality sure doesn’t exist in heaven! I bet the girl angels don’t even get paid as nearly as the guy angels too!

Clue Number 2?

Mental Anxiety.

I remember reading somewhere that forms of mental illness derived from women. Strange!!

Men have been pegging woman that they are crazy!

In fact, that is my no-no word. You can call me anything, but don’t call me crazy.

You want crazy? I will show you crazy!

Being called crazy all the time will sure turn you crazy. It will convince you that you are over reacting, that you are over analyzing stuff. You are just plain crazy!

It becomes a battle within your self!

Oooooo, fuck those kind of men!

And last but not least, Clue number 3.

Menopause.

Frankly, I ain’t there yet but from what I see with my mother. It’s basically like you are pregnant again. Hot flashes, mood swings, skin drying out, depression,  anxiety, irritability, memory problems and lack of concentration, and all other kinds of stuff.

It’s like a big fuckin kick in the pants reminding you that the youthfulness is gone!

And what do these all have common??

MEN!!

You think with all we have to go through there, these 60% of douches would get the hint that women should be treated with respect, love, and devotion.

I know not all women are peaches too but for the most part… if there is a woman by your side and she has been there through thick and thin… you should be placing her on a pedal stool!!

Worship her!!

Now to the above real life experience where the guy called my sister-in-law’s sister fat… well…. I think I am going to go buy a bat today.

What’s the Deal- The Spirit of Looking Better than Everyone Else

So, I am here at work and I totally forgot that I was committed to this committee thing of Community Service and getting our company involved.

How can I say this?

Pompous pricks!

Well not all of them, just the majority of them.

Ok so through this group we have organized a can food drive that went off successful. We now in the promise of having a Christmas tree filled with names of children and their mothers from a local shelter. And also tomorrow, we plan to have our Thanksgiving feast and we are hosting soldiers lunch tomorrow.

So yes this little group of five has pulled some shit out of their ass, yet the shit that comes outta their mouths during these meetings makes me wanna yell and throw over the table.

I suggested for next yea we should do a walk for the cure thing, as a company. Then the Vice President was all like well its sad because I heard that some of the profit goes to places that are pro abortion.

And everyone was like yea… we can’t do that.

OMG you fucking …… Just because you all are god damn republican Christian slaves

First off, are you serious??  Is that based on here say??  So you are telling me that charity solely known for raising money for cancer patients also funds abortion clinics or planned parent hoods?

For the record, I am pro-choice. Thats just my thinking. Doesn’t mean I would have an abortion my self but I feel its in a woman’s right to choose. However, I am throwing my satanic views on them. No!!!

Then my VP suggested that we give awards on people who gave the most to the community or others in the company.  This is attempt to get more people eager to win an award so they will do their utmost to be more giving.

Does anyone think this a bit stupid? For lack a better word, I  feel that this competition just seems to be fixed to me. Who is gonna win??? Everyone that has money in the company. Let me just say that I could give a rat’s ass if I win, but its a given if you have money you can give the most. You can spend the most.

One sales girl was all, “Maybe we should a put a limit on how much we spend on the gift tree for the kids and their moms. I don’t wanna embarrass anyone with my gifts.”

Are you kidding me????

We don’t even know what these kids are gonna ask for! You gonna buy them a Xbox?!?!?

Like my VP went on the say the canned food drive was due to end and purchased $100 worth of food and ultimately his side won the canned food drive.

I just wanna beat people with a thorny stick today.

I mean the spirit of giving is here… but in a very assholery kind of way!

Revisiting the Smart Car…. That Still Sucks.

Over the weekend I ran to the store and as I was walking in I saw parked up front a smart car.

Awwwwwww am I right??

However, I got angry! My Tahoe could have used that space!!! Notice how the smart car is this tiny thing in this space!!! You could fit five Smart cars in there!!! Why don’t we do that for now on?!?! Lets just cram five of them in one space.  I like that idea!!

Yeah let’s do it!!

I don’t know if you remember but I wrote a blog many moons ago about the Smart Car and basically how they sucked. At the time, I was just being stupid and sarcastic. However a lot of people gave me grief about my blog in turn making me actually hate the Smart Car and their “supposed” purpose.

My theory is its a conspiracy by the government for control on the growing population. Convince the masses that it’s a cool unique smart car, have them by it, then BOOM! a 18 wheeler comes crashing into you leaving nothing but broken glass everywhere.

Touche government, touche.

Feel free to read up ….. What\’s the Deal-Smart Car

I love the Smart Car’s slogan. It’s so uncar or open your mind to the car that challenges the status quo.

Here is the so-called benefit to the Smart Car: Over 96 million Americans drive to work alone each day. That means there are about 288,675,000 empty seats commuting to and from work. Astonishing. That’s why we got rid of the backseat entirely.

I am sorry but that is stupid. If that is the case… then the whole of this car is for lonely fucks!! Fucks that don’t have kids or a lover!!! If  a guy got rolled up in a Smart Car…. jaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,  I can just imagine what the “real package” looks like.

I’ll be like…  I didn’t order a smart car! I ordered a bull dozer baby!!

People who drive these cars probably sing… Eric Carmen’s All By Myself!!

Yeah yeah I said!

Also, what the fuck is this!?!

“Look son, this is what you will inherit.”

“Gee Dad doesn’t look much bigger then the car I drive now.”

“I know what it looks like but it will save you a lot of gas and it will keep you very unlaid.”

“Awww really dad!! That’s what I always wanted…. a non pimp-mobile! I wanna stay a virgin forever. “

“Well here it is. I just gotta make sure no one sneezes on it til you turn 16!”

Damnit!!

Well at least, you got the extended warranty.

Why is it called Smart Car anyways?

Is it just because it saves on gas? Is it because you not only bought a car but also a coffin and burial plot in one??

I am sorry but that ain’t very smart.

You know what is smart though??

A car that would prevent you from crashing. Yeah, that would be smart!

You know what would be smart… if there was a radar that would alert you when you got to close to another car. That would be smart!!

And lets say you ignored the alert, then a brake assist system would kick in and apply the brakes, bringing the car to a stop, if needed. Yes! That would be fucking intelligent!!

Too bad we don’t have this technology!

Wait!!!

We do!!

Mercedes has it! And yes Mercedes is actually a real life car!!!

Now shouldn’t that be called a Smart Car?

Just because Justin Bieber now wears glasses doesn’t make him smart…. so we wouldn’t call him that  unless he was actually fucking smart, right??

I get the angle of the Smart Car but it doesn’t make sense!! I say this as I hit my head with my fists!

All these yuppie loving Smart Car drivers need to find an island and not shower together!!

(dropped the mic and walked away George Jefferson style)

Wordless Wednesday & A Thought About Kim Kardashian

Men carrying Women's purses training starts young.

 

There was the Wordless Wednesday pic.

Now a word about Kim Kardashian.

If you know me, you know that I love Kim. Very much. I think she is hot… whatever she is. But she is hot. I accept the fact that she is kinda dumb and really can’t do anything well accept stand there in tight clothes. That’s ok because some of us were made to just look pretty.

That’s what I do everyday.

Ahem.

So when I saw she was dating and it seemed that she genuinely wanted to get married, I was happy. Ultimately I believe everyone wants some form of family life. Whether it’s just marriage or marriage or children, we all need and crave that kind of connection. At least that is what I believe. And when she finally tied that knot, I didn’t watch the wedding (I ain’t that big of a fan),  I was happy for her.

I assumed she was happy and ready to start her life.

Then… she filed for divorce 72 DAYS later.

I am not one who cares about celebrities lives but it just pisses me off that no one gives a shit anymore about a promise.

I am not dogging people who get divorce. I understand why people divorce… but its a joke if its 72 days later!! A joke!!

If you honestly try to work things out, after months and months or years, fine. Divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy.

I am just saying that 72 days is not enough time to TRY to work things out. 72 days is not enough time for anything!!!!

Thanks Kim for making marriage a joke. Thanks for making it seem it’s no big thing to love then dislike and then decide that you don’t wanna do it anymore. Do people not fight for love anymore? Just because reality hits doesn’t change anything.

So much for the sanctity of marriage.  We have gay couples who have together for 5, 10, 20 years that would love to get married and are denied that chance.

It just frustrates me.

A Pet That Can Kill, Crazy People, & A Total Fake Out

My youngest daughter Sienna recently adopted a new pet. Normally, I am all for pets especially if they are cute and cuddly. However this pet is neither cute nor cuddly. In fact, if precaution is not taken, her new pet (Princess is what she calls it) can very well send us off to the ER!

No it’s not a python. No it’s not fire ants or bees.

Its….

Say hello to Princess.

Yes, it is a rock or a mini boulder if you will. For a rock, its pretty heavy. It’s heavy for me its a whole lot of heavy for her. That doesn’t seem to bother her. Or the fact that its missing a part of its side. That doesn’t seem to bother her either. No she is loving that damn rock to her little heart’s content.

I am not weirded out or anything. Hell if she wants a rock I am all for that!! It doesn’t poop which lets face it folks I would be cleaning it up if it did. It also doesn’t eat. But if she were to drop it on her toe… god that is an ER visit just waiting to happen!

So I have banned her from carrying it. It stays in its bed. She made a nice little bed for it. And when I checked on her during the night, I found she brought into the bed to sleep with her.

She has tons of dolls, and babies. I don’t know how she stumbled on that a rock would make an excellent baby but yes… I will “check her in”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday I talked to a friend I went to middle school with. She actually lived in El Paso for one year and I went to school with her. After that, she moved back to Denver. For only being here one year she sure knew a lot about what happened to the kids we went to school with.

One story was particular interesting. There was this girl named Jenny that I knew ever since elementary. Everyone loved her.  She wasn’t extremely beautiful but she was cute, funny, had long hair and was a cheerleader. Yes…. she was cool and so not awkward (me).

She stayed Miss Loved and Most Expected to Succeed. She went onto the local college here and was a college cheerleader.

Apparently she now suffers from schizophrenia people. What the hell? She was completely normal when I knew her!! I knew her mother as well and her family. All freaking normal.

That totally sucks… but I pat my back because I have yet to collapse of the pressure of life. There is always next year. And till then, I will always duck and cover when I see someone I went to school with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My oldest daughter, Savannah, hates waking up in the morning. It is a battle every morning. Yet, after being awake after a while she wakes up and is fine. Today, she was moving slow still. She was also very quiet.

Once we got in the car and drove off she wasn’t even responding to her favorite music. At a red light, I stroked her chick and said, “You ok?”

She sighed and looked at me with a sad look, “Its time to start over.”

Her words overwhelmed me. Six years old! Time to start over? Did she mean in school? Did she finally realize that its important to complete her work assignments and get good grades? Did she realize that she needed to make any changes in her life?

“What do mean?” I ask.

She points to the radio.

I look back at her.

“What?”

She says, “Its time to start over the song.” And she smiles and looks out the window.

She totally faked me out. Totally!!!!

I take it back… I am obviously going crazy.

I might be ok with it. Spread the word… Marina is coming out and into the strait jacket!!!

What’s The Deal With the New England Area

I recently saw this movie, A Haunting in Connecticut.

Of course it freaked me out totally… I am totally chicken to supernatural movies. It supposedly is based on a true story. If you read the “actual” account, the family claims they were extremely tormented by the entities that lived in the house. The oldest son who was suffering from cancer became violent and sexually assaulted a family member which was apparently unlike his character.  The parents claimed they were raped by the entities. The father said he was raped too. What the fuck Connecticut?!?!

It got me thinking… what the fuck is going on in the New England area?!!

Seriously, there is this movie, the Blair Witch Project, the Amityville Horror and lots more probably but I am just too chicken to find out!

What is the deal???

Is it cause the New England area is the one the oldest areas in the US and rich with history?

This has you-will-be-raped-by-a-ghost all over it!!

Every time I watch Ghost Adventures or whatever all those terrifying things are to watch and make you freak out at night with the slightest sound, I notice they are featuring  stories of bars or homes that haunted. 3 out 5 are in the New England area.

I don’t why we did it but we sure angered some people and royally pissed off some women that were actual witches.

Seriously what is going on over there? I am actually scared to go into the houses. People were obviously crazy back then… before crazy could be called crazy!

To this day I still can’t send my kids to the corner. Have you seen the Blair Witch Project?!?!

What in Sam Hill!??!

Why would anyone wanna piss off a witch? Its like sticking your head in an alligator’s mouth. Sooner or later, its bound to shut!

Wasn’t the Exorcist story taken place in Washington DC?

Ahhhhh, I am never leaving my home. It was just built so I know it’s not haunted.  And I checked to make sure there was no Indian burial grounds or an old cemetery where we now live. Seriously… I did.

It’s the least I could for my family. I am pretty sure Gus doesn’t wanna get raped anytime soon.

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