In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘Sounds Like Life to Me’

My Favorite Movies That YOU NEED To Watch

Now that football is over I bet you freaking out. Yeah, I can just see you now: hyperventilating.  You could watch college basketball but who has time for that?

Right now I am in television limbo. All my shows have just finished and I am currently waiting for shows to start. Walking Dead is set to start in 5 days. So what must I do til then?

Clean? What are you drunk? Start on my Pinterest ideas?? Hahahahaha, you are killing me.

Grumpy-Cat-Says-No

You need to  join me on my couch. I will share with you the movies that bring great joy. Let me educate you.  Just bring your own popcorn.

Movies You Should See #1

Love Actually

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How have you not seen this movie?? It the greatest movie for love ever!! Normally I am not a sappy chick flick romance movie type of person. I am probably the only woman on earth who refuses to see The Notebook because I am afraid of the disgusting feelings I might feel. However, if you can add some comedy quirkiness, well then I am down! This movie is smart, funny, and leaves you feeling good. Drunk good! Not the running through hills singing The Hills are Alive good. That’s just gross.

Movies You Should See #2

All the Rocky Movies

Every time they are showing on tv I can’t help but watch. It’s just a really really good  college of movies.  I wouldn’t really call inspirational because  I have yet felt the desire to start boxing. Its a great story. The characters in the story are great, the plot is timeless, Sylvester Stallone isn’t bad to look at it either.

Movies You Should See #3

Horrible Bosses

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I love this movie. These guys have to be the dumbest guys on Earth but it works. They are hilarious! I recently discovered there is an art to talking dirty and Jason Sudeikis’s character nailed it!  It has the same off to wall feeling as The Hangover. I can’t say it enough… I love it I love it I love it!

Movies You Should See #4

Face Off

I like the movie a lot. Maybe more then I should. Something about Nicolas Cage being this crazed psychotic bad guy is just so…. hot. I see this movie on the regular. You can’t beat action and suspense.

Movies You Should See #5

The Silence of Lambs

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Of course this movie is great. I am sure most people will agree with me. The thing that strikes me with it is probably at the time it came out, it was the first of it nature. It was dark, gritty, and we were  exposed to things we hadn’t seen before. This was because there were A type actors in this movie. We HAD to see this movie. And even after all these years, it still leaves me with the same creeped out feeling I got when I first saw it. Plus, I feel like I am missing something. That is why I re-watch it so much. I feel like the need to understand something about it. Something that I just don’t get. However, its the grittiness, the dark side that I just don’t understand. And yet, I will still watch it.

Are there any movies that make your list??

While You Were Golden Globing It Up, I Was In Shock Over Jodie Foster’s Coming Out! She Loves the Color Red Everyone!

I admit, I didn’t watch the Golden Globe awards though I wanted too. I never liked award shows but as I am getting older I am now getting interested. It totally sucks. What sucks even more is that I am still trying to catch up with last  years’ movies!

The real story was not anyone in particular winning. An award show that was not actually about who won. Go figure.

Hell no.

It was Jodie Foster’s  way of saying “I like Beaver…. maybe”.

Truth is… I knew already Jodie! I knew!  I was actually hoping for some real news Jodie.  Something like you have a foot fetish, or you like Justin Bieber because he reminds you of a ex-girlfriend. Something!! Something that I could use.

Instead, you kinda just freaked me out.

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First off, she was probably nervous so her speech was kinda everywhere but then she got a little crazy…

Forget the fact that she might retire but the fact that she was this close to giving you the link to her online dating site profile… I was concerned! Someone get this woman a female STAT!

“I am single. Yes I am, I am single. No, I’m kidding — but I mean I’m not really kidding, but I’m kind of kidding. I mean, thank you for the enthusiasm. Can I get a wolf whistle or something?”

Huh? Ladies?? Where was your wolf whistle?

Doesn’t she know the only way she would get a wolf whistle is if she made out with Megan Fox or something!??!?

Then she thanked Mel Gibson and I was like whoa…. profound!!!

All in all…. it was pretty complicated. And it just stressed that actors are crazy. Cause honestly, no one cares who you screw or love, Jodie!

You have proved that as a nation we have evolved!!! Cause we knew the entire time, we just shrugged our shoulders and moved on!

And now its just another group that is too cool to include Marina!

Sigh… I shall never be cool!

My Life in 300 Words or Less

This is not going to about the election, who to vote for, or who I am voting for or whatever.

I know how I feel and that’s all I care about.

Plus it gets annoying.  Annoying is the people who swear the world is going to end if Obama wins. Shut the fuck up people. Tomorrow the sun will rise as it will the next day, the next day, and the next day.
And it doesn’t even matter you guys, the world is gonna end on December 21st anyway. Vote Mayan!!!

So back to what I originally was gonna post … I darn near forgot!

So here are something I have been thinking about in bullet point form. Feel free to discuss our organized and professional I am amongst yourselves.

  • It sucks to not have TV!! We have to wait a whole week for them to come out and align us with the sun or something like that. So I am depressed. I am missing my shows, football, my kids watching their cartoons and following me around asking for everything!  DIRECTV you have failed me!!!
  • Stop talking about the Walking Dead… I missed it!! God damn you Americans!!!
  • I may have to start clipping coupons. I need to save money. That or get a second job. Is anyone hiring?
  • Greatest singer ever: R Kelly. That guy can sing about anything. Sex, love, closets. Food for thought people.
  • Speaking of food…. I wish I had tamales.
  • I won tickets on my local and favorite radio show to go see Eddie Vedder!!! Yep Eddie Vedder… the singer of Pearl Jam. However, there is no Pearl Jam band anymore. It’s just Eddie Vedder with a ukulele. Hmmmm, unsure about this.

 

So there you have it. My life in 300 words or less.

This Just In:Moving Sucks

So for the past week I have been moving. I have never been more tired in life. Except after child-birth… and all those times I woke up every two hours to feed my baby… and all those times I just was like fuck sleep because I was too paranoid watching my baby sleep making sure they were breathing… and every day after that.

So no, I have been this tired. I take that back.

I have come to reason that I hate moving… hate it!

If you have never moved, then don’t. Ever!

They need to invent this machine that can carefully pick up your house and put it in different areas that you need it too.  I know that’s what you do with mobile homes… but fuck that I am talking about a house!!

Where is that invention??

I get that Apple has to make a new iPhone, a better iPad, a smaller iMac every year. I totally get it being an Apple fan myself. However, I think it would  suit us all well if they took a year break and worked on figuring out teleportation or beaming up houses and moving them to where ever you dial in.

That way, I am trying my hardest not kill people or family members.

I also think a whole year will be enough time for me to catch up to where ever Apple is at with the iPhones iPads and iMacs.

So Apple… more of this:

And less of this:

More of this:

And less of this:

More of this:

And less of this:

I am sure you get what I am going with this.

28 Years Later-This is Me

Tomorrow I am 28 years old.

Who knew I would have lived to be a quarter of a century and then some?

Am I surprised? A little. A palm reader told me I would die in a car crash but she assured me I wouldn’t see it coming or feel any pain. It will be instant. I would be too busy listening to music.

That may or may not be the truth but I am totally cool with it happening that way. As long as no one is with me at the time, I am totally cool!

I won’t kid you, the older I get, the more anxious I get. It’s scary getting old. Somehow your whole being becomes a battle field. In your mind, you can still do things as you were able to when you were much younger. However, your body disagrees. I am trying to stay busy and active and at the end of the day I am shocked that my body is rebelling.

I can’t say that I am fully accepting getting older because I haven’t.

What I will say is I do feel wiser. Not wise just wiser. And honestly this is the first time I am feeling this.

Lately I feel like I have been challenged based on what I know or what I believe.  I am also surprised by my answers.

Here is what I learned:

Don’t rule out people completely. They may surprise you.

It’s not that I’m negative nor am I a pity party but I am not used to people doing anything for me. I don’t expect anything from anyway. That’s just the way I am. I am always the giver. I love being the giver.  However, I have learned how to recently receive. Not just in material things but the kindness of people is so overwhelming. I can’t believe I am being thought of.

Practice patience.

I am still learning this one. I am not a perfectionist by far but I love things to be perfect. For instance, I NEED to have the house cleaned, dinner hot and ready when my hubby comes home. I am psycho like that. I want things to always be perfect for him. Always. It stresses me out when they aren’t.  Yet, I need to understand that not everyone is on my time-table. Patience with the little people, I say to myself.

I also need to be patient with my children. Especially with them. I am so busy trying to make everything perfect I don’t stop and just patiently listen to them, patiently let them do something, and patiently let them be kids. Patience is teaching me to not worry so much about the people I don’t want them to be and actually start concentrating on the people that they are.

Let Loose.

I seriously need to drink more. I need to have fun. My life is fleeting. Pretty soon I will just have memories and I need to entertain my grandchildren with something.

Accepting Myself

Since I was younger, I was always being concerned with being liked, with being a nice person. I would take it to heart when someone would say something against me or if someone didn’t like me. I am always paranoid about that.

Why?

Because I wanted to just be this great person.

Little do I do that I am actually doing it.

This is who I am now. I need to accept this is me. I am nice enough. I am good enough. The good person that I was always striving to be exists in me. I am already there. If I stay on this path, I can’t lose.

I am sure there is more that I have learned but this is what I have been thinking of lately.

I can be cool with getting older because that’s just another journey. And who is up for another adventure?!

If it doesn’t work out, I will just move to Montana, find a secluded cabin in the woods, and maybe kick the bucket fighting off a bear Legend of the Fall style!!

Liar Liar Pants on Fire!! Wait no don’t cry…your pants really aren’t on fire!

So I have this kid …

named Sienna. She is our baby girl.

She just started school this year three weeks ago and she is still not used to it.

She didn’t cry her first day until the afternoon. Then she cried every day after that until Friday when she had a good day.

Last week Monday, she cried a little going into the building. Then for the most part, she was fine.

Yesterday she cried in the morning and also this morning.

Last night, she told me there was a boy bothering her. A little boy in her class was being very mean to her calling her “a poopy head and a liar” but she doesn’t lie in school.

Her words.

Well we thought … this must be the reason she is not wanting to go to school.

The thing is Sienna loves school. She loves having work. She loves her teachers and her little friends so we couldn’t understand if it was so great, why was she resistant?

We talked and talked with her last night and a part of this morning about telling the teacher and what she could tell this boy.

And the more I thought of it the more I got upset. Truthfully, I didn’t believe her. Or I was more skeptic. However I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.

So this morning as we got ready, I told her how mad I was that a boy was being so mean to her. In fact, I was so mad I was going to talk to her teacher when I got there.

When I told her this, she responded that she could take “handle it” on her own.

You’re five! You are crying cause someone call your a poopy head and you wanna handle it?

I asked her the boy’s name. She didn’t know. Hmmmm… well maybe she hadn’t learned everyone’s name yet. Then she remarked that he wasn’t going to be in class today because he had a party to go too.

How suspicious!

Finally after a bit probing, she revealed there was no boy who was teasing her.

She lied.

I think she figured that was a good excuse to keep her at home.

As I write this I realize that I need to tell her the story of the little girl who cried wolf.

I felt bad telling her this but I knelt down beside her and told her this in the most loving yet firm way I could,

“You are going to school no matter what.”

I’m at a loss with this child. I can’t figure out why she is crying still. Especially after she says she loves school.
I guess the best thing is just to give her some time.

I did tell her that she should never lie.

You know …”Liar Liar pants on fire, hanging by the telephone wire.”

Then she started crying….

Her pants were not on fire I swear Child Protective Services.

It was a metaphor!!!

AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU JUPITER?!?! AM I NOT!?!?!

Last year around this time I posted this POST.

Go ahead and read it and marvel at my hilarity and incompetence of  spell check.

……….

In exactly, one month and two days I will be…. 28.
So that means I didn’t die. I apparently am not good enough for the The 27 club.

I didn’t die!

I repeat … I didn’t die!

And I must tell you… I am really disappointed! I am not a celebrity of any kind you guys?!?! My 274 blog followers apparently mean nothing to Jupiter! I know Lindsey Lohan doesn’t have that many! Even if she does… it is only because we are all waiting for her to kick the bucket. She better not do it when she is 27 or I will riot the streets of Beverly Hills!!

True, I did find the most unflattering pic of her.
I can totally open my mouth wider than that!

What do I have to do? What do I gotta do to be recognized?

Do I gotta make  a sex tape? I think the dim lighting would do wonders for my skin.

Do I have to get drunk in public and fall over the place…. possibly squat on the side of the road and take a piss? I have mastered the squat.

Do I gotta flash the lady tiddy-bits? I’ll show you all right now!!!

What?!?! What?!? What must I do?

My plan was never to see 28… alive! And now it’s staring me in the face like a demon monkey.

And now I am starting to feel the effects of the age….

My hip makes popping nose.

I ache to go to bed at 8:00 p.m.

I suddenly have an interest on pooping on regular basis thus all the fiber vitamins!

I read the newspaper… gasp!!

I was driving at speeds of 30 on a 65 mile highway!

I called someone a whippersnapper.

The latest offense … I told my kids back in my day …. blah blah … I tuned my self out too so I have no idea what I said.

If I find a white pube…. I will lose my shit. Literally …. I am wearing Depends as we speak. You know how those bowel movements come and go.

True …. I have 32 days for something to happen but I need a Plan B.

No not the emergency birth control pill… I mean I need an alternate idea.

I think its time to embrace … gulp… this getting older thing. I might make an excellent cougar!

I still have the whole die in the woods of Montana fighting a bear if I make it to 35 years old thing to look forward too. So there’s that.

Or I could work on being a Stacy’s Mom Got it Going On thing.

Or shoot for becoming Stifler’s mom…. just less chipmunk cheeks.

So if nothing kills me within the next thirty days … well old age here we come. I will just start my mid-life crisis now.

THE DAY AFTER… the dentist

I bet you are dying to know what happened with my visit to the dentist. I know the suspense is killing you!

So I won’t hold back this valuable information any longer.

So here we go… yesterday. A day at the dentist’s office.

I had no trouble finding the place. Gus (The Hubs) was their previously a few weeks before . The office was currently under construction and was adding an addition building to the place so parking was a little confusing.

Once I found the place, it was enormous.

Inside the building, it was overwhelming.

Who is their decorator, I wondered. I got to get their number. It was so beautiful and sophisticated looking. It was not at all how a dentist office should look. Right away the beauty and sophistication made me nervous. What are they hiding??

A dentist office should put it all out there.They need to decorate to show the pain that will occur in the next few minutes.

They immediately put me on a computer to sign in and fill out forms. I was blown away by this. Is this how all dentist offices are? Is everything all high-tech?? Could I log onto Twitter with this machine?

Dentist office sure ask a lot of questions. They ask the important ones like if you have any diseases, if you are allergic to anything, are you currently taking any medicines? These I understand. The rest I was thrown off by.

Have you had any neck or head injuries?

Uhhh not that I remember.

Do you have any back pain?

Yes… what does this have-

Does your mother know you are gay?

What? Of course she doesn’t!!

When was your last sexual encounter?

Uhhhhhh

You need to have more sex with Gus.

That’s not even a question, wait… did Gus rig this??

Finally I was called.

I swear I panicked when I saw the dentist nurse. She was so little!! Smaller than me!!! And lucky me got her on her very first day!!

Granted, I gave her the benefit of the day cause we all have been there. We all had a first day.

But when it came to x-ray-ing… I sure didn’t like being the guinea pig.  She put this weird mouth piece in my mouth and I had to bite down on it in all angles of my mouth while she tried to take pics. The piece was making me gag. I was finding the urge to puke all over the seat.

FYI… I am not a puker… but I can’t handle anything in my mouth for long periods of time. I don’t what it is. It’s just a reflex … either swallow or puke it out. That is probably why I eat so fast.

The girl took a hundred pics. Seriously. I was about to get off the seat and do it for her!

Alas the doctor came in. A dude. And I must say he was the most nicest doctor I have ever met. Like seriously, he wanted to know everything about me. Everything. I felt loved.

The only thing is he asked all these questions as he was in my mouth. Why do they do that???

But if you know me, I am never one to run from a conversation. So yes, I answered him. But it come out more muffled and slobbery.

Hmmm hbrisdfjhmmmm sdjjfgm.

That is what I said. A bunch of times.

And he would keep talking to me. He must understand this dentistry lingo.

Finally he was outta my mouth…

2 cavities, one tooth that needed a crown and one dislocated jaw.

Wait… what??

A dislocated jaw??

He made it seem like it was no big deal. Sure everyone has to cut up their food in  smaller bites and take apart their hamburgers  bit by bit.

He said it was  something he could not fix.

I feel like a horse… someone should seriously put me down. I will be damned if I can’t eat a double meat with cheese and bacon correctly!

Sighhhhh….. major bummer. My life in those five minutes forever altered. If I had anything going for me, it was that I was this tiny petite girl  could eat steaks and double meat burgers in seconds. Now?It could take up to 20 minutes to eat. Who has this time????!!!!

I am still trying to figure out how this could have happen.  I think I would remember a car accident or getting nailed in the jaw.

And now that explains why there is a slight pain in my jaw at times.

I am going to apply for a disabled sticker…. that way I can get all the best parking. Hello… I am handicapped!! My jaw is dislocated!!

The disability office needs to understand how this has changed my life.

I can no longer eat burgers like a normal human being. Key word: normal. Me: disabled!

I can’t take punches to the jaw anymore. And I was always down for getting down at bars!!!

And sadly….

I sadly can’t keep my mouth open for  more than a few minutes.

Once I relayed the information to the hubs, he was deeply saddened by that last one especially. His quality time is suspended for as long as I can milk it!!

The only thing is if he sees me eat a massive burger the way I am not supposed to he is going to make sacrifice in other areas!!

Must listen to doctor orders!!

WTF Wednesday- Heat Wave (said in a sultry disco like voice)

Even at 27 and three-quarters years old, I am still pondering what I want to do with the rest of my life. Up until the point, I basically can do anything and be quite happy as long as I working and its fulfilling.

That was a load of baloney.

I wanna do something and get paid lots of money. I want benefits, perks, and notoriety. I wanna be like Johnny Cochran. Cause if he got OJ outta jail, then seriously what couldn’t he do.

And with recent events, I feel that many people need saving from their crimes. Especially when it wasn’t even their fault. It was the heat, it was global warming, god damnit it was July’s fault!

See I live in Texas and normally it’s so hot we can cook an egg on the pavement outside. I wouldn’t recommend cause its tough to get the asphalt grains outta your teeth.

Someone that definitely needs my help is this woman from Arkansas. The 58-year-old woman was driving home at around 6pm on Sunday night when she crashed into the back of a Nissan pickup truck. Instead of stopping at the scene, she continued driving.

The accused told attending officers: ‘I left because I did not want my ice cream to melt.’

She added that she ‘didn’t think there was enough damage to the vehicles to call police’ .

How is this even a crime? In a world where ice cream costs almost as much a car how do not blame this woman? I think the record should show what kind of ice cream it was. And yes, it does make a difference.

What if it was that Magnum ice cream?

This is ice cream for the Gods. It is worth about a kidney! So if she had this in her truck I would have sped off too.

I rest my case.

Another thing I don’t need to remind you is that there are some weird people out there. Very weird. Just visit Wal-Mart. Despite that, these people still have rights and they need to be defended.

Marvin Dwayne Bolick, 51, was arrested  on July 1 on charges of misdemeanor public indecency. He was asked why he was exposing himself, to which he replied, “It was hot outside and I’m cooling off.”

Again, what is the crime here? Cooling off his junk? We all hate when body parts stick together. And I can only imagine for guys when they have their long disgusting balls whaling around and sticking to their legs.

*Shudder*

And finally, my last client doesn’t deserve this bad treatment & publicity.

An employee at Remax Allstars Realty noticed the unit was missing Thursday and checked the office surveillance footage only to find the theft on tape. According to the footage, a man is seen cutting cables to the air conditioner and trying to put the large unit into a silver four-door sedan. After struggling for several minutes, the pregnant woman gets out of the passenger seat and helps him lift the unit into the truck of the car.

“That was pretty shocking when we saw her get out the car,” said Kirstin Pedersen.

After securing the air conditioner, the couple is seen driving off.

Here is footage of the scene which in my opinion is not damning but sings of their innocence.

First off, how is this surprising at all? Really? A pregnant woman stealing an air conditioner. Poor girl is carrying a baby. She should have gotten it for free and like 20 of them. And the dude who was probably with her was more than likely her husband. A husband who hasn’t been able to sleep for months because if his wife can’t sleep because its hot neither can he!

Insomnia, the heat are the key factors to this crime and should be forgiven.

The fact that they did it so out in the open and like at dawn clues in on the fact that were delirious. Heat exhaustion, insomnia, a pregnant woman.

They should be acquitted.

So if you are being charged with something… you should contact me.

First let me get my law degree.

Wait how much schooling?

Oh man, never mind.

Completely Freaking & Stressing Out but in a good way

My daughter (6-year-old) wanted to join her school’s track team. So we went to a few practices and she really liked it.

They separate the grades into groups. She is a first grader so she trains with Pre-Kinder and the Kindergartners.

Eventually I got involved. I became a coach. I was excited because I got to spend even more time with my daughter. I also got to meet an awesome group of kids. Kids that absolutely fell in love with. Kids that motivated me.

My daughter took off with track. She was better than we could imagine. And she loved it. All the kids did actually.

After hundreds of practices and several track and field meets, we finally come down to the day before our “Olympics”.

I am completely freaking out. I am. It’s awesome that are kids are doing so well and placing but it’s still scary because we will be in a high school stadium tomorrow. It is the real thing. I am just so full of anxiety.

 I don’t think our kids will do bad. Right now in our district we are first place. I think I am just scared and excited like the way you feel when you are about to bungee jump.

We will do well. Our kids are excellent. And this is just start for many more competitions to start.

So here’s to the  Helen Ball Dalmatians.

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