In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘Pimple on my Ass Day’

WTF Wednesday- Wednesday Can Suck My

I am in a rancid mood. And I sure as hell don’t mean I am stinky. I smell quite nice today.

If you must know… I am having a mental breakdown and I am very perturbed with its timing. How fucking rude, right?

So because I have some pint up rage and need to calm it down or go postal in my office and kill all my innocent co-workers, I need to channel this somewhere.

I missed the passage in life where you live alone and hunt for a roommate. After reading a bit of these ads, I am not so sure I am should be sad about it.

Why aren’t you guys applying!?!?!?

This has been the only time I wished I was an escort/stripper.

God damn!!

He knows what he wants … we can at least  give him that. My question is where is the ad for  women with big butts or great personalities!!!

No wonder he doesn’t have a roommate!! He is insane!!

Wow! Someone who really owns his douchy-ness. Amazeballs!!!

And finally ….

Poor guy… I sure hope he finds a home.

So hopefully I made you feel a little better. Wait, I was the one feeling like shit.

So thanks Craigslist … I owe you big!!

Thursday Movie Review- Ummmm No I Haven’t Seen It

The Oscars are set to show on Feb 26th. I suddenly realized that I haven’t seen any of the movies except two.

So here are my reviews on the movies I have not seen based on what I know.

I know … weird.

But I apparently do everything half-ass so lets continue the half-assing!

  1. The Artist

   You know, I do wanna see this movie. I want to see if we, nowadays, can channel back when movies were picture perfect cinema.

The Artist takes place in Hollywood in 1927. The movie bases about a silent film star who feels he is fazing out because talking in films is now being introduced.  He then meets a young dancer who is looking for her big break.

It’s a romantic comedy and it looks cute. Plus the fact that  I never heard of the main actor and actress at all.

So two thumbs up for originality and the whole black and white idea until further notice.

 

2. The Descendants

    I have heard two different opinions on this movie. One said it sucked and the other said it was very good.  So I am a bit conflicted.  I would rent this movie rental worthy. So in case it does suck at least I didn’t sell my soul for a theater ticket.  What am I talking about? I am a mother with three very small kids of course I would sell my soul to go see a movie in an actual theater!!!

Oh yeah, the movie. From what I hear, George Clooney plays the part of a father who tries to reconnect with his two daughters after his wife suffers a boating accident.  The wife is on life support. Somewhere in between, George Clooney finds that his wife was cheating on him. So he takes his daughter with him to confront the young real estate broker, who was having an affair with his wife.

This sounds emotional and thought-provoking.

And I hope he pounds the shit outta that real estate broker.

I am going to say one thumbs up and the other is still in the bathroom after finishing some Taco Bell so he is undecided.

 

 

 

3.  Hugo

   Nope. Don’t wanna see it but I know I am going to see it against my will!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. War Horse

I am a bit disappointed. This movie looks really awesome. However, it seems like it’s about a love story between a young boy and a horse.

*scratches head*

A boy and his horse are inseparable. However, when the family falls onto hard times, the horse is sold to the British cavalry. The boy meanwhile joins the army and soon finds his horse. Little does he knows the horse has been through a crazy ordeal. Now the horse must be sold.

Will they be able to stay together?

God I don’t wanna cry already!!!!

Two thumbs down for the pressure in my head!!!

 

 

 

So there you go, a quick highlight on a few of the nominees of best picture. Please let me know if they were good or not, or if, as usual, I am full of shit.

Thank You

P.S. Where are the zombies?? Zombies deserve Oscars too!!

Interesting….. I Have A Chance to Get Fired!!

First off, as soon as my husband goes back to actual work I will start the Thursday Movie Review. Til then its a battle of remote control power.

  I really don’t have anything to write about today.

The only that seems remotely interesting is that my boss called me really early in the morning telling me I had to get a drug test today.

Yep me! I have been randomly selected.  I am highly suspicious. What do they hope to find?

That when I get home I am raging coke addict? That I have the need for speed? That I am warping through time with acid trips? That I channel Alice in Wonderland with my shrooms?

Usually the random drug testing is for the guys in the field because they are around children and schools. I am around old people. Christian, stick up their ass, republicans! All day long. I have no issues with Christians or old people, and republicans knows where all the best hookers are! Just when they are a combination of all three…. it starts to get annoying.  So if they do see  some alcohol in my blood stream they can’t blame me!!

I know I am gonna pass the drug test… with fucking flying colors!!!  I don’t do drugs. Mostly because I don’t know where to score any but also because I just don’t drugs. Wow I suddenly got depressed. I need to make some hippie friends.

And I totally suck at peeing in a cup. First off I have to always force myself to pee! And my aim is for shit. This is when being a dude would be awesome. Dudes have their built in faucets. Us women we got a fucking sprinkler system. You turn that shit on and its getting the lawn wet for sure!!!

Peeing in a cup deserves a medal.

Congrats you  successfully peed in the cup and not the seat or the floor!! Here is a bronze medal of urination!!

Honestly these bosses of mine are  gonna have to let me go some other way.

So far this two and half months I have been late everyday.

I spend a lot of time on Twitter. But I still manage to get shit done and then some.

However if they did fire me, I could sleep in!!! Every fucking day! And I could like totally Tweet and blog all day. And I could lay in bed all day. And I could, and I could, and I could …. really its endless!!!

But I gotta work. Damnit, and I don’t wanna say never but these people could never fire me.

I am their bread and butter. They need me. I am the only person who has been here long enough to put up with their crap!!

 

Damnit…. I may need to sabotage. It’s just I am soooooooo lazy.

 

 

Music Revolution- Getting It In Gear

Its Friday but I am dragging. I feel like I have a hunchback.  I need this musical revolution charge more than you! So if its to loud.. I am sorry. I can’t have alcohol at work….

This is what  I was screaming in my head this morning…. stupid mornings!

Veruca Salt- Volcano Girls

I love this band so much here is another one!!

Veruca Salt- Shutterbug

God I love them ladies!!

Oooo and now some Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Here is Date with The Night

And eff it all one more for the road.

Now you guys can see how I attempted to dress like when I was in high school.

No Doubt- Just A Girl

Happy Effin Friday… is it Happy Hour yet!??!

Wow, this is what it comes down too.

1. Do you like purple dinosaurs: Of course… especially the ones that sing and laugh all retardedly. They entertain my kids for hours!

2. What’s kind of sneakers you got: Nike Shoxs… is that what they are called?? (shrugs)

3. How smart are you from  1-10: On a good day a 7; on a bad day a 3

4. Name a word with 2 or more meanings: uhhhhhhhh shit.

5. If i gave you a million bucks, what would you buy first: A huge ass house

6. Watch u gonna do with all that junk?: You are an amateur… I’m obviously gonna get you drunk on my hump … my lovely lady lumps

7. Whos better lil Wayne, drake, kanye west, Rick ross, or Justin bieber:  Damnit! I am going with Kanye. This is wrong isn’t it?

8. Name something you would never say to your mom : Woman go make me a sandwich now!

9. Would you rather be able to teleport, fly, read minds,invisible, or move things with finger: WTF all of the above! How can you teleport and not fly? Some people ….

10. Who is the best actor or actress: Actress- I like Sandra Bullock but honestly the correct answer are the ones that are willing to take off their clothes;  Actor: the ones that marry non celebrity moms that live in El Paso TX

11. Who were you with last night: Who is asking this? My husband? JK … I was with my amigos (da kids)

12.What woke you up this morning: The fucking Sun… bastard!

13. Is tonight going to be a good night: Why yes it is!!! Tomorrow I don’t work … so hells yea!!

14. What’s on your mind RIGHT now: Food … thats always on my mind

15. Would you take a bullet for anyone:  Yea def for my hubby and kids

16. Do you listen 2 music everyday: Is a witches tit hot? I just found this morning… they are for some reason.

17. What is your favorite kind of soda: Coke … I’m pretty basic.

18. How long til your b-day: 3 months but who’s counting

19. Does a kiss make you feel better:  Of course…. but in certain places. (comedic drum roll)

20. Do you start the water before you get in the shower: Of course, my water gots to prepare itself for me

21. Have you ever had stitches: Nope I am accident prone but not enough for the ER

22. What are you doing tomorrow: Eating and sleeping

23. What is your favorite cereal: Golden Grahams

24. Funniest thing you heard all day: This tweet: The only pick-up line you need when hitting on fat girls is “Do you suck dick? If not please don’t waste my time.”

25. Do you snore: I don’t think so…

26. What was the last thing you had to drink: I had the morning alcohol … gasoline coffee

27. What is your favorite kind of soup: Tortilla …

28. Taco sauce- Hot, Medium, or Mild: Hot yo with a big glass of water!

29. Have you ever used someone else’s toothbrush: Yes… as long as I don’t think about it too much I am ok

30. Would you rather get up early or sleep in: Sleep in

31. Who would you want to be stuck in a cave with: 1. My husband but if he is unavailable Bear Grylls.. I wanna live damnit!

32. Look to your left, what do you see: Maps

33. Four words to explain why you last threw up? Fucken Chinese Didn’t Cook (right)

34. Favorite cuss word: Fuck

35. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?My bosses … they  are all golfing together

36. Do you laugh at people with “bowl” haircuts? Fuck yea… those people are tards!!

37. What would you Do if rudolph the red nosed reigndeer showed up in ur yard? “Vern get my gun, I got dinner tonight! Yee haw”

38. do you agree that penguins are AWESOME!!! ? I totally do!

39. Do you actually believe Alaska is covered in snow? Yes… wait is this a Palin trick question?

40. Do you believe in unicorns? Yes. Unicorns are magically

41. Do you think people who spend a lot of time online are time-wasters? What  the fuck did you call me?

42. If you had a new identity, who would you be? I would be Kim Kardashian… I would probably molest myself all the time.

43. Thoughts on Taylor Swift: She is cute. Taylor, you better not turn into a ho!

44. Thoughts on bitches: Well where they at???

45. Did you lie on this questionnaire?  Unquestionably

My kind of humor …. Toilet Humor

So it is like freakin cold … I never have seen a day that was 1 degree outside! I have been spoiled by the sun. If 60 degrees is cold for me, I was sure I was going to die if I went out side yesterday.  I didn’t go to work yesterday. Thank god … I was so scared to drive on those icy roads. Plus my job is like 40 minutes away from my house. 

However, today the sun came up. Hallelujah! Doesn’t make much of a difference because its 5 degrees right now with a wind chill of -14 or something. I did feel like I could not slack it today so off  to work I went (much to my husbands dismay). I survived obviously. I even wrote my will this morning  just in case I skidded off a bridge or something.

Actually wait, no! This is my ghostly spirit writing and I am in hell. I always knew I’d come here. It’s not as bad as you think. I mean the people you would think are here like Hitler, Stalin, Michael. There are a bunch of midgets running around. That makes sense cause I was always scared of midgets.

So to cheer me up from this horrible weather and the loss of my own life here are some distasteful (yet funny!) quotes that I found to brighten up my day. My day … not your day. Shit I’m dead. Your not! So fuck you. I am playing. Don’t go fuck yourself … you might end of here.

Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way.
You’re more useless than a pair of tits on a nun.

My Kid would have been an Honor Student but… I had an abortion!

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.

I knew I was unwanted when my bath toys were a radio and toaster.

Don’t marry a woman with big hands. It makes your dick look small.

And I think to myself… this world is so fucked up that people can’t even take a shit in a public restroom.

Don’t you think it’s just mildly ironic that most of the people against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?

I think wet dreams are actually God giving you a handjob for being so good.

A good friend will bail you out of jail, But your best friend will be sitting next to you saying “That was fucking awesome!”

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Prevent inbreeding: Ban country music!

I’d rather have a dog over a guy because the worst a dog can do is piss in your shoe.

Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate fuckers.

Kill 1-20 and you’re a Murderer
Kill 30 – 1000 and you’re a Terrorist
Kill 10.000 – 20 million and you’re a Conqueror/Dictator
Kill Everyone and you’re God

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

 I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

 I celebrate Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invite everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we have an enormous feast, and then I kill them and take their land.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself. 

And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I am sorry you’re not laughing … cause I am.



 

 

 

 

Cause S&*# Just Makes Sense

I love to cuss. I.Love.It! I don’t like that BS either that it shows (in a whiny voice) ‘the lack of creativity’ or ‘makes you just look stupid because you obviously aren’t articulate enough to use proper and correct words.’ F- that! I think it DOES show my creativity!

For the record, I think Beyonce is a B*&%. JK I am sure her mom just loves her.

For instance, if I use the word ass in a sentence it is because the words booty, butt, tush, or behind all sound gay to me! Booty just sounds like 1990’s Wayans movie. Yeesh, talk about a slap in the fave to the history of cinema! Tush? Behind? Am I on set of a taping to an episode of Barney? Butt just seems I am trying to hard to be politically correct. And I am sooo not.  So dammit just say the word. Ass ass ass. I feel so much better. And when you can add lib to the word ass, it just makes it better. Dumbass, weak ass, silly ass, retarded ass. It just really rolls off the tongue!

I would have to say my favorite word is shit. Cause it describes exactly what it means! Crap, feces, bowel movement. Try saying, “Oh bowel movement, I forgot to feed the snake!” And see all the weird looks you’ll get. Cause shit just makes sense. When I think of shit, the name magically appears. Oh yeah, the brown stuff with all the weird yellow particals. No not the chocolate candy Crunch bars! The real stuff! The stuff that makes you gag.  Some, though, use it in a good tense. Like: “This shit is awesome.”  Cause remember the time you took a much needed shit and well … it was awesome!  Or like how one of favorite comedians, Ron White said, ” Taking a shit so big your pants fit better.”  Something we all can appreciate!

Now the major one to me is the F-word.

It feels good now doesn't it? Like a language yoga! Feel the release!

It’s so hard-core sometimes I can’t even bring my self to write it. But I say it though. Hell yes! Especially in the car, when some dude from Juarez cuts me off. I sing it!  The F word is a descriptive word. It’s almost like a quantity. “That was fuckin’ crazy!” How crazy?!??! Basically a undeterminded amount of it. But it was crazy!  This word though is hot(!) that it’s still not allowed on tv. Obviously. Cause of its other meaning. Which to me is just silly. If we can say bitch, we should be able to Fuck! Bitch is referring to someone as a female dog. That’s kinda mean. When someone says Fuck you … aren’t they just saying kiss off, die?  I mean, we all are going to die sooner or later. We are never are going to turn into a female dog! Where is the logic in this?!?! It’s also a verb. Cause in order to feel the world up with loving, sweet, assholes, jerks, and mass murders, you gotta do the deed. Multipy! And I don’t see anything offensive of that. I thank my mom and dad everyday for fucking cause then I would not be here! And you know what they do? They shift uncomfortably in their chair. You see people, maybe we should stop being prudes on dumb shit and start being prudes on pimples on asses, on bombs installed in fake implants, or bad drivers.

Thats all I am saying.

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