In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘In the Pursuit of Happiness’

The Art of Catching Some Zzzzz’s

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Being a mother is extremely demanding. Somehow you are the first one up and the last one to bed. You are always extremely tired and can be found falling asleep as you practice reading with your daughter. You anxiously await the anticipated bed time where you can snuggle in your sheets, lay your head on your puffed up pillow and fall gracefully to sleep the way princesses do in movies.

However is that really the case?

I can be falling asleep on the way home from work, on the couch, the dinning table, even as you move about assembling the essentials for the next day. However, as soon as I lay in bed, it gets COMPLICATED!!

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Ideally I want to lay on my back. If I position my pillows just right, both my shoulders properly proportioned equally on the pillow will make for a nice restful sleep. See, this is the type of Science they should be teaching in school. The physics of perfectly aligned shoulders.

But still, I can’t fall asleep. This is not the position I am used too! You see, we recently got my baby boy to stop sleeping with us. When he was a baby, we messed up by putting him in the bed with us all because we wanted an extra few hours of sleep during feedings and diaper changings.

SO SUE US!

Then he just grew super fast and pretty soon I was the one hanging off the edge. Everyone morning, my shoulders would ache because I was forced to sleep on my side all night!

So we moved him into his room. Then we felt guilty and I was cold. So there he went back into our bed. T-ball started for him. He then decided that he was a big boy and could not sleep with us. So there he went back to his bed in his room. I was sad. I missed him. But my shoulders didn’t. In one night I was cured and could never go back to the old way again.

But like all great things, the season ended as well as Ryan’s desire to be a big boy. We couldn’t get him to stay the night in his room. Finally, it donned on us to bring his bed into our room. So we did that… and we have our bed back. Hopefully, we will have our room back.

Sigh….

So I lay there fully enjoying the arms space I have. I now have the power to roll up in a little ball, spread out like an X and even sleep side ways. The possibilities are endless! But I just ache for comfort and want to fully enjoy the space laying on my back.

Still, it doesn’t feel comfortable. What do I do with these arms of mine? Do I cross them over my chest like Wednesday from The Adams Family?

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No that’s weird and uncomfortable. Imagine if I died like that… the medics will think I am  some kind of witch or satanic sleeper.

I finally give up and just roll on my right side like always. I curl my legs up practically in my body and relax. Hopefully, I will just know to change it up in the middle of the night.

Then I start to feel something uncomfortable.

My ankles are touching each other and it’s driving me CRAZY!! My knees are boney and rubbing against each other! If I spread my legs that feels foreign… uhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I just wanna sleep!! I finally just roll over on my stomach and hope the smothering of my face in the pillow will be enough to knock me unconscious!

What is that my feet are hitting?!?!

Ryan is now sleeping horizontally on the edge of our bed!!!!

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Dress Shopping 101 -Don’t look like a hippie or a lady of the night

I went to the “glorious” mall this weekend in search for a dress to wear to the wedding. I am glad I went with my sister-in-law because I would have not known what to buy. In fact, who knows what I would have walked out  with. 3809563_f260

Ahem.

Apparently… I was going for the flow-y stoner dress that would allow me to go skipping through the fields right before they call you to eat some cake. WHICH makes sense to me because it is a garden wedding with hills and a small pond.

I was reminded that I needed a cocktail dress. I needed a dress that shouted I am related to the wedding party even though I am not officially in the wedding. I needed a dress that shouted also indecent proposals will be considered too.

When dress shopping for a dress, there are too many rules. For instance, you can’t wear white. Why not?! There were millions of awesome dresses in white. Truthfully, I may have been asking for trouble buying a white dress. I would have definitely spilled some thing on it. White is asking for trouble.   But again, why can’t you wear a white dress?!?! The bride isn’t going to wear white!!

Everything I picked wasn’t fancy enough. It had to hug your body like it was an anaconda trying to squeeze the life outta you.  At the same time, I could only look the part of an upscale hooker not actually be one. Try explaining that to the sales lady.

I loved all the dresses with pockets. 50034f-682x1024

However, that didn’t scream cocktail/wedding/sophistication/$1000 a night buddy. Still…. a dress with pockets?! I feel like that is a no-brainier. Think of all possibilities! All the little items I could be responsible for. All the little take home wedding accessories/candy I could leave with. Pockets mean safety for me. A place for awkward hands to be kept. A way to look casual and cool and not the least bit outta place.

Sigh.

I also loved the ones that looked very Grecian/Roman looking dresses.

C026-Black-by-Blush-Prom-Dress-S11But damnit, they were only available in white and I would have no idea where to store a bra. I am completely completely dependent on a bra. My chest malfunctions with strapless. I need the support!!

In the end I bought a black satin dress. I thought it was a bit biker looking but I was assured that it was not. I get to wear a bra (yay!!), it does squeeze me to stand up tall, and truth be told its something I never would have picked it but it’s daring so I figure what the hell.

The whole time my sister-in-law was trying to flatter me that I could wear a paper bag and still look good.

Then WHY WEREN’T WE AT WALMART THEN?!

Merit Badge #1 Not Throwing Up After a 5 Hour Drinking Party

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So I finally was invited a to a bachelorette  party. I have never been to one, nor have I been out partying and drinking in years.  Lets try to NOT roll your eyes at my lameness.

Did I get drunk? Yes. Did I dance a lot? Yes. Did I have a good time? Sure.

Movies have ruined things like this for me.

Where was my crazy almost illegal night?? Where was my wicked ass tiger that was supposed to be in my bathroom? There were no new tattoos or piercings. Everyone was accounted for. We could have at least left someone behind … that would have been epic.

The one thing that was funny was certain girls were throwing up in the limo or out the window. That was hilarious trying to stay sane with the smell.

Still, it’s not like I expected anything. But damn, we were back home at midnight. My kids were still up (rules don’t exist when mommy isn’t around) for god sake!

Like I have been saying, men have a more fun time.  And mum’s the word on the activity they will do. The following days the girls were like remember when “Lucy” fell or remember when Marina was dancing on the pole.

Shut the fuck up!! Ya’ll get a little wild and now I shall pay for it forever.

One thing I am proud of is that I didn’t fall, throw up in the limo, and I kept up with the little 24-year-old girl who parties for a living.

Someone should create merit badges for these kinda things.

There were a few things I learned that night:

  1. It’s very necessary to do things like this from time to time. Stress relief. And it keeps you young.
  2. Always have a seasoned drinker with you.
  3. Vodka and cranberry is sooooo good.
  4. After while everything taste the same.
  5. No heels… or you will fall and fall and fall. I wore flip flops cause I am a lazy ass. Point for me!
  6. Process every drink you take. It helped me concentrate on where I was at and how I felt.
  7. I missed dancing.
  8. No one cares what you wear, only in the beginning when no one is drunk.

Alas, For I Am Without Pranks Today

I’m sad.

I have nothing to trick you with today! I’m without jokes today on this blessed day! Blast!

And I am terrified to read anything today because I am so guilable!

I ran through a possible list of things I could have pranked with …

I could tell you I am pregnant but that would be really just scaring myself. I thought I could tell you I was dying from a terminal illness but I actually haven’t had a physical since… I don’t think I have had one. So who knows, that may be true!  I also thought of telling you that Lindsey Lohan has turned to Jesus. But I think Jesus would be highly insulted further damning my soul to hell.

I am to lazy to plan anything. I have so many things I wanna do but laziness gets the better of me sometimes. So if it wasn’t for the laziness you would either be mad or laughing so hard right now. I am sure I would have dreamt up something epic. But again, too lazy.

So be weary today.

I am.

I carefully scanned my chair and desk before I sat down. I made others taste my coffee before I did.  You just never know. If someone scares you enough to cause a heart attack, remember they can and will get off because scaring someone to death is strictly only allowed today.

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Mama Did A Bad Bad Thing

Overall, my Christmas and New Years was good. My department at my company shuts down forcing us to take the two weeks. They never have to twist my arm about it.

The only thing that was really bad this holiday season was all the sickness. A few days before Christmas I got a cold and my daughter did as well. My cold lasted all the way til Christmas. During those days each one of my children got fever, sore throats, the works. Then once everyone got it, my kids got the stomach flu a few days before New Years. One by one, family members were dropping like flies.  In fact, my hubby was basically unconscious for two days. He got the combo: flu and stomach flu.  I was the only one who didn’t get the stomach flu. According to the hubs, I did.

I started to feel sick Thursday evening. I immediately was worried cause I am wuss when it comes to throwing up or anything stomach related.  I was feeling so queasy I retired early to bed. Sometime in the middle night I up-chucked! It was horrible. It always is. My hubs comforted me  afterwards that it was just the stomach flu.

However, as soon as I threw up I immediately felt better. Like instantly. I didn’t feel horrible or dizzy or any of the other symptoms my husband was assuring would soon follow.

So what did I do?

I milked it…. yep, the entire day. I slept the entire day. My hubby was so nice, and comforting bringing me whatever I asked for.  Every time he would come in I would act groggy which I was from sleeping all day.  He even made dinner.

I have always wanted to sleep all day. I miss sleep. Sleep has become the holy grail for me.  And obviously, I needed it cause I slept the entire day. And when I got bored because people stopped checking on me or paying attention to me, I limped downstairs and ate dinner like at 6pm.

Do I feel bad?

Not really….. I mean. I did throw up. Thats pretty hardcore. It shakes you to your very core.

Hmm, why am I feeling judgment from you all. Do I have to quote Ferris Bueller??? I basically am Ferris Bueller… just the mommy/wife version. Where is that movie??

Wait…. it would just be a movie about someone sleeping huh?

The Weekend of the Eternal Break-Up

I have some really really devastating news. I am out of Takis… but worse than that… (hold me guys, hold me!) Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez broke up!!

I was not ready for this- this morning. I just can’t handle this!

First it was Rob and Kristen, now the Biebs and Selena!! What is happening to love?!?! I mean why even try anymore? Why even wake up?

I’m not only one feeling confused, lost, and on the verge of losing it based on this new celeb breakup.

This guy lost all reasoning…. seriously.

The next time Ryan McNames wants to lodge a consumer complaint, he’ll know better than to call the Columbia Police Department.

This Missouri man, 19, dialed cops Saturday night to report that he paid $60 to a pair of prostitutes to perform sexual acts for him. As McNames described it, the deal called for one woman to show him her breasts, while the other would perform oral sex on him in the living room of his mobile home.

Apparently only one “lady of the night” held up her part of the bargain while the other collected cash and bought ran to their car and jammed.

So what did McNames do?  He lodged a complaint! Hell yea! But wait, he didn’t call the HR of Prostitutes R US. No he called the cops!

He also requested that officers contact the woman who did not fellate him and “get $40 of his money back,” police reported.

And so he was arrested!

See what happens when you root for a celeb couple and they let you down!!
Don’t worry Ryan, time heals all things!

Another man is obviously in shock from the break up that he is just getting to work and putting on blinders to the rest of the world.

A man, Dale Porch, was dropped off at home last week after working the night shift for the Regional Transportation District but never made it inside. He died on his porch. Family members say hours later, a mail carrier walked by the body to deliver the mail but did nothing to help. The family says the carrier told them he thought the body was a mannequin, a decoration left over from Halloween.

That mail man was left dead inside. DEAD INSIDE Justin and Selena!!

This woman was arrested drinking and driving. Can you see the hurt in her face? The pain?

But seriously, Best. Mugshot.Ever.

So I leave you now to grieve, to grieve for America. All we can do is hope. Hope that love isn’t lost forever!

My Life in 300 Words or Less

This is not going to about the election, who to vote for, or who I am voting for or whatever.

I know how I feel and that’s all I care about.

Plus it gets annoying.  Annoying is the people who swear the world is going to end if Obama wins. Shut the fuck up people. Tomorrow the sun will rise as it will the next day, the next day, and the next day.
And it doesn’t even matter you guys, the world is gonna end on December 21st anyway. Vote Mayan!!!

So back to what I originally was gonna post … I darn near forgot!

So here are something I have been thinking about in bullet point form. Feel free to discuss our organized and professional I am amongst yourselves.

  • It sucks to not have TV!! We have to wait a whole week for them to come out and align us with the sun or something like that. So I am depressed. I am missing my shows, football, my kids watching their cartoons and following me around asking for everything!  DIRECTV you have failed me!!!
  • Stop talking about the Walking Dead… I missed it!! God damn you Americans!!!
  • I may have to start clipping coupons. I need to save money. That or get a second job. Is anyone hiring?
  • Greatest singer ever: R Kelly. That guy can sing about anything. Sex, love, closets. Food for thought people.
  • Speaking of food…. I wish I had tamales.
  • I won tickets on my local and favorite radio show to go see Eddie Vedder!!! Yep Eddie Vedder… the singer of Pearl Jam. However, there is no Pearl Jam band anymore. It’s just Eddie Vedder with a ukulele. Hmmmm, unsure about this.

 

So there you have it. My life in 300 words or less.

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