In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘Happy Birthday to Me’

29 and Deep Fried

This past Sunday was my birthday. I turned 29 years old.

Weird.

Skunks

Who imagines being alive this long? Surely I would have been killed in a traffic accident or something gang related, but no I am still here … turning 29 years old.  I am scared to get older… who isn’t? However I think I am more in shock. Wasn’t I just 16 years old like yesterday? Wasn’t turning 21 while breast-feeding still like an hour ago?

Time has passed before my very eyes… and I now have been  alive 29 years. What the….

The shock has not subsided.

So…. I didn’t do anything to celebrate my birthday. I couldn’t.

Friday I went into panic year before 30 years old panic. I went to the store and bought all these facial creme and washes because if I am going to turn 29 years old I am going to damn well look at least 26! I was gone ho to start taking care of my skin, use the appropriate aging products and all that jazz.

I applied it Friday night, Saturday morning, then spent all afternoon  in the sun. And my facial wash and creme baked on my face  BURNING THE SHIT OUT OF MY FACE especially MY EYE LIDS! My eyelids were dark, wrinkled and puffy.

I aged 70 years  over night. Or got in a fight or cried my eyes out.

I was hideous! There was no way in hell I was going anywhere. And the whole situation made  me more mopey and depressed. I was so sad.

My hubby promised to make it all up to me next weekend, when I won’t look like a deep-fried chick.

Truth is, I don’t feel any different.  In my mind I am still 19. I will probably forever feel 19. The physical part is changing…. and I am trying to will it as much as I can. I honestly want to be fine with getting older but who knows when I will come to terms with it. Once being young is done, its done.

All I ask now is that convenience store clerk card… card the shit outta me please!!

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28 Years Later-This is Me

Tomorrow I am 28 years old.

Who knew I would have lived to be a quarter of a century and then some?

Am I surprised? A little. A palm reader told me I would die in a car crash but she assured me I wouldn’t see it coming or feel any pain. It will be instant. I would be too busy listening to music.

That may or may not be the truth but I am totally cool with it happening that way. As long as no one is with me at the time, I am totally cool!

I won’t kid you, the older I get, the more anxious I get. It’s scary getting old. Somehow your whole being becomes a battle field. In your mind, you can still do things as you were able to when you were much younger. However, your body disagrees. I am trying to stay busy and active and at the end of the day I am shocked that my body is rebelling.

I can’t say that I am fully accepting getting older because I haven’t.

What I will say is I do feel wiser. Not wise just wiser. And honestly this is the first time I am feeling this.

Lately I feel like I have been challenged based on what I know or what I believe.  I am also surprised by my answers.

Here is what I learned:

Don’t rule out people completely. They may surprise you.

It’s not that I’m negative nor am I a pity party but I am not used to people doing anything for me. I don’t expect anything from anyway. That’s just the way I am. I am always the giver. I love being the giver.  However, I have learned how to recently receive. Not just in material things but the kindness of people is so overwhelming. I can’t believe I am being thought of.

Practice patience.

I am still learning this one. I am not a perfectionist by far but I love things to be perfect. For instance, I NEED to have the house cleaned, dinner hot and ready when my hubby comes home. I am psycho like that. I want things to always be perfect for him. Always. It stresses me out when they aren’t.  Yet, I need to understand that not everyone is on my time-table. Patience with the little people, I say to myself.

I also need to be patient with my children. Especially with them. I am so busy trying to make everything perfect I don’t stop and just patiently listen to them, patiently let them do something, and patiently let them be kids. Patience is teaching me to not worry so much about the people I don’t want them to be and actually start concentrating on the people that they are.

Let Loose.

I seriously need to drink more. I need to have fun. My life is fleeting. Pretty soon I will just have memories and I need to entertain my grandchildren with something.

Accepting Myself

Since I was younger, I was always being concerned with being liked, with being a nice person. I would take it to heart when someone would say something against me or if someone didn’t like me. I am always paranoid about that.

Why?

Because I wanted to just be this great person.

Little do I do that I am actually doing it.

This is who I am now. I need to accept this is me. I am nice enough. I am good enough. The good person that I was always striving to be exists in me. I am already there. If I stay on this path, I can’t lose.

I am sure there is more that I have learned but this is what I have been thinking of lately.

I can be cool with getting older because that’s just another journey. And who is up for another adventure?!

If it doesn’t work out, I will just move to Montana, find a secluded cabin in the woods, and maybe kick the bucket fighting off a bear Legend of the Fall style!!

Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I am so excited!!! It’s my birthday!! I have turned 27 years old today. Time has certainly flown by. And I know people say this all the time but I seriously felt like I was 19 yesterday. I seriously feel it.  I was in such a hurry to grow up and now that I am  here….. its like fuck what did I do!??!

When I turned 19 years old, I was depressed. I knew that getting into my twenties was a big thing. And once I turned 20 it felt like the age progression just switched to top speed!

I panicked when I turned 25. I was seriously sad. I was middle age in my 20’s. 30 was fast approaching and I was scared shitless!!! Then 26 and I was so sad and I didn’t wanna talk about it. I find it funny that everyone thinks I am being stupid cause yes I am still young… however, its fleeting. And before I know it, I will 45 years!

Honestly folks, I didn’t think would it here. I was sure I would have been killed off in a zombie attack, a car accident, or even food poisoning!!  I was suppose to die before this age!!!

Yet this year I am OK with being 27 years old. It has some good vibe to it. First… 7 is my favorite number. So that’s a good thing.  Plus this is a good age… to be seen as intelligent, mature, and but yet still young.

I may not be intelligent or mature but once I will say 27…. I will have you all fooled!!

However I do have some resolutions that I wanna start doing this year! Ready?

1. Exercising. Ha!!! I have been saying that forever!! But I am vain and I wanna be a MILF and embarrass the shit out of my kids.

Idols I look up too:

Mrs. Robinson They named a movie and a song after her!!!!

 

Stacy's Mom

 

Stifler's Mom

 

2. I need to start speaking up. It’s starting to bother me that i don’t react. I am a really chill person and most things don’t bother me. Yet, I need to learn how to react, to say something and not just go with the flow.

The thing is I don’t know how. I don’t know what to say the matter arises. I just know that I am angry or upset or bothered. I am also worried that I will get out of hand.

I am not tired of being too nice but I need to have a backbone in case shit ever does hit the fan. Any suggestions on how to make this happen? Anyone?

So that’s it… before I know it this day will be over … and I will be another 27-year-old person waiting for 28.

Next year I promise you all the drama and depression!!

Birthday Update & Religious Thought

First and ever foremost, my birthday was great. I got taken to a great restaurant for lunch. Had me a lamb sandwich. Yum Yum and who knew in our mostly Mexican based city?! Then the office got a cake and sung me Happy Birthday. I even blew out candles. I felt like I was 4! It rocked. Though I never did that at four. In fact, that might have been the first time ever I blew out candles. I know, I am such a pagan. Then, my family members from a far called me. That was nice. Then my sister-in-law brought me cake and sung Happy Birthday. So by the end of the day, I was caked out. And frustrated with the Happy Birthday song. Someone needs to revise that song. Who better than the internet!!!

“Once a year we celebrate with stupid hats and plastic plates,
the fact that you were able to make another trip around the sun.
And the whole clan gathers round’ gifts and laughter too will bound,
we let out a joyful sound and sing that stupid song.

Happy Birthday, now your one year older.
Happy Birthday, your life still isn’t over.
Happy Birthday, you did not accomplish much.
But you didn’t die this year i guess that’s good enough.

So lets drink to your fading health, and hope you don’t remind yourself
your chance of finding fame and wealth decrease with every year.
Dose it feel like you’re doing laps, and eating food and taking naps,
and hoping that some day, perhaps, your life will hold some cheer.

Happy Birthday, what have you done that matters?
Happy Birthday, your starting to get fatter.
Happy Birthday, it’s downhill from now on.
Try not to remind yourself your best years are all gone.

If cryogenics were all free then you could live like Walt Disney and live
for all eternity inside a block of ice.
But instead your time is set this is the only life you get,
and though it hasn’t ended yet some times you wish it MIGHT!

Happy Birthday, you wish you had more money.
Happy Birthday, your life is so sad it’s funny.
Happy Birthday, how much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry so just cut the stupid cake.

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Dear…..
(muttering)”.

My realizations come at weird moments. I was driving up the mountain on my way home and listening to The Red Hot Chilli Peppers when it hit me. All religions in some form or another believe that there is a creator. And he created the world, galaxies, stars, planets, animals, plants and of course us. Ok. And then they believe there is some afterlife: heaven and hell. Ok. And then they believe at a designated time, there is going to be mass destruction to the world/bad people. Some people believe in a rapture which I think is a big black bird. 

 Yet, if I am to believe all that, then why is it ludicrous to believe in things as fairies, monsters, big pots of gold at the end of rainbows? Huh? The Lochness Monster must exist. Bigfoot too. Even the Chupacabra! If I am going to believe all that, I gotta believe in baby dragons. If Mormons exist, mythical creatures must too!

Eh, food for thought.

Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday while I was leaving Wal-Mart and walking to my car, I noticed the car in front of me . And I thought it would be so awesome to be rich. No not just a million rich … like billions. Filthy, stinkin, dirty rich. Like the kind where you are wiping your tush with cash. That kind!

Well, like I was saying, I noticed this small SUV parked in front of me and I thought,  ‘If I was rich (again, filthy stinkin rich) I would crash into that car in front of me. That’s how I would get out of this parking lot. Crashing into that car and move it out-of-the-way. And it would be no big deal because I would be dirty ass rich. I could by myself a new car and the person I just crashed into.

Like. Nothing.

That might sound weird but I do have a fantasy of just crashing into a car. Obviously, with no one in it! What kind of person do you think I am?

I think about it especially when I am at the grocery store or coming into the office. I think, what if I could just hit this car. Maybe I should invest my energies into demolition derby or monster trucks. I obviously have some hidden rage that comes out when I am behind the wheel.

Today, for my birthday, my co-workers and I are going to this Mediterranean place to eat. And though I am a lover of food, my diet consists of fried chicken, tacos, McDonald’s, and well Chinese food.  I am willingly to try anything new. However, there is nothing on the internet about this place. Nothing. No menu or anything. So hopefully I don’t get tricked in eating monkey brains or the heart of a camel. And I am going to try to contain myself. I have always wanted to yell the word infidel somewhere. This might be my chance. And it’s my birthday I should get that! But because I am going with employees maybe I should postpone this one for another day.  For the record, I am not racist or prejudice. There are just some things I wanna do before I die. Like yell Infidel in a mediterranean restaurant. Or crash into a car for no reason. I do have reasons to keep living. These are it.

Everyone keeps asking me what I am doing for my birthday. And the answer is nothing. Gus works nights for right now. I work days. So I am just go home, make dinner, do homework with Savannah, fold clothes, and sit with the kids as they tell me all the stuff they wanna buy me for my birthday. (A Blue’s Clues backpack, a Ho Ho brush, a Ni Hao Ki lan necklace)

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