In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘No Money!!’

Shit You Should Definetely Know

Shit You Should Definitely Know

1. I actually spelled definitely right for the first time ever!

2. This is how I make my coffee at work. Because it is made with like 16 full scoops of coffee for a 12 cups pot I use half a cup of water, 5 creamers and 5 packets of sugar.  Always water down coffee that can fuel a diesel F 350 truck!

Would you like coffee with your sugar?

3. Everyone should have a zombie invasion survival plan. Seriously! I will tell you mine. First things you will need are tons and tons of wood to board up the windows and doors. You need to keep nails and a hammer on hand always. Shot guns, .45s, riffles, you name it need to be ready. And plenty of ammo. As soon as invasion goes into effect, raid the nearest Wal-Mart. Seal your self  inside by boarding up all windows and doors. For more reinforcement,  block all exists with furniture.  My husband and I have decided then to make a hole in the attic to view outside and kill any zombie that approaches us. And then just wait the zombies out or wait for rescue. This is Plan A. Plan B would include if one of us was to get bitten. We would cage them up. It would be taking a chance but loved ones stay together no matter how much the other wants to eat the flesh of the other.

 
4.  It’s true when they say you get what you pay for. When you pay a lot, more than likely you will be satisfied with your purchase. If you pay hardly anything or it’s free, chances are its gonna be shit like quality! I found a website that lets you see movies that are still intheatres.  I was ecstatic because it was also free.
 First, I saw Rio with my kids. It was awesome. Then I saw Something Borrowed. The movie was good. The only thing was the lighting was going in and out throughout the whole movie. The third was the kicker because the voices did not match the actors lips.  It was like getting a hard on for a stripper and then you find it it’s actually midget stripper night.  Yep! You’re disappointed but you still watch it.
 
5. Your children can teach you a lot. For instance, my oldest Savannah taught me out to shuffle! I think I lost 3 lbs doing it!
 
6. I saw Beyoncé’s music video and performance over the weekend.  I shake my head. First off, I am not a Beyoncé fan. at . all! However, she can sing. I’ll give her that. One thing though that NEEDS TO BE SAID is that she CANNOT DANCE. Cannot! Dance! Nope! Nada!  Everysince I have known the woman, she has pulsated on camera. Not danced, pulsated. Pulsated can be identified with heaving, being possessed by the devil, and/or having a seizure. 

Less Killing More Thrilling!!!

 
Come on girl dance right!! Shake that money-maker! And if you ain’t whoring it out, I ain’t buying! I have seen Britney’s woo ha,  Ciara’s ta ta’s. Come on Beyoncé!
I would do an impersonation of her but I am currently not interested in pulling a neck muscle.
 
Eh fuck it. I herby announce  my soon to be vlog of my impersonation of Beyoncé. First things, learn how to make a video!!
 
7. I got an email from Chilli’s saying that tomorrow is Kids Eat Free Day. How exciting is that?! I have three kids! They can eat like kings!! However, upon further review I learned that in order to get a free meal you must purchase  adult meal. Only then can you get ONE kids meal for free. Ugh, this country is failing me.
 
8. Just so know, my city (El Paso ) is suffering from a drought. Its been 110 days of no rain. So because of the lack of rain, shit ain’t growing. And because shit ain’t growing, little furry plant eaters are not making it. And because the numbers of plant-eating animals are dwindling, the mountain lions are coming into our city looking for food.  Yep freaking mountain lions! Who knew??
So if I just stop writing or tweeting, a mountain lion had to have gotten me because I won’t be looking for mountain lions. I’m always on the look out for Zombies, the real threat.
 
9. I can’t say I don’t mind when I catch someone staring at my boobs cause it never happens. First off you need boobs. Obviously. However, the one time I do I of course smack them with my big ass purse and shot obscenities at them. However once I am alone I jump for joy because they means this $200 bra works! Priorities people!
 
10.  Wow, I just realized that I need to be on the look out for zombie mountain lions! Dear God I didn’t think of that. Fuck now I must revive my whole plan!!
 
 

 

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Whoopee dee do

I am jealous of this homeless man.

Ok maybe I should explain why. That’s a hell of a statement for you to handle, I’m sure.

This homeless man was discovered!

The Columbus Discovery posted a video  interview with this man, Ted Williams, whom despite being homeless has a remarkable voice.

The man with the “golden voice” gave us a side story of his life at the time of the interview:

When I was 14 I kind of listened to one of our area radio announcers, and I went as a field trip to go meet the guy, and he looked nothing like what he sounded like. So I asked him about that, and he said to me, “listen, radio is defined — theater of mind.” And so when he said “theater of mind,” I just said, well, hey. I can’t be an actor, I can’t be an on-air personality, but the voice just became something of a development over the years and I went to school for it.

And then alcohol and drugs and a few other things became a part of my life. I’ve got two years clean, and I’m trying hard to get it back. And hopefully somebody from one of these television or radio stations will say, ‘hey, I need a voice-over,’ or ‘ I need something.’

 

Oh well, right? We all have dreams. I wanted to be the next Janet/Britney/Ani Defranco. I also wanted to be Katie Couric or that Asian reporter. Her name escapes my mind at the moment. We can’t have it all right? This is real life! Not a fairy tale!

WRONG!

Thanks to his little interview that was posted on You-tube obviously making it top rated (pfft!),  he is no longer homeless or jobless.

Groan!

The Cleveland Cavaliers have offered him a job and a home. Someone throw me a bone, will ya!

Now, the “radio man” has gotten lots of offers and tons of goodwill: Before the Cavs, made their bid, the station said a group of credit unions offered Williams a contract worth up to $10,000; a caller claiming to rep MTV expressed interest in having him guest-announce a show; and callers who said they were the voiceover actors behind plugs for “The Simpsons” and “Entertainment Tonight” said they wanted him to compete on their upcoming “America’s Next Voice” — where the prize includes a home studio.

Well whoopee dee doo.

I am happy for the guy. Homeless is not better off then what I have. I am certainly not ungrateful …. for that.  But damnit, I am ungrateful that my talents have not been discovered. Hello Spurs? Hello Kings? Anybody?  I can roll my tongue. I talk so fast sometimes you can’t understand me sometimes. Hell, sometimes you can’t understand what I write.

That’s something right?

Right?

I need a hug. And some of the 350 million from last nights lotto.

I ain’t your bitch, oh wait yeah I am

 

Yesterday, as I was putting gas I noticed something as I never noticed before. As  I finished putting gas, I topped off and then immediately freaked cause the instructions say to clearly not do that. So I jumped in my car and started touching anything I could find. I touched the leather seat and steering wheel. I touched my sweater, my purse, the roof of the car. I sat there and wondered, did I get rid of all the  electro waves received from putting gas. Hopefully I had. I touched nearly everything in the car. Then it dawned on me. I am a media freak. Since the news about people blowing up after putting gas in their car, I have been so paranoid. I am sick sick sick. Obviously, you don’t smoke while putting gas. But can you really blow up by just touching the ignition after putting gas? I don’t know. I guess until there is actually scientific proof I will continue my 10 minute impulsiveness of touching everything in the car and hoping that my car won’t blow up as I start it.

What I subconsciously worry about when I put gas!

Then I started thinking, “Hey I might be Media’s bitch.” Then the light bulb clicks! I am, I am media’s bitch. God why? How did it get this way?? I started to look around. My car radio was on. My phone was blowing up with news alerts and more twitter reports. When I got home, the TV was turned on and then I jumped on my computer. It was a smear the Marina day. Media was every where, and it was making me its woman as if we in a prison shower! (“I swear, sniff sniff, I didn’t drop the soap. Sniff Sniff Sobs!)

I started panicking. My chest hurt.

Then the tv asked, “Are you having a panic attack?”

I said, “Yes,”. The TV was talking to me! 

“You need Zoloft!” I do?

“Yes you do! It will stop your extreme worrying , panic and wondering if the media is controlling you.”  I do need Zoloft!  “Yes you do.”

So I have an appointment with my doctor to ask for Zoloft. Hey the TV said so.

I kept thinking though. There is a reason I refuse sweet-in-low and other artificial sugars. I don’t want cancer! News everywhere said artificial sugars cause cancer.

Run! It's Artificial Sugars!!!

I realized that I have been this way my entire life. If an ad said, don’t use this shampoo because after 300 trillion uses, you could get cancer. I said fine.

If the commercial said I needed this type of jeans because then I would finally get accepted by my peers and not spend another homecoming dance dripping in pig’s blood. I was sold!

Carrie was totally not cool! Her purse was a fake coach!

I realized the error of my ways. It was time for a change. I no longer will let media, commercialism, or anything else make choices for me. I am making the choices now. I am taking a stand!

“Um, mommy can you by me a Pillow Pet?  The TV said only the best mommies get Pillow Pets for their kids. Please?!?!”

Before even answering, I knew I would the media’s bitch forever.

My Daughters School is on a Mission to Making me Broke.

" I win again. Another school project! Yea!!! "

Ok so far, its been my daughter’s first year in school. She has been there a total of 32 days.  Truth is I so excited. Probably more excited than her. I go crazy over homework. I go crazy over projects. I go crazy over all the fundraisers. I go crazy when she is the leader for the day and I need to provide the snacks. She is excited because I am excited. But I get the feeling she is doing it for my sake. She just wants to run and play with all her new friends.

So I play the role and the crazy, eccentric, overly excited mother about everything! However, I think the school is taking advantage that I am newly-child-at-school-mother. They see that I am overzealous and crazed. So they have been on a mission to making me broke.

Broke. Penniless. No money in the bank. Please put it on the tab. I think this cardboard will make a lovely house.  Ok, first is all the weird and unexplainable school supplies. I understand the colors but do you honestly need 12 boxes? I get the majority of it but why wipes. These kids can’t get that dirty can they?  Were those Dry Erase markers really for you? Then it was uniforms. And god, its not a lot of choices. Its beige and black. But those are some expensive buggers. And the shirts that have to be embroidered. Ok. That was the beginning of August.

Then it is was picture day. New Dress? Yeah and shoes. Cha Ching! And have you ever seen all the selections for the type of pictures you want? What did they all even mean?

Oh Einstein help me make a choice.

And it wasn’t just a few selections. It was Choice A – Q. Price ranging from $10 to $75. Then I realized this was just a game. How  much do love your kid? $10 worth. Or $75?!?!? I picked somewhere near the middle. Cause at this time, every time she was handing me something from school, I felt my pockets getting lighter. So the love was there but with a slight annoyance. Then it was College week. In kinder??!? Is there a possibility my kid was gonna skip some grades to college? 

She needed a cap with a college on it. A shirt with college on it. Sunglasses. I don’t know why. That has nothing to do with college. Perhaps referring to the partying days of college. And a nice outfit for Dress for Success day. You mean she was getting a job? Sweet! Nope. It was just more cha ching.

Lately its been crazy projects, fundraisers of pointless items, cowboy/cowgirl day. Yes, the whole get up. That took me going to 8 stores to get her entire outfit. Cha chin cha ching. Book fair was this week. And a school pizza party today at our local pizza place.

I am excited and I want Savannah to apart of everything. I wanna be apart of it a well. Well my money does especially. And it’s weird that she doesn’t care . But she will, right? In high school. She will need the newest clothes, be in extracurricular classes, sports, cheerleading, dance, ahhhhhhhhhh.

By that time, I might be living in a cardboard box.  

And I thought Kinder was all coloring, recess, napping, and more coloring. I have been bamboozled. Fun word!

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