Tomorrow I am 28 years old.
Who knew I would have lived to be a quarter of a century and then some?
Am I surprised? A little. A palm reader told me I would die in a car crash but she assured me I wouldn’t see it coming or feel any pain. It will be instant. I would be too busy listening to music.
That may or may not be the truth but I am totally cool with it happening that way. As long as no one is with me at the time, I am totally cool!
I won’t kid you, the older I get, the more anxious I get. It’s scary getting old. Somehow your whole being becomes a battle field. In your mind, you can still do things as you were able to when you were much younger. However, your body disagrees. I am trying to stay busy and active and at the end of the day I am shocked that my body is rebelling.
I can’t say that I am fully accepting getting older because I haven’t.
What I will say is I do feel wiser. Not wise just wiser. And honestly this is the first time I am feeling this.
Lately I feel like I have been challenged based on what I know or what I believe. I am also surprised by my answers.
Here is what I learned:
Don’t rule out people completely. They may surprise you.
It’s not that I’m negative nor am I a pity party but I am not used to people doing anything for me. I don’t expect anything from anyway. That’s just the way I am. I am always the giver. I love being the giver. However, I have learned how to recently receive. Not just in material things but the kindness of people is so overwhelming. I can’t believe I am being thought of.
I am still learning this one. I am not a perfectionist by far but I love things to be perfect. For instance, I NEED to have the house cleaned, dinner hot and ready when my hubby comes home. I am psycho like that. I want things to always be perfect for him. Always. It stresses me out when they aren’t. Yet, I need to understand that not everyone is on my time-table. Patience with the little people, I say to myself.
I also need to be patient with my children. Especially with them. I am so busy trying to make everything perfect I don’t stop and just patiently listen to them, patiently let them do something, and patiently let them be kids. Patience is teaching me to not worry so much about the people I don’t want them to be and actually start concentrating on the people that they are.
I seriously need to drink more. I need to have fun. My life is fleeting. Pretty soon I will just have memories and I need to entertain my grandchildren with something.
Since I was younger, I was always being concerned with being liked, with being a nice person. I would take it to heart when someone would say something against me or if someone didn’t like me. I am always paranoid about that.
Because I wanted to just be this great person.
Little do I do that I am actually doing it.
This is who I am now. I need to accept this is me. I am nice enough. I am good enough. The good person that I was always striving to be exists in me. I am already there. If I stay on this path, I can’t lose.
I am sure there is more that I have learned but this is what I have been thinking of lately.
I can be cool with getting older because that’s just another journey. And who is up for another adventure?!
If it doesn’t work out, I will just move to Montana, find a secluded cabin in the woods, and maybe kick the bucket fighting off a bear Legend of the Fall style!!