Wacky Wednesday- The FW.com

Remember planking?

I don’t! Cause that’s old news!!!

Wanna know what you can do to impress your friends and the world??

Try the NEWEST craze!!

Breading Cats!!!

Are these owners destined to be forever alone or should I go purchase a cat??

And as we all know, Super Bowl Weekend is coming up where the stupid Giants face the stupid Patriots. This year I can honestly say I will be watching purely for the commercials and bad half time show waiting to implode on us all!!

$50 says Kelly Clarkson is gonna bomb in the National Anthem!!

And to spice it up a bit, I hear Tom Brady and Eli Manning have been having some words lately!

What do you think guys??

Damn that Brady being a triple threat!!

Wanted: Seeking a Fan/Stalker/Crazy About Me

It’s come to my attention that because this  is my 27th year and I, for this year, am in the elite  club called the 27 club where  celebrities that are remarkable geniuses all died.

When?

When they were all 27 years old.

Don’t believe me … read all about it here.

So since my celebrity status has peaked, I realized that something was missing.

I need a stalker.

I do have a few requirements for you auditioning as the role of my stalker.

You must be female, you must not be the “Son of Sam” crazy, and your obsession of me must be healthy.

I want someone to hide in the bushes and follow me, know how to use a camera, and be singing the “You’re Beautiful” song by James Blunt as they follow me through my daily commute.

So let’s get ready to get healthy!!

If you are interested in applying for the job, fill out the form and put it either post it in the comments or a blog post and link me so I can read it.

I will definitely pick the best ones and post here and later on pick a winner.

Name: _______________________________

Favorite Color: ________________

Song You Would Sing to Me: _________________________

Are you allergic to any type of bushes or trees:  ________________________

Can you afford to me smother me in bling: _________________________

What type of lens to do you use in your camera: __________________________

Which is my best side: _____________

Have you had experience in stalking: YES or NO

If yes, who did you stalk: ______________________

Why did you stop stalking: ____________________________

Will you be dedicated to me (Explain) : ______________________

Why Should I Pick You: __________________________

Additional Comments (Bonus Points): ___________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Reflection: I Would Not Be “Here” If It Wasn’t For You. Thank you.

For the most part, the things that get represented here in “Blogging Land” are the bloggers. And rightly so. Each blogger writes their own different views, feelings, life stories, funny perspective, or just anything that they deem blog worthy.  It takes time, planning, thoughtfulness to keep up a blog today.

For those that do it, whether regularly or not, you are admired and respected. The fact that you take a chance and connect this way is really what it is all about.

However, we can’t over look an important aspect in the blogging scheme.

The Readers.

I know that special feeling I get whenever I get email telling me that I have a new comment, or someone liked my post, and that I have a new subscriber. Perhaps I have low self-esteem, I need attention, perhaps I need you to tell me that I exist. You see me… in this way.

Bottom Line…..

Thank you!!!

Thank you because you could be doing something else completely different but you chosen to take  10 minutes to read my measly blog.

That makes me feel so wonderful. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

I will try to put out some quality crap that doesn’t waste 10 minutes of your life.

So in honor of You!!! I dedicate today’s musical revolution to You!!

First off,  you all are my figurative Roxanne and I just wanna say you don’t have to put on the red light.

But still it’s always just you and me always… and forever….

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Thursday Movie Review- Nothing Like Your Favorite Movie

Some days when you are going to watch a movie… you just don’t wanna think. You don’t want your mind to  be played with, nor emotional tense scenes, and you may not be in the mood for edge of the seat anxiety.

No, some days you just wanna sit there and have a good time without any effort.

If you have any days like this, I recommend one of my favorite movies.

Have you seen this movie?

You haven’t?

Well then, we can’t be friends! I refuse!

Until you see it.

I know a lot of people who think this movie is stupid.

I say… Poop on you!

This movie is freaking hilarious … and it supports my theory that guys have all the fun.

Super Troopers is about a handful of state troopers who are put in the uncomfortable position of having to actually enforce the law. Mac, Thorny, Foster, and Rabbit are four Vermont state troopers whose dedication to duty is not exactly an inspiration to law enforcement officers everywhere. Stationed in a small town near the Canadian border, the troopers don’t have much to do, so they while away their hours smoking dope and harassing hapless motorists. Their superior officer, Capt. O’Hagan, likes the boys and they try to keep their more outrageous antics out of his earshot.

These guys are sooooo crazy. The first scene is one of my favorites. The scene zeros in on some local teens getting high as they drive down the highway.

OMG I gotta show it to you!!

Their shenanigans are hilarious!!!

And shenanigans will become your favorite word!!

The story line is the troopers are avid pranksters with an affinity for syrup and they  have a knack for screwing up on the job. But when budget cuts in the town of Spurbury threaten their livelihood and pit them against arch-rival Spurbury P.D., the five friends try to straighten up and fly right. That is, until a dead body is discovered and a possible drug ring is unearthed. The super troopers spring into action attempting to solve the crime, save their jobs, and outdo the local police department.

So this is them trying to be good…Two of the troopers are out on patrol when a car speeds on by.

Here is what happens…. (I apologize for the video quality)

I freaking love this movie…

Love!! I see it every time. And every time I laugh and wish I was a dude!!

Wait… why are you still here?!?!

Run!

Go see this movie!!

God damnit!!

And let this be your motto of the day!

“Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes”

Good Day!

Wacky Wednesday- You Crazy Facebook-ers!!

Here are some of the best pictures and comments made on Facebook.

We love you crazy Facebookers. Fill free to double to click to see better.

Honesty!!

Ha Ha!!

Photo Bomb!!

And that’s why Cadie and Jessica like this!!

He sure knew a lot about that….

More gayness…

You say tomato ... I say .... penis

When the universe isn't really against you

Not quite a perv

All The Ladies In The Back Say Hey!!

Quick thought: I was thinking this on the way to work. The only way I would not make it to work if I was on my way to work is if I got arrested or got in a car accident.  If any one of those happened, I would definitely try to call in. Maybe they would send me flowers in prison?

Over the weekend, I was hanging with my sister-in-law and she was mentioning the relationship her sister and her sister’s boyfriend have. Her sister has been out there in the dating scene and for the most part was getting tired of it. She finally met someone, a co-worker of my sister-in-law.

They have been together for some time, several months now. However, the guy is …. stupid.

Not like mentally…. more like he lacks the skills that would eventually lead him to an ass beating if he said the wrong thing.

He “jokes” around with the sister and often times goes a little overboard with the so-called “jokes”. The question is how far can he go claiming that he was only joking, a little friendly jabbing?

He “jokingly” makes remarks that would seem like he is insulting her. He always says things that actually belittle her and cut her down. For instance, she went to play golf with him and some people. On their way home, he said that he was surprise how well she did because she just is not athletic at all. Not like his ex girl-friend who  was so athletic!

Well, they just recently found out she is pregnant. He was excited. They both were. However, he is like always “joking” and said to her that she is so boring now because she is always so tired. She is getting fat. (Gasp!!) He might need to trade her in.

He says he is joking.

Repeatedly??

I don’t think so.

I think in cases like this where the guy is a complete dumb ass…. these type of men should be forced to wear a box with a glass case holding a bat. That way when they are out of line, all the girl has to do is break the glass and beat the ever-living crap outta him!

In fact, all men should wear these. If your glass is never broken, guess what? You win!! You are a keeper!!

This is not a man bashing blog.

I am married to a great guy, I can’t complain.

I have a son that is my world. I am currently teaching him not to drive me crazy!

And actually, guys are cool. I normally get a long way better with guys anyway.

No, this blog today is for the douches!

Douchebags make up  60% of men in the world.  My statistics. I have an elite bunch of researchers for your information.  I feel sorry for you because the average woman will run into these the majority of the time.

I hope once these ladies realize that they have, they break the figurative glass case and beat the fuck outta that relationship.

And because of this big percentage of losers, my theory is even more proven that God most definitely is a guy. And based on my findings, he is a douche.

Number one clue?

Are you on your period right now?

That just sums it all up doesn’t it!! Couldn’t God with his all heavenly and masterful design make some “other” way start the process of being able to have babies?? Why do we have to bleed like a stuck pig?? All guys have to go through is voice change.

That’s it!!

How unfair!!

And what about those cramps!?!? Do you know if men suffered from cramps which I call the introduction to contractions, cramps would be the number one health problem in the world?

And lets not even talk about the fatigue, the bloating, the headaches and emotional toll that we can expect every month?!?

Equality sure doesn’t exist in heaven! I bet the girl angels don’t even get paid as nearly as the guy angels too!

Clue Number 2?

Mental Anxiety.

I remember reading somewhere that forms of mental illness derived from women. Strange!!

Men have been pegging woman that they are crazy!

In fact, that is my no-no word. You can call me anything, but don’t call me crazy.

You want crazy? I will show you crazy!

Being called crazy all the time will sure turn you crazy. It will convince you that you are over reacting, that you are over analyzing stuff. You are just plain crazy!

It becomes a battle within your self!

Oooooo, fuck those kind of men!

And last but not least, Clue number 3.

Menopause.

Frankly, I ain’t there yet but from what I see with my mother. It’s basically like you are pregnant again. Hot flashes, mood swings, skin drying out, depression,  anxiety, irritability, memory problems and lack of concentration, and all other kinds of stuff.

It’s like a big fuckin kick in the pants reminding you that the youthfulness is gone!

And what do these all have common??

MEN!!

You think with all we have to go through there, these 60% of douches would get the hint that women should be treated with respect, love, and devotion.

I know not all women are peaches too but for the most part… if there is a woman by your side and she has been there through thick and thin… you should be placing her on a pedal stool!!

Worship her!!

Now to the above real life experience where the guy called my sister-in-law’s sister fat… well…. I think I am going to go buy a bat today.

Get Into The Groove, Boy You Got to Prove Your Love To Me

I will be dancing today with the help of this fine tuneage. Totally.

Here is your official kick off to the weekend.

May it  be awesome so we have something to Facebook and Twitter about next week.

Or let me so crazy, wild, and horrible that we have something to Facebook and Twitter about next week. Hopefully you cry, cause that’s always fun.

More scars people!!

Tegan and Sara- Walking With a Ghost

Metric-Gold Guns Girls

Zero 7-In the Waiting Line

Have a great weekend!!

 

Google Search Terms for Those on Acid

As most bloggers do, I am constantly checking stats, the traffic coming in, and even the ways people have traveled to get to my blog.

And if you are like me, you cry and rock yourself in a corner asking ….. how….  why???

Who are you people???

 I think I saw a special on you on NatGeo!! And you were on acid!!

Didn’t you know the number one rule when tripping on acid is to not google! Who knows the mayhem that you all cause!??! It’s a serious offense. Much like texting when drunk, you wake up with so much regret and confusion.

Still……

THANK YOU!!

For instance, what kinda crazy fucks google “I Hate it When Jesus Rides Dinosaurs”??

How can you even say that?? Never have I seen such blasphemy!! If we were created in God’s image, wouldn’t be sure as fuck to conclude that riding dinosaurs is AWESOME!!

I vote for Jesus in 2012 because he rides dinosaurs!!

Someone googled unicorn tornado.

I really think that was all Thoughtsy.

Yep I can guarentee it!!

So how does that work? Tornados with unicorns flying around??? Or is it unicorns bringing epic disaster wherever they go.

Thoughtsy… any thoughts??

Here is another one that tickled the imaginary pickle.

Zombies in nightgowns.

See, I never been much for night gowns. They just says 1950′s to me or Mormons. To be safe then sorry, and also so as to avoid the zombie fashion police on my ass, I am going to go for something more chic as a zombie.

Billions and Billions Served!!

Censored

Visit to the Masseuse

You know what is awkward for me?

Getting pampered… Yeah, I have never any idea how I should act, or what to say. That is part of the reason why I don’t regularly get my hair done, or get my nails or anything like that.

For instance, I went to get a massage. And not because I had money lying around aching to be used or because I was having a girls’ day (what is that?). I genuinely needed a rub down. My back has been killing me.

I go into the room and they tell you take off all your clothes. What??? I have gotten a massage at least three times in my entire life and I never can figure this out!!

Do I undress all or not? Leave the undies on or not??

If I leave them off, my God I am exposed!  My nether regions are placed on table for all to see and judge!

What would happen if their was a fire and I was laying there naked?!?! What if their was a bomb threat?!? Or some fired past employee had a little too much to drink and decided that it wasn’t their fault that they got fired but their evil masseuse of a boss’s??

There are so many what if’s it could literally drive you crazy.

Literally.

Literally.

I clearly was not made for stripping because I am terribly shy.

However, I leave the undies on…. then I am a prude!!

A prude!!

Prude like Tipper Gore!!

Prude like uptight Christian woman!!

Prude like my 85-year-old grandma!!

I can’t go to church or wear knee-high stockings!! I just can’t!!

I spend the whole ten minutes that should be getting undressed and comfortable in the bed trying to figure this out!

Finally, after I decide and run into the bed hoping and praying that there is a warning alarm for any potential fire, earthquake, or tornado. And I pray that they work and that I have mastered my art on getting my clothes on as quickly as possible.

(Being married with kids usually keeps your ninja skills of removing clothes, having sex, and then putting them on faster than their cartoons break for commercial on target!)

So once the masseuse comes in, she starts right away on my back.

Next dilemma….

How to kill the awkwardness??
“So hey…. how are you today?? Been busy??”

No no that’s lame.

How about, “So been doing this long?”

No no she is going to think I am questioning her skills!!

Yesterday, I tried to stay quiet. I really did. I thought I would do something different than chattering nervously to keep her company. I do it because in all honesty she is working and I am not. Fuck I was just laying there. I could have folded some towels or something!  

I thought, this is only awkward for me not her. This is her job. But this is sooooo weird….I should say something. No no, for once I should just shut up and relax. Enjoy the massage. I just feel bad for her working while I am laying here getting a massage. What if she doesn’t feel like talking?

I am not doing her any favors. Wait, what if I am? Maybe she is waiting for me to speak.  How do you break this tension?? “Man this music sucks huh??”

God of course it sucks Marina!! Its Indians playing a fucking harp and something that sounds like rain!! That’s not fucking soothing. Sounds like my head is gonna get scalped in any minute! Hmmm, I wonder if she can see my side boob. Who am I kidding?? You gotta have boobs to have any sides!!

Did I remember to put deodorant on?? I can’t remember. And even if I did that that was well in the morning!!  Damn discounted deodorant!!

Then; OMFG!! That shit is killing me!!! I am hurting there so much!! Fuck Fuck Fuck!!! God not the elbow. Stop being a pussy Marina!!! Take it Take it!!  You had three kids for Christ’s sake!! You pushed out watermelons!!

She will ask, “Does that hurt? Are you feeling pressure?”

Me, “Oh no I am fine. You are getting it. You are doing great.”

Mother of fucking god I have another shoulder!! Work on that!!! This breathing shit is not working!! I can’t breathe!! This girl is so strong!!!  Why is my whole arm tingling?? Is this a stroke??  Fuck I am naked!! I am going to die on this table… naked!!!!  Is it my mother’s fault for my sexual awkwardness!! Damn you mother!!

Man I just wanna feel my cotton fruit of looms one more time!!!

And just when I think I am going to pass out, my session is over.

As you can see, I have a high tolerance of pain.

That is just one hour. That is why I refuse spa packages. I can’t handle all the pain at one time. I am always the little bitch crying during waxes, crying during mani’s and pedi’s because they are pushing my cuticles up.

And they always want you to get naked!! Is there some spa orgy thing going on?!?

And what the awkwardness!! Asian people always look at me funny when I talk to them. Does that mean shut the eff up?!?!