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Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Reality Shows Stupid but Entertaining

There are some really dumb shows on TV.For some reason, my husband is really into the reality ones that come out on Discovery and A&E like Big Catch or Moonshiners.

Have you seen that Amish Mafia one? Freaking stupid!! I can’t believe people watch it!! It’s absolutely horrible that it is funny! If there is an ounce of truth in the show, these must the stupidest people ever. Yes, there are shows like Honey Boo Boo that are dumb as well. But that’s the purpose of those shows. So when you watch them, you can sigh a breath of relief that you are doing something right. Shows like the Amish Mafia are trying to be serious and act like they are so hardcore.

My husband over the years has really been into this one show called The Devil’s Ride.

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Its about a biker gang, The Laughing Devils,  and  their reign in San Diego. Up until recently they were the most popular and biggest gang there until an ex-member decided to start his own rival gang, Sinister Mob, with the same colors!! So now, both gangs can not co-exist. It just can’t be done.

devil-600-1391104674    Do they do illegal things? I haven’t watched enough to say yes. However, I saw last night’s episode and rival gang Sinister Mob went around beating the tar out of members of Laughing Devils. And they showed it. Happily.

  And I am just wondering, is this for real? Where is Hell’s Angels show? Would they be stupid to air all their activity on Discovery? I don’t know how real this show is. So far all the information verified that these are real bikers with a real gang. If that’s true, then why aren’t the San Diego police pounding on their doors?

  Another thing too, these bikers talk a lot of shit. A lot of the show is about them planning and planning and raising hell with words, puffing their chest out acting all bad ass. BUT THEN NOTHING HAPPENS!! Yesterday, there were actually fists raised but I think that was the first time I have seen that and not just talking about it. This show is an embarrassment to bikers every where I bet. It’s almost cringe worthy.

I watch another episode tonight.

Yes, I am still watching it. Everyone likes drama!! I am hoping someone cries!!

12 Monkeys but for Kids

Remember this movie?

It was crazy… about crazy people doing and acting crazy. You know in a nutshell.

The reason I bring this up is because last week I took a week vacation. And in the week I got acquainted with my kids cartoons. There are some demented kid shows out there.

Take for instance, and I know I have mentioned this one before,  but Yo Gabba Gabba is one weird ass show.

I figure this one is geared for really really small kids with songs like Don’t Bite Your Friends.  However, my kids have never bit anyone before so now I don’t know if I am a good parent or Yo Gabba Gabba is. When ever I watch it, I wonder if this is what the 60’s were like with all the swirly colors, big shapes, and mythical creatures dancing around.

Man I was totally born in the wrong era!!

It also bothers me how skinny DJ Lance is!! He is straw-thin and he looks like he could bend and contort his body in weird ways. He seriously scares me!!

Quick someone get this guy a buttery greasy steak!!

The second is Dino Dan.

This show is about a boy who loves dinosaurs. He is the only one who can see live dinosaurs walking around his town and he also uncovers clues about the past and secrets of the dinosaurs.

Doesn’t sound too bad right?

WRONG!

This kid psycho!! All he talks about is dinosaurs!! He is not a normal kid. When his child hood friends are playing tag, being kids, having fun, enjoying their youth, Dan is looking at a picture book of dinosaurs.

I would have had my kid checked!

He is gym and running track. His coach wants to talk to him about running and Dan breaks out about how this dinosaur ran and how fast he was. That’s nice Dan but we are talking about you and running!!

Another time, he is class and his teacher is instructing the class and he just rudely interrupts her to talk about dinosaurs. Then the class starts talking and the teacher is spent trying to get the class to listen to her but she can’t because this show isn’t about respect or paying attention in class. No, it’s about this boy and is obsession with dinosaurs!!

ARE YOU SERIOUS????

Does anyone else see whats wrong with this?!?!?!

I have a few issues with other cartoons. Handy Mandy can have a bit more of a personality if you ask me. Oso Special can actually do some actual saving instead of trying to help a kid find something for show and tell.

Kid shows are weird. Then again, my kids watch them so maybe my kids are weird.

I guess I will worry when my kids start dancing and tripping on colors and imaging prehistoric creatures.

I am not looking forward to that doctor bill.

While You Were Partying/Getting Hammered/Laying in a Gutter, I Was Digging Up Some News

This weekend I became one…. with the TV. We got immensely close. I was glad to get back in the saddle with my ole buddy. Everyone knows the best source of news is through TV. Duh!

Over this weekend, I am sure some important stuff happened. Something like Octomom is attempting porn…. oh excuse me…. got a little vomit in my mouth.

However, I want to get the hard-hitting news. The issues that weigh on the minds of Americans. The situation at hand.

I am talking about Rhianna …. on Saturday Night Live.

Rhianna was Saturday Night Live’s musical guest this past Saturday. She covered three songs, Birthday Cake, Talk the Talk, and finally Where Have You Been.

Reviews for her performance have been shockingly great. S2S magazine said “Rhianna ruled the stage” and described her performances as “epic“.

Really? Epic??? I was thinking more on the lines of…. “In badly need of  itch cream.”

Let me know what you think

I seriously caught like 6 pattings of the nether regions. If she wasn’t patting it, she was referencing the area pretty dramatically. Her arms and hands were so awkward that I honestly didn’t pay attention to her actual performance.  So it could have been epic… who knows!!!

I came up with a few reasons why Rhianna kept patting herself.

  1. She forgot her to apply her “cream”.
  2. She was reminding us all what it was.
  3. Michael Jackson’s anniversary of death is next month. Possible homage to the Prince?
  4. Possibility of it jumping off and running away.
  5. YEAST!!!
  6. She left her special conditioner on a little too long.
  7. She let Kourtney Kardashian wax her.
  8. She working on a new wrestling move
  9. It wasn’t a suggestion but rather an invite.
  10. Crabs crabs and more crabs.

Either way, Rhianna needs to get that checked. You never mess around with a situation down there.

You may return to your FOX news and Antique Roadshow.

My Multiple Personalities.

Uhhhhhh who invented Mondays??? Was it Hoover, Roosevelt??

Who made rainy cold Mondays??

Satan??

Figures….

So this weekend I finally divulged myself in one my favorite shows, United States of Tara.

I know I have blogged about this show before but in case you still have no idea what I am talking about… I will refresh your memory.

Prepare to be enlightened.

It’s a show about a mother, wife, and also a crazy lady. She suffers from dissociative identity disorder.  Her personalities are so different from each other and all very crazy but they all protect her from her self and the pain people have inflicted on her. Whenever she is stressed, she transitions into one of her alternate personalities: wild and flirty teenager T; 1950s housewife Alice; and male, loud, beer-drinking  Vietnam vet Buck. A fourth personality,  Gimmie, is introduced later in the first season. During the second season of the series, two further personalities were introduced. The former, called Shoshanna, is Tara’s “therapist” of sorts, while the sixth personality’s name is Chicken, an infantile representation of Tara when she was 5 years old. Another personality emerges in Season 3; that of Tara’s previously unknown half-brother Bryce.

It’s a comedy drama.

I love it.

And it makes me wonder, if I had a multiple personalities what would they be like, what would I call them.

After much thought, I decided I would definitely have an artistic side. I would have a personality that could draw… cause I can’t draw worth crap.

 I would name her Serenity. She would take LSD, would be a hippie, and would go into random trances.

Another personality would probably be a stripper/porn star.

Her name would be Princess Cuernavaca. Yes that was my first dog’s name and the street I live on as a kid.

She would be the sexual defiant that I know not of.

Then there would be Edna… she would be the old grandma. She is a gypsy and follows the stars and plays tarot cards.

She scares me and speaks of Poland like she has been there.

Then there would Leo.

He would be Italian because I know I can do an Italian accent better than a hillbilly accent.

He would be gay.  And have impeccable fashion tastes, could cook like a professional chef, and love tanning.

Thats all I could come up with.

I totally am going to see if I can at least muster up one these character… preferably Serenity.

I like her already in my head.

Shitting In Your Pants is Not An Option

Remember in the movie Zombieland

how the main character “Columbus” had a set of rules when the Zombie apocalypse hit America?

I do.

Little did this little gem of a movie know that you don’t need a zombie apocalypse to put these rules into action.

For instance, rule number 1 is cardio.

How essential is this?!?! You never know when you are just going to pop yourself into a devastating situation and need the use of your legs to help you.

For example, when I was like 12 years old, I was playing ball in the backyard with some friends. The ball went over to my neighbor’s back yard. So I hopped the fence to retrieve my ball.

Did my neighbor have a dog? Yes.

Was I aware of this? Yes I was.

I figured though that even though that Spawn of Satan barked at me constantly it would get friendly when I jumped back there. I didn’t dilly dally. I jumped in grabbed the ball and ran over to the fence as fast as these little legs could carry me while the entire time the dog was in a corner barking. As I running to the fence to climb, the stupid dog charged me.

Vicious ass cocker spaniel!!!

It chased me around as I run in circles trying to get away from it. Finally it  attacked my thigh and took a small chunk outta me as I was climbing up.

Stupid dog!! To this day, I still have a scar. And I also lost my innocence. Before that I was very trusting of animals. Then, I was forever changed.

I should have gone for basketball that summer like I said I would. The only reason I didn’t is because I wanted to sleep in everyday and do nothing.

Laziness is a cool mistress my friends. Always remember your cardio.

Another important rule that I use is rule number 31: Check the Backseat.

Always check the backseat!!

You never know when there is going to be a mass murder, a serial killer, or a just a freak who saw that I was a fine piece of alone ass walking through Walmart and thought how romantic would it be to surprise her in the back of her Tahoe with a knife and some rope!!

I always check. Murder movies have taught me people will try to get you from your backseat. What scares me is that I have two back seats. My Tahoe seats eight people so it has an extended back seat. And even if I look back there , I still uncomfortable. I can’t tell you how many times I look in my rear view mirror just to make sure no head pops up.

This morning I freaked out. There was  some rustling sound in my back seat. I kept looking in the rearview mirror, thinking ‘Show yourself fucker!’ and finally I realized that someone had left an empty bag of cheetos and it was rustling around.

Phew!!

I can’t you tell you enough… always look in the back seat.

And that leads me to another rule that is very important. Rule number 2: Double Tap.

What does this mean?

Have you ever seen a movie where someone is in danger and they are able to hit their killer with something heavy? And then they walk away and then the killer wakes up and kills them. Then those fools deserved to die!!

They should have double tapped!!

Strike again! Again and again if you have to but always to it more than once!!

Clobber that mofo!! Once, twice …. three times a lady!!!

Because wouldn’t it a bitch if you hit a zombie/killer/ Buffalo Bill as hard as you can then you begin to run away and they grab your leg and pull you down and start strangling the living day lights outta you?!?!?

Haven’t we learned anything from movies?? They are there for a reason. Movies predict a time when Jasons, Micheal Myers, and zombies will roam. Preparation is key.

Double Tap people!!

Always double tap!!

I saw a saying tagged on a truck on my way to work. The tagger wrote, “the strong will survive”. He knows whats up!

Inform yourself!! Watch movies!! Learn new methods to defeat the enemies!!

Shitting in your pants is not an option!!!

That or buy a taser gun!!!

Thursday Show Review- I Finally Jumped on the Zombie Bandwagon

Wait wait, I know how this might seem. Zombie bandwagon?? You mean to tell us Marina, you don’t like zombies??

On the contrary my dear Watsons, I love zombies. Zombies are sooooo bad ass. Slow but super bad ass. And I have seen every movie about zombies.

28 Days Later,Zombieland, Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead, All Resident Evils, the Crazies, etc etc etc.  Zombies in movies are awesome! So when a show came out that would feature zombies weekly, I flaked. Actually I missed the damn boat.

I DIDN’T KNOW!! I TELL YOU!!

Before I realized this show existed, I had already missed the entire season. I of course am talking about one of the greatest show on earth…. The Walking Dead.

So I welcome myself to the bandwagon. Where are the party favors yo???

Anyways so I sat down and watched the first two episodes of Walking Dead  last night via Netflix. Instantly, after the first five minutes I was hooked!!! Where have you been all my life?!!??!!

People seriously…. this is the greatest show ever and you need to head over to AMC and watch it!!

Of course, it begins with a sheriff and his deputy talking and then rushing to high-speed chase. Once there, the sheriff gets badly wounded and taken to a hospital.  Obviously, he has been unconscious for some time because while he sleeps an epidemic occurs. When he wakes up, he is grossly thin and dehydrated and realizes that he is the only one in the hospital. It has been abandoned.

So he starts exploring and finds blood, bullet holes in the walls, and finally hundreds of dead bodies. And it is just eerily quiet and deserted. He walks all the way into town in his hospital nightgown. He has his first encounter with a …… half eaten zombie.

If you are anything like me, you would have yelled What the Fuuuuuuhhhhhhh?

Yea…

So anyways the Sheriff makes it to his home to find neither his wife or child there. He also runs into a father and son who take him into their “home” and educate him in the new ways of the city. Zombies and such…. stay with people. Its much more exciting if you just watch it!!

He hears of a refuge from the father and believes that is where his wife and son are. So he goes to the police station and loads up ammo and heads off to find that refuge area.

He tries to radio out and see if anyone can hear him. Some where there is a small group of people who hear him over the CB radio. In the group resides his  deputy and you find out later his wife and son.

OMG!!

So the sheriff  finds a home where  the people have shot themselves … the scene is gripping.

So he takes the horse and makes it into the city. He seriously looks all cool wearing his sheriff get up and riding a horse.  Pretty hot if you ask me.

Back to the little group of survivors that tried to contact the sheriff over the CB.

His deputy is doing his wife!

Whoa!!!

Or as Al Pacino would say it in the Scent of a Woman, ” Whoooaaaaaaa!”

Hopefully that is right. I wasn’t paying too much attention to Al if you know what I mean!! Hee hee hee.

Once the deputy gets into the city, it’s very quiet. Completely deserted until he runs into thousands of zombies!!!

He falls off his horse and the zombies begin eating his horse. Poor horse. I almost cried.

Seriously… I had already named it. I called it Poky…

What?!? I would not have named it if I knew it was gonna die in the next scene!!!!

So there are hoards and hoards of zombies and he has to escape into a tank.

That was episode one. It was so intense!! I loved it.

I am gonna watch episode three tonight.

I am a little torn on who is hotter.

You have the sheriff who is all good guy and hero hot.

Then there is the deputy who is rough and strong…. and its obvious he has a good body.

 

This show also made me realize that I am not prepared.

Sure we have guns… but we need to stash shit loads of ammo in the house. And maybe just “in case” I should make a trip to Home Depot and by some wood to board up the windows and sliding doors.  Seriously! Having wood around can never be a bad thing!!!

It’s just a reminder to prepare for the day…. the day where we get really sick and start becoming zombies.

I plan to survive. There needs to be at least one hot girl in Earth’s next scene!! I am going to start lifting weights!!

What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

Obviously I have been doing nothing but watching scary movies, well you know,  besides eating.

Of course this isn't me. I swallow hot dogs whole.

 

I asked a bunch of people what their favorite scary movies are.

My husband said Brokeback Mountain and the ending of Boogie Nights.

Not only have I been watching scary movies but I watched the many channels’ lists on the to scary movies. So I have until today … no wait, til the end of the week to continue to scare the shit out of myself.

So I developed a list in case you were doing the same. You know… brain washing yourself.

11. Fallen

Det. John Hobbes is convinced that when killer Edgar Reese is executed, all of his troubles are over. But when people he knows and people on the street start to sing the same tune that Reese sang in the gas chamber, and those same people taunt him, he is told that maybe the cursed fallen angel Azazel is behind it all.

This demon/angel can pass from person to person. So this cat and mouse games  drives you crazy through the whole movie.

This movie is eerie. It’s more of a suspense thriller but it keeps you captivated and enthralled the entire movie. The Rolling Stones song that is featured in the movie, “Time is on my side” still freaks me out.

10. Seven

Se7en follows the story of two homicide detectives tracking down a sadistic serial killer who chooses his victims according to the seven deadly sins. This thriller portrays the exploits of a deranged serial-killer. His twisted agenda involves choosing seven victims who represent egregious examples of transgressions of each of the Seven Deadly Sins. He then views himself as akin to the Sword of God, handing out horrific punishment to these sinners.

Fucking creepy!! The whole movie is just dark and edgy! Your heart is constantly beating in this movie. Kevin Spacey who plays the killer freaks me out in this movie. He is nuts!!!

9.Poltergeist

A young family are visited by ghosts in their home. At first the ghosts appear friendly, moving objects around the house to the amusement of everyone, then they turn nasty and start to terrorise the family before they “kidnap” the youngest daughter.

Anything that involves children is scary. Anything that involves this little girl is freaky!! I barely saw this movie recently and I was amazed that this 80’s movie was so good! I loved it!!

And was creeped out by it as well.  In fact, I will never look at closets the same way.

8. The Orphanage

Laura, a former orphan, raises her adopted son Simón together with her husband Carlos in an old house and former orphanage where she was raised. While at the orphanage Simón tells Laura that he has five invisible friends which she believes are a product of his active imagination. Laura decides to reopen the orphanage to cater for disabled children and throws a party. During the party Simón tries to persuade Laura to go and take a look at his friends cabin but she’s too busy. Later on she sees a mysterious masked boy and realizes that Simón has also disappeared.

This masked boy is the most scariest thing ever!! This movie is totally trippy but actually had a god ending.

Bottom line: Children are scary.

7. Rosemary’s Baby

Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse move into an apartment in a building with a bad reputation. They discover that their neighbours are a very friendly elderly couple named Roman and Minnie Castevet, and Guy begins to spend a lot of time with them. Strange things start to happen: a woman Rosemary meets in the washroom dies a mysterious death, Rosemary has strange dreams and hears strange noises and Guy becomes remote and distant. Then Rosemary falls pregnant and begins to suspect that her neighbours have special plans for her child.

This movie, for being old, is pretty good. I spent a lot of the time being angry because no one was helping the mother!!

In the end, you are pretty creeped out.

Never fucking trust the neighbors. Especially if they are old.

6. The Haunting in Connecticut

The Campbell family moves to upstate Connecticut, they soon learn that their charming Victorian home has a disturbing history: not only was the house a transformed funeral parlor where inconceivable acts occurred, but the owner’s clairvoyant son Jonah served as a demonic messenger, providing a gateway for spiritual entities to crossover. Now terror awaits when Jonah, the boy who communicated with the dead, returns to unleash horror on the innocent and unsuspecting family.

I seriously had to stop this movie a few times.  I was freaked out. To think that it might based on a true story. Geez people don’t move into old houses.

5.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974

A group of five hippies on a road trip through the backwaters of 1970’s rural Texas fall prey to a murderous cannibalistic family making up of a leather-masked chainsaw-wielding maniac, his knife-wielding grave robber brother, and their cannibal chief father and decaying grandfather.

Slasher movies don’t really scare me as you will tell from my list because other than this one there will not be any listed, but this version gives me chills. The Chainsaw Massacre is beyond creepy. Its disturbing. All the characters in the movie are deeply mental. It also sends a very clear message.

Never pick up a hitchhiker! Seriously… you may never know if they belong to an inbred family or not!!! Or if they have a brother who likes to chain saw the crap out of people.

4. The Shining

A family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter where an evil and spiritual presence influences the father into violence, while his psychic son sees horrific forebodings from the past and of the future.

I love this movie. Its brilliant!  Jack never ceases to stop scaring, Wendy is scary just looking at her, and their little boy is freakin weird!!!

I freak out when my girls say Red Rum.

Do!! Stay in huge hotels in the middle of nowhere!!!

3.  Insidious

A gripping story of a family in search of help for their son, Dalton, who fell into a mysterious coma on one ordinary morning. Little do they know that there is much more to this endless sleep than meets the eye as they explore the paranormal, and rediscover the past; the key to getting their son back once and for all.

Yes this movie is fairly new. However, when I saw this movie, I could not sleep for like a week straight! Seriously. I had every light on the house. I never entered a dark room. The demon in this movie is beyond the scariest I have ever seen. I don’t even wanna think of him. All I see it red!!!

Oh my god…. everything is scary in this movie! Everything. It’s by far one of the greatest super natural horror movies in a while.

I don’t wanna talk about it. After all, its Halloween.

2. The Grudge

An American nurse living and working in Tokyo is exposed to a mysterious supernatural curse, one that locks a person in a powerful rage before claiming their life and spreading to another victim.

Let me tell you this movie scarred me for life. I will never see this movie again. Why? So I can imagine little Asian people in the corners of the roof! Fuck no!! Asian people are scary!! Enough said. Especially if they can distort their faces and head!!

Again, I will never see this movie again! Never!!

1. The movie that freaked me out the most…. The Ring

A mysterious video tape is killing off anyone who watches it. Whenever the victim watches it, the phone rings, telling them they have only one week to live. A young reporter named Rachel is investigating these events, but after she and her small son watch the tape, it becomes a race against time to find out why the tape is killing everyone and how it could be stopped.

First off, the girl in the story? Whoa whoa whoa! Who is fucked up enough to come up with this!?!??!  It’s not just the supernatural forces but also  the mystery.  Everyone’s scariest scene is a movie is when the girl is walking down the stairs from the Exorcist. Mine is when the girl coming out of the tv on all fours… and water is everywhere.

OMG…. I am need a hug.

So this was my list.

Give me a few of your scary movies!!!

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