In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘And the award goes to…’

Wacky Wednesday – Vermin Supreme for Prez!!!

With a name like Vermin Supreme, how can you not vote for him??

He has a plan!!

Ponies for everyone!

He is creating a secret dental police!!

We all need to donate a kidney!!

Zombies will be used for power source!

And he wears a boot on his head!!

Genius??

I say yes!!

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And God Said…. Let Her Be a Lesbian.

I’m just kidding. About the whole lesbian part.

Or am I????

I was thinking for today’s Wordless Wednesday I show you some ladies that I think are smokin hot. I have done a guy list hundreds of times here and alone at home with nothing on but the tv.

Mental Images! Mental Images!!

These lovely ladies I would definitely switch teams for!!

So here is my list of hotties… vagina style.

(note: There will be no actual vaginas shown here. Come on people, I wanna be Freshly Pressed.)

8. Monica Bellucci

One of the sexiest ladies, this woman can make a trash bag hot!

Can I have a hug Monica? Just a little one.

Dammmmmmmmnnnn!

7. Yes It’s Kim Kardashian Biotch,

Even though, she is a dumbass for getting married for 2 seconds then filing for divorce, you gotta give it to cause baby got back and front y’all.

I don't like you, but I love you.

6. Natalie Portman

Other then the fact that she is hot, looks good bald, and has a filthy mouth. Whoa that is actually quite a list.

Oooo la la

 

5. Elizabeth Banks

Something about this lady is really hot. I mean really hot. Her roles in movies are always funny and she just seems like a cool hot chick.

4. Anne Hathaway

First off, I have seen this chick naked. And she is just stunning. And hot. Naked and hot.

3. Scarlett Johanssan

Another yummy woman. She is soooo hot and yes a great actress, but that’s not why I watch her movies!!

Wow, she has pretty eyes right????

2. Sofia Vergara

When I see her I wish I could speak Spanish. She makes me wanna learn. Damn you smokin, Sofia!

Ay ay esta bien chingona!!

 

1. And my number one chick ever in the whole wide world…..

The Day I Fell in love

 

Yes you can bite me, Megan!

So people release you inner lesbian… who do you love???

Wwwwellllccccommmeeee to the GREATEST Show in the Southern California Area!!!!

Goooooooooood Morning!!!!

Are you ready?????

What were you and your children doing Saturday morning? Probably you all were hung over from Friday night!

Huh? Huh?

While you were being lazy, somewhere sometime (technically the greater Southern California area at about 11:45am) this marching band was kicking ass and taking names.

Feast your eyes on this band!!!

If more half time shows provided entertainment such as this, I might not in be the bathroom trying to get rid of the gallon of soda I just drank!!

Today I like to feature a marching band who deserves no introduction but I am still going to give them one because you probably have no idea who they are but should!

Panorama High School won 1st place for Marching Band in their division, 1st place in drum line, and 3rd place for drill team!!

Hey Detroit, this band is waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better than Nickleback!! Way better!!

Come to think of it, I know I will be in the bathroom during Nickleback’s show!!

Presenting the PHS Marching Band and some girls that cheer but really aren’t cheerleaders!!!

Pretty damn awesome am I right???

Why am I writing about this??

Well because our very own Pkitass’s  offspring is the band!! She is  the one in black and gold. You see her? You see her???

Not only did they rock it (winning!!) but they also know how to make a circle in formation!! I know I can’t do that!

(Anyone looking for someone to sabotage a marching band formation, I am your woman!!)

And Pkitass’s  daughter, CeCe is one hell of a saxophone player!! Props to you CeCe! You ain’t sitting on some grass in front of your city hall “occupying it”.

NO! You are occupying a  football field, carrying a sax, marching in abstract shapes, and still rocking it!!

Occupy that 1 percenters!!!

I salute you Panorama High School and I salute you CeCe … daughter of Pkitass of where the Chihuahuas Rule.

Revisiting the Smart Car…. That Still Sucks.

Over the weekend I ran to the store and as I was walking in I saw parked up front a smart car.

Awwwwwww am I right??

However, I got angry! My Tahoe could have used that space!!! Notice how the smart car is this tiny thing in this space!!! You could fit five Smart cars in there!!! Why don’t we do that for now on?!?! Lets just cram five of them in one space.  I like that idea!!

Yeah let’s do it!!

I don’t know if you remember but I wrote a blog many moons ago about the Smart Car and basically how they sucked. At the time, I was just being stupid and sarcastic. However a lot of people gave me grief about my blog in turn making me actually hate the Smart Car and their “supposed” purpose.

My theory is its a conspiracy by the government for control on the growing population. Convince the masses that it’s a cool unique smart car, have them by it, then BOOM! a 18 wheeler comes crashing into you leaving nothing but broken glass everywhere.

Touche government, touche.

Feel free to read up ….. What\’s the Deal-Smart Car

I love the Smart Car’s slogan. It’s so uncar or open your mind to the car that challenges the status quo.

Here is the so-called benefit to the Smart Car: Over 96 million Americans drive to work alone each day. That means there are about 288,675,000 empty seats commuting to and from work. Astonishing. That’s why we got rid of the backseat entirely.

I am sorry but that is stupid. If that is the case… then the whole of this car is for lonely fucks!! Fucks that don’t have kids or a lover!!! If  a guy got rolled up in a Smart Car…. jaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,  I can just imagine what the “real package” looks like.

I’ll be like…  I didn’t order a smart car! I ordered a bull dozer baby!!

People who drive these cars probably sing… Eric Carmen’s All By Myself!!

Yeah yeah I said!

Also, what the fuck is this!?!

“Look son, this is what you will inherit.”

“Gee Dad doesn’t look much bigger then the car I drive now.”

“I know what it looks like but it will save you a lot of gas and it will keep you very unlaid.”

“Awww really dad!! That’s what I always wanted…. a non pimp-mobile! I wanna stay a virgin forever. “

“Well here it is. I just gotta make sure no one sneezes on it til you turn 16!”

Damnit!!

Well at least, you got the extended warranty.

Why is it called Smart Car anyways?

Is it just because it saves on gas? Is it because you not only bought a car but also a coffin and burial plot in one??

I am sorry but that ain’t very smart.

You know what is smart though??

A car that would prevent you from crashing. Yeah, that would be smart!

You know what would be smart… if there was a radar that would alert you when you got to close to another car. That would be smart!!

And lets say you ignored the alert, then a brake assist system would kick in and apply the brakes, bringing the car to a stop, if needed. Yes! That would be fucking intelligent!!

Too bad we don’t have this technology!

Wait!!!

We do!!

Mercedes has it! And yes Mercedes is actually a real life car!!!

Now shouldn’t that be called a Smart Car?

Just because Justin Bieber now wears glasses doesn’t make him smart…. so we wouldn’t call him that  unless he was actually fucking smart, right??

I get the angle of the Smart Car but it doesn’t make sense!! I say this as I hit my head with my fists!

All these yuppie loving Smart Car drivers need to find an island and not shower together!!

(dropped the mic and walked away George Jefferson style)

Musical Revolution-Welcome to the Toliet Bowl of Music

There are certain songs whether old or new that take  us back to a time, place, or even a moment. They make us feel good inside and every time they come, you shout Yea, I love that song!

Like Berlin with Take My Breath Away or Wilson Phillips with Hold On.

But what about the worst songs that we secretly loved but refused to admit.

Today I am going to expose myself on some of the worst songs ever made… and the fact that I …. (hard to admit)…  liked.

Yikes!!

So lets look inside the shitter…..

All By Myself- Celine Dion or Eric Carmen

I am sorry I got this song in your head. When I was too young to know better or to ignore my mother, she got me into Celine Dion heavily. I heavily hang my head in shame that I not only know this whole song but more Celine Dion songs.

Again I am sorry.

I apologize for the next one.

Tubthumping-Chumbawamba

I kick myself for ever liking this song. I mean what the hell does the song even mean.

“Pissing the night away
He drinks a whisky drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the better times”

This next one, I still have to admit, I like it. Its corny!

Barbie Girl-Aqua

Hopefully this  song doesn’t succeed in getting you to commit suicide.

OK I absolutely hate this song. I never liked it. It makes me hate puppies! No song should have that effect on you! NO SONG!

Who Let the Dogs Out-Baha Man

Find this group and let Michael Vick’s dogs on them!

Another song I fucking hate it is this cheesy ass song I can believe I can fly.

Now I wanna shoot myself….  twice!

I Believe I Can Fly-R Kelly

R Kelly was right! I do now believe I can fly. Fly the fuck off my roof head first!

The next song… yeah I like it. Every time I hear it I jump and shake my ass.

Macarena-Los Del Rio

Why do I like this song? Maybe cause I am a fucking Mexican. I don’t know.

Worst Song Ever was sung by a really popular singer. I guess that’s why it’s so mind-boggling.

Nevertheless, this song deserves to die!

Hello-Lionel Ritchie

OMG fuck no!! God nooooooo.

At least we now have the running joke of….

Wordless Wednesday-We Are Not Worthy!!

Here is an ode to some hotties

WE’RE NOT WORTHY! WE’RE NOT WORTHY!!

Jason Statham

Heart (pounding chest) be fuckin still....

Keanu Reeves

Shhhhhh just sit there and look pretty

Mark Walberg

Hey Mark how you doing? Say hello to your mother and that fine ass for me.

Ryan Reynolds

No no don't look at me like that... Ryan! Stop! Ok fine, you can have whatever you want.

Paul Rudd

You are like soooo funny and like sooooo hot!!

Penn Badgley

Man, I almost feel pedophile-y.

Taylor Lautner

I am officially a pedophile.

Gerald Butler

Someone is magically delicious!!!

Bradley Cooper

Thank You God for Making Bradley Freaking Cooper.... nom nom nom

 

You are so welcome…. this sweet eye candy is just what the DR ordered.

If you are feeling this way…

it's totally normal.

 

WE ARE NOT WORTHY! WE ARE NOT WORTHY!

Interesting….. I Have A Chance to Get Fired!!

First off, as soon as my husband goes back to actual work I will start the Thursday Movie Review. Til then its a battle of remote control power.

  I really don’t have anything to write about today.

The only that seems remotely interesting is that my boss called me really early in the morning telling me I had to get a drug test today.

Yep me! I have been randomly selected.  I am highly suspicious. What do they hope to find?

That when I get home I am raging coke addict? That I have the need for speed? That I am warping through time with acid trips? That I channel Alice in Wonderland with my shrooms?

Usually the random drug testing is for the guys in the field because they are around children and schools. I am around old people. Christian, stick up their ass, republicans! All day long. I have no issues with Christians or old people, and republicans knows where all the best hookers are! Just when they are a combination of all three…. it starts to get annoying.  So if they do see  some alcohol in my blood stream they can’t blame me!!

I know I am gonna pass the drug test… with fucking flying colors!!!  I don’t do drugs. Mostly because I don’t know where to score any but also because I just don’t drugs. Wow I suddenly got depressed. I need to make some hippie friends.

And I totally suck at peeing in a cup. First off I have to always force myself to pee! And my aim is for shit. This is when being a dude would be awesome. Dudes have their built in faucets. Us women we got a fucking sprinkler system. You turn that shit on and its getting the lawn wet for sure!!!

Peeing in a cup deserves a medal.

Congrats you  successfully peed in the cup and not the seat or the floor!! Here is a bronze medal of urination!!

Honestly these bosses of mine are  gonna have to let me go some other way.

So far this two and half months I have been late everyday.

I spend a lot of time on Twitter. But I still manage to get shit done and then some.

However if they did fire me, I could sleep in!!! Every fucking day! And I could like totally Tweet and blog all day. And I could lay in bed all day. And I could, and I could, and I could …. really its endless!!!

But I gotta work. Damnit, and I don’t wanna say never but these people could never fire me.

I am their bread and butter. They need me. I am the only person who has been here long enough to put up with their crap!!

 

Damnit…. I may need to sabotage. It’s just I am soooooooo lazy.

 

 

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