In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

THE DAY AFTER… the dentist

I bet you are dying to know what happened with my visit to the dentist. I know the suspense is killing you!

So I won’t hold back this valuable information any longer.

So here we go… yesterday. A day at the dentist’s office.

I had no trouble finding the place. Gus (The Hubs) was their previously a few weeks before . The office was currently under construction and was adding an addition building to the place so parking was a little confusing.

Once I found the place, it was enormous.

Inside the building, it was overwhelming.

Who is their decorator, I wondered. I got to get their number. It was so beautiful and sophisticated looking. It was not at all how a dentist office should look. Right away the beauty and sophistication made me nervous. What are they hiding??

A dentist office should put it all out there.They need to decorate to show the pain that will occur in the next few minutes.

They immediately put me on a computer to sign in and fill out forms. I was blown away by this. Is this how all dentist offices are? Is everything all high-tech?? Could I log onto Twitter with this machine?

Dentist office sure ask a lot of questions. They ask the important ones like if you have any diseases, if you are allergic to anything, are you currently taking any medicines? These I understand. The rest I was thrown off by.

Have you had any neck or head injuries?

Uhhh not that I remember.

Do you have any back pain?

Yes… what does this have-

Does your mother know you are gay?

What? Of course she doesn’t!!

When was your last sexual encounter?


You need to have more sex with Gus.

That’s not even a question, wait… did Gus rig this??

Finally I was called.

I swear I panicked when I saw the dentist nurse. She was so little!! Smaller than me!!! And lucky me got her on her very first day!!

Granted, I gave her the benefit of the day cause we all have been there. We all had a first day.

But when it came to x-ray-ing… I sure didn’t like being the guinea pig.  She put this weird mouth piece in my mouth and I had to bite down on it in all angles of my mouth while she tried to take pics. The piece was making me gag. I was finding the urge to puke all over the seat.

FYI… I am not a puker… but I can’t handle anything in my mouth for long periods of time. I don’t what it is. It’s just a reflex … either swallow or puke it out. That is probably why I eat so fast.

The girl took a hundred pics. Seriously. I was about to get off the seat and do it for her!

Alas the doctor came in. A dude. And I must say he was the most nicest doctor I have ever met. Like seriously, he wanted to know everything about me. Everything. I felt loved.

The only thing is he asked all these questions as he was in my mouth. Why do they do that???

But if you know me, I am never one to run from a conversation. So yes, I answered him. But it come out more muffled and slobbery.

Hmmm hbrisdfjhmmmm sdjjfgm.

That is what I said. A bunch of times.

And he would keep talking to me. He must understand this dentistry lingo.

Finally he was outta my mouth…

2 cavities, one tooth that needed a crown and one dislocated jaw.

Wait… what??

A dislocated jaw??

He made it seem like it was no big deal. Sure everyone has to cut up their food in  smaller bites and take apart their hamburgers  bit by bit.

He said it was  something he could not fix.

I feel like a horse… someone should seriously put me down. I will be damned if I can’t eat a double meat with cheese and bacon correctly!

Sighhhhh….. major bummer. My life in those five minutes forever altered. If I had anything going for me, it was that I was this tiny petite girl  could eat steaks and double meat burgers in seconds. Now?It could take up to 20 minutes to eat. Who has this time????!!!!

I am still trying to figure out how this could have happen.  I think I would remember a car accident or getting nailed in the jaw.

And now that explains why there is a slight pain in my jaw at times.

I am going to apply for a disabled sticker…. that way I can get all the best parking. Hello… I am handicapped!! My jaw is dislocated!!

The disability office needs to understand how this has changed my life.

I can no longer eat burgers like a normal human being. Key word: normal. Me: disabled!

I can’t take punches to the jaw anymore. And I was always down for getting down at bars!!!

And sadly….

I sadly can’t keep my mouth open for  more than a few minutes.

Once I relayed the information to the hubs, he was deeply saddened by that last one especially. His quality time is suspended for as long as I can milk it!!

The only thing is if he sees me eat a massive burger the way I am not supposed to he is going to make sacrifice in other areas!!

Must listen to doctor orders!!


Truth Is … I Don’t Know What the Truth Is

Besides the wonderful day of Thanksgiving, my sister’s wedding was also this past week. How many times have I mentioned that here? None. I know I haven’t mentioned it on here at all. I really don’t know why. Maybe it was to NOT deal with it and NOT think about it. Because the very thought of it makes me wanna cry.

My sister and I were extremely close when we were little. She was my best friend and we did everything together. I was the oldest and I willingly and almost begged her to come with me everywhere. She knows all my dark secrets, things we don’t speak of , things we just smile about, and things we are embarrassed we did. She was the baby in the house and she was rightly treated as one.  Her and I were and still are so different.

So as the process  to planning her wedding went,  the more and more uncomfortable I got about it. I really started to pretend it was not happening. Truth is, we weren’t as close after I got married. I think in ways I think she felt I betrayed her. See, I married someone who wasn’t the same religion as my parents and my sister. So thus I created this wedge. However, I tried to make it work. I was constantly calling her, constantly asking her to do things with me, but she was pulling away.

After a while she grew up, she started her rebellious stage, had boyfriends, partied, and then finally got in engage. And on the day before her wedding, I was swept away with this wave emotion. She doesn’t need me anymore nor does she want too. I have this strong feeling that the cords have been cut. Truth is, I really haven’t felt I was important to her and she was to me. And now she and her husband plan to move away. I feel like I am losing her.

Friday I did.

I cried when she danced with my dad. It was because she is gone. She is no longer ours, she is his. And instead of growing up with me, she is going to go a different path. A different path that I can’t follow.

I was so depressed and emotionally all weekend. Gus kept asking me why I was sad, I couldn’t explain it. Am I happy for her? In a way. When I left the wedding reception, I went to hug my new brother-in-law, and I told him that I loved my sister and I welcome him to the family.  What I really wanted to tell him was if he hurts my sister in any way I will cut his balls off. He didn’t deserve my sister and I wished he would just give her back.

There are things at the wedding and even during the week that I just wanted to express to say to my sister. Things that she should have known already. Things that she could read in my voice but just ignored.Things that if I had said would not have mattered.

Even with her pushing me away for whatever reason, I don’t hate her. I want too. It would be easier. I just can’t. I want to mad at her for telling me she had no time for me, or for saying mean things behind my back about my money situation, the way I raise my kids, or even just me in general. But I can’t.

Why do I need her? She doesn’t need me. She never has.

The truth is, I can’t explain these feelings. I can’t the lump in my throat. I can’t explain the anger. I can’t explain that for the first time ever she actually left me behind.

Why can’t we just be sisters?



Wordless Wednesday & A Thought About Kim Kardashian

Men carrying Women's purses training starts young.


There was the Wordless Wednesday pic.

Now a word about Kim Kardashian.

If you know me, you know that I love Kim. Very much. I think she is hot… whatever she is. But she is hot. I accept the fact that she is kinda dumb and really can’t do anything well accept stand there in tight clothes. That’s ok because some of us were made to just look pretty.

That’s what I do everyday.


So when I saw she was dating and it seemed that she genuinely wanted to get married, I was happy. Ultimately I believe everyone wants some form of family life. Whether it’s just marriage or marriage or children, we all need and crave that kind of connection. At least that is what I believe. And when she finally tied that knot, I didn’t watch the wedding (I ain’t that big of a fan),  I was happy for her.

I assumed she was happy and ready to start her life.

Then… she filed for divorce 72 DAYS later.

I am not one who cares about celebrities lives but it just pisses me off that no one gives a shit anymore about a promise.

I am not dogging people who get divorce. I understand why people divorce… but its a joke if its 72 days later!! A joke!!

If you honestly try to work things out, after months and months or years, fine. Divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy.

I am just saying that 72 days is not enough time to TRY to work things out. 72 days is not enough time for anything!!!!

Thanks Kim for making marriage a joke. Thanks for making it seem it’s no big thing to love then dislike and then decide that you don’t wanna do it anymore. Do people not fight for love anymore? Just because reality hits doesn’t change anything.

So much for the sanctity of marriage.  We have gay couples who have together for 5, 10, 20 years that would love to get married and are denied that chance.

It just frustrates me.


Yesterday made me so sick.

It’s not good to hold in all that emotion. That is what I did. That’s what we all did.

I scanned the millions of military men and women faces. Somber and sad.  You see wives and children. Wives are crying. Mothers are crying. Children were playing. They didn’t really understand the full weight of their parent’s responsibility.

It really has to be one of the saddest thing I have ever seen. It’s just overwhelming sadness. It filled the huge gym room we were all in.

And just listening to the people around you talking, “Remember when” or ” One of these days”.  I listen to my sister-in-law talk about funny things her and husband would do as she and he would wait for him to go overseas in the past.

She told me that she sneaked  letters in each bag that he would use. One that he would get in on the plane. Another that he won’t get til he reaches his destination. And another til he is actually on the base on site.

She doesn’t say of course what the letters say. I can imagine what I would write to Gus. That I love him. And to please, please come back to me.

She told me that he never takes his wedding ring when he goes over seas. He leaves it with her every time in case any thing was to happen to him. When he comes home, she said the first thing he asks for it his ring.


I realized that there are things I will never ever understand about their marriage or any of these soldiers’ marriages.  The depth, the secrets, the weight. I will never understand.

He hugged us his sister-in-laws. He hugged his brothers and dad. He a hugged his wife and held onto her as long as he could.

We said goodbye to him right before he loaded onto the bus for the plane.

We left his wife there. It was clear she wasn’t going to leave until she saw the absolute last of him.

As we were driving away, I saw her from far away walking to her car. It was just sad to see her walking alone. Because truthfully, she was.

Gus, my husband, was leaving yesterday out-of-town for a week.

When I got home from picking up our kids, I saw he left me a note. He was going to miss me even if it was for a week. He loved me.

 I called him right away. Because I could. And he would answer.

Late at night, I got into bed with my kids. My youngest one is sick. I hugged them all so close.   I was in a room with my babies. And my husband was going to be home in four days. I could easily predict the week. And if  I wanted to the month.

Last night, hundreds of women went to sleep by themselves, alone with their thoughts, wondering just how they are going to get along tomorrow.  And for the rest of the 12 months.

Wordless Wednesday -How to show your support for gay marriage












Wordless Wednesday- She will make an excellent wife one of these days

This video brought tears to my eyes.

This little girl has so much conviction, spunk, and confidence.

She will make a good wife one of these days. Give ’em hell!

Take that boy!!

“I am 4 and you’re not!”

Best comeback ever… I could learn from her. And I need to practice that diva walk.

Girl: 1   Boy: Nada

I bet she could use a drink!

Musical Revolution-Let’s Get It On-Love Edition

I can’t sing, I can’t play an instrument. In fact my whole two years in band, I pretended to play the clarinet because I sucked so bad and I also protected my loser teacher from the cruel students. So with an agenda like that… yea I wasn’t feeling the music.

But!! That doesn’t mean I don’t love music. In fact, I wish I could sing. A big hobby for me for a long time was writing songs. I haven’t written one since I married my husband. I wanted to be a song writer. When I hear a song, of course the melody catches me, but I always pay attention to the lyrics.

What is the artist trying to say?

What does it mean?

I am right now on vacation. I am just hanging at home with the kids and I am really missing my husband who is far away on business.

So excuse the whole gayness that is about to explode on your ass…. but here are some songs that mean alot  to me about Gus.

I met Gus at a previous job. I was immediately attracted to him… in fact!! I wanted him as soon as I saw him. Is that weird??

He and I got along together on the job. There was an obvious chemistry between us.

There were many times this song would come on the radio and we would just sit and listen. I actually felt like this song was speaking to us and we both knew it.

Hoobastank-The Reason

During that whole time of guessing how I felt or how he felt and being at an impasse just in life, things were just emotionally chaotic.  All I was certain of was how I felt for him. Never in my life had someone rocked me to the core like Gus. He was everything I never knew but needed. I think I loved him before I even knew.

During our whole employment together, Gus exposed me to country music. At the time, I was totally rocker. I knew a little about all other kinds of music but I was totally a rocker.  So  whenever I was with him, I was “forced” to listen to country. Yet I grew to like it.

In fact, that whole first year of falling for him felt exactly like this song.

Diamond Rio- Beautiful Mess


On our first date, we went to a college football game. We had a blast tailgating. I remember Gus got a little tipsy and as we drove back from the game, Gus and I sat in the back of the car as his brother and girlfriend drove us to our next stop. A song was on the radio and in Gus’s drunk in but sweet estate sang this song to me. I doubt he remembers.

Keith Urban – Who Wouldn’t Wanna Be Me

We got serious and  fast. We were inseparable.  One night after we had a small little shindig with his family, Gus was flipping through the radio stations as I was cleaning up and this song came on.

See up into the time, I knew I felt for him and I knew he cared for me. But nothing was really expressed out in the open.

Normally I would have changed this song cause normally I would think its fruity … it is… fruity. But he let it stay and as I washed his dishes, I listened and to the song and wondered what the hell is he doing.

All My Life-Linda Ronstadt

During the song, he came over to me and told me he loved me. He also told me he wanted to marry me.

During the years of our marriage, now 6, we are still together and music  have become an important center in our life. I know that it’s important to Gus very much. It’s always been an important life line in mine. So now I try to communicate in music now.

It just is deeper for us.

Clint Black-I do

Bryan Adams- Everything I do

And during this course of our marriage, we have argued what was the best song to be “our” song. So many songs have left a mark with me or him… I can’t tell you how many times I was like I love this song! This is us! I have so many that just remind me of Gus.

Yet once we heard it, it was like we knew instantly. It just describes us instantly.

Rick Trevino-I Only Get This Way With You

This song was picked way after we were married.

Yet it makes me think of this one moment before we got married when we were on our way to getting to be serious couple.

“Gus, my parents want to meet you. They are gonna have a dinner and want you to come over.”

He just sat there for a moment.

I thought he was going to say no. I remember I was nervous asking him this because this was a big deal for both of us.

He looked at me. I was sitting on the opposite couch.

“Come here.”

I went over to him. And he took me in his arms and smiled at me.

“there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

And that was that.



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