In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Happy Birthday to My Daughter: You are the reason I am a mother

Dear Savannah,


Today is your birthday.

Today 7 years ago, you made me a mommy. I remember how little your were when they placed you on the chest. The very first thing I noticed was how red and full your baby lips were. As I studied your little body, every baby body part was pink.

It reminded me of how Homer from The Odyssey described the  sunrise and little pink baby fingers that crept over the horizon.

It was at that moment  I felt I was asleep for all the previous years and was finally awake.
It wasn’t until that very moment that I realized I was a mother, thanks to you.

So in reality you have given me the very best gift possible.

I feel as it was just yesterday that I was hauling your car seat around. I remember going to stores and looking at your face and seeing you smile at me filled me with love.

I remember thinking at the very moment you are my very best friend. I couldn’t wait for you to walk. I couldn’t wait to hold your hand and lead you places.

And now you are in second grade. You now are leading me. You want to join cheerleading. You want to be famous singer/actress and a principal. You have the most admirable love for animals.  Seeing you cry at movies moves me because its so clear that you wear your heart on your sleeve much like your mother. And as a big sister, your sister and brother look up to you like they should.

I love you, I love Sienna and I love Ryan all equally but differently. You guys are my babies!!  However you, Savannah, are the moment that started it all for me.

I realize too that I am hard you at times. Just know that I love you and that I know you better than you know yourself. How?

Because I was you, and I felt the way you did about things and the way you talk about things reminds me of me. I want the very best for you. I want to push you to be the very best you. I want you to succeed and be happy. In the end it’s not about being famous; you are already famous to me and Daddy! You are more than we could ever ask for!!

“To the world
You may be just another girl
But to me
Baby, you are the world”

I love you NaNa!!

Happy Birthday!!

A Monday Post All Over the Place

So I am calling in a bomb threat today.

No reason just thought I needed a good reason NOT to go to the dentist’s office today. You know, cause there is a bomb.

I mean, yea sure, I may have called it in but someone crazy may actually follow through.

Hindsight 20/20: I probably shouldn’t have said the b word. I will be on the look out for men in suits running in the building. I am Mexican enough to probably look like a Middle Eastern person.

  I love America I swear! I never have taken flying lessons and I hate fertilizer!!

If I was white I am sure there would no problem saying the b-word. I mean… white people don’t even have to stop at the border patrol stop points around here. Not me. I have been asked many times to vacate the vehicle and watch as  they search the car. And its Mexican border patrol agents that do it too! I wouldn’t trust other Mexicans either I guess. I might be smuggling Mexican cheese or some foreign plants!!

But anyways back to white people…. you guys don’t know how good you got it!! Its like this invisible pass to do anything in the world.  Cause you can’t look anything else but white!!

I, on the other hand, look  Mexican, American Indian, an actual Indian from India, Arab-y, and whatever the Kardashians are.  I am lying about that last one. That one would be more of a compliment.

Once someone said I looked like this woman on a cover of a National Geographical magazine. I don’t have to tell you that you do not want to look anything or anyone of the Nat Geo magazine. Sure enough, the woman was of some Amazon tribe and she was missing teeth. Why? Because she was wearing them on a necklace around her neck.

See what I did there… I circled back to my main topic. That is precision. I am like a Gillette razor.

God I can’t remember the last time I was at a dentist. I mean I went when I was kid and teenager. But then once you become a teenager, it’s not like you are responsible enough to continue going to the dentist. You are too busy drinking and eating candy. Lots of candy!

This would be a good time to thank your mothers right now. If it wasn’t for her… I may actually look like the Amazon lady from the Geo magazine right about now.

I wonder how that Amazon lady is doing anyways. I hope she didn’t lose anymore teeth. That piece of thread holding her teeth looked a little flimsy.

It is funny because even though the pic of her possibly looking like me scared the crap outta me I can never forgot her.  Kinda hard when she are now scared to make facial expressions that might make you actually look like her sister!

Anyways, I named her Mooky.  I dedicate today’s post to her.

I  plan to brush my teeth fifty time before the appointment as well as floss like a mother.

Older folks don’t get visited by the tooth fairy. Instead we make ornaments of teeth. Hmmm, I wonder if there is a market for teeth.

Can you sell them to children??

I don’t know if you can tell but I am freaking scared.  Going to the dentist changes you. At least for the day. Your tooth-brush breaks because you use it forty million times in an hour. I was going to wear a cute little dress but thought against. I don’t know how far you gotta spread your legs on that chair.

If you didn’t know, dentist do things to you when you are put under the laughing gas.

Like have sex on you… or take your last $4.

I don’t know why they gotta do you like that. Maybe its cause they aren’t actually doctors and are internally pist.  They are doctors but they probably get bullied by actual doctors. It is very high school if you ask me.

I much rather them have sex on me… at least with the $4 I can buy a durable piece of cord for my new teeth assorted gems.

Fuck… wish me luck.

Wordless Wednesday- The Kids Ain’t Alright… or Are They?

I hate when people compare the kids in our nation to others kids in other countries. That is just messed up y’all.

So what if China is smarter than us… so what?? USA is still top dawg!!

Wow… I think that sentence alone just demonstrated our ultimate doom.

If that didn’t… this will for sure will.

Ok so technically this is incorrect. Technically. Yet, I would reckon that  STDs do make a person sad.

I don’t know about any of you guys but this kid right here has a strong personality. If you didn’t know, that is something very valuable in our line of politics. I can just see this kid becoming a senator… then having an affair, lying about it, then being acquitted of using funds inappropriately to take care of his mistress and love child.

When in doubt …. I don’t know… fucking guess!

Could the sudden decline of our kids because of our parenting??

I can’t say. This could have been about me except I’m actually 77 feet and a half.

Blasphemy!! May the gods have mercy on this child’s soul!

You don’t take away a parent’s right to drink!! What would be the purpose of getting up the morning?!?!?

Maybe the problem is that we are setting up our kids to fail. We should all know our limits. Like this kid.

That’s exactly why I am not a nurse. That and I really don’t like people. Or touching them.

Ummmmm….. staying positive all the time. Other countries could learn from this. Despite problems, you can keep your life upbeat and very colorful.

Never let people question you!

This teacher is definitely a hippie. I never have been punched in the vajay jay but I have punched someone there. It was no picnic for them. Trust me!!

Clap…. Clap …. Clap….

 I don’t about any of you guys but I learned that our kids are very realistic. Maybe we don’t know what x-x(2) is but we got street smarts…. hell we can hustle our way through life!

Our kids are keeping things in perspective. They get the point of life… obviously! STDs suck, we get our parents …generally, and sometimes the most important things are the little things … (sea horses over barnacles!).

Team America … Fuck Yea!

Wordless Wednesday- An Uplifting Story

This Just In: Mondays are More Depressing than We Thought

I cursed the day this morning. As soon as I heard the alarm, I heard the most horrible livid words come spewing out of my mouth.

Me? The Saint.

I know right? I am just as surprised as you. Mother fucking Monday ruining my day.

Mondays make it hard for a me to smile. In fact, I probably won’t smile until 11:18 A.M. and not a minutes less.

Studies show that I am going to arrive  late to work and actually work only 3 hours.  I am fucking screwed today people!! All because it’s a Monday.

I figured that there has to be way…. there has to be a way to beat the negativity that Mondays bring.

Work is my tribe.  I spend more time here then I do at home (someone needs to fix that!!). I need to reconnect with these people cause though, I hate the majority of them, they are still my tribe. We  are essentially cavemen in city suits.  And we are experiencing this Monday together.

Sure there are some I would let the Saber tooth tiger of life eat like the crazy always cheerful receptionist in Admin who I think is high on Meth and not the supposed “high on God” she so claims.

Perhaps I need to linger around the ole coffee pot and connect. You know, feel part of the tribe.

But oh God, there is “Dipweed” of Purchasing that sooooooooooo wants to tell you about his weekend. He stands there staring at you with his goofy smile, watching you prepare the shit you call coffee but can actually fuel a 18 wheeler.

He asks how was your weekend. I know he doesn’t really wanna know about my weekend…. I answer him anyways counting down in my head how long it will take him to interrupt me…


“That’s great… we had a barbecue this weekend. Had the in-laws over. You know how that goes… my daughter said the cutest thing…. blah blah blah…”

Why isn’t this coffee poison?!?!

 And after that … well its all down hill after that.

The next few hours are for remorse…. remorse and regret about not fully enjoying the weekend, not taking more naps, not watching more tv, not appreciating the bed/sofa/refrig.

Monday …. you suck. No matter how I try to see it you are trouble. You bring more days just like you!  You remind me how short life is and how I can’t do it because I am too busy doing the responsibilities you bring in!!  It’s the longest day of the week; it’s a proven scientific fact. Each second is .88892% longer. Just because it’s Monday.

Plus I heard that Monday eats small children, puppies, and little people.


It amazes me what surprises you. Strangers today surprised. Strangers went and above and beyond. And because of me, I wouldn’t let them help. I’m not sure why. I was scared, worried, afraid to be a burden.
But yet, they genuinely wanted to help. People I don’t know. All we have in common are children.
I hope I didn’t look helpless but I was.
I asked for help and no one came. No one came…
But the strangers helped.
I was surprised too on who didn’t help. Who didn’t give a fuck… Who didn’t care. I was surprised. I was the last one to know.
Now I’m left all confused. Who can you count on?
Yourself one.
Others? Maybe ….
I think I have been wanting someone to take care of me all my life because all I ever did was take care of my self and others.
I just wanted a little back.
Did I get it today? Yes but not from where i expected.
Something little adds fuel to a already lit flame.
How much more? How much more can it take?

Thursday Review Movie- Finding The Holy Grail

I have to say right off the bat that I loved the movie I saw last night.

Have you seen The Fisher King?

If you haven’t you need to see this movie!!

If you have, I am totally pist off at you for not telling me about this movie. How could I have ever missed this movie?!!

It came out in 1991… what the hell was I doing in 1991?? Oh, that’s right.  I was seven years old. I was a stupid annoying child probably in the midst of getting a spanking while this movie came out.

Anyways…. back to this glorious movie.

Actor and member of the Monty Python group Terry Gilliam directed this film. Gilliam is a true story-teller and in this movie he delights the eye as well as the soul.

Jeff Bridges plays New York’s #1 shock  radio DJ Jack Lucas, whose low opinion of humanity lends itself well to his radio talk show, where the enmity rubs off on his listeners. Jack is extremely self-centered, prideful, conceited and has no filter when it comes to the drivel he promotes on his radio show. However, one of his listeners takes to heart Jack’s rants and goes on a killing spree at a restaurant, murdering innocent people.

Hubba Hubba Jeff.

 Jack is so distraught at what his on-air suggestion brought that he sinks into a three-year depression, drinking himself to sleep and mooching off of his girlfriend Anne.

Yes, I know. She is very easy on the eyes.

So Jack reaches the end of his intake and tries to commit suicide. To his rescue comes a crazed but witty homeless man named Parry played by Robin Williams.

He tells Jack he’s destined for great things — all his has to do is find the Holy Grail (conveniently located in mid-town Manhattan) and save Parry’s soul. He also wants Jack to help him out with the woman of his dreams, Lydia Sinclair, a shy type who works at a publishing company. Parry was once a university professor who became unglued by a tragic event in his past. You find out that Parry was at that restaurant with his then wife when the listener of Jack’s radio show came him and fired killing his wife. Parry completely lost of trace of reality, and seems to be fighting public demons.

As the movie continues, you begin to wonder if we all have lost trace of some sort of reality. Parry’s fears are real and honest. The tragedy that happened to him is as real to him as Jack standing there.  When Jack discovers who Parry really is, he determined to set it right.

He spends the days with him and gets to know him, his friends, and their friendship starts to bloom.

There is a story that Parry tells Jack that sums up the movie in general and describes the relationship with he and Jack.

The Fisher King

It begins with the king as a boy, having to spend the night alone in the forest to prove his courage so he can become king. Now while he is spending the night alone he’s visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the holy grail, symbol of God’s divine grace. And a voice said to the boy, “You shall be keeper of the grail so that it may heal the hearts of men.” But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but invincible, like God, so he reached into the fire to take the grail, and the grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire to be terribly wounded. Now as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper. Until one day, life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any man, not even himself. He couldn’t love or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day a fool wandered into the castle and found the king alone. And being a fool, he was simple-minded, he didn’t see a king. He only saw a man alone and in pain. And he asked the king, “What ails you friend?” The king replied, “I’m thirsty. I need some water to cool my throat”. So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water and handed it to the king. As the king began to drink, he realized his wound was healed. He looked in his hands and there was the holy grail, that which he sought all of his life. And he turned to the fool and said with amazement, “How can you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?” And the fool replied, “I don’t know. I only knew that you were thirsty.”

When Parry is telling the story, you see that the story hits home for Jack.

So Jack helps to set up the new girl Parry is in love with him.

I love the scene where Parry and Lydia go on their first date.  It’s so romantic but not a cheesy romantic. It’s like a heartfelt sincere moment that they share. During the whole dinner, they hit it off completely. As Parry walks her home, Lydia starts to criticize  their blossoming relationship.

But as Lydia is already dooming their relationship, Parry swoops her up and saves her.

The movie also focuses on Jack and his relationship with Anne. Anne is clearly in love with Jack. She takes care of him, she puts up with his bull shit, but he so self-absorbed that he doesn’t see that. He takes her for granted.

Jack realizes that in order to save his new friend, he must save himself first. He has it through his mind that he is scum, that he is responsibility for Parry’s loss, and that he is unworthy of love so he pushes away anyone that seems to care.

This movie is funny, creative, sweet and even has a bit of fantasy in it. The 137 minutes sail by effortlessly.

The Fisher King emphasizes the purpose of fairy tales in our lives, and the way a fantasy can help us see reality more clearly.

See this!!!

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