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Archive for the ‘Behind the Behind’ Category

While You Were Examining What Beads Went With What Outfit I Was Sleuthing It On The Internet

First things first… I didn’t watch the Grammy’s.


So I don’t know anything that happened last night. A great sleuth has to make their sacrifices. Well, that and Walking Dead was on.

Hello!! Priorities!!!!


But I will get to the Grammy’s tonight after I watch my recorded episode of SNL. Justin Bieber was on people!!

I am sure everyone has heard of the manhunt in LA of the ex-cop who felt he was wrongly terminated from the police force and thus took revenge into his own hands. So ex-cop known as Christopher Dorner is accused of shooting three people. Dorner also made an online manifesto stating the corruption he faced in the police force puting the LAPD in a negative spotlight.

Does he look like LL Cool J to you??

Does he look like LL Cool J to you??

Dorner made a online manifesto (which you could read here ) went into detail about the type of misconduct he witnessed in the LAPD. He goes into detail and detail and you learn a lot about that guy. For instance in his ridicule of his superiors downgrading the president and the first lady he side notes, “Off the record, I love your new bangs, Mrs. Obama.

Thats nice of him!!

Then I guess in a way of saying goodbye he starts shout out thank you’s to everyone is has met and maybe not met:

I thank my friends for the awesome shared experiences. I thank the unnamed women I dated over my lifetime for the great and sometimes not so great sex. It’s kind of sad I won’t be around to view and enjoy The Hangover III. What an awesome trilogy. Todd Phillips, don’t make anymore Hangovers after the third, takes away the originality of its foundation. World War Z looks good and The Walking Dead season 3 (second half) looked intriguing. Damn, gonna miss shark week…. Hillary Clinton: You’ll make one hell of a president in 2016. Much like your husband, Bill, you will be one of the greatest. Look at Castro in San Antonio as a running mate or possible secretary of state. He’s (good people) and I have faith and confidence in him. Look after Bill. He was always my favorite President. Chelsea grew up to be one hell of an attractive woman. No disrespect to her husband.”

He gives Anderson Cooper and Pier Morgan some advice! He states how much he adores Ellen DeGeneres.

Tebow, I really wanted to see you take charge of an offense again and the game. You are not a good QB by todays standards, but you are a great football player who knows how to lead a team and WIN. You will be “Tebowing” when you reach your next team. I have faith in you. Get out of that circus they call the Jets and away from the reality TV star, Rex Ryan, and Mark Rapist Sanchez.

Then he lists a number of actress that he finds the most beautiful women in the world. Hey…. Maxim this is where next year’s list resides!

Dorner lists everyone gives them kudos and telling them how much he enjoys them.

He even says “Charlie Sheen, you’re effin awesome.

Awwww how nice. Fittingly Charlie Sheen has responded. In fact, he is the only one that has.  Sheen has recorded a video plea, sent to ABC News, asking the ex-Los Angeles police officer to call him so they can talk things out.

gty charlie sheen jef 130211 wblog Charlie Sheen Tells Fugitive Christopher Dorner Call MeDonna Ward/Getty Images

“Mr. Dorner, this is Charlie Sheen,” the actor said in the video. “You mentioned me in your manifesto, so thank you for your kind words. I am urging you to call me. Let’s figure out together how to end this thing.”

“Call me,” Sheen added. “I look forward to talking to you.”

Sheen, you are my hero. Seriously, you are the coolest man!!

Man the least the others could have done like Serena Williams, Jay-Z, or Jon Stewart could have done was shot the wanted man a thumbs up.

Charlie, all that coke has made you a man after my own heart!

And finally I was thinking who make a good pope since Pope Benedict gave his resignation.

Here is my top five:

1). Gary Busey: Imagine the crazy adventures. I’ll definitely start going to church.


2) Pope Keith Richards has a nice ring to it


3) Blake Shelton: The Vatican has use some Honky Tonky if you know what I am saying.


4)Denzel Washington… this is for mother!


5) The Rock: Le Sigh



While You Were Golden Globing It Up, I Was In Shock Over Jodie Foster’s Coming Out! She Loves the Color Red Everyone!

I admit, I didn’t watch the Golden Globe awards though I wanted too. I never liked award shows but as I am getting older I am now getting interested. It totally sucks. What sucks even more is that I am still trying to catch up with last  years’ movies!

The real story was not anyone in particular winning. An award show that was not actually about who won. Go figure.

Hell no.

It was Jodie Foster’s  way of saying “I like Beaver…. maybe”.

Truth is… I knew already Jodie! I knew!  I was actually hoping for some real news Jodie.  Something like you have a foot fetish, or you like Justin Bieber because he reminds you of a ex-girlfriend. Something!! Something that I could use.

Instead, you kinda just freaked me out.


First off, she was probably nervous so her speech was kinda everywhere but then she got a little crazy…

Forget the fact that she might retire but the fact that she was this close to giving you the link to her online dating site profile… I was concerned! Someone get this woman a female STAT!

“I am single. Yes I am, I am single. No, I’m kidding — but I mean I’m not really kidding, but I’m kind of kidding. I mean, thank you for the enthusiasm. Can I get a wolf whistle or something?”

Huh? Ladies?? Where was your wolf whistle?

Doesn’t she know the only way she would get a wolf whistle is if she made out with Megan Fox or something!??!?

Then she thanked Mel Gibson and I was like whoa…. profound!!!

All in all…. it was pretty complicated. And it just stressed that actors are crazy. Cause honestly, no one cares who you screw or love, Jodie!

You have proved that as a nation we have evolved!!! Cause we knew the entire time, we just shrugged our shoulders and moved on!

And now its just another group that is too cool to include Marina!

Sigh… I shall never be cool!

Thursday Movie Review- Retarded but in a Good Way

This week thanks to a freebie at Redbox I was able to finally see Casa de mi Padre.

It stars Will Ferrell, Diego Luna, Gael Garcia Bernal and the very very very very smokin hot actress Genesis Rodriguez.

The guys co-staring with Will are pretty tasty as well.

So, Will Ferrell plays Armando Alvarez who has lived and worked on his father’s ranch in Mexico his entire life. He is just a simple rancher.  He is treated with little respect from his father, who though loves him, doesn’t see him as smart.

The father rationalizes that Armando can never run the ranch. All Armando is good for is tending to the cattle.

Oh and one more thing… the movie is all in Spanish. Like you Americanos, I have to read the English subtitles cause I don’t speak a word of Spanish.

Armando’s friends joke with him that he has never been with a woman. He acknowledges that this is true but because he has not found the right one.
The ranch encounters financial difficulties, and soon, Armando’s younger brother Raul shows up to ease his father’s woes. Raul also brings with him his new girlfriend Sonia.  It seems that Raul’s success as an international businessman means the ranch’s troubles are over as he pledges to settle all debts his father has incurred.

Armando is suspicious of the is beautiful woman and questions her and her love for his brother.  Through Sonia, he learns of her treacherous past and also the true dealings of his brother, Raul.  As expected,  Armando falls for Sonia, and Raul’s business dealings turn out to be less than legit. He is a drug dealer.

Soon Sonia becomes involved in a war with Raul and Mexico’s most feared drug lord, the mighty Onza.

And Armando is the only one who can save her and his ranch.

This movie was sooooooo damn retarded. However, I liked it. It got ripped to shreds by the critics. Of course it wasn’t Oscar worthy. It was purely for entertainment.  The humor is pretty old-school which you rarely see these days. They don’t spoon-feed the audience a lot of obvious HAW and BAHAHAHA moments which is what makes this movie clever. Loved the way it was shot, especially the cut scenes where the director really had some fun. For those of you who enjoy comedy on many different levels, this one is a must.

Casa de mi Padre is a spoof of soap operas, the ones in Latin America in particular, and westerns. If you have seen these novellas or soap operas you will know that they over-react like a mother. Scenes are drawn out more than that have too and dramatic music is overplayed and overused.  However, it’s all in good fun.  The movie does ridiculous stuff such as obvious fake backgrounds, revealing the camera crew in reflections and obviously fake animals in the scenery.

“Casa de mi Padre” is a bizarre experiment but it works. The film is played VERY seriously while insanely stupid things happen all around him. It’s very surreal and very odd–and the sort of experiment many will find baffling and unfunny. However, you got to see it as it is. And what it is trying to do.

This film is based on clichés and is predictable. It is the way Ferrel portraits his character with HIS kind of humor. Mixed with typical buildups and “one-take” shots, seen in Mexican movies and Spanish series… The facial expressions and timing makes this film. It’s not a bad film but it is a mater of taste.

I can’t help it I am a sucker for retarded things.


While You Were Experencing Beer Goggles/Taking Off Yours Clothes/Trying to Remember Your New Guest’s Name, I Was Hyperventilating Through A Brown Paper Bag!

You guys …  I am really going through some emotional stuff over here and I need your support!


Hold my hand … Good. Now look at me while you read my words… look at me!! Good.

In recent events, my world has been sent in a whirl wind. I don’t know how much more I can take.

It all started when Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt divorced.

But, but you promised to be together forever!!

Then Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe, J-Lo and Ben Affleck, Heidi Klum and Seal, Robin Wright Penn and Sean Penn, Scarlet Johansson and Ryan Reynolds, and then Katy Perry and Russel Brand. Who else could love that guy!??!?

I think of Kelly Preston and the fact that John Travolta might be gay!!

And when I think I can’t take anymore… I am hearing reports that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are on the rocks.

I can’t handle this information… my state of mind is just to weak!

I am losing it!

Please tell me there is some love in the world…. Kristen Stewart and Robert Patterson are still doing great, right?



I see you all laughing at this blog… completely thinking that I am just kidding. Am I though? Am I?!?!?

That is why I became an alcoholic for a day and half. Vodka flavored whipped creme completes me.


Now to the nitty-gritty…

Batman can fly people! He can!!

Some physicists nerds at the University of Leicester claimed that Batman could fly. However, he would travel so fast, his landing would be the end of him. Bat guts everywhere!

They did some study and their conclusions was published in published in the University of Leicester Journal of Special Physics Topics.

Nerds just ruined Batman for me!!


In Australia,  police responding to a call got more than they bargained for when an eager bachelorette party mistook them for strippers.

The women reportedly attacked the cops tearing at there clothes. Man, ladies… don’t appear so eager!

What did these cops look like anyways? Cause if they look anthing like ours…

I’m just saying!!


And finally, we can all agree that people from Florida are crazy. Some deal in bath salts, some eat peoples’ faces. It’s a lot of chaos over there.

This story is just further evidence that we need to check the water.

A burglar suspected to be behind a string of break-ins at an apartment complex in East Orlando is stealing nothing and harming no one. The man prefers to lie in bed and talk to his victims, one alleged victim said.

The woman, who was not hurt, feared that the burglar would turn violent on her. She allegedly ordered him to leave the apartment and he complied.

Hmmm, he doesn’t sound like a burglar to me. He sounds like an unannounced house guest. One that you just don’t know. You can’t call him a burglar if HE IS NOT STEALING!

Police said the burglar hasn’t hurt anyone but that they want to arrest him as soon as possible because they are not sure what he’s going to do next. Investigators are handing out flyers at an apartment complexes in Dovetail Villas and the Renaissance Apartments, hoping for a tip.

“He had cologne on he had nice dress slacks on. He’s not homeless, mental issues probably,” said the alleged victim.

“I hope they catch him. He really needs to get caught because he’s a psychopath.”

Would you guys feel better if did steal your TV?
Make friends people! Life is bigger then your Facebook. Unless of course you have more than 1,000 friends. If that’s the case, stay home!

Thursday Movie Review- Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?

I finally saw the movie Slumdog Millionaire.

I know… I know I am late to the game. When did this movie come out?  Three years ago. Hey I wanted to the see “the movie of the year” but it got put on a list and the list just grew and grew.

What is important is that I finally saw it. In case you are like me and doing a big, “huh? What is she talking about?” ,  I will explain this crazy but wonderful movie.

First off, I hate when bad shit happens to good people. In this movie, its kids so its even more intense and sad.

 Right away, you see a bit of the end. A Mumbai teen who grew up in the slums, becomes a contestant on the Indian version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” He is doing very well for a poor kid with no real education.

Under suspicion of cheating and fraud, he is arrested and interrogated. He is asked by the detective how he knows that answers to the questions. The events from his life history are shown which explain why he knows the answers. From there, he tells his story.

As young boys, Jamal and his older brother, Salim, lived in squalor, and lost their mother in a mob attack on Muslims.

Subsequently forced to rely on their own wits to survive, the desperate siblings fell back on petty crime, eventually befriending adorable yet feisty young Latika as they sought out food and shelter on the unforgiving streets of Mumbai.

They go from being reeled into one of India’s evil child laborers who forces the children to beg and will cripple them or even blind them for more profit to living a life on the train stealing and  selling items. In between events young Jamal grows closer to Latika. When he loses her running from henchmen he never stops thinking of her from adolescence to his teens.

Jamal is still good-hearted boy whereas his brother, Salim, only knows of money and how to make a quick buck. Salim seems to resent Latika and Jamal’s relationship right from the start. He is also a part of the reason  Jamal  looses Latika each time.

Though life on the streets was never easy, Jamal’s experiences ultimately instilled in him the knowledge he needed to answer the tough questions. Each chapter of Jamal’s increasingly layered story reveals where he learned the answers to the show’s seemingly impossible quizzes. But one question remains a mystery: what is this young man with no apparent desire for riches really doing on the game show?

I really liked this movie. My only regret is that I had not seen it earlier. It’s simply amazing. The story line is seriously top-notch and the acting is beyond great. This movie is a  brilliantly woven masterpiece.

Your emotions will be on an imaginary roller coaster ride the entire time as you blast through a cocktail of blood-pumping adrenaline, powerful secrets, searing heartache and rousing uplift. Slumdog Millionaire immerses the audience in an alien landscape and shows it through the eyes of a young man fighting against history and his own culture’s expectations. Through it all he remains an intrepid, indomitable and pure of heart as an idealized medieval knight.

And he is kinda cute … (Note to self: check how old he is before saying that out loud).

P.S. Then there is awesome thing at the very end. I am not going to ruin it for you but I loved it.

Mum’s the word.

Um so yea… I totally liked it.

The Greatest Movie for the Past Two Weeks

I can’t stop watching this movie. It has consumed my life. Consumed I tell you!!! In fact, I am researching a type of AA meeting for this part.

I love….

I am not however putting in my Thursday Movie review.

I rather want to tell you about it and you make your own decision.

True I have seen some more disturbing movies…. like the Human Centipede (shudders) but this movie is quite different.

Its excellent. In my opinion.

It’s dark, gritty, and very good. Every actor in here is superb.

The only thing I have heard from the people is that there is rape scene.  That’s why people closed the doors to this movie.

I totally understand. I can’t handle movies with rape scenes.

Have you ever seen Irreversible?

This a french film with the popular and hot Monica Bellucci.  The story is told in an interesting way. It’s told back wards and the camera angles assist in this really dark movie that takes place in the dirty alleys of France.

The whole movie centers around this one huge elaborate rape scene. I mean, it was brutal. So brutal my stomach turned. So brutal I had to look away.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo isn’t as severe but rape is rape.

In this movie, she is the anti-hero. She battles against crimes against women but she doesn’t project herself  as that. She just wants to kick some ass.

I read up on the writer Stieg Larsson. Stieg is a Swedish journalist and writer.  He is known for his struggle against racism and right-wing extremism. He would hold lectures about it, writing publications about right-wing extremism, and was the main force behind the founding of the Expo-foundation, a group intended on exposing neo-Nazi activity in Sweden.

As a hobby, Stieg wrote three detective novels in his trilogy known as the  The Millennium-series which were published posthumously;The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.

He never published them. They were only found after his death. He had written them for his own pleasure, making no attempt to get them published.

The main character in his story, Lisbeth Salander,  is fashioned on a grown-up Pippi Longstocking as he chose to sketch her.  Pippi was a popular children’s  story of a girl who was unconventional, assertive, and has superhuman strength.

But probably Larsson’s most major influence was an event that he witnessed himself. When Larsson was 15 years old, he witnessed the gang rape of a girl, which led to his lifelong abhorrence of violence and abuse against women. His longtime partner writes that this incident “marked him for life” . The author never forgave himself for failing to help the girl, and this inspired the themes of sexual violence against women in his books.According to his partner, the Millennium trilogy allowed Larsson to express a worldview he was never able to shed light on as a journalist. She described, with a great deal of specificity, how the fundamental narratives of his three books were essentially fictionalized portraits of the Sweden few people knew, a place where latent white supremacy found expression in all aspects of contemporary life, and anti-extremists lived in persistent fear of attack.

“Everything of this nature described in the Millennium trilogy has happened at one time or another to a Swedish citizen, journalist, politician, public prosecutor, unionist or policeman,” she writes. “Nothing was made up.”

I think that is why I appreciated the movie so much. Because the situation in the movie was really a detail in the character’s life. It wasn’t for shock value either. It was intricate for the movie but the movie wasn’t about it either.  It didn’t make the character feel like a victim but it did define her. It defined her actions and her feelings from thereafter.

I think too that with movies heroes are always men: Bourne Identity, Iron Man, Spiderman,  etc etc.

What’s so great about this movie is that the character of Lisbeth Salander shows her as a regular human being who has a certain type of special skills.  Her super power is that she is brave, intelligent, and she is very independent.  She also controls her own sexuality which I think is very powerful.

So I am not telling you to see this movie…. (See it! See it!). I wouldn’t recommend this movie to my mom…

But… it’s certainly a movie to take a closer look at.

I Just Got Tagged…. Grrrrrreeeaaaaaatttttttttt


I was unexpectedly tagged.

So I don’t know if I should run after someone or wait my impending death with a meat grinder.


I am like totally gay cause I like doing things like this.

So let’s get this thing started so you can figure what the hell I am talking about.

I gotta thank Moon for distraction of what I am really doing.

(planning in world domination)


You must post the rules.

Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you tagged.

Tag eleven people and link them to your post.

Let them know you tagged them.

So here we go….

Favorite Color?

I love red. It’s the best color in the red. If you disagree, then please put you face here….

What season do you prefer the most?

I prefer Summer. I like the weather where I live. Its nice and dry and hot.

If you won the lottery, what would you buy first?

I would buy land to build my dream house on.

Pepsi or Coca Cola?

Coca Cola…..  it’s the God of all soda.

White or dark liquor or do you prefer wine or beer?

I don’t know…. I am still trying to figure that out.

How many shoes do you own?

Maybe 20

Do you eat breakfast in the morning?

UNLESS someone is buying… no.

When watching the news, do you become upset with the things you see and here?

Only certain things like child abuse cases

Room full of rattle snakes or a room full of people?

Room full of people….

Would you forgive me if I stole something out of your home?

Probably not…. Just tell me you are going to steal it and we are cool.

What is your favorite song? (if you can’t choose one, what do you listen to the most right now)

My favorite song is Can’t Help Falling in Love.


Here are the question for the people I will tag….

1.What does the saying “Kicking ass and taking names” even mean???

2. You are driving. Someone flips you off. What is the best reaction?

3. If you could be someone else for a day who would you be?

4. What is the craziest thing you have done?

5. How will you survive the Zombie apocalypse?

6. Can you explain what is wrong with the Olsen Twins and Lindsey Lohan?

7. What deadly sin are you guilty of committing?

8. What is one song you are embarrassed to like?

9. What is a day in your life like?

10. Can you dance like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever?

11. What kind of child are you? 60’s child? 70’s child? etc etc?


Tag!! You are It!!!

Answer the questions, and follow the rules!!

1. Suicidesal5’s Blog

2. Jumping in Mud Puddles

3. Just Married

4. Rub Hub

5. Me, Myself, and i

6. Thoughts Appear

7. Girl Contrary

8. Wise Counsel

9. Brea’s Air

10. Rumpy Dog

11. Pkitass


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