In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

28 Years Later-This is Me

Tomorrow I am 28 years old.

Who knew I would have lived to be a quarter of a century and then some?

Am I surprised? A little. A palm reader told me I would die in a car crash but she assured me I wouldn’t see it coming or feel any pain. It will be instant. I would be too busy listening to music.

That may or may not be the truth but I am totally cool with it happening that way. As long as no one is with me at the time, I am totally cool!

I won’t kid you, the older I get, the more anxious I get. It’s scary getting old. Somehow your whole being becomes a battle field. In your mind, you can still do things as you were able to when you were much younger. However, your body disagrees. I am trying to stay busy and active and at the end of the day I am shocked that my body is rebelling.

I can’t say that I am fully accepting getting older because I haven’t.

What I will say is I do feel wiser. Not wise just wiser. And honestly this is the first time I am feeling this.

Lately I feel like I have been challenged based on what I know or what I believe.  I am also surprised by my answers.

Here is what I learned:

Don’t rule out people completely. They may surprise you.

It’s not that I’m negative nor am I a pity party but I am not used to people doing anything for me. I don’t expect anything from anyway. That’s just the way I am. I am always the giver. I love being the giver.  However, I have learned how to recently receive. Not just in material things but the kindness of people is so overwhelming. I can’t believe I am being thought of.

Practice patience.

I am still learning this one. I am not a perfectionist by far but I love things to be perfect. For instance, I NEED to have the house cleaned, dinner hot and ready when my hubby comes home. I am psycho like that. I want things to always be perfect for him. Always. It stresses me out when they aren’t.  Yet, I need to understand that not everyone is on my time-table. Patience with the little people, I say to myself.

I also need to be patient with my children. Especially with them. I am so busy trying to make everything perfect I don’t stop and just patiently listen to them, patiently let them do something, and patiently let them be kids. Patience is teaching me to not worry so much about the people I don’t want them to be and actually start concentrating on the people that they are.

Let Loose.

I seriously need to drink more. I need to have fun. My life is fleeting. Pretty soon I will just have memories and I need to entertain my grandchildren with something.

Accepting Myself

Since I was younger, I was always being concerned with being liked, with being a nice person. I would take it to heart when someone would say something against me or if someone didn’t like me. I am always paranoid about that.

Why?

Because I wanted to just be this great person.

Little do I do that I am actually doing it.

This is who I am now. I need to accept this is me. I am nice enough. I am good enough. The good person that I was always striving to be exists in me. I am already there. If I stay on this path, I can’t lose.

I am sure there is more that I have learned but this is what I have been thinking of lately.

I can be cool with getting older because that’s just another journey. And who is up for another adventure?!

If it doesn’t work out, I will just move to Montana, find a secluded cabin in the woods, and maybe kick the bucket fighting off a bear Legend of the Fall style!!

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Comments on: "28 Years Later-This is Me" (13)

  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to yooouuuu HAPPY BIRTHDAY to yooouuuu … HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear blogger friend named Marina who always posts the funniest shit ever and I want to be just like her when I grow up, oh wait Im older (and yes I sang that in all one breathe – still doooing iiiiitttt) .. HAAAPPPYYY BIIIIRRRTTTHHHDDDAAAAY to u … (yes I was actually shouting the all caps parts)

  2. Well, look at it this way…you’re still in your 20’s! Get wasted tomorrow and stay away from cars.
    Happy Birthday my dear friend!

  3. Well, I am totally excited for your Birthday and just wanna scream a big “Happy birthday to YOU, Marina!” I really can relate to your “Don’t rule out people completely. They may surprise you,” because I am always a giver and I’m not quite used to receiving… but it’s really great when it does happen. And I gotta say you are a great person and you’ve been great to me and I appreciate that. I hope you have a really wonderful birthday with lots of fun and drinks, and it is a hoot to let loose. 😉

  4. God, I loved this on soooooo many levels. Maybe it’s because my birthday is tomorrow (the 9th) and I can relate with pretty much everything you are saying. I love you( was that creepy?). Happy birthday Lady! Start on that drinking goal tonight ( I have)!

  5. Reblogged this on Suicidesal5's Blog and commented:
    Amazing lady, who is seperated by a day and 4 years. She is awesome and has some awesome reflections to share. So read it bitches!

  6. Happy Birthday! Hope you had a great weekend!

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