Dear Women of the Nation,
I would like this time to express my condolences to our gender. A part of us died this week and I feel I need to bring attention to it.
For many years, our great great great grandmothers like Susan B Anthony fought for our rights and our equality. Somehow that great respect has been tarnished.
What am I talking about? Well, let me tell you a story.
The setting: Erwin, Tennessee. The year: 2001.
A mother by the name of Mysti Potter was teaching her 3-year-old daughter to drive.
Yes! Her 3-year-old daughter.
Hmmm, why would you need to teach your 3-year-old to drive?? Ohhhh, maybe so she could run down to the store and get her mother a pack of cigarettes!! Totally makes sense.
Flash back to 2012: Mysti’s daughter, at age 14, set off driving a stolen car lead police in a two-state high-speed chase.
People I can’t even make this shit up! I can’t. I tried.
It gets better!!
Mysti’s daughter (unnamed BECAUSE SHE’S 14!) stole a friend’s mom’s Jeep and had actually picked her mother up so Mysti could get a pack of cigarettes. Mysti didn’t know the Jeep was stolen and WAS surprised her daughter elected for a high-speed chase — since she’s ALWAYS told her to pull over if the police flag her down.
Well now, how did the daughter not heed her mother’s advice?? Maybe since she has been driving since she was 3, she freaked out being pursued by a cop.
I really like how the mother doesn’t seem surprised at all. She was just chilling on the news smoking a cigarette. Like if it was always a matter of time he daughter was going to be on a high-speed chase through two states!!
Really, what can you say? I am at a loss for words.
And you would think it would end there. That a woman with a IQ of 50 would be a once in a million thing.
I am sorry to disappoint you all… but there are more.
A Providence, Rhode Island woman was arrested Tuesday night by Rhode Island State Police troopers after she allegedly rear-ended them while drunk.
Ok, that is pretty stupid. No… that’s fucking retarded. The only other thing she could have done that would be labeled as mentally insane would be to walk into a police station shouting that she was hammered!!
Of course, the police pull her over. And what do they find?
The woman had her two young children in the car at the time she did it, but luckily they were not injured. A breath test showed her blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit.
So… to recap… a woman drunk as hell reams a cop car with two children in her car. And she wasn’t even a little drunk. She was like Hangover Part 3: Reaming into to Cop Cars drunk!
The 32-year-old mother’s 3-month-old was in a booster seat (Booster????!!!!!) but the seat wasn’t connected to the car and wasn’t properly restrained. The 6-year-old was not restrained in any way.
I am so glad she hardly ever (HARDLY EVER… so not never) drives drunk with her kids.
What the hell??
Everything is just going to hell!! I actually fear for the future. Hopefully I don’t make it pass 30 years old. It’s just too scary out there.
We all need to form a group and not only get these kids outta these environments, but we also need a way to confiscate these women’s ovaries! Stop mass producing women!! Just stop it! I beg you!!
Can we do it? Can we confiscate women’s ovaries? Think how many kids we could save!!
So while I try to figure out how to commence Save the Ovaries from Stupid Women 2012, watch this:
Will is the only other person that feels as I do!!