In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

I bet you are dying to know what happened with my visit to the dentist. I know the suspense is killing you!

So I won’t hold back this valuable information any longer.

So here we go… yesterday. A day at the dentist’s office.

I had no trouble finding the place. Gus (The Hubs) was their previously a few weeks before . The office was currently under construction and was adding an addition building to the place so parking was a little confusing.

Once I found the place, it was enormous.

Inside the building, it was overwhelming.

Who is their decorator, I wondered. I got to get their number. It was so beautiful and sophisticated looking. It was not at all how a dentist office should look. Right away the beauty and sophistication made me nervous. What are they hiding??

A dentist office should put it all out there.They need to decorate to show the pain that will occur in the next few minutes.

They immediately put me on a computer to sign in and fill out forms. I was blown away by this. Is this how all dentist offices are? Is everything all high-tech?? Could I log onto Twitter with this machine?

Dentist office sure ask a lot of questions. They ask the important ones like if you have any diseases, if you are allergic to anything, are you currently taking any medicines? These I understand. The rest I was thrown off by.

Have you had any neck or head injuries?

Uhhh not that I remember.

Do you have any back pain?

Yes… what does this have-

Does your mother know you are gay?

What? Of course she doesn’t!!

When was your last sexual encounter?

Uhhhhhh

You need to have more sex with Gus.

That’s not even a question, wait… did Gus rig this??

Finally I was called.

I swear I panicked when I saw the dentist nurse. She was so little!! Smaller than me!!! And lucky me got her on her very first day!!

Granted, I gave her the benefit of the day cause we all have been there. We all had a first day.

But when it came to x-ray-ing… I sure didn’t like being the guinea pig.  She put this weird mouth piece in my mouth and I had to bite down on it in all angles of my mouth while she tried to take pics. The piece was making me gag. I was finding the urge to puke all over the seat.

FYI… I am not a puker… but I can’t handle anything in my mouth for long periods of time. I don’t what it is. It’s just a reflex … either swallow or puke it out. That is probably why I eat so fast.

The girl took a hundred pics. Seriously. I was about to get off the seat and do it for her!

Alas the doctor came in. A dude. And I must say he was the most nicest doctor I have ever met. Like seriously, he wanted to know everything about me. Everything. I felt loved.

The only thing is he asked all these questions as he was in my mouth. Why do they do that???

But if you know me, I am never one to run from a conversation. So yes, I answered him. But it come out more muffled and slobbery.

Hmmm hbrisdfjhmmmm sdjjfgm.

That is what I said. A bunch of times.

And he would keep talking to me. He must understand this dentistry lingo.

Finally he was outta my mouth…

2 cavities, one tooth that needed a crown and one dislocated jaw.

Wait… what??

A dislocated jaw??

He made it seem like it was no big deal. Sure everyone has to cut up their food in  smaller bites and take apart their hamburgers  bit by bit.

He said it was  something he could not fix.

I feel like a horse… someone should seriously put me down. I will be damned if I can’t eat a double meat with cheese and bacon correctly!

Sighhhhh….. major bummer. My life in those five minutes forever altered. If I had anything going for me, it was that I was this tiny petite girl  could eat steaks and double meat burgers in seconds. Now?It could take up to 20 minutes to eat. Who has this time????!!!!

I am still trying to figure out how this could have happen.  I think I would remember a car accident or getting nailed in the jaw.

And now that explains why there is a slight pain in my jaw at times.

I am going to apply for a disabled sticker…. that way I can get all the best parking. Hello… I am handicapped!! My jaw is dislocated!!

The disability office needs to understand how this has changed my life.

I can no longer eat burgers like a normal human being. Key word: normal. Me: disabled!

I can’t take punches to the jaw anymore. And I was always down for getting down at bars!!!

And sadly….

I sadly can’t keep my mouth open for  more than a few minutes.

Once I relayed the information to the hubs, he was deeply saddened by that last one especially. His quality time is suspended for as long as I can milk it!!

The only thing is if he sees me eat a massive burger the way I am not supposed to he is going to make sacrifice in other areas!!

Must listen to doctor orders!!

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Comments on: "THE DAY AFTER… the dentist" (9)

  1. ryoko861 said:

    WHAT? DISLOCATED JAW!? WTF?
    Oh, and a crown. Get a gold one. Then you can have it pulled when you get old and keep it in your jewelry box for your daughter to come upon when you’re dead and gone!!!!
    At least the office was nice. But just think, you’re teeth will be fixed and you won’t have to worry about getting dentures any time soon.
    A dislocated jaw……? That is just weird.

    • I know!!
      I gotta come up with something really awesome on how I dislocated my jaw.
      Scars and dislocation are cool right??? People will think I am a bad ass right?

      • ryoko861 said:

        What are ya….gangsta? No, scars and dislocations are for bros in the hood!

        Tell people you were in a bar and some biker dude was hittin’ on ya and his girlfriend got all butt hurt and picked a fight with ya and slugged you. Then you turned and whipped her ass by breaking her neck! She’s a paraplegic now.
        Sounds legit.

      • A paraplegic?
        I like that!

      • ryoko861 said:

        People won’t mess with ya if they find out you put someone in a wheel chair!

        Ooooh, maybe you are gangsta!

  2. A dislocated jaw? What…How…. Owwww.

  3. You crack me up so much, “Hello, I am disabled! I have a dislocated jaw!” I guess it must be pretty common if he just kind of nonchalantly added that but I’d be super weirded out too. I mean, come on, you’re in Texas, those burgers they make down there are MADE for you to dislocate your jaw when you eat them!

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