In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Even at 27 and three-quarters years old, I am still pondering what I want to do with the rest of my life. Up until the point, I basically can do anything and be quite happy as long as I working and its fulfilling.

That was a load of baloney.

I wanna do something and get paid lots of money. I want benefits, perks, and notoriety. I wanna be like Johnny Cochran. Cause if he got OJ outta jail, then seriously what couldn’t he do.

And with recent events, I feel that many people need saving from their crimes. Especially when it wasn’t even their fault. It was the heat, it was global warming, god damnit it was July’s fault!

See I live in Texas and normally it’s so hot we can cook an egg on the pavement outside. I wouldn’t recommend cause its tough to get the asphalt grains outta your teeth.

Someone that definitely needs my help is this woman from Arkansas. The 58-year-old woman was driving home at around 6pm on Sunday night when she crashed into the back of a Nissan pickup truck. Instead of stopping at the scene, she continued driving.

The accused told attending officers: ‘I left because I did not want my ice cream to melt.’

She added that she ‘didn’t think there was enough damage to the vehicles to call police’ .

How is this even a crime? In a world where ice cream costs almost as much a car how do not blame this woman? I think the record should show what kind of ice cream it was. And yes, it does make a difference.

What if it was that Magnum ice cream?

This is ice cream for the Gods. It is worth about a kidney! So if she had this in her truck I would have sped off too.

I rest my case.

Another thing I don’t need to remind you is that there are some weird people out there. Very weird. Just visit Wal-Mart. Despite that, these people still have rights and they need to be defended.

Marvin Dwayne Bolick, 51, was arrested  on July 1 on charges of misdemeanor public indecency. He was asked why he was exposing himself, to which he replied, “It was hot outside and I’m cooling off.”

Again, what is the crime here? Cooling off his junk? We all hate when body parts stick together. And I can only imagine for guys when they have their long disgusting balls whaling around and sticking to their legs.


And finally, my last client doesn’t deserve this bad treatment & publicity.

An employee at Remax Allstars Realty noticed the unit was missing Thursday and checked the office surveillance footage only to find the theft on tape. According to the footage, a man is seen cutting cables to the air conditioner and trying to put the large unit into a silver four-door sedan. After struggling for several minutes, the pregnant woman gets out of the passenger seat and helps him lift the unit into the truck of the car.

“That was pretty shocking when we saw her get out the car,” said Kirstin Pedersen.

After securing the air conditioner, the couple is seen driving off.

Here is footage of the scene which in my opinion is not damning but sings of their innocence.

First off, how is this surprising at all? Really? A pregnant woman stealing an air conditioner. Poor girl is carrying a baby. She should have gotten it for free and like 20 of them. And the dude who was probably with her was more than likely her husband. A husband who hasn’t been able to sleep for months because if his wife can’t sleep because its hot neither can he!

Insomnia, the heat are the key factors to this crime and should be forgiven.

The fact that they did it so out in the open and like at dawn clues in on the fact that were delirious. Heat exhaustion, insomnia, a pregnant woman.

They should be acquitted.

So if you are being charged with something… you should contact me.

First let me get my law degree.

Wait how much schooling?

Oh man, never mind.


Comments on: "WTF Wednesday- Heat Wave (said in a sultry disco like voice)" (13)

  1. Another enlightning and Witty Post! Bravo!

  2. ryoko861 said:

    I think you missed your calling!
    Did you ever see “Suits” on USA Network? This dude works for a law firm, but never went to college. But he got this job at a law firm because he really knows law.
    So find yourself a lawyer, convince them you know how to get people out of being convicted and your golden!

  3. This is hilarious and I must agree the heat is a beast! Is Magnum ice cream really that amazing? I always think that it has to be good with the name ‘Magnum.’ 😉 And the pregnant lady shouldn’t get in trouble, she’s pregnant, she needs that damn AC more than anyone else!

  4. I might have a case for you

  5. After reading this I am SO following your blog. I’m also from Texas — this friggin heat is enough to make anyone go insane. Do you think the defense losing your mind due to extreme temperatures would be admissible in a court of law? I think it should be 🙂

  6. Brilliant as always. I seriously think they should change the name of Magnum ice cream because ice cream and condoms should not share the same name. Seriously their packaging is almost the same, gold and brown. So now when I see magnum ice cream I think of sex and when I see magnum condoms I think of ice cream and in the end I am left unsatisfied and frustrated because I can’t make up my mind which would be better, hmmmm…totally off subject. You need to blog about this and settle it. seriously.

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