I cursed the day this morning. As soon as I heard the alarm, I heard the most horrible livid words come spewing out of my mouth.
Me? The Saint.
I know right? I am just as surprised as you. Mother fucking Monday ruining my day.
Mondays make it hard for a me to smile. In fact, I probably won’t smile until 11:18 A.M. and not a minutes less.
Studies show that I am going to arrive late to work and actually work only 3 hours. I am fucking screwed today people!! All because it’s a Monday.
I figured that there has to be way…. there has to be a way to beat the negativity that Mondays bring.
Work is my tribe. I spend more time here then I do at home (someone needs to fix that!!). I need to reconnect with these people cause though, I hate the majority of them, they are still my tribe. We are essentially cavemen in city suits. And we are experiencing this Monday together.
Sure there are some I would let the Saber tooth tiger of life eat like the crazy always cheerful receptionist in Admin who I think is high on Meth and not the supposed “high on God” she so claims.
Perhaps I need to linger around the ole coffee pot and connect. You know, feel part of the tribe.
But oh God, there is “Dipweed” of Purchasing that sooooooooooo wants to tell you about his weekend. He stands there staring at you with his goofy smile, watching you prepare the shit you call coffee but can actually fuel a 18 wheeler.
He asks how was your weekend. I know he doesn’t really wanna know about my weekend…. I answer him anyways counting down in my head how long it will take him to interrupt me…
“That’s great… we had a barbecue this weekend. Had the in-laws over. You know how that goes… my daughter said the cutest thing…. blah blah blah…”
Why isn’t this coffee poison?!?!
And after that … well its all down hill after that.
The next few hours are for remorse…. remorse and regret about not fully enjoying the weekend, not taking more naps, not watching more tv, not appreciating the bed/sofa/refrig.
Monday …. you suck. No matter how I try to see it you are trouble. You bring more days just like you! You remind me how short life is and how I can’t do it because I am too busy doing the responsibilities you bring in!! It’s the longest day of the week; it’s a proven scientific fact. Each second is .88892% longer. Just because it’s Monday.
Plus I heard that Monday eats small children, puppies, and little people.