In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

I wish I could party for Mardi Gras.

That way I could have a sure-fire excuse for Lent.

I will never drink again!!

But who am I kidding… I don’t ever do lent.

Ever.

I think you have to be Catholic right?

Yea…. that’s so not me.

However I do realize that a lot my readers might be. So I have come up with a few suggestions on what to give up on Lent.

1. Give up cleaning.

Remember its only 40 days of lying around in your own filth. But that is one sacrifice that secretly you would be happy to make. Remember it’s for Jesus…. not the taco vendor people.

40 days is like two hours to God. You can totally handle it.

Fuck dishes. You can buy paper plates, cups, silverware etc.

Fuck vacuuming. Just tell your husband and kids to eat by the trash. It will save them the time of having to walk to the trash can.

Fuck dusting. Unless you live in the Sahara desert I am pretty sure you will be fine.

Fuck moping. This would be perfect time to teach your monsters (husband and kids) to leave their god damn shoes by the door.

2.  You can give up sex.

Remember this is for Jesus.

If you need inspiration, I say you totally see the movie 40 days and 40 nights.

This guy gives up sex for 40 days and 40 nights.  In the process, he gets hobbies and starts to study and read.  That could be you. Who knew having sex was dumbing you down. Its time to recapture your intelligence.

Jesus would approve this message!!!

3.  You can give up drinking

Yeah… that’s hilarious.  We will just forget I said that.

4.  You can give up on Girl Scout Cookies like the Lemonade ones.

Buy my cookies or else!

Those are the worse ones anyways.  If you say you gave up on Girl Scout Cookies in general people will think very admirable of you. Everyone knows those little cookie enticers are everywhere. Tis the season!!

But don’t say you gave up on sweets as a whole because then people will think you are dumb and then suggest you should have given up on sex.

5.  You can say you gave up on the computer

Yea, screw the computer.  However there is a clause…. you didn’t say you gave up on Facebook, Twitter, etc.

So you are safe to continue to drink with your virtual buddies on wine party every Friday- Thursday!!!

You do have a smart phone right? A laptop? A iPad??

Fuck you are screwed!! Abort! Abort!

6. You can give up rap music.

Wait no, we did this like in the late 90’s.

So you are good.

I hope I helped you figure out what you can sacrifice .  This is about a time to reflect on your self, be grateful, and remember that if you give up one little thing… you can do anything.

As long as you are drinking, there is nothing you can’t do!

Advertisements

Comments on: "Undecided on What to Give Up For Lent?" (8)

  1. I ain’t giving up my Crown under no circumstances no matter what you say. Nor my android devices. That’s like living without PS3. Are you trying to kill me or something? Lol. Great post, crazy shit, lotta fun.

  2. I am Catholic, I do not participate, but by default given my life I can totally do the give up sex one!

  3. Give up Girl Scout cookies? But I just bought a gazillion boxes of the Samoas.

  4. I’m giving up on trying to lose weight. 🙂

  5. “You can give up drinking

    Yeah… that’s hilarious. We will just forget I said that”.

    Love it. A good hearty morning laugh was exactly what i needed thank you!

    The plus side with giving up sex (if you aren’t getting some anyway) is at least it may have started out as a slump, but now you’re in control of it and it’s a personal choice. Hurrah.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: