Last night was another shitty television night. So I got on the good ole Netflick and decided on the movie Bitten.
Jason Mewes plays Jack
who plays a paramedic. As the story begins, he just got out a relationship that ended badly. His personal life is depressing him bad. Not only that but he works the graveshift shift which dampers on his love life getting any better.
One night he comes home from working and he finds a girl thrown out like garbage. After further inspection, he find she has a vicious bite and is covered in blood. He takes her and cleans her up. He finds that she can’t remember her name and has no one to call to pick her up. He also finds that she is very hot!!
Jack comes to her rescue but soon realizes that she is feigning for something that he has no idea how to fix.
Yes, she is a vampire and needs blood. He comes home one night to find that his ex-girlfriend went into his apartment and his new girl pounced on her.
Jack: Holy shit, you ate my ex-girlfriend! I don’t know whether I call the police or buy you flowers.
Through the whole movie, Jason is very solid in his role. He is funny and you feel bad for him. Yet, you can’t help but wonder where the hell is Silent Bob?
And the fact that its like Jay is playing Jack!! Every time he would say Fuck or Holy Shit I
would wonder what I was actually watching.
Anyways, happy to have this very hot woman living with him, her demands for blood get more and more hard on Jack leaving him to clean up the mess all the time.
Jack quickly devises several plans to keep her fed and, well, as healthy as she’ll get given her vampiric condition. This leads to all sorts of mean-spirited bits of black comedy, a healthy dosage of the red stuff, and more boobs then you can imagine.
I think the director got Jason Mewes, through him in this movie and said do what you do best: Jay. And does that without the whole snoochies bootchies thing. The plot isn’t great but you can’t go wrong with Jay and the nakedness that is bountiful.
At the end when Jack is fighting with his love he makes such a classic Jay comment: You eat people and I am the asshole?
I swear I heard him say that before!
The other best part of the movie is Jack’s friend Roger. He is this whole man with I could give a fuck attitude. He helps push the scenes along.
I wouldn’t say this is the worst movie ever. It’s a bit of a dark comedy that just needed more of a stronger direction. I can’t say I wasn’t entertained. If you’re a fan of Jason Mewes, as I am, this is a must see as you won’t find yourself too disappointed.
Bonus: A killer threesome also happens. I couldn’t leave without mentioning that!