In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

It’s come to my attention that because this  is my 27th year and I, for this year, am in the elite  club called the 27 club where  celebrities that are remarkable geniuses all died.

When?

When they were all 27 years old.

Don’t believe me … read all about it here.

So since my celebrity status has peaked, I realized that something was missing.

I need a stalker.

I do have a few requirements for you auditioning as the role of my stalker.

You must be female, you must not be the “Son of Sam” crazy, and your obsession of me must be healthy.

I want someone to hide in the bushes and follow me, know how to use a camera, and be singing the “You’re Beautiful” song by James Blunt as they follow me through my daily commute.

So let’s get ready to get healthy!!

If you are interested in applying for the job, fill out the form and put it either post it in the comments or a blog post and link me so I can read it.

I will definitely pick the best ones and post here and later on pick a winner.

Name: _______________________________

Favorite Color: ________________

Song You Would Sing to Me: _________________________

Are you allergic to any type of bushes or trees:  ________________________

Can you afford to me smother me in bling: _________________________

What type of lens to do you use in your camera: __________________________

Which is my best side: _____________

Have you had experience in stalking: YES or NO

If yes, who did you stalk: ______________________

Why did you stop stalking: ____________________________

Will you be dedicated to me (Explain) : ______________________

Why Should I Pick You: __________________________

Additional Comments (Bonus Points): ___________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Comments on: "Wanted: Seeking a Fan/Stalker/Crazy About Me" (12)

  1. Name: _Maggie the Mutha fucking Magnificient______________________________

    Favorite Color: ____Red, the color of the blood that flows through your gorgeous veins____________

    Song You Would Sing to Me: __Salt and Peppa’s Pushit. On days whenyou are sad thissong will automaticly lift your spirits,though with the knowledge of me being around , I think those sad days will be few._______________________

    Are you allergic to any type of bushes or trees: _______Are Vagina’s considered bushes? I think I once heard some one refer to mine that way…but no._________________

    Can you afford to me smother me in bling: _______I can afford to smother you …so long as you like cubic zarconias and fancy cut glass.__________________

    What type of lens to do you use in your camera: __I don’t, I prefer an upclose and personal approach. I can get close to enough to actually reachout and tuch you but you never know I am there________________________

    Which is my best side: ___All sides, that was a trick question wasn’t it?__________

    Have you had experience in stalking: YES or NO Nothing that can be linked back to me

    If yes, who did you stalk: __Who the fuck else? Robert Patton!_(sadly he doesn’t sparkle in real life)___________________

    Why did you stop stalking: ___I didn’t want to but they said they wouldn’t press charges if I left peacfully…I can’t go back to prison man!_________________________

    Will you be dedicated to me (Explain) : __Yes, as dedicated as Charlie Sheenis to his madness._________________

    Why Should I Pick You: ___In short, I am awesome and I can dance too. So when I break out into Salt and Peppa’s ‘Push it” I can pop that pea, it will bel like your own god damn oarade,just for you!_______________________

    Additional Comments (Bonus Points): ___________________________________________________________________________
    Ah, push it

    Ah, push it

    Push it!

    Oooh, baby, baby

    Baby, baby

    Oooh, baby, baby

    B-baby, baby

    Get up on this!

    Ah, push it

    Hey!

    Get up on this!

    Ah, push it

    Get up on this!

    Ah

    Ow! Baby!

    Salt and Pepa’s here!

    Sal sal salt and Pepa’s here!

    Salt sal sal sal salt and Pepa’s here!

    Salt and Pep, Salt and Pep, Salt and pepa’s here!

    Salt and Pepa’s here!

    [Now wait a minute, y’all

    This dance ain’t for everybody

    Only the sexy people

    So all you fly mothers, get on out there and dance

    Dance, I said!]

    Salt and Pepa’s here, and we’re in effect

    Want you to push it, babe

    Coolin’ by day then at night working up a sweat

    C’mon girls, let’s go show the guys that we know

    How to become number one in a hot body show

    Now push it

    Ah, push it – push it good

    Ah, push it – push it real good

    Ah, push it – push it good

    Ah, push it – p-push it real good

    Hey!

    Ow!

    Push it good!

    Oooh, baby, baby

    Baby, baby

    Oooh, baby, baby

    B-baby, baby

    Yo, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop

    Yeah, you come here, gimme a kiss

    Better make it fast or else I’m gonna get pissed

    Can’t you hear the music’s pumpin’ hard like I wish you would?

    Now push it

    Push it good

    P-push it real good

    Ah, push it

    Ah

    Ah, ah, ah

    Get up on this!

    Boy, you really got me going

    You got me so I don’t know what I’m doing

    Ah, push it

    Ah, push it

    Push it

    Boy you really got me going

    You got me so I don’t know what I’m doing

    Ah, push it

    Push it

    Ah, push it

    Push it

    Push it, ah

    Push it,ah

    Ah, push it

    Push it

    Push it

    Push it_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    _________________See?Doesn’t that make you happy? ________________________________________________________________________________________

    _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  2. Name: Who would you like me to be?

    Favorite Color: Although it was purple (and the color of the satin sheets I’d be laying you down on), I’ve surrounded myself in your favorite color (the color of love)!

    Song You Would Sing to Me: Every Breath You Take (The Police)

    Are you allergic to any type of bushes or trees: I respect and adore all “bushes” *wink wink*

    Can you afford to me smother me in bling: Of course I can. The question is …. princess or emerald cut?

    What type of lens to do you use in your camera:

    I have a canon telephoto zoom lens and I’ve supplied you with the link for further evaluation

    http://shop.usa.canon.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10051_10051_158210_-1

    Which is my best side: Face in the pillow and ass in the air side ? …… or upright and tilted backward side ? (you like your hair pulled right?)

    Have you had experience in stalking: YES or NO YES< OF COURSE

    If yes, who did you stalk: According to my attorney, her name is to be left our of all correspondence

    Why did you stop stalking: had to by court order (I've learned a lot and won't be caught this time 🙂 )

    Will you be dedicated to me (Explain) : Yes I will and have already provided you with the proof of my dedication, since I've shown you that I've researched how to travel from Las Vegas To Texas and back! Yes, I will bring you back here with me http://www.eplalimo.com/

    Why Should I Pick You: Because I am excellent at everything I do (and I mean EVERYTHING)

    Additional Comments (Bonus Points):

    Every breath you take
    Every move you make
    Every bond you break
    Every step you take
    I’ll be watching you

    Every single day
    Every word you say
    Every game you play
    Every night you stay
    I’ll be watching you

    Oh can’t you see
    You belong to me
    How my poor heart aches
    With every step you take

    Every move you make
    Every vow you break
    Every smile you fake
    Every claim you stake
    I’ll be watching you

    Since you’ve gone I’ve been lost without a trace
    I dream at night, I can only see your face
    I look around but it’s you I can’t replace
    I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
    I keep calling baby, baby please…

    Oh can’t you see
    You belong to me
    How my poor heart aches
    With every step you take

    Every move you make
    Every vow you break
    Every smile you fake
    Every claim you stake
    I’ll be watching you

    Every move you make
    Every step you take
    I’ll be watching you
    [- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/police-lyrics/every-breath-you-take-lyrics.html -]
    I’ll be watching you

    Every breath you take
    Every move you make
    Every bond you break
    Every step you take (I’ll be watching you)

    Every single day
    Every word you say
    Every game you play
    Every night you stay (I’ll be watching you)

    Every move you make
    Every vow you break
    Every smile you fake
    Every claim you stake (I’ll be watching you)

    Every single day
    Every word you say
    Every game you play
    Every night you stay (I’ll be watching you)

    Every breath you take
    Every move you make
    Every bond you break
    Every step you take (I’ll be watching you)

    Every single day
    Every word you say
    Every game you play
    Every night you stay (I’ll be watching you)

    Every move you make
    Every vow you break
    Every smile you fake
    Every claim you stake (I’ll be watching you)

    Every single day
    Every word you say
    Every game you play
    Every night you stay (I’ll be watching you)

  3. Name: Thoughtsy

    Favorite Color: Sparkley

    Song You Would Sing to Me: I think “Shoop” or “Ice Ice Baby” are the only songs that can possibly top “Push It.”

    Are you allergic to any type of bushes or trees: No

    Can you afford to me smother me in bling: Yes (if you mean bling from those 25 cent machines)

    What type of lens to do you use in your camera: Whatever my phone has

    Which is my best side: They’re all your best side.

    Have you had experience in stalking: NO (But I can learn)

    If yes, who did you stalk: You would be my first and that makes it special.

    Why did you stop stalking: NA

    Will you be dedicated to me (Explain) : Like sprinkles on a Pop-Tart.

    Why Should I Pick You: I like cheese.

    Additional Comments (Bonus Points): Did I mention I like cheese?

  4. Name: ____Crazy Ass Bitch

    Favorite Color: __Don’t have one, I’m too busy eating it____________

    Song You Would Sing to Me: __Just the way you are by Bruno Mars_______________________

    Are you allergic to any type of bushes or trees: __Only the kind that cause me to fall out of them__

    Can you afford to me smother me in bling: _Yeah, sure, Walmart has just what you need.

    What type of lens to do you use in your camera: _One that let’s me focus on the important things.

    Which is my best side: _You happy side.

    Have you had experience in stalking: YES, in England

    If yes, who did you stalk: The blue eyes, 6’5″ bloke that drives around in super cars.

    Why did you stop stalking: When I got thrown out of the country_

    Will you be dedicated to me (Explain) : Of course, I live to stalk!_

    Why Should I Pick You: Because I’m basically harmless, but will kiss the ground you walk on. I also take a bad ass picture.

    Additional Comments (Bonus Points): As long as you want me stalking you, I aim to please.

    ( I can’t wait to see if Thy responds!)

  5. Wow! What an idea? Seems like you got that concept from another planet. So so ‘Wow’

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