I am a major movie buff. In fact, that may be a understatement. I am obese with movies. There that is better.
And when I see some of these movies, these great quotes come out that I love. And I am ballistic with joy that I am determined to use these in life when appropriate! I will make it happen!!
For instance, two weeks ago I saw the movie Horrible Bosses. I thought it was quite funny. These guys had to be the dumbest three dudes on the earth but they worked it!
In one scene, one of the guys is explaining why he can’t get another job. Dale is a dentist assistant and his boss willingly hired him despite that fact that he is registered sex offender.
Nick Hendricks: You can’t get that expunged? All you did was point your dick out in a playground.
Dale Arbus: I was taking a piss at night. There weren’t no kids…alright. You know what? You don’t put a playground right next to a bar. That’s entrapment.
Ha ha. That still cracks me up!!
So after thinking deep long and hard a few of the guys decide to hire a profession hitman to off their bosses.
They all meet in a hotel and wait for his arrival.
Nick Hendricks: You found a hitman online?
Dale Arbus: Yeah!
[shows him what he’s found on his laptop]
Dale Arbus: I mean they don’t write hitman, right? Cause that’s dumb. So, they use little code words, like ‘wet work’, right? ‘Liquidation’. Check him out.
[reading the ad on the web site Dale’s found]
Nick Hendricks: Skilled professional with years of experience in domestic and international wet work. Fast and discreet. No children or political figures.
Kurt Buckman: That last part was important to me. When I saw that I thought, okay, this is a good idea.
Dale Arbus: I still feel like we should have got a cheese plate or something for this guy. Just to make him feel…
Why can’t I find friends like this??? Conversations would be awesome!!!
And when that fails they go looking in the worst part of town for a hitman. White suburbia guys are hilarious!!
They find this real run down bar and Kurt who is my fave in this whole movie yells out:
Kurt Buckman: Hey, uh…does anyone here kill people for money?
Nick Hendricks: Kurt!
Bartender (Dive Bar): What the fuck you just say?
Kurt Buckman: Oh, no! It’s not a race thing. Uh…I believe that society discriminates and disenfranchises you folks.
Bartender (Dive Bar): You folks?
Nick Hendricks: Subtle!
Bartender (Dive Bar): Man, I’m a small business owner. Won’t have you call me disenfranchise.
Kurt Buckman: Well, not you in particular. I guess that…
Bartender (Dive Bar): Oh, right! You mean all black people?
Kurt Buckman: Yes.
Dale Arbus: No!
Nick Hendricks: I’m gonna be in the car.
[the bar tender picks up a baseball bat]
Dale Arbus: Woh! A baseball bat.
Kurt Buckman: Uh…I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m…I’m sorry if that’s what happened here, okay? If you knew me better, you’d know my heart was in the right place.
Bartender (Dive Bar): In about five seconds your heart gonna be in the wrong place.
I didn’t realize til now how much I love this movie!
So the guys decide to kill each others’ bosses. They do some recon by breaking into their bosses’ house. After breaking into Kurt’s bosses house, they go to Nick’s boss house.
[a picture of the bosses wife sits front and center on a table]
Kurt Buckman: Oh man! She is hot!
Nick Hendricks: She sure is. Here we go.
Kurt Buckman: Tell you what, I’d like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states. You know what I’m sayin’?
Nick Hendricks: I don’t know what that means.
Kurt Buckman: It’s a saying.
Nick Hendricks: I don’t think so.
Kurt Buckman: No. It is! It is! Yeah. People say that.
Nick Hendricks: I haven’t heard it.
Kurt Buckman: I…I’ve definitely heard people say that.
Nick Hendricks: I’m not gonna argue with you. Let’s continue the recon.
Kurt Buckman: Well, that’s definitely a phrase.
Nick Hendricks: It sure isn’t!
Kurt Buckman: Yeah, it is. It’s from a book. The Great Gatsby, maybe?
I totally used that line with my husband. I asked him one night after we were getting all lovey dovey, hot and heavy if he wanted to bend me over and show me the fifty states.
He totally wasn’t in the mood after that.
Finally Kurt goes and does recon on Dale’s boss who is a hot woman who is always sexually harassing him. She is one horny chick through the entire movie. Dale and Nick realize that Kurt actually ended up “bending her over and showing her the fifty states”.
Kurt Buckman: At first I was surveying her, like I was asked to do.
Dale Arbus: That was all you were asked to do!
Kurt Buckman: She is incredibly hot.
Dale Arbus: Don’t talk about how hot she is, you fucking God damn bastard!
Kurt Buckman: So fucking hot! She really is hot. Next thing you know, she starts deliberately undressing. Come on! In front of her window, with her lights on! It’s like she knew I was watching her.
Kurt Buckman: She is clearly putting on a show. Then, the next thing you know, she uh…she makes herself a little snack.
Nick Hendricks: Did she have an ice chest?
Kurt Buckman: A popsicle. Then a banana.
Dale Arbus: Come on!
Kurt Buckman: And finally, a hot dog! I mean, come on!
Dale Arbus: No, I don’t believe your story.
Kurt Buckman: Three penis shaped food! That…that can’t be a coincidence, right? And eating them in that weird order? That’s not proper meal.
OMG am I the only one dying here?? These guys are idiots but I soooo love them. I really love them!!
I seriously loved this movie. Every part of it is hilarious and yes… it ends happily.
And now I have the wierdest crush on this guy, Jason Sudeikis who played Kurt.