In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Over the weekend I ran to the store and as I was walking in I saw parked up front a smart car.

Awwwwwww am I right??

However, I got angry! My Tahoe could have used that space!!! Notice how the smart car is this tiny thing in this space!!! You could fit five Smart cars in there!!! Why don’t we do that for now on?!?! Lets just cram five of them in one space.  I like that idea!!

Yeah let’s do it!!

I don’t know if you remember but I wrote a blog many moons ago about the Smart Car and basically how they sucked. At the time, I was just being stupid and sarcastic. However a lot of people gave me grief about my blog in turn making me actually hate the Smart Car and their “supposed” purpose.

My theory is its a conspiracy by the government for control on the growing population. Convince the masses that it’s a cool unique smart car, have them by it, then BOOM! a 18 wheeler comes crashing into you leaving nothing but broken glass everywhere.

Touche government, touche.

Feel free to read up ….. What\’s the Deal-Smart Car

I love the Smart Car’s slogan. It’s so uncar or open your mind to the car that challenges the status quo.

Here is the so-called benefit to the Smart Car: Over 96 million Americans drive to work alone each day. That means there are about 288,675,000 empty seats commuting to and from work. Astonishing. That’s why we got rid of the backseat entirely.

I am sorry but that is stupid. If that is the case… then the whole of this car is for lonely fucks!! Fucks that don’t have kids or a lover!!! If  a guy got rolled up in a Smart Car…. jaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,  I can just imagine what the “real package” looks like.

I’ll be like…  I didn’t order a smart car! I ordered a bull dozer baby!!

People who drive these cars probably sing… Eric Carmen’s All By Myself!!

Yeah yeah I said!

Also, what the fuck is this!?!

“Look son, this is what you will inherit.”

“Gee Dad doesn’t look much bigger then the car I drive now.”

“I know what it looks like but it will save you a lot of gas and it will keep you very unlaid.”

“Awww really dad!! That’s what I always wanted…. a non pimp-mobile! I wanna stay a virgin forever. “

“Well here it is. I just gotta make sure no one sneezes on it til you turn 16!”

Damnit!!

Well at least, you got the extended warranty.

Why is it called Smart Car anyways?

Is it just because it saves on gas? Is it because you not only bought a car but also a coffin and burial plot in one??

I am sorry but that ain’t very smart.

You know what is smart though??

A car that would prevent you from crashing. Yeah, that would be smart!

You know what would be smart… if there was a radar that would alert you when you got to close to another car. That would be smart!!

And lets say you ignored the alert, then a brake assist system would kick in and apply the brakes, bringing the car to a stop, if needed. Yes! That would be fucking intelligent!!

Too bad we don’t have this technology!

Wait!!!

We do!!

Mercedes has it! And yes Mercedes is actually a real life car!!!

Now shouldn’t that be called a Smart Car?

Just because Justin Bieber now wears glasses doesn’t make him smart…. so we wouldn’t call him that  unless he was actually fucking smart, right??

I get the angle of the Smart Car but it doesn’t make sense!! I say this as I hit my head with my fists!

All these yuppie loving Smart Car drivers need to find an island and not shower together!!

(dropped the mic and walked away George Jefferson style)

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Comments on: "Revisiting the Smart Car…. That Still Sucks." (21)

  1. You know who loves smart cars? Fuckin Hippies. I for one LOVED the previous blog on Smart (ass) cars and this one. Bravo!

  2. My son commented that a refrigerator box would make an excellent garage for a smart car. With three kids, I still want one. It would be nice to be a little lonely for a few minutes a day.

  3. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

    I totally like pissed myself laughing and shit. And the way you just dropped that shit and walked off… priceless!

    See? See how I did that? I used your lingo to seduce you 🙂 Who am I kidding? That’s my lingo too! Death to smart cars everywhere.

    Are you at the airport yet? I’ll be waiting!

  4. You are so mean! 😉 Maybe smart cars aren’t the best idea in the world. Maybe they don’t even belong on the highway next to 18 wheelers. Maybe it is sad that we are becoming a society of individuals. But is it better to have everyone in the world drive their own SUV… including China? Is that even possible? Will there even be enough steel, let alone gas?

    I don’t care much how things are gonna be. If this was a magical world where steel and gas were infinite, I’d say go for it. But it isn’t. Is it? I was talking to this guy that works for a petroleum company not long ago and he said there was plenty of petroleum left, but most of it is in locations we don’t really want to drill for it. Slant drilling is becoming more popular and we’re sucking the oil out of sand in Canada for Christsakes??

  5. oneshewolf said:

    I am soooooo with you on this. As for what type of car a guy drives, yeah I get judgy and how he drives it I also get judgy. If I drive like a stole it and don’t drive a douche-mobile I don’t want a guy to either. Makes my pussy dry up! 🙂 Awesome post!

  6. I want a car I can fold up and put in my pocket!

  7. Oh, I can’t STAND these little pieces of metal of German engineering! I love their Mercedes Benz but they really went over the edge with this. Look at that front end with it’s sly little smile that screams world domination! You’re knees are the crumble zones! WTF! That’s a death wish waiting to happen!

    Justin Bieber is a dork.

  8. “keep you very unlaid”,,,, hahaha. Also buying the cast of 16 & Pregnant Smart Cars as we speak.

  9. The smart car are like damn golf carts that old people drive around in. They are so tiny that my legs just hurt looking at one and they are so expensive too! Whenever I see one driving on the toll way I point and laugh, they are just so ridiculous looking!

  10. Smart Cars are overrated they are just small regular cars there is nothing smart about making it fuel efficient except it is small and weighs less.

    All that said I test drove one once and it was kinda cool but I would never want to drive it on the highway.

    Justin Beiber… Ugh!

  11. Someone, Somewhere said:

    When I see a smart car, I have the urge to pick it up, put it in the bed of my 96′ f250, go to the grand canyon, open the tailgate, and push it off into canyon.

    ps. I prefer my Ford F250, with 460 cubic inches of muscle.

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