I don’t really write about my actual personal life unless of course its funny, something is annoying, or I am angry. Truth is all that is entertaining. At least to me anyway.
I don’t like to write about any thing depressing or sad because I am not that type of person to dwell on it. And I feel like once I write it down, for instance on here, it’s etched here forever. I can’t erase that.
Today though I need to talk about it. I just need to get these thoughts out there.And for getting so personal… I know I will instantly regret it.
Today some time in the late afternoon Gus’s youngest brother Randy is leaving for Afghanistan. This will be his fourth overseas tour. Three in Iraq and this will be his first in Afghanistan. He is only 28 years old and already seen the world then people have done in their life time.
He is as far as we know going right into the line of fire. He is straight up infantry.
The past tours he always lived across the country. We never saw him leave and quite honestly we really didn’t see him. He was married and had his own life and his brothers were living theirs.
However, in time, Gus and his brother began asking Randy to come back home. They missed their little brother. After their mom had passed, there was a sense of urgency to reconnect. Well he moved back down as of May of this year. And every weekend, all three boys have spent the weekend together.
Randy and his wife have gotten even more closer to our kids then before. It feels like the family is together and complete.
Part of the bargain to move back home was that Randy had to serve in Afghanistan. He had been promoted many times and now at his new rank, he hadn’t had to go overseas for two years.
Yet they both wanted to come back home even at the cost.
Today will be the first time ever my husband and his brother Jon see their little brother ship off.
Yesterday as we were all together, the kids were able to say their goodbye. That alone was heart wrenching. Our kids understand that he is leaving for a long time. The don’t understand the full capacity of it all but were sad. I guess you could feel it in the air and when some of us broke down yesterday, they did too.
Randy acknowledged one of the hardest part about leaving is leaving our kids. After everyone went home, the kids asked questions but what can you really tell them? The truth? The possibilities?
How do army families do this?
We just told them to think of him always and let him know how much they love him.
Truth is, all these emotions get stirred up. Thoughts creep into your mind that you want to resist but can’t. What if…
I started to see the bigger picture. I hope higher powers don’t just see these soldiers as the army as a whole and that is it. I hope they see them as individuals. Individuals that all belong to some one who loves them very much. That what they do is the ultimate sacrifice. The ultimate.
I don’t know how Randy’s wife Sarah has done it. I don’t know if I could walk those shoes. All we can promise her is support and family.
This one is a hard one to swallow. Very hard one to swallow.