In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

I don’t really write about my actual personal life unless of course its funny, something is annoying, or I am angry. Truth is all that is entertaining. At least to me anyway.

I don’t like to write about any thing depressing or sad because I am not that type of person to dwell on it.  And I feel like once I write it down, for instance on here, it’s etched here forever. I can’t erase that.

Today though I need to talk about it.  I just need to get these thoughts out there.And for getting so personal… I know I will instantly regret it.

Today some time in the late afternoon Gus’s youngest brother Randy is leaving for Afghanistan. This will be his fourth overseas tour. Three in Iraq and this will be his first in Afghanistan. He is only 28 years old and already seen the world then people have done in their life time.

He is as far as we know going right into the line of fire. He is straight up infantry.

The past tours he always lived across the country. We never saw him leave and quite honestly we really didn’t see him. He was married and had his own life and his brothers were living theirs.

However, in time, Gus and his brother began asking Randy to come back home. They missed their little brother. After their mom had passed, there was a sense of urgency to reconnect. Well he moved back down as of May of this year. And every weekend, all three boys have spent the weekend together.

Randy and his wife have gotten even more closer to our kids then before. It feels like the family is together and complete.

Part of the bargain to move back home was that Randy had to serve in Afghanistan. He had been promoted many times and now at his new rank, he hadn’t had to go overseas for two years.

Yet they both wanted to come back home even at the cost.

Today will be the first time ever my husband and his brother Jon see their little brother ship off.

Yesterday as we were all together, the kids were able to say their goodbye. That alone was heart wrenching.  Our kids understand that he is leaving for a long time. The don’t understand the full capacity of it all but were sad. I guess you could feel it in the air and when some of us broke down yesterday, they did too.

Randy acknowledged one of the hardest part about leaving is  leaving our kids. After everyone went home, the kids asked questions but what can you really tell them? The truth? The possibilities?

How do army families  do this?

We just told them to think of him always and let him know how much they love him.

Truth is, all these emotions get stirred up. Thoughts creep into your mind that you want to resist but can’t. What if…

I started to see the bigger picture. I hope higher powers don’t just see these soldiers as the army as a whole and that is it. I hope they see them as individuals. Individuals that all belong to some one who loves them very much. That  what they do is the ultimate sacrifice. The ultimate.

I don’t know how Randy’s wife Sarah has done it. I don’t know if I could walk those shoes. All we can promise  her is support and family.

This one is a hard one to swallow. Very hard one to swallow.






Comments on: "Goodbyes are Hard to Swallow" (23)

  1. My heart goes out to you and your family. Goodbyes are the hardest and I can’t even imagine going through something like this. I want to take this opportunity to thank your brother in law, your family and you personally for all the sacrifices you are making for this country. I hope we can be worthy of them. I am not sure, if this helps, but I think it’s important to know that other people will be thinking of him and your family and praying for his safe return. Thank you so much!

  2. (((HUGS))) Goodbyes always suck. I don’t even know the guy and I’m choked up! I couldn’t be an army wife. I give them SO much credit. Living with that unknown and uncertainty.
    Randy and his family will be in my thoughts. I wish him only the best and to be safe. He’s doing such a great service to us and this country. They never get enough credit for their duties.

  3. oneshewolf said:

    I always wonder to how many of the spouses survive that life. I am not sure how I would fair. But with most things, if you have enough distractions and hope anything is possible to work your way through. I like seeing a post like this from you even though I have known you are not one to blog about such things.

  4. This does suck. I am sorry to hear it. It is good his wife and children have ya’ll to be there and be supportive.

  5. How sad. I could never do. Mr T’s sister and brother in law were both in the military. Our nephew just finished basic training and our niece just started basic training. I was very upfront with the men in my life. I support our military 100% but I do not want to be a military wife.

    Your brother in law will be in my thoughts and I hope he returns safely.

  6. No regrets, lady. Some things are too big to conquer in your head. I can’t imagine what a scary situation this is for your family, and we’ll be sending big love your way!

  7. *hugs* My heart goes out to your family. I hope he returns safe from harm and into the warm arms of his loved ones.

  8. I’m so sorry, Marina, that your family not only has to be put through this but I feel so bad for Randy’s family as well and especially for his wife and children. I don’t know how she does it, but she is a very strong woman! Behind the people who go into service for our countries are mothers, husbands, fathers, and I think sometimes it’s easy to forget how much they sacrifice so that we can be safe. I’m glad that you shared this with us too. My heart goes out to you, and Randy’s family. He’ll be in my thoughts and you’ll be in my thoughts too.

  9. I read this on my phone yesterday and it gave me goose bumps. I know how much it took for you to do such a personal post. I don’t know how military families do it either. I wish your brother in law the best on his deployment. Many hugs!

  10. You and your family are in my thoughts. I hope he returns safely.

  11. There’s nothing wrong with bearing your soul. It can be cathartic and catharis is often vital. If you blog with some annomimuty, no one knows who are you anyway. Well, be that as it may, I send you good thoughts for your family. It’s not easy letting go of people….especially when you’re releasing them into a war zone.

    Stay strong. Think positive thoughts and hope and pray for safe keeping and prompt return home to those who love him. And by all means, don’t fear your feelings or conveying them on your blog. What you write might have a very definitive impact on someone else. A much needed impact. Humor is always good, but sometimes, so is poignancy.


    • You are right.
      All my life I have kinda struggled with showing any kind of emotion. I don’t think of it as weak but I do feel stupid afterwards.
      You are right though. Its a good way to look at it.

  12. Ashley Lopez said:

    Damn girl that is hard. One of my best friends just got married and not even an hour after t hey married, he left to Afghanistan. It’s so hard to say goodbye to someone like that because of the what ifs. Im sorry girl Im sorry your kids are hurting!

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