In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

I got here today at work in such a good mood it’s actually making me sick. I am disgusted with myself.  I didn’t get much sleep last night. I woke up at about 2am with the sound of something crashing in the kitchen. Not even a second before that crash Ryan laid up in bed and said something about his sisters. I don’t know if he was talking in is sleep or what but his voice woke me up and then that crash happened.

For some reason at 2 am I was able to reason what it was but I was too scared to calm myself down. I go into the closet and unlock the shot-gun and slowly make my way through the hall to the kitchen.

As I expected, a box full of plastic silver ware fell from on top of the kitchen. I was weirded out because  could have sworn … in fact I am sure I put it on the frig in the center …. but the way it fell it fell to the side. Strange.

So after that I looked in the front yard, rechecked all the doors, checked out all the rooms and the garage. However, I was scared out of my mind. Not only that I was so hot last night that I had the window wide open. Now I was afraid that someone one was gonna try to get in through the window.  So needless to say I kept waking up and looking at the window.

It just reminded me this morning that I am sick of having so much responsibility. I am tired of being the protector at my home. I mean, I am doing it, but god I might have a nervous breakdown soon enough.

Being responsible sucks. I am tired of making decisions. So I have decided to demote myself down to being a sidekick. And I am now hiring for someone to be my Batman so I can be their Robin.

I won't have much of a package as the real Robin.

For the most part…. I am super easy-going. Nothing bothers me. I am chill! I am also super optimistic.  So I will make a great partner. I will be the opinion-less partner.

For now on, you decide what we are eating or where. You can pick what I wear. You can tell me when to do the dishes or when to do the laundry.  Hell you can do it! Especially if I don’t do it to your expectations.

You talk and I will just listen.

I am just tired of making all the decisions.

However with any clause, there are some guidelines that need to be addressed before someone takes the job. You may be my Batman but even Batman doesn’t wear Robin’s spandex.

I hope that makes sense. It made sense it my head.

Guidelines:

1. Do not talk bad about Kim Kardashian. I love her.

Nope! Don't say it!

2. If you choose to eat Pizza a lot, we will get along just fine.

3. When you make me sandwiches, can you cut the edges off? And if you can make fancy designs with the sandwiches, that’ll be great.

Exactly!!!

4. Please listen to me. When I see a movie or read a book, I will believe it changed me for the better. But don’t worry, it will go away within a day or so.

5. You gotta agree my kids are the cutest kids in Texas. In Texas!

6. Yes you can send those ugly brats to the corner.

7. I am totally ok with microwavable food. Food is food.

8. I will panic if there is no tea or coke in the house.

9. I am a movie freak.  You don’t have to watch all the movies but for sure the scary ones.

10. Don’t touch my hair. I am not one those girls that likes their hair played with but if you wanna massage my feet, go right ahead!

So if you feel I ain’t that much of worry, feel free to send me to an application indicating why you make a good hero for me. Note: Superhero uniforms are totally up to you just don’t put me in anything lime green or boots that have a super high heel. Because then  I won’t run or even walk for shit. Remember I will be your Ugly Betty.

I will let you know if you posse the qualities to ward off all the “evils” that bother me. I will let you know as soon as I find someone to do all this reading that this interviewing process will entail.

Now if you excuse me,  I must send this secretary back to her desk so she doesn’t get in trouble for typing this post.

 

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Comments on: "Now Hiring- Will You Be My Hero" (15)

  1. Where did you find my daughter’s picture (ugly Betty)
    So 3-4 yrs back I had the worst case of paranoia. I mean baaaad! I would go without sleeping for days! Days I tell you. Have you ever gone without sleeping for days? The mind starts playing evil tricks on you. If I told you some stories about what happened those nights you’d have me committed.
    Shit I should write this here now they will be able to read this. (looks around to see if they are watching)
    I’m guessing I don’t qualify as your Hero?

    • More like another side kick in need of a hero. Tough luck … you would have been fun.
      I wanna hear these stories… seriously who do I need to … uhhh… please tell me? Please!

  2. I can so relate! Sometimes B gets frustrated with me because he’ll ask what I want to do or where to eat or whatever question it is he is asking I will answer with “whatever”. It’s because I am tired of making decisions! Someone else do it for awhile!
    I am sorry but I am not applying for the job, what I will apply for is to be your sidekick so we can just sit there and look pretty!

  3. firecracker3 said:

    Hmm, I guess I am doing pretty damn well on my own, living alone for years, handle all my stuff on my own, mortgage, re-fi, bills, car purchase, etc. I suppose I would make a nice little hero or husband 🙂 As I like to tell people who have any doubts, “Hey! I fucking got this! Alright, don’t worry!”

    Can you play with my hair at least? I like it brushed, like a My Little Pony…oh god, I didn’t just use that as an example *hangs head in shame and weeps*

    • Wow…. your resume is lengthy. I like it! I can totally brush your hair like a My Little Pony… I gotta do it to the girls My Little Ponys all the time. So you can trust your hair with me. I think maybe I should propose to you to make it official.
      I am sorry that I just added to more sidekicks

  4. With all the crap I am dealing with, I’d like to demote myself also. I’m tired. Thankfully Mr T is my hero and I rarely have to worry about much. Okay….. who the hell am I kidding? I’m always worrying about something and bite off more than I can chew but at least I have backup. So……if i am demoting myself I guess I am too tired to apply for your hero position. What I think is there should be some kind of mandatory sidekick meetings once or twice a year where we can all get together, shoot the shit, tip the strippers and have a drink.

    Love you!

  5. At least you didn’t have an EARTHQUAKE to worry about!! The sky is falling, the sky is falling! Whatever shall we do!???

    Life itself is just stressful! I’m tired of the responsibilities, too! I say we close life for a couple days and just chill.

    • Right! But we can never close down Twitter… or Mc Donalds… or Pizza Hut and Papa John …. or the parks cause my kids need to be tired out so I can enjoy them.. and…..

  6. I was pretty darn close to perfect for the job… but the whole Kim K thing? I. Just. Can’t. Help. The. Jokes.

  7. I totally feel you, that would scare the BeJesus out of me if that happened during the night! There once was this bag in the middle of the shelf at the apartment, and it flew onto the ground like it was pushed… and that was with him here. I’d vote myself a hero, but you know me, I am so a sidekick. Your kids are definitely the cutest in Texas, of course!

  8. Can I be Batgirl? I’m more of a sidekick as well. I don’t want the responsibility of being in charge.

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