In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

I rarely watch the news. Ok news to me is afternoon with Nancy Grace. And it is not because I like her . She gets me so heated. I like to say Nancy Grace is the Jerry Springer of the media!

 So it wasn’t until on Twitter I started seeing comment about the London riots.

 Riots in London? Why ever for??

 First off, I am appalled at London. Not so much that it is riots but the fact that it is LONDON!

 Why London? What has got your looms in a tizzy?

 Whenever I think of London, I think of the pinky raising, mandatory tea drinking, “quite so” and “cheerio” talk, and their royal manner. And only one person in the entire UK is queen but everyone is royalty over there. That is just how they act!

Look at the queen!

Never in a million years can the good ole USA pop someone as proper and stiff as this women.

 She would never riot. Hell she probably doesn’t even open a door for herself!

So certainly she or people of her kind would never be seen over turning a car or setting fire to buildings and vehicles. It’s just simply unheard of.

In fact, if it wasn’t for the British peeps, we may or may not have discovered our pinkies. Or that we could get a drink a from tea leaves. We may not have pushed for dental care in the States either. The UK has given us great people: Simon Cowell, Monty Python, The Beckhams, Russell Brand and the Beatles!

This list could go on and on.  Their buses alone are the shit!!

This is what America produces…

 These are the people who know how to riot. 

The most important thing is : Before you set ablaze to anything or attack anyone… make  sure you loot. And not just free hot dogs and clothes … grab the electronics!!!  And/or some slurpees!

 The people in London are just doing mindless vandalism!!

 Americans aren’t going to riot for free and not get something out of it!! We have to take time off of work for it. And lets face it, we don’t have much paid vacation.

Learn from us London! Sure setting shit on fire is fun. Hell, we do it here all the time! No riot needed but looting… looting is a technique. And not everyone can do it.

 Can you tell the difference between a Toshiba flat screen tv and a Panasonic? Americans can!  All we love is expensive shit!!

Ok UKians… notice these pics. And tell me what you see….

   Do you see how they are comparing what each other stole? 

There is always something better. And when you’re rioting, your greedy gene spikes!

   Notice how organized it is. They aren’t running around mad, freaking out. They are calmly lingering at the scene of the crime. Its called Looting Confidence. It needs to be oozing out of you or you will get jumped during the riot.

 Another thing, always carry more than what you can handle. The escape is brutal so you will lose some items along the way.

 Always use your head!

Bring a big bag or a car!

Also too, what helps the “cause” or doesn’t make you look completely crazy is your need for a sign or motion or signal for your riot.

 The fist is very popular. But it is your choice.

Well I hope I have helped you Brits. My goal was to ensure that if you are gonna do something so ludicrous as rioting, you better not do it half ass.

Do it the American way!!

If you can’t hang, maybe you should go back in your pubs, pour yourself a pint, and watch some soccer.



Comments on: "How To Riot…. American Style!!" (12)

  1. firecracker3 said:

    The Looting Confidence statement…hahahahahaaha, funny as hell! So true, so true.

    • I just see this confidence in Americans that others just lack.
      There needs to be a class in looting… I will be happy to do it as long as I can loot as well.

  2. I like the trunk full of beer. PRIORITIES PEOPLE!!!!!

  3. Ha ha ha! Well said teacher.
    Don’t forget to bring the kids To help carry out the goods

  4. LOL! I get a kick out of you!

    I find the looting in UK a little unnerving we just saw it a few months back in Vancouver over a hockey game. So nothing surprises me anymore…But is this becoming the norm?

  5. This is hilarious! Yeah, we definitely don’t loot for free and don’t get that much paid vacation (if any) so you gotta think it out before you loot! You get one chance and that’s it to grab and go.

  6. TheIdiotSpeaketh said:

    LMAO! You need your own show on Cable! 🙂

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