I figure if I am going to be compared to any type of celebrity I would be compared to either Jenny McCarthy or Jessica Alba BUT only in the movie Good Luck Chuck.
And when I say this I mean like goofy like Jenny and accidental prone clutz in Good Luck Chuck.
It’s true… and this weekend proved more than anything how accidental prone I am. And there is no reason for it. I am just one weird kid. The only thing I can think of as a possible cause is that I was dropped repeatedly over and over. I have tried to ask my mother to confirm the obvious and she always gets angry and says, “I was a good mother!! Are you saying I wasn’t a good mother?”
No!! Jeez woman!! Man menopause is a bitch apparently. All I was doing was asking if she beat me repeatedly on the head at one time. Thats not a hard question!
Those blows to the head do explain that I don’t remember anything on Friday. Hmmm… nope seriously don’t remember anything from Friday.
I know we watched The Last Airbender which I have to say is a cool ass movie!! Saturday we had ballet practice. My husband’s aunt from California came down. I am especially close to her. She from the beginning of my and Gus’s relationship has just liked me. She has seen things in me that I don’t understand but she loves me.
For instance, I haven’t seen her in two years. Two months ago I dyed my hair with a store box color of red. No one noticed. No one! I never said anything about it either. If you didn’t notice I wasn’t gonna flaunt it everywhere!! So here I had dyed my hair two months ago and she had not seen me in two years. And she noticed right away!
We were in the kitchen at my brother in law’s house and she said as she sipped her Chardonnay, “I love that hair color on you. Keep it that way. It brings out your eyes.”
I hugged her with my eyes! Not even my own mother and sister had noticed. I don’t know why she goes out her way for me. She has grown children and two grandkids. Right now her husband and her are enjoying life with out the kids and are traveling. The other daughter in-laws don’t have any kids, have really great jobs, so they are free of many the financial responsibilities that I have. They are constantly getting her gifts and can fly out to see her many times and one in particular was very close to my late mother in law.
Yet the Aunt gravitates toward me. I have no idea. Maybe I look like a lost soul. I mean I know I am lot funnier. So we had a good cook out with her and cool husband on Saturday.
Sunday we took the kids off roading and shooting.
First, we had been riding all day. There was a large group of us and we were taking turns with the quads and the buggie. The buggie was a new thing for me. It is so fun though. My youngest daughter wanted to ride with me so I took through some sandy areas. We go through this area called Red Sands where the sand is exactly that: Red. And it’s very fine. So you can find some good isolated curvy trails.
So we took a quick turn in some sandy area and I got stuck in the sand. No worries…. I stood up and bounced up and down on the buggie and the sand released us. After that I was a less brave on the sand cause I never get stuck. And I did. Even though I got us out, I knew it would be a few minutes before anyone would come looking for us. And it’s too hot to even wait 10 minutes. I am mean, we are in the beeping desert.
So as I follow the trail back to get us back on the actual road and I go over a small hill and FUCK!! I bottom out. Bottom out means when I not only get stuck but also because my front two tires are not touching the ground and the back two are buried in sand.
My daughter starts freaking out. Geez did she make feel totally irresponsible!
I keep telling her don’t worry everyone is riding around and are bound to show up. And if not that don’t worry Daddy will come looking for us. Sure enough there is my hubby coming around the corner laughing his ass off.
Fuck you universe! Its kinda embarrassing for me… however I am the only chick riding the quads and buggie.
Then we went to another remote spot to go shooting. We brought this huge tent to provide shade. Within the time of driving to the area, the weather changed. It was cloudy and windy. It even started to sprinkle.
My sister and I were sitting under the tent supervising the kids when a big gush of wind caught the tent. Her and I grabbed it quickly, stopping it from flying away.
See I could kick myself with what happened next. After we were done riding, I wanted to go take a nap. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, my kids wanted to go shooting. They don’t even shoot!!! So I went to help supervise them . Man, I wanted to go home!
My brother-in-law calls my sister-in-law over to try shooting a few rounds. She says no because she is helping me hold the tent down. He asks me can you handle it. And stupidly said yes.
Wind stronger than me? Get out!!
So there I am sitting there…. when seriously… Zeus blew the biggest gust of wind. Gust may not even be the word. A mini tornado is more exact. I grabbed the tent leg to stabilize and then I noticed my whole chair was moving and flying away with the tent.
It dragged me a few feet knocking me to the ground and I held on to the leg for dear life!! Everyone rushed over to help me. My back was scrapped, my arms, and I fell and bent the shit out the tent legs.
I got up and my stupid brother in law was laughing. Everyone was. My hubby was like you should have let it go. Uhh!!! I was hanging on to it for dear life!! Hello and it was dragging me whether I wanted it too or not.
Damn you universe… damn you!
Why does this shit happen to me? Why couldn’t it happen to anyone else!??!
Seriously, in one form or another, this is my life everyday.