In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

I wasted 101 minutes of my life that I will never get back!  Never!! I feel depressed, and angry!

Ugh!

So I have a list of banned movies and I picked this movie because and I quote, “The film was considered controversial not only for its depiction of violence, but also for the gratuitous nudity and Caligula’s sexual passion for his sister.”

I saw Caligula.

 

 

It’s a 1979 movie with the major actors and actress Peter O’Toole, Malcolm McDonald, and Helen Mirren.

First off let me tell you, Helen Mirren now is one smokin woman! This is her when she is young! And of course you see her naked. She is 13!! I said it!!

So after the first 30 minutes, I had no idea what was going because EVERYONE IN THE DAMN MOVIE WAS NAKED!

EVERYONE!

It’s hard to concentrate when everyone is running around with their asses hanging out, their boobies swinging low, and well other tidbits.

So its starts off with a young man and young woman kissing and fondling each other.We later learn they are brother and sister.

Those Romans!

 They have short toga like clothes on. All the girls’ boobs are hanging out and you can see her vajayjay and ass. So really, Hollywood, what was the point of the clothes?

I saw everything! I see what you are doing. You are assuming  I am a perv. Well just this once you are correct but, BUT that was just cheesy.

So the point of the story is the correct emperor of Rome, Tiberius is dying. So he has emersed himself in nothing but naked woman all the time. His sanity isn’t quite there. The young man first pictured is Tiberius’ adopted grandson. Tiberius openly tells him he is not loved and he knows he wants to kill him. Caligula (what kind of fucked up name?) denies it swearing his allegiance.

Tiberius even tries to poison him to avoid Caligula taking over the throne. Denied.

But Caligula does finally have Tiberius killed. 

I had to google all that because I was distracted by the naked bodies and all the freaks.

It was like the 60’s mixed with Carnie freaks. So disturbing but you can’t look away. Seriously, it felt like everyone was having a giant orgy without the actual sex.  And  oh the set looked like a high school construction of Rome. Clearly Hollywood was on a budget!

So Caligula is all over his sister. Despite the fact that she messes around with her brother, she knows how to somewhat run an empire. She told her brother who he should get rid that are potential enemies. She even tells him to marry a priestess so he can have an heir.

That’s where Helen Mirren comes in. Her naked was the only highlight of this movie.

You know another note… Caligula may be the  “man” is this movie but he came across to me as gay. I wouldn’t be surprised. Half the men were fruity to me.

Well Caligula’s sister falls ill and eventually dying. So he goes crazy. Violent crazy.

He gives his horse political office and humiliates and executes anyone who even slightly displeases him. He organises elaborate orgies and embarks on a fruitless invasion of England before meeting an appropriate end. There are various versions of the film, ranging from the heavily truncated 90-minute version to the legendary 160-minute hardcore version which leaves nothing to the imagination (though the hardcore scenes were inserted later and do not involve the main cast members).  I obviously saw the regular one. Maybe if I saw the hardcore one, I would have been more entertained.

Eventually people kill Caligula. Good riddance!

What was fucked up was they kill Helen too.

Those bastards.

Moral of the Story: If you going to be naked … don’t act like your hiding it but wearing a small sheet.

2nd Moral= Don’t see this movie!!

 

You’re Welcome.

And now I miss the 60’s.

But never Carnies. 

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Comments on: "Thursday Movie Review-I Have Reached the Shitter" (20)

  1. Well see Now one more movie that was on my Must Watch List now crossed off! Whatever will I do? For a more modern naked experience I have heard Love and Other drugs fell into the Mild Porn Category! And despite it might have a sucky Plot the very thoght of Jake Gillenhall has me rushing to Hastings to Check it out 🙂

  2. Haha. Love that you googled the plot line because the tatas were too distracting. I’m thinking I’ll pass on this one!

  3. that movie sounds…let’s see…what’s the word…awesome? Not really. 😉
    Quick watch Dirty Dancing and get back those life minutes.

  4. My daughter studied all the roman history a couple years back and we hit Caligula, I had to edit some of it. She will have to re-study it coming up in a couple years but by then she should be mature enough to take it. But yes totally fucked up.

    • What’s even more fucked up is that I kept dreaming about the movie. I felt like I was in huge gay orgy. Sadly I made no gay friends to take shopping with. 😦

  5. ryoko861 said:

    All the Romans were gay. Caligula was probably bi. Incest wasn’t a big deal back then I guess. Everyone was fucking and sucking eachother.

    Helen Mirran naked at 13?! Was that legal?? And everyone screamed and yelled when Brook Shields did “Pretty Baby”.

    You should watch “Barbarella” next with Jane Fonda. There’s a vintage movie for ya!

    • yeah everyone looked fruity for sure!!
      Helen was 13 in this movie?? I didn’t know that … that is illegal!!!

      I will watch that one. I have heard of it but never seen it.

  6. I swear, I love your weird movie Thursday reviews with these banned movies. I’m sorry that your life was wasted on this movie, and it’s gotta be terrible when there is a bunch of naked people and you are still bored. Sounds like a badly made Roman porno but without the sex.

  7. ………..Caligula starring Malcolm McDowell and directed by Tinto Brass is a non-stop orgy of a film plagued with a long line of production issues. No seriously. Seriously. This review may be NSFW.. Caligula follows the life of Caligula Ceaser from just before his rise to emperor to his death. The movie starts with Caligula lounging in his bedroom with his mostly naked sister when he receives a summons to attend his grandfather the Emperor Tiberius Ceaser. When he arrives he is confronted with the sight of his old grandfather played by Peter OToole wading about in a huge pool surrounded by naked servants. After demanding that Caligula dance for his amusement Tiberius leads him deeper into his home which appears to be a giant cave or something. There are barely or not at all dressed people everywhere engaging in all kinds of sexual pleasures. People of every body type are gathered and people with every kind of exotic mutation are there as well. There are even twins conjoined at the head lounging on a pillow..Tiberius tells Caligula in no uncertain terms that to be in the royal family was to murder and cheat your way to the top. Tiberius even hands Caligula a goblet of wine which Caligula first offers to his cousin Gemellus the direct grandson of Tiberius Ceaser and with a sly grin directed to Caligula Tiberius prevents Gemellus from actually drinking from the cup. I loved watching Malcolm McDowell placating an utterly insane and unhinged Peter OToole surrounded by all manner of perversion. There was something wonderfully primal and surreal about the whole thing..

  8. Helen Mirren was born in 1945, and Caligula was made in 1979. So she was 33 or 34 when this when it was made. Having said that, she was (and still is) hot well into her 60’s.

    This movie was an abortion of galactic proportions. Gore Vidal, a legitimate screenwriter, wrote and revised the screenplay several times before insisting his name be removed from the film as it was spiraling out of control with more porn being introduced daily by Penthouse owner Bob Guicioone. That’s why top notch actors like Peter O’Toole were in this steaming load of crap.

    Horrible movie, a complete waste of money, and a complete waste of time for those involved and those saddled with watching this load.

  9. […] Thursday Movie Review-I Have Reached the Shitter « Marina Sleeps's … […]

  10. Ok so obviously a movie to keep off of my “must see” titles. I’m so happy that you are doing all the dirty work for us. You should get paid for this shit.

  11. I will not be watching this movie ever! or will I?
    LOL

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