Driving home yesterday I checked my rearview mirror and noticed someone coming fast on a crotch rocket. When you think of someone who rides a bike, you think of a hot studly bad boy. Right? He is automatically imagined to be tough, hot, and over all a bad boy with a nice bod, am I right?
You expect this:
And not this:
This is what I saw coming down the mountain! There should be some law!! There should be some rule of maximum capacity for those bikes!! And plus, he blinded me!! Poor bike!
This needs to be written down as part of the criteria when getting a bike. You gotta be hot and not enormous! Just saying!
Here is another one: Do Not!! I repeat do not take off your shirt when running in the park if you one hairy son of a bitch!
Seriously do you wanna discourage people from coming to the park or even outside of their homes? You could easily alone be affecting the economy. Use Nair! Shave! Anything is better than being mistaken by a bear!
I mean doesn’t that hair get caught in places? Doesn’t it land in your food?
Please please for the love of all that is beautiful in this world… keep that shirt on.
Here is another one that is golden. Ha ha golden: Never miss an opportunity to pee. Seriously folks I am one that can tell you.
I travel almost an hour to and from work everyday. If I do not pee before I go, I am in the most crazy annoying pain!! And I am praying to God that I am not gonna whiz all over the place. When these situations arise, I am the worst driver! But in reality, the weak bladder is to blame. And lets face it, what is the fun of having to pee if you can’t do the pee dance.
I love tattoos. I want more but with anything there are certain guidelines!
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. You are not all zen and one with the universe!
Hello!! It’s right above the crack of your ass. And it translates as “Beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, baby, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant.
Speaking of food, we take our chances when we eat out. We pray that the cooks in any restaurant and especially fast food joints will be clean and cook that shit properly.
But you can never be too careful.
So the last rule is Don’t bitch about anything that’s served to you out a window. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar!
What did you expect it to contain? Smoked salmon? You are throwing the dice here. It you don’t wanna ride this rollercoaster, make your own food!!!
Remember you always get what you paid for. Be prepared!!