In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Driving home yesterday I checked my rearview mirror and noticed someone coming fast on a crotch rocket. When you think of someone who rides a bike, you think of a hot studly bad boy. Right? He is automatically imagined to be tough, hot, and over all a bad boy with a nice bod, am I right?

You expect this:









And not this:







This is what I saw coming down the mountain! There should be some law!! There should be some rule of maximum capacity for those bikes!! And plus, he blinded me!!  Poor bike!

This needs to be written down as part of the criteria when getting a bike. You gotta be hot and not enormous! Just saying!

Here is another one: Do Not!! I repeat do not take off your shirt when running in the park if you one hairy son of a bitch! 

Seriously do you wanna discourage people from coming to the park or even outside of their homes? You could easily alone be affecting the economy. Use Nair! Shave! Anything is better than being mistaken by a bear!

I mean doesn’t that hair get caught in places? Doesn’t it  land in your food?

Please please for the love of all that is beautiful in this world… keep that shirt on.

 Here is another one that is golden. Ha ha golden: Never miss an opportunity to pee. Seriously folks I am one that can tell you.

I travel almost an hour to and from work everyday. If I do not pee before I go, I am in the most crazy annoying pain!! And I am praying to God that I am not gonna whiz all over the place. When these situations arise, I am the worst driver! But in reality, the weak bladder is to blame. And lets face it, what is the fun of having to pee if you can’t do the pee dance.

I love tattoos. I want more but with anything there are certain guidelines!


Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. You are not all zen and one with the universe!

Hello!!  It’s right above the crack of your ass. And it translates as “Beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, baby, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant.

Speaking of food, we take our chances when we eat out. We pray that the cooks in any restaurant and especially fast food joints will be clean and cook that shit properly.

But you can never be too careful.

So the last rule is Don’t bitch about anything that’s served to you out a window. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar!

What did you expect it to contain? Smoked salmon? You are throwing the dice here. It you don’t wanna ride this rollercoaster, make your own food!!!

Remember you always get what you paid for. Be prepared!!



Comments on: "Rules To Live By-Seriously get a pen and write these down" (20)

  1. Ahahahah! ! That pic made me loled so much I almost spilled the coffee on my keyboard. lol

  2. Hilarious! And so true!

  3. I am with you on the bike thing!
    Shave your hairy self if you 95% of your body is covered in gross thick hair!
    I have chinese writing on my shoulder and I went in a store one time and an asian guy was behind the counter, he asks what I was told it meant and I tell him. He starts shaking his head and says it’s wrong! I ask what it means and he says he can’t say it in front of a lady! I about died! He then starts laughing and tells me he is just joking and it does indeed mean “soul”.

    • Good for you … your tattoo artist knew what he was doing.
      My friend paid like $75 for hers thinking it meant destiny til some lady at her work told her it actually means like to be full or gluttenous… ha ha I remember I laughed and laughed!

  4. Kiefer and I took Boo and Radley out to breakfast this weekend to place that’s supposed to have amazing pancakes. The place was packed, so we sat at the counter to eat. We could see inside the kitchen. The girl cooking was eating her breakfast as she cooked. She never washed her hands. My blueberry pancakes were contaminated by her raw-bacon-and-egg touching fingers. Ewwww….

    • OMG …. I rather not know. I believe in ignorance when it comes to my food.
      I hope to freakin God I wont die from food poisoning but well you know…

  5. ryoko861 said:

    Oh, the bike!! We just sold my son’s Yamaha to a rather large dude. We felt sorry for the bike alright. It was a sad day!

    Yeah, can you say “GILLETTE RAZOR”?? I don’t like hair all over the back! On the chest? OH YEAH!

    I don’t eat at fast food restaurants for this reason. You don’t know where that shit has been!

    • See … You understand what I am saying!!
      I dont bitch about fast food restaurants cause I eat there …. and well I have to terms with my chances. Slim to none.

  6. I’m with you i’d rather be ignorant as to how or who is cooking my food.
    Out of sight out of mind.

  7. Amen! Huge dude on a little bike goes with my theory of people and their vehicles. Why is it the biggest of people own the smallest of cars? And why is it that the smallest of us women own huge SUVs and trucks?

  8. firecracker3 said:

    Bikes: Agreed. You need rules! That is no better than sticking some fat chick on the back of one hanging on to some guy!
    Body hair: I like people as hairless as possible, no matter the age. I am picky like that, it makes like tough. Just ask an ex b/f who spend countless hours Nairing and shaving so he was hairless for me.
    Tats: Um, yeah. You better hope the tattoo artist is not some asshole trying to get his kicks out of putting the wrong lettering on your body.
    Food: I try very hard to limit my dining out experiences due to the facts you mentioned above.

    • I don’t mind hair on a dude as long as he is not ape looking … and hair on the back is a little excessive! On the chest is fine … but when people think you are Big Foot I have a huge problem!

  9. Very wise my young grasshopper. I especially live by the don’t pass an oppourtunity to pee. Even if I’ve gone 5 minutes before, I can usually pee more. 🙂

  10. Lady you did it again! You made me laugh so hard. The tattoo comment was especially on point. As well as the one directed toward to wooky you posted:)

  11. Ashley Lopez said:

    That’s disgusting LOL!

  12. Don’t look at my back if you don’t like to look at hair. I don’t like to look at ugly people so I look away.
    You should try it. I can’t see if its working for you cause I’m not looking at you.

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