In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Oh yea, evil exists people. It has a new spokesman. His name?

Tony Horton.

This guy yells at you the entire you are doing his exercise dvd’s. He says things like, “C’mon! If this cripple guy here with the fake leg can do it so can you.” or “Shut up and  quit whining!” or “I don’t care if you’re hurting, push on!”

Yes, he is mocking your pain. He laughs that you are in agony and that your legs are burning and shaky and refuse to hold your body up.

And I swear to you if you played the DVD backwards, it would be the voice of the Devil cussing like a sailor brain washing you to never ever wanna have a slice of pizza, hamburger, or donut again.

Damn you Satan. Your spawns don’t work on me.

I haven’t worked out in a long time. Yet, I held on. Sure I was dying. I even wanted to saw off my legs like that dude sawed off his arm in the movie 127 Hours. I just wanna say to that guy… I totally understand what you were going through. However, I didn’t actually go through with sawing off my legs.

Cause in that very moment, he allowed for a 30 second break. And let me tell you, that was the quickest nap ever!

However, that’s how it was for an hour. Yes 1 hour!

59 minutes!

3600 seconds! 

 There were curse words, mean glares, finger throwing, and right when I thought I was gonna end it all, he would allow a 30 second break. He was toying with my body and my mind man! I was beginning to think I was going crazy. Never in an hour have I  had so many emotions.

Anger, Denial, Regret, Rage, Lack of Endurance, Suicidal Thoughts, Empiness and finally Massive Hunger.

And when I was done, this was what was left ….

 

I still can’t lift my legs… and yes the urge to crawl into a hole and die is strong.

Yet, I am a living example that you can do it, and that you can persevere.

It’s tough, but do you want the Devil to win?

I don’t. Hell, as long as I got two legs I will keep on hopping,jumping, twisting, and doing the double airborne Heisman.

I am going nowhere Tony!

Nowhere!

I am a warrior!

Yes those are my real boobs... thank you!

And afterwards I will celebrate in victory with a pepperoni pizza.

Hey you celebrate with your protein shakes… I’ll celebrate with my italian dough, cheese and pepperoni slices.

There is no judgement here.

None!

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Comments on: "Evil is Everywhere…but it lives in the P90x" (19)

  1. Work it girlfriend! Work it! I have been getting my summerly workouts at the pool by swimming laps. Its the one exercise that I can do where my knees stay happy and don’t feel like they are going to jump from my legs. It feels so good to be back exercising in the pool.
    Feel the Burn…Love the Burn…Punch the Burn in the face and say I’m not scared of you! Now Bring it!

  2. ryoko861 said:

    LMAO! Got a visual of you cussin’ this guy out!

    Nothing like being berated while trying to better yourself. Screw him. Hopefully, his muscles will turn to flab someday.

  3. firecracker3 said:

    First, good job trying this workout routine. If I could tolerate doing a DVD I would, I hate them 😦 Second, I love Tony. Seriously, I want to strip naked and just lay on top of him and his beautiful body *wipes drool off keyboard* Rock on with your new workouts!

    • Dont get me wrong … the guy is built like a god. However, for someone like me… he might as well be salad. Steak and salad?
      Uh no. Its more like steak and potatoes.
      Thanks for the visual… I will think of you everytime I see Tony which will be tomorrow. I am sure he would love to meet you too Miss Body of a Goddess.

  4. I heard this man is insane! Congrats on trying out the DVD and keep it up girl:)

  5. That Tony bloke has a mean looking forehead. Thank God we don’t have him here in England! I’m knackered just listening! And my stomache hurts. But that could just be through laughing so much – at your descriptions, of course, not your pain… 🙂

  6. Go, Marina! Kiefer does that. It’s craziness, but it works. I did Plyo with him…once…for about 30 minutes. Now I stick to the elliptical or dance aerobic DVDs.

  7. Hey good for you and working out!
    Now make a copy of that DVD for me I want to watch it while I eat.

    • Ha ha I love you!

      You make me laugh! When I was pregnant, I would sit down with a tub of ice cream and watch aerobics on tv. Ha ha. True Story.

  8. I know what you mean. I recently began exercising again too, I don’t do protien shakes because they don’t taste like pizza.

  9. Do you know what was a workout? Dancing for hours with a bunch of crazy teenagers. I’m exhausted! I think I’ve exercised enough for a year. I’m ready for cake and ice cream 🙂

  10. You are so freaking hilarious, I love how you say that if you played the video back that it would be the voice of the devil. Any voice motivating me to exercise immediately becomes the voice of the devil in my mind!

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