In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Shit You Should Definitely Know

1. I actually spelled definitely right for the first time ever!

2. This is how I make my coffee at work. Because it is made with like 16 full scoops of coffee for a 12 cups pot I use half a cup of water, 5 creamers and 5 packets of sugar.  Always water down coffee that can fuel a diesel F 350 truck!

Would you like coffee with your sugar?

3. Everyone should have a zombie invasion survival plan. Seriously! I will tell you mine. First things you will need are tons and tons of wood to board up the windows and doors. You need to keep nails and a hammer on hand always. Shot guns, .45s, riffles, you name it need to be ready. And plenty of ammo. As soon as invasion goes into effect, raid the nearest Wal-Mart. Seal your self  inside by boarding up all windows and doors. For more reinforcement,  block all exists with furniture.  My husband and I have decided then to make a hole in the attic to view outside and kill any zombie that approaches us. And then just wait the zombies out or wait for rescue. This is Plan A. Plan B would include if one of us was to get bitten. We would cage them up. It would be taking a chance but loved ones stay together no matter how much the other wants to eat the flesh of the other.

 
4.  It’s true when they say you get what you pay for. When you pay a lot, more than likely you will be satisfied with your purchase. If you pay hardly anything or it’s free, chances are its gonna be shit like quality! I found a website that lets you see movies that are still intheatres.  I was ecstatic because it was also free.
 First, I saw Rio with my kids. It was awesome. Then I saw Something Borrowed. The movie was good. The only thing was the lighting was going in and out throughout the whole movie. The third was the kicker because the voices did not match the actors lips.  It was like getting a hard on for a stripper and then you find it it’s actually midget stripper night.  Yep! You’re disappointed but you still watch it.
 
5. Your children can teach you a lot. For instance, my oldest Savannah taught me out to shuffle! I think I lost 3 lbs doing it!
 
6. I saw Beyoncé’s music video and performance over the weekend.  I shake my head. First off, I am not a Beyoncé fan. at . all! However, she can sing. I’ll give her that. One thing though that NEEDS TO BE SAID is that she CANNOT DANCE. Cannot! Dance! Nope! Nada!  Everysince I have known the woman, she has pulsated on camera. Not danced, pulsated. Pulsated can be identified with heaving, being possessed by the devil, and/or having a seizure. 

Less Killing More Thrilling!!!

 
Come on girl dance right!! Shake that money-maker! And if you ain’t whoring it out, I ain’t buying! I have seen Britney’s woo ha,  Ciara’s ta ta’s. Come on Beyoncé!
I would do an impersonation of her but I am currently not interested in pulling a neck muscle.
 
Eh fuck it. I herby announce  my soon to be vlog of my impersonation of Beyoncé. First things, learn how to make a video!!
 
7. I got an email from Chilli’s saying that tomorrow is Kids Eat Free Day. How exciting is that?! I have three kids! They can eat like kings!! However, upon further review I learned that in order to get a free meal you must purchase  adult meal. Only then can you get ONE kids meal for free. Ugh, this country is failing me.
 
8. Just so know, my city (El Paso ) is suffering from a drought. Its been 110 days of no rain. So because of the lack of rain, shit ain’t growing. And because shit ain’t growing, little furry plant eaters are not making it. And because the numbers of plant-eating animals are dwindling, the mountain lions are coming into our city looking for food.  Yep freaking mountain lions! Who knew??
So if I just stop writing or tweeting, a mountain lion had to have gotten me because I won’t be looking for mountain lions. I’m always on the look out for Zombies, the real threat.
 
9. I can’t say I don’t mind when I catch someone staring at my boobs cause it never happens. First off you need boobs. Obviously. However, the one time I do I of course smack them with my big ass purse and shot obscenities at them. However once I am alone I jump for joy because they means this $200 bra works! Priorities people!
 
10.  Wow, I just realized that I need to be on the look out for zombie mountain lions! Dear God I didn’t think of that. Fuck now I must revive my whole plan!!
 
 

 

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Comments on: "Shit You Should Definetely Know" (20)

  1. ryoko861 said:

    You’re the second person to say Beyonce was have a seizure during the Billboard awards. I’m sorry I missed it. I would have enjoyed a good laugh last night.

    THOSE FUCKING ZOMBIES! I say anyone who’s buried is to be cremated now! No more zombie nation shit. That goes for zombie lions. You need to move to greener pastures. But not PA.

    Try Perkins. Every now and then they have a “Kids Eat Free” day. Not sure if you have a Perkins near you. If it’s only one kid that gets a meal, buy one and have them share it. And make it a big ass meal, enough to go around. Get a milkshake for yourself. And a bagel. Eating is over rated.

    I don’t mind people staring at my boobs. I know they’re sweet! I don’t mind when men look at them either. Wish away guys!

    Ok, I’m done. Carry on.

    • Ha ha I seriously did just LMAO…. its true! Its so true!
      One thing you will learn about me is everything else in this world is over rated, but in our house food is not. Its more like a pleasure!
      Seriously. We are some sick fucks!
      I have been saying Beyonce is shaking like a mad person for 5 years now. So technically you heard it from me first.

  2. 1. I can’t spell definitely on the first try usually for the life of me. F U “definitely” spelling!
    2. My coffee is so strong it’s ridiculous. I have a one cup at a time coffee maker. I have found out that I drink a whole pot of coffee in my one cup. That’s like main streaming straight up cocaine in my veins.
    3. If the zombies invade I’m coming to Texas for you and Gus to protect me.
    4. This is one reason I have expensive taste
    5. This scares me.
    6.Beyonce can sing but I think she is overrated.
    7. There’s always a catch! Damn it!
    8. Holy shit! That’s not good!
    9. Hell Yeah!
    10. I’m coming to protect you from the mountain lions if you protect me from the zombies. If they are zombie mountain lions we are just screwed!

    • Good I am glad I am not the only num nut having trouble spelling that word.
      Please move here! We need all the entertainment we can get being locked in a house with a zombie invasion. You can show us your kinext moves

  3. Zombie survival plan is a necessity and must have basement stockpiled full of canned goodies, perserves, and water. Also chips and dip are a definite must 🙂

  4. Between you and Girl on the contrary. My best bet for survival against Zombies is to move to Texas.
    I hope you have room at your place…. Oh wait! I’ll help you and hubby kill zombies from Wallmart’s roof top.

  5. I have enough man hours racked up on Resident Evil to kill an entire zombie army. Real guns work the same as the ones on Playstation, right?

    As far as the coffee goes….(the hubby hates this) I put three heaping spoons of instant cappuccino high voltage jump start your engine mix in my cup and then add the extra strong coffee I just brewed. It’s okay though cuz I balance it out with a small teaspoon of creamer.

    Beyonce had another seizure? Shit, I missed all the good shit. By the time I put the awards on, some dude sounded like a dying cat on stage and I had to turn the shit back off. Incredibly disappointing!

    Back to the zombies…. so I wasn’t joking. Do my Resident Evil hours count as training or am I royally fucked?

  6. Ok so I haven’t even read this whole post yet but I had to say immediatly that I never spell ‘definitely’ correctly! Thank god I am not alone!!!!!! Ok back to reading.

    Oh and i also do not spell immediatly right either, as noted to me twice by my spelling corrector.

  7. Ok. Now I have read it.

    I too am not a Beyonce fan. I have blamed her lack of dance skills on her coreographer however, she is just awkward when she dances. So i really don'[t know. All I do know is I find it hard to watch.

    Zombie Mountain Lions. Ouch and fuck. They would have speed. We’d all be dead before our brains could process the sentence “Shit. Zombie Mountain Lion. I’m fucked”.In fact our brain wouldn’t be able to process anything, because that’s what zombies go for first. Brains.

    But Walmart…genius. With ya on that.

  8. I’m glad you liked Something Borrowed. I really want to see it.

    Zombie mountain lions? Holy crap!

  9. justmarriedgirl said:

    Shoot. Those mountain lions sound terrifying. If I could, I’d send you some of our rain; it’s been falling (almost) non-stop for the past several weeks, and we could use a little of your sunshine/dry weather.

    Just don’t send the lions.

  10. I think if you practice shooting the mountain lions you’ll be in much better shape for the Zombie Apocalypse. I was making coffee at a meeting and trying to count scoops and I lost count and this woman goes “Here,” and grabbed the coffee from me, and just filled it up to pretty much the top of the filter. I was thinking, I’ll probably like that but I don’t know about everyone else. But they did, it was a hit! I can’t wait to see your vlog.

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