In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

I told you it wasn’t over yet. I am very glad you listened. It wasn’t like that time late at night when you drank so much vodka and climbed on the roof singing  Free Bird and I was like, “Get down!  Birds are not nocturnal!”  You insisted that they are and off you flew … off my roof. Lucky for me I have a pool. Next time I will remember to the water.

Lesson: When drinking heavily, do not listen to music that suggests anything.  It’s like a rhetorical dare!

This weekend in honor of the end the world I plan to get loaded (baked potato loaded and Mike’s Hard Lemonade loaded)!  And I plan to look through the city for my own crazy church signs. Seriously. It may not be enough to bring me in the doors but I will definitely be laughing in the parking lot.

But that might not even be good enough to save my soul this Saturday! Where should I be? What should I be doing?

God is definitely a man! It just makes sense. And now that I am thinking about it my husband may just be the pastor here! I am serious. This is his favorite catch phrase. That or he says,” Hit your knees woman! I command thee.”

Something like that.

 

Isn’t this comforting? Are you not filled with hope for the future?! Who knew Jesus was a black rapper? Is he signed with Diddy?

Rev Eddie Edmonds can kiss my ass… that all I am going to say!

I am now starting to believe the stories of Zeus busting into women’s doors and impregnating them.

 Whoops … mysterious baby bump. Ok it could be the pool boy, Elijah, or God? I’m going with God!

A love a church that cares so much on how much I orgasm. I’ll give them an answer and they will reply “That’s not enough!”

Here Here!

Baptist huh? I’m not buying it.

 

Whoa someone needs to school this church… missionary is behind the times. I looking for a more progressive church. Unless you are implying if someone is  bored then the answer is to  just have sex then I say… what a fine idea!

Nike, you should look into this slogan!

And the truth is no one likes a spitter!

Swallow it! Swallow… eh swallow it!

Good girl!

Ahhh the word of God…. no one said it was going to be easy to swallow!

Haaaa you see what I did there?!??!

Anyways ….

ITS THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT…. AND I FEEL FINE!!!

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Comments on: "Cleaning out the Freaky Closet X-Rated!!" (16)

  1. ryoko861 said:

    I HAD (I stress on HAD) a friend who like to say to his wife “Do your duty”. I always thought that was funny.

    Michelobs are chillin’. Fnkybee and I have front row seats for this! I’ll save ya one!

  2. Very funny. I can’t figure out if these are “Freudian slips” or if these folks think they’re being funny or provocative. I just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Love the kitties.

  3. Bahahahaha!

  4. firecracker3 said:

    The wet pussies, er I mean kitties, in the beginning of the post is great! Totally goes with the theme of the blog!

  5. OMG….I love this post! Its fucken funny. “Who knew jesus was black? Did he sign with diddy”….lmao. Loves it!

  6. hilarious! Does no-one proof-read the signage on churches before putting the letters up?!
    i’m glad they don’t, though, if these signs are the result!

    • Imagine the people actually putting the letters up… they must be like… wtf!!
      Kinda makes you wanna go to church ya know. KINDA!! ket word

  7. The best post on the idiocy of the rapture I’ve read thus far! Missionary is definitely behind the times. I think that church needs Ty Pennington and an Extreme Sexual Makeover.

  8. Like I said
    Christ is coming, get ready to swallow.

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