In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Of all the things that can make our city famous, a dwarf getting fired from a local Starbucks has put us on the map.

Here is the story if you haven’t the slightest clue what I am talking about.

Did you know that the border patrol stopped the crossing of 400 lbs of baloney?!?! 

No! You didn’t hear of that!! Now that is newsworthy! Why the hell are they trying to deny us the sweet taste of baloney? Do you NOT know my sandwiches will forever be in jeopardy if there is no baloney?! Thats like saying… THERE WILL  BE NO BALONEY IN YOUR SANDWICHES!!!

It’s inconceivable!

Thankfully Wal-Mart is fully loaded or this is definitely what this post would be about.

What I am talking about is the lady who was apparently fired for Starbucks.

To be honest with you all (go ahead and hate me), but I am a bit terrified of all little people. They just scare me. I fear children the same way. Mine come asking for something to drink and I am literally running the other way!  I don’t know what it is about little people… maybe it’s because they are little!

Most Hispanics are short people. Most don’t get taller than 5’7. That may even be a little too tall now that I think about it.  So of course, I am going to be freaked out by anyone smaller than me! I am 5’1 and in no relation to any hobbits, dwarfs, or little people that I know of.

This fear might be a little jacked up to admit but its the truth. Hey I never said I was like Mother Theresa. In fact, I am a way better version! I got the spiffy do, I’m cute and cuddly, and I also some major junk in the truck. Wow… the more I describe myself the more I do sound like dwarf!

Yeah.... I don't know.

Gasp!! Realization!!!  I am a midget and no one told me!!!  I can’t be a dwarf because only dwarfs have magical powers!! Last time I checked my magical power was making people who annoy me magically combust. However, it hasn’t worked for years but that’s really neither here or there.

I would never wanna work at a Coffee place and really Elsa (the dwarf in the story) you shouldn’t either!

Hello Coffee is hot! People working around you will be spilling it on you as they try to fulfill the coffee orders as fast as they can. I don’t know about you, but I am totally not into scalp burns! Shit hurts!

Not only that but I refuse to raise my squeaky voice.  And I hate answering the pestering questions that we midgets/dwarfs/ little people always get.

Do you know Snow White?

Do you have magical powers?

Are you a female midget??

Whats it like to live in a cave?

Do you know Gimli? Grumpy? Sleepy?

Were you in the Wizard of Oz?

 

What the hell people? No I wasn’t and she wasn’t either!  She just wanted to make a dollar at Starbucks! Again not my first choice of employment… how about a mail man?

Its like wanting to be firefighter. Not saying that they can’t do it, but really would you wanna go through the trouble? I might be a midget but if I am in a burning fire and need some saving and saw my fellow midget fireman coming up to try to save me… oh damn! I would be definitely crying! I am just not ready to die.

So there you have it….

my opinion … which again is neither here or there.

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Comments on: "I’m Never Said I Was Mother Theresa. I Am Way More Cute and Spunky" (13)

  1. ryoko861 said:

    LMAO! I read this to my son and he went hysterically laughing!!!

    Poor Elsa! I guess “Little People Big World” wasn’t in your TV viewing agenda?

    This was hilarious!!

    I’m 5’7″. Does that qualify me for a hispanic midget? Hablo espanol! No muy bien.

  2. DUDE….they are SO telling you no more baloney on ur sandwiches!!! Freakin’ conspiracist I tell ya! They are all ready messing w my tv!

  3. This makes me feel like a giant at 5’3. Ok ok i’m only 5’2.5 but let me just have that extra half an inch! 😉

  4. Hahahaha! Yes! Laughed my ass off. 🙂

  5. TheIdiotSpeaketh said:

    So….you’re a shorto huh?……..worry not….you are still taller than my wife… yikes! 🙂

  6. “I might be a midget but if I am in a burning fire and need some saving and saw my fellow midget fireman coming up to try to save me… oh damn! I would be definitely crying! I am just not ready to die.”—Hilarious!

  7. I’m only 5’2 and considering I draw on my eyebrows, I vote that this makes me an honorary Mexican midget! ¿Estás de acuerdo?

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