If you saw this tweet … you probably just thought it was Marina being retarded again. Normally that is correct. Many of you are aware of my degree in well… retardation.
Seriously, though this morning kicked my ass.
My daughter, Savannah, and I got up early to get ready for school and work. We race each other as we get dressed however she always wins cause she doesn’t have to wear a bra. This morning as normal I am jumping around trying to put on my pants …
You know the old song and dance every morning of putting on pants… and my daughter decided to point out, “Mom maybe you need some bigger pants. You have a hard time pulling them up. ”
Thank you for that my dear lovely child!
I thought about explaining that its just the recent expansion of my thighs and ass and how that’s normal. I thought giving examples of how expansion is good. Why, if the USA didn’t expand, Texas would never have joined the nation. However they did join the expansion in 1845.
Ahh, screw it. I will gladly point hers out when its her time. Eh, no I won’t.
Right there was a sign. Mystical beings were floating around my house ushering me back into bed and trying to dispel any thoughts of me going into work. However, I am a firm believer if you wake my ass up as early as I woke up … I better stay awake for good reason or my entire day is shit.
It was shit anyways.
After dropping Savannah off at school starting 7:20am, dropping my other rugrats at the mothers at 7:45am, trying to get out of her street from 7:55am to 8:10am. I couldn’t go the normal way because it was closed to a major traffic accident. So I had to drive further to the main highway.
Once I was approaching the main high way at 8:22am I realized that half the city was trying to get on the free way as well. So I decided to take the back highway. Completely backed up!
It was then determined the Universe was against me!
I had to back track and take the opposite way to get on the main high way … again. Then there was bumper to bumper traffic. Bumper to bumper traffic scares the living shit out of me… seriously! It’s a good thing I am wearing dark pants!
I am hyperventilating the whole way cause I AM NOT USED TO BUMPER TO BUMPER traffic. I’ll leave that to the pros in Dallas and California. My whole body was tense because I was nervous I was gonna get “the dumbass” who would end up rearing a car in the back!
Rearing is totally not my forte! I mean, really who does like rearing? Your ass gets rammed and you can’t sit for a week. Am I right?
Totally not cool universe. So after driving for almost two hours I got to work. Too bad I can’t sue the city for emotional distress… cause I was distressed! Wait, is that a pinched nerve?!
I love it how the entire city freaks out when there are accidents … It kinda feels because of all the chaos I should stop driving and start looting. Do you guys get that feeling?
Well today even though I was later than normal! I still beat the Universe!
True, there were times I wanted to give up. During my many trips to escape traffic, I seriously thought about calling in and saying to my work, It ain’t happening today. No not at fucking all!
But… I stayed strong. Yeah Eye of the Tiger man!
Marina 1 Universe 0
Wait… that means that the Universe is going to get me sooner or later. Damn it… now I gotta watch Final Destination and take some serious notes!