At the moment I am at the office. Dying. Literally.
Last night I was blasted back to the past like when I had a newborn. You know, constantly checking if my daughter was breathing. I do the whole finger under nose trick and palm on tummy trick to check for breathing. Each time she was breathing. However each time I wasn’t satisfied. Then the crazy would come out. And then I would start frantically shaking her. And she would either wake up crying or freaked out.
Oh yeah…. you haven’t the faintest idea what I am talking about. Faintest. I wonder if I was to faint if I could get a little bit of sleep.
Yesterday, my kids were playing outside at my mother’s house. Apparently she was jumping off a tote box that is maybe a foot high. At the same time her brother was pushing a scooter around. As she jumped he pushed the scooter near her tripping her as she fell. She fell directly on the top corner of her head. Then grew the biggest welt I have ever seen. Kinda gross too.
So after evaluating her for about an hour I decided she wasnt acting normal to me. She was trying to fall asleep. She was confused and dizzy. She was having trouble remembering all that happened and what happened earlier in during the day.
So to be safe, I took her to the ER. And waited for the infamous persecute the mother because we think she hurt her child moment. Oh and it came!
The nurse took to us to back and started doing the regular checkups (weight, height, blood pressure). Then she asked me what happened.
So I told her what happened. She then asked if I was there. No I wasn’t. I had just gotten there from work but I wasn’t outside.
So she gave me “the look”.
I get. There are some people out there that hurt their children. There are parents out there who probably cause concussions on their child. They are merely looking out for the child’s safety.
However I am not that type of parent. I did not beat my child … yesterday. Joking. I don’t beat her at all other than the normal smacks on the behind. Again, I was not that mom. I was at the moment the freaking out what the hell are you staring at- my daughter could be suffering from brain damage mom.
Clearly I was on the level. She was not.
So she turns to Savannah and asks her. For the record, like any 5-year-old, Savannah was freaked out. She is freaked out by needles, strangers, hospitals, weird instruments touching her face and arm.
So Savannah says, “Nothing.”
Fuck! I was like Nothing?! In my head I was thinking Nooooooo! This chick already thinks I beat you! I might have to now! Kidding people!
“Savannah, ” I say. “Tell the nurse (reminding her of her position and that you know she was not a doctor!) the truth. Whatever you can remember.”
All Savannah said was, “I don’t know what happened.”
Clearly, this is not what the nurse wanted to hear either. She got angry and didn’t say any more. I was convinced a cop would be waiting outside of the room. Well I did wanna start knocking stuff off my Kick the Bucket list.
Thankfully there was no cop and no necessary jail time. Savannah and I were escorted into a room. However not before the nurse gave me one more evil eye.
I returned the favor with a look of my own.
So she evaluated and they said she did seem a bit disoriented but that was normal. After running a few simple tests, they said she did suffer a small concussion but that it was ok for her to go home.
One of the times that really made me look like a dumb ass mom was when the doctor asked Savannah if she could walk. On the way over to the hospital Savannah’s coordination was often and to me she was stumbling around.
Savannah got up and took a few steps. The doctor then asked her to walk to me on the other side of the bed. So you know what Savannah does. She walks two steps, then starts skipping and hopping toward me.
Someone hit me! I just got the crazed mother of the year award now!
They told me she could go to sleep (it was late) and just to keep an eye on through out the night. They didn’t have to say that twice.
They gave her some medicine which she promptly threw up. All over me. Yay!
But the important thing was she was ok. Ok. Fine. All good.
So the rest of the night, I was her stalked. Freaking out if she didn’t move, making sure she was breathing and everyone once in awhile shaking her to wake up.
In which case she would yell at me to lay off.
So this is how it starts right?ER visits. Trauma to the mother.? Whew! I might seriously need to start padding these kids to let them even play. How much do football helmets cost anyways? Bubble wrap?
Seriously. I am not kidding.
Now after this night, I know what I want from mother’s day. I thought long and hard about it all night. Chocolates, flowers, or any thing else that I normally would get just won’t do this time around. All I want is a prescription of something hard-core like Zoloft, Valium.Or a muscle relaxer. And I just wanna sleep all day.
All damn day!