In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Before I get into the actual blog, I will let you know the truth of yesterday’s bold face lies vs truth.

Some of you picked me being the most popular in school. “Stupid Popular” as I call it. I wasn’t … ha ha on you! I was well known but I was still awkward and well I didn’t really develop til last year. True Story!

For those of you who picked I was into politics, you couldn’t be more wrong!!!! I don’t know the first thing about it. I know who the President is gratefully! But that’s it. I am not even registered to vote! Though I should that way I have a get out of jail work free card!

If any of you picked that I spent one night in a mental hospital, you are wrong! It was 5 days. Just kidding. I was always good at containing my craziness. So no stays at the beautiful mental hospital resort for me.

I am naturally good at everything. But! There it is the BIG BUT. I don’t really ever try anything. It’s due to the deep laziness that resides in me.  So technically its all a lie.

Obviously number 5 was correct. I woke one morning after a night of hitting the ganja (I have glaucoma people! JK) and stumbled into the kitchen. My mother was making menudo and there it was: MY BAG of WEED! I royally freaked out. Did she know?!! Was she trying to tell me something? As she seasoned our menudo with it, I was like she thinks it oregano! In conclusion, weed does kill brain cells. It was OREGANO! What a dumb fuck? Who was that girl? I don’t know!

My blog today is dedicated to mothers everywhere especially those who have older children or those who have raised their kids and kicked them  out! Your challenges have become my victories ladies. I OWE you BIG!

Also, special thanks to the makers of Crest Whitening Toothpaste. Your shit does remove “stains”.

Finally a big shout out to snips, snails and puppy dog tails. You truly are what little boys are made out of!

And with out this kid … this blog today could not be possible!

He was born with the tattoo 633 ...he hasn't graduated to the other 6's yet.

I know better than to ever leave this munchkin alone. He is always getting into some shenannigans! Always. He loves to torture his sisters, loves to color my walls,  loves to redecorate my house, loved to shred the toliet paper into pieces. He is one piece of work. So I always am checking on him or I am in the same room with the guy.

Well last night I wanted to work  on my blog. So I put a movie on for my girls. I put on Barney for my son in my room and I worked at the desk in my room also. Every so often I would glance over at him. He was being a perfect angel watching his old pal Barney on the tube.

After several several minutes I look at him and I see RYAN with a BLACK PERMEANT MARKER destroying  adding some color to my dresser and himself.

What the f......

Do you see what he did?!?! Gus was gonna fucking kill me. Literally! KILL ME!  I immediately googled “black marker on wood” as fast as these fingers could type. So actually it looked like this : bsdflack matnser oy whoyod.

But Google is God, Hova, Yahweh, whatever you wanna call it and knew what the hell I was frantically saying. It took me to this site of these mothers and all their quick fixes. They said toothpaste and a wet cloth should remove it!

So I grabbed my Crest and a wet towel and began applying it the whole damn fucking dresser! This whole time Ryan is standing next to me, covered in black marker, and just looking at me with this sad face. He knew he messed up. I was yelling at him and telling him no. He was nodding and saying ok ok ok ok . We were a sight to behold.

This is my life ... pretty much everyday.

The whole time I am scrubbing and  turning my hands beet red from the pressure I started contiplating my inevitable death. Would Gus shoot me? Nah, he wouldn’t want to waste bullets like that. Would he poison me? No, not Gus’s style at all. Plus he has no idea where I hide the rat poison.  Oh I know!!!! We have a winner! Gus would  ring my neck. Like a chicken!  He is very hands on.

But wait what is this?!?!? The dresser was  …

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah


Praise mothers everywhere who tried everything for me and finally were like “Oh duh toothpaste!” 

Crest: you do whiten and remove stains. My dresser has never  been cleaner! Plus I bet it still has that minty fresh breath!

And to the little Picasso …. you are one lucky son of a gun!

Marina:1     Ryan 200,584,071

Not today Ryan! Not today!


Comments on: "The Mother of Picasso Probably Kicked His Ass A Lot" (26)

  1. toothpaste? who’d have thought… will have to store this little nugget of info for when my sisters sproggit comes into the world. With my sister as his mum…well, my guessing is sproggit will be a right little monkey lol

    Now…wonder if it works with wax crayons too?

  2. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me but I think it’s scary that something we put in Our mouth also takes off PERMANENT marker.

    Good job on the quick thinking.

  3. LMAO! This was awesome. He’s too cute to be pissed at though, you know? Has he fed your electronics yet? Back in the days of VCR’s my oldest fed it cereal because he said that it was hungry. Ugh. Oh do I have stories. LOL.

    Don’t you just love how google can speak Marina? Google speaks Thy too. Google is bilingual, I’m convinced. Can I grab me a beer while I’m getting yours? I thought I should ask first 😉

  4. firecracker3 said:

    Whoa. *silent prayer thanking god for no kids or the ability to bear children* That was an awesomely bad experience to blog about! Also, email Crest, tell them about it. You will probably get free shit! Not kidding I tried stuff like that before with companies and uses for their products 🙂

  5. ryoko861 said:

    Nice feet.

  6. HELL YEAH! I was right! I knew it! I knew you hit the mary jane, back in the day of course!
    As soon as I get done typing this comment I am headed to get my crest and a wash cloth, I have sharpie on my kitchen table that I can not get off! Word.
    Don’t go to hard on the little guy he was just drawing you a picture. 😉 Kidding, if it was mine I would have killed them. Ok not really but I would have locked them in a closet with some bread and water. I’m glad you got it off!!!
    ps. Is that you in the ‘leave a comment below’ pic?

    • Dude what trips me out is that they ways to get marker off wood, pen off leather, but nothing to get marker off a baby’s skin. I bathed that boy yesterday scrubbing him down and nothing came off!

  7. Awww, he’s so cute, you just can’t stay mad! That crest toothpaste works some magic, especially on the permanent marker. I was going to suggest goo be gone, that works magic, but lucky thing you fixed it up before he got home!

  8. Huh so toothpaste? Who would have guessed? Thanks for sharing I don’t have little kids anymore but you’d be amazed on how I can get permanent marker stains every where specially on myself.
    BTW he’s to cute to stay mad at.

  9. TheIdiotSpeaketh said:

    Way to go Ryan! And I was right! I knew it was #5!! What kind of prize do we get? A Years supply of Turtle Wax? A new Washer/Dryer combo? What? What? The suspense is killing me! 🙂

  10. You’re right about Picasso. I looked it up and his mom did kick his ass a lot, even when he was sleeping, and he would wake up every morning with a sore ass, but lots of great new ideas.

  11. justmarriedgirl said:

    My mom keeps telling me that our son is going to write on the walls with magic marker, and Mike and I just roll our eyes and say, “Right, okay.” Whatever. But now, I’m not so sure.

    I cannot believe that you got all those scribbles off of that dresser. Apparently, Crest is a miracle product! I wish it worked on cellulite, too.

  12. We have this book “Queen of Clean “. It’s very practical and handy. Best common cleaners are vinegar and baking soda…. and yeah, toothpaste , too. My mother told me I was a wall artist too. I think I have pics of myself with the crayoned and pencilled wall in the backround.

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