In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Lets get right to the point… I hate grocery shopping.

Even the mere purpose for buying food doesn’t make me enthused. That’s why I have always said I wanted a personal shopper. Forget  a personal chef cause I do alright on my own and plus Gus does help a lot. I don’t need a nanny because I am the only one that can wrestle my gremlins.  No I definitely want a personal shopper!

I hate grocery shopping.

When I am all relaxed at home and notice that we have run out of this or that, FUCK! I gotta run to the store. God damnit. And I don’t mean your God, I mean Buddha or whoever doesn’t offend you. Lets say the Mormons’ God?

But back to being at the house. I get so mad.  Grrr you people in the house need to stop eating!

Or on my home from work. I wonder what its like just to go home right after work and not run fifty errands!

So of course I go into the store just wanting to get in and get out as fast as possible!

However, yesterday I paid attention to the whole “experience” and it made me really peeved. Here are a few things everyone needs to consider to make grocery shopping smoother for everyone but especially me!

1. Stop Being a Douche!

Yeah lady,  hogging up the entire isle! Fuck you. Move the hell over!

I absolutely hate that! People will block the aisle and pretend not to see you wanting to get by. They will be so immersed in looking for an item they completely ignore you, making you wait!

OH MY GOD!  THE AGONY!

Ok Mary, Joe whoever the hell you are! Nothing in this store is worth being so damn interested in! So stop pretending to being oblivious and get your ass and stupid cart out-of-the-way! 

Do not make me give you that “Dumbass” look you deserve!

It’s not that fucking hard!

2.  The Checkout Liars

The signs are there for a reason. 20 items or less means 20 items or less! Don’t be trying to sneak one in with 30 items cause I will call it on you buddy! Me with my hand filled with only 6 fucking items!   In fact, fuck you and go to a regular check out that doesn’t give a damn about how many items you have!

What do you people do not understand about speedy checkout?!?! Oh that’s right your shit doesn’t stink!

Mother may I kick this guy in the ass!

It’s not that fucking hard!

3. Dumbass Baggers

 

What is so hard about your job?

Absolutely nothing!

Nothing angers me more when a gimpy teenage or “courtesy clerk” with ADD  takes the liberty of tenderizing my steaks by plopping a 25 case of beer on top of them.

Are you low on bags??? Take some pride in your job and organize that shit right.

See, I lay it on the counter in the way I want it bagged! But your dumbass is trying to save bags and your throwing all my shit in one bag!

Are you kidding me?!?! I am doing the job for you!! ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS PUT IT IN THE BAG.

It’s not that fucking hard!

4. Dumbass  Clerks

Oh be prepared for me to yell at your ass if your supposed to be to be checking me out and instead you are (a) talking or texting on the phone or (b)talking to another employee about your stupid weekend.

Newsflash: WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!

Oh but what we do want  is you to actually get to work. You know this bright retail place you are at!

I am sure Johnny  can wait for the that text saying yes you will blow him on the way home from the dance!

Hello!
Dear Mary son of Joseph!

It’s not that fucking hard!

5. Slow Ass People

What ever happened to common courtesy?

Did it die along with Charlie Sheen’s career?

 I think I show that at the store. I am always conscious of where my cart is, I always have my wallet ready to pay. I get in and get out.

But no, there are some retards that have all day to shoot the breeze at the store. Must be nice to have that kind of time. 

Wait a minute what kind of loser hangs out at grocery store?!??

A DUMBASS LOSER!

 I am on time crunch. So stop dilly dallying and get out-of-the-way. Slow walkers annoy the hell out of me! And again it’s the whole oblivious thing that there are no other people in the store but them.

Damnit, move!

It’s not that fucking  hard!

This completes my pet peeve list of reasons why I hate grocery shopping. I am sure there is much more but just recapping this event had heightened my blood pressure!

Damnit, I need a shot! Fuck I need to go the store for that!

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Comments on: "Shopping Etiquette-It’s Not that Fucking Hard" (16)

  1. LMAO! I feel your pain. Mr T and I usually do our grocery shopping a week at a time. Considering our tribe of kids, diet needs and animals this takes a while and costs a fortune. We have a total of 4 stores that we have to shop at regularly to get everything that we need. My first complaint is that we can’t find everything in one god damn place. UGH. Second, I remember what its like when my kids were little and it was good to have those extra long shopping carts that look like cars and shit but COME ON PEOPLE! If you choose to use these carts then use them appropriately and stop blocking the whole good damn lane. I am sick and tired of hearing about the cashier’s love life (or lack thereof) and having my bread squished by the bagger who was too busy biting their finger nails to pay attention to the $300 worth of groceries I just bought.

    Sorry…….I think I need an anger management class, LMAO!

  2. ryoko861 said:

    OMG, this is hilarious! The problem is EVERYONE is there for themselves (in my area especially. it’s the dutchie way). Leaving the cart in the middle of the isle is my biggest peeve. Like do you think you’re the only one in the damn store?

    “Checkout Liars”! I get the opposite sometimes. I have a cart FILLED TO THE BRIM….lady comes up behind me with 5 items. Yo, me thinks you a) can’t count b) have too much time on your hands and don’t mind standing in line for the next 15 minutes waiting for me and my copious amounts of bags to leave c) can’t read which line your in or d) think I’m going to let you in front of me.
    Either go to the self check out, or the lines that say “20 items or less”. Amazing.

    Really, how hard can it be?

  3. firecracker3 said:

    Holy fuck I love this! I lost so much money due to them not scanning my coupons, time wasted because I had to re-bag my items, etc. Ridiculous! The one time I finally got bitchy with the bagger and told him about it. Another time I said I rather just do it myself. Preach on!!!!
    By the way, I am thinking in lieu of errands today…dildo penetration. Oh yes, Words of the Day how I love thee 🙂

  4. OMG! you are so right! I say f*uck it. When someone blocks my aisle I just say out loud ” you know what would be nice? If people wouldn’t leave their carts in the middle of the aisle  unattended” that usually works sure I get dirty looks but who the he’ll cares. 
    And if it’s really bad I’ll take the cart and move it to a different aisle. Watching them douchbags look for the their carts is priceless 🙂
    Yeah I can be a Bitch too!

  5. Fuck’n-A Fuck-N-A. I hear ya, I feel ya. It’s ridiculous. I too put the items up there as I want them bagged together. There is a reason all the cold food is grouped, boxed food, veggies etc. Why is it so flipping hard???? No wait scratch that…Why is it so FUCKING HARD? Oh that’s right because you are a douchebag! I dread going to the grocery..dread it.

    • We need to start a business where people go to the store for and deliver groceries to your house. I don’t want to that but I would love to be owner!

  6. TheIdiotSpeaketh said:

    Sounds like we share the same Wal-Mart…. 🙂

  7. When I go inside of the grocery store I refuse to push a cart because I like the mobility of just having a basket to carry around because I don’t want to get in a road block of carts just to grab my 1 thing. But, when I get a lot of stuff I tend to get an arm workout from doing that. I don’t like shopping either, I just like to get in, get out, get back home!

  8. Uh.. I’m a grocery clerk and I don’t know if I should be offended but then again you shop at Wal-Mart so you have every right to be mad .. I guess… Here’s our list for dumb customers…

    -Paul

    http://www.mostlygrocery.com

  9. I’m totally with you…that’s why I do most of my grocery shopping on the weekends at 8 in the morning…There’s hardly anyone in the store. I love it!

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