It’s one of those days.
(Excuse this run on sentence!)
You know the days where the stupid alarm wakes you up, you yell out God damnit fuckin Tuesday stupid ass work, you get up and the
house is cold because last night you were hot, so you get up and start getting ready and every one is asleep cozy in their beds because they don’t have to wake up as early as you so you are cursing them in your head, and so you hate getting ready, stupid hair stupid makeup, putting these heavy kids in the car, dealing with insane traffic just to get your kid to school in one piece, dropping the other rug rats off at their grandmas and watching them go right back to sleep, and beginning the 40 minute commute across town, yelling at dumbass traffic, all while avoiding falling asleep on the road.
So in spite of it all I need to laugh. Gotta laugh gotta laugh .
And I so desperately need that type of medicine in the morning to get me moving. Or I will stay at this speed bump all freaking day passing out every five minutes.
It helps get the blood going and plus laughing at others is so freaking cool!
So lets begin with …..WEIRD ASS NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD (echo echo echo) (but mostly in America)
I love athletes. And it’s not just because many of them have a great ass in their uniform. I love their crazy antics even more.
Detroit Tiger player Miguel Cabrera was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and two counts of resisting arrest after a bizarre incident in which cops say he continued to drink James Buchanan’s Scotch whiskey — right from the bottle — even after they began questioning him. Good choice might I add!
One word: Ballsy!
Police say Cabrera’s car was stopped by the side of the road, smoking. When they checked on the occupant, they found Cabrera — who they say stank of booze, had slurred speech and bloodshot eyes.
And of course the classic line from anyone who has had some type of celebrity-ism : “Do you know who I am? You don’t know anything about my problems,” Cabrera said.
We might not know your problems Cabrera but we do know is you are one wild tiger. Roarrrrr!
Not only does McDonald’s make you obese but it also makes you angry.
I think it’s funny they just had to had the obese description part of the woman. It gets worse.
Her motorized cart got stuck in the doorway. Damn you Hoveround!
But the story of 30-year-old Jerrie Perkins doesn’t end there — oh, no.
At that point, police say the 400-pound woman shoved and hit a store employee, then cursed at a sheriff’s deputy and made a fist.
And that’s how a massive woman in a motorized cart gets tasered.
Holy Crack Pipe Robin!
Cops in Kentucky say this man, Antoine Banks, was caught hiding a small bag of drugs under his foreskin.
OMG I would hate to be on the cop on this beat. Maybe I would have just let him go.
They found it after allegedly finding a little bag of what they believe to be cocaine tucked into the waistband of his underwear. Barf. Isn’t it like sweaty down there?
“There are always people selling crack in my neighborhood. But do I buy? Oh hell no, if I want penis tasting or ass tasting product, there are many bars and clubs around here and I can get that for free. If I can get that for free with free drinks thrown in, why would I influenced to do it any other way? I’m above the influence!”
Despite what you might think … I seriously think kids are learning to be above the influence.