In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

I Annoy Myself

Trace Adkins has a new song. It’s about this couple and how hard they work on their farm. However,  every now and then they both sneak off to the barn and get it on. This is all played out in the video with puppets. Seseme Street style. They have a boy and girl puppet.The cow, chicken, and pig in the music video are all puppets too.

I thought it was a playful song. It’s called Brown Chicken Brown Cow. I don’t love the song but it is catchy and I find myself singing it. I was even trying to get my kids to sing it. Come on, I would say. It’s fun. And there was a brown chicken and a brown cow in the video so how fitting that  it would be called that. So after singing it all weekend, it finally dawned on that saying brown chick brown kinda sounded like ….

Ohhhhhh.

Yeah. I am that stupid… occasionally.  And for that, I annoy myself.

Hello my name is Air Force 1. I seriously thought he was just casually mentioning the chicken and the cow.

—-

I think I finally have tipped the scale. When you start relating to not normal people I think it is time to check your self in.

I found myself relating to this character this weekend.

Yeah. Gus forced  expressed his desire for me to go with him and his brother and dad shooting. Normally I am geared up and ready but taking my small kids is not fun for me. Cause they are running everywhere. We go to the desert and  there is UNCLEAN things everywhere on the ground. They are constantly falling everywhere. Something about desert terrain makes them get all clumsy and retarded for some reason. However, I took them on a little desert hike.

Everytime I go out there, I am anxious to see something. ANYTHING for that matter. A rabbit, a bug, a tarantula, a scorpion, snake. Hell I will take a dead body! Yet there is nothing ever there. My freakin luck! My luck annoys me.

So I got the bee bee gun and started shooting in the holes that I would find. Peta don’t kill me. I was just trying to stir them. Anything I accidentally kill would have been eaten I swear! Being in the desert sure works up at appetite.

Still nothing came up. So anything interesting that I saw, I would investigate it. I was even turning over blankets. Aren’t dead bodies suppose to end up in the desert? Apparently not the one I was in! I started going over in my head what I would tell the cops if I did find a dead body. Would I be traumatized? That would be so cool.

I have this rare condition called No Reaction Syndrome. I named it myself. I either show a late reaction to things or none at all. Seriously. It’s a problem that I struggle with everyday.  For instance, at my last job they let me and few people go because of the economy. Everyone was crying and upset. I needed the job as much as them.  So you know what I did?  At 11 am I went and waited so I could get wasted at a local brewery.

It never hit me. It’s not that I don’t care. I did and I do but there was no emotion there to back up the action. Yep … I am like the tin man in The Wizard of Oz. Dead as a door nail.

Anywho….

 I started going over what I would do if a snake popped up from one of these holes. I then channeled Napoleon Dynamite and his kung fu action. I had skills. Awesome skills.

I pictured grabbing the snake as it jumped at me. I would then grab it and tear off its head.

PSA: Do not let your kids watch TV as much as I watch. I am  a danger to myself. That and I badly need to stop watch people wrestling with gators and snakes. Damn you National Geographic channel.

So yeah, I never got my chance to show off my skillz. Another bummer at the desert. Annoyed!

——

So this morning I got to my desk and there was my big bowl that I had brought with potato salad  for a potluck. Immediately I thought this can be so useful.

Exactly.

If I just wrapped foil arround my bowl and wear it, my thoughts would be protected from things like aliens. Don’t forget that it’s also awesome head-gear!

I made the comment to someone in my office when they pointed out my bowl. I also said Don’t worry I will re-populate the earth. They laughed and said I and this employee who is like 50 yrs old would be the only one to survive.  I have no clue why they picked him. He wasn’t wearing awesome head-gear.

Then I said that’s cool.

“I’ll just do what I normally do. Be asleep while the re-populating time is happening. Or just whine that I have a headache and if can re-populate the earth another day.”

Geez why do I gotta change everything just because I am mankinds’ only hope. I am gonna be me y’all!

Annoying or not, I stay true to myself.

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Comments on: "I Annoy Myself" (15)

  1. LMAO! I realized that it was time to check myself in quite a while ago. Unfortunately they didn’t have a bed available and I was put on a waiting list. I ain’t got that kinda time chica! Therefor, I opened my own Asylum. I would suggest it for anyone who feels it’s about “that time”.

    If you are anxious to see something out in a desert, you should take a trip here. After all, isn’t Vegas notorious for “body dumps”? I haven’t come across one as of yet but I guess I’ll have to investigate.

    I have a similar problem to you that I’ve also named myself. Instead of the “No reaction syndrome”, I have the “wrong reaction syndrome”. I continually laugh at things I shouldn’t, make fun of people in sensitive situations, and scare people with my intensity in situations that really aren’t that serious. Hey, I ain’t changing for no one. I crack myself up.

    I love the foil on the head to protect your thoughts idea. You should do it, for sure! Just make sure you send me a picture. 😉

  2. u are definately weird. i think u get it from dad.

  3. You porn freak you. Lol

  4. Love that scene in Signs with the aluminum foil hats!

    Also I’m glad you named “No Reaction Syndrome.” Because I have it also. Mine is usually more of a seriously delayed reaction. Something happens, and then I get upset about it a couple days later.

    • Perhaps we should ask for federal funding for our new disease or we can WALK FOr NO REACTION SYNDROME.
      But I also suffer from lazyites. So that might never happen.

  5. If I can eat it … I SO DO IT!

  6. Don’t worry all good songs have a brown chicken and a brown cow in them lol! 🙂

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