Yesterday my good blogger friend bestowed onto me a bad ass award. Ahem, I am now the Queen of the Fuckin Nile!
No Way? Way!
Wait what … Not the Queen of the fuckin Nile? Did I lose again? They gave to who? Mother Theresa! Damnit!
Always a fucking bridesmaid!
No the award I did win was this.
I have never won anything before in my life. I’ve always been a second placer and I’ve been cool with that. Second place in a soccer tournament. Second place in a beauty contest. I lost to some Asian chick. It’s cool. Asian girls were in at the time. Maybe I should have squinted my eyes more and maybe not worn panties?
The cool thing is I didn’t do shit for the award. I love laziness. However, I need to recognize Mrs Fnkybee and her blog All Things Fnkybee for still looking behind the mess and seeing me.
Hi! Love ya. Big X little o Big X bunch of little o’s.
I love her hilarious antics, her wit, and god damnit she makes me wanna move to Tennessee so I party with her. She is such cool chick. You definitely deserved your award. You da bomb baby!
I also wanna thank my mom for having me. Thanks for getting knocked up mom! Thank you WordPress for Freshly Pressing me that one day. It felt so good! Same time tomorrow? I’ll bring the hot oil! I also wanna thank my kids for being asleep right now so I can write this blog. Wait, no … maybe I should thank the makers of Benadryl. Your shit does work! I wanna thank Gus for getting me a laptop two Christmases ago. I love you man. You are the bread to my tuna.
So now I gotta write 7 seven things about me. And in turn, name 7 more bloggers that I feel deserve this award.
1. I fucking hate talking about myself. I get all uncomfortable. So that’s why I make everything up. Like the time I blew up a car for the hell of it. True Story!
2. I love to cuss. I could have been a sailor man just for the cussing. I try everyday not to cuss like at work. However, as soon as I get in the car I turn on my tunes and yell the fuck away. Damnit its cool in Britain. I think?
3. I love music. Everykind. I am a rocker but I also like a good groove. I too dance at supermarkets. But when your three-year old says she is embarrassed, that right there is a sign!
4. I love football. I wish sometimes I had been born a big fat dude so I could have played in the NFL and tackle the hell out of someone.
5. I am very impressionable. I change my likes almost daily. Like I just finished watching The Runaways. Now I wanna be a rocker. A girl rocker and I need a leather jacket. In case anyone wants to give me one I am a size small.
6. I am clumsy. I fall on a daily basis. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. But I am like that chick from Good Luck Chuck. In fact, I think I inspired that flick!
7. I am into conspiracy theories and history. Like the Freemasons, the Illuminati, JFK assassination, the Holy Grail. And it doesn’t help that I am addicted to TV.
So that’s me in a nutshell. A really big fat one.
So who do I bestow the honor of being a stylish blogger?
They are … drum roll please…
1. Thypolar Life Uncensored. This chick is like my gang sister if I were in a gang. She is hilarious. And she does come from crazy so it helps. Her blog is one that I need to read everyday. Once you read her you will too! You can’t get over her crazy and funny antics! It must be the voices telling her what to do! Please send her vodka and cranberry. It helps.
2.Me, A Name I Call Myself Ah, this was my first ruca. Blog ruca that is. She is a great friend and blogger. She is so funny and witty.Her thinking is a bit warped but it makes for great entertainment. And she is super real. Tells it like it is!
3.Confessions of a Conflicted Mean Girl Her rants are hilarious. Her stories are crazy. You read her blogs and you can’t believe that shit happened to her. Why isn’t TLC knocking at her door?!!?
4. Some Species Eat their Young I am usually all about the ladies … uh bloggers that is but this guy is hilarious. I mean hello his title alone is funny. He is creative, funny, smart and you get addicted to his blog right away! His stories of his kids keep you laughing and you become like me following your kids around with a pen and paper asking them to say or do (ANYTHING!) funny.
5. How I Ended Up This Way\’s Blog Where do I start? I guess I have a thing for crazy ladies. She is funny and her stories are completely random! It’s like getting slapped in the face all the time. But the good way.
6. Riding In Cars with Ducks I actually just started this blog. However I am hooked. She tells a good story. She is also quirky and funny and somehow educates me at the same time. Anyone who can do without letting the other person know is good!
7. Last but not least …. Girl On the Contrary This blogger is talented and cute and funny. She is always inventing her blog in new and different ways. She is weird … like me. So of course I love her!
Whew! I could have named many more. I would have felt better if I could have had ten choices!
So again thanks for the award. I am gonna party like what else … a fucking rocker!
P.s. Don’t forget to read my column at Ajdaily.com. It’s more me than you can handle!