Well I had an interesting evening.
Right now my sister is planning to get married. She is not actually engaged yet. However, both her and her boyfriend know they want to get married with each other. And from what I hear they plan to do it soon.
So this should be a time of excitement and happiness. Especially for mother whose youngest daughter is about to get married. However, I feel that ship has sailed.
My mother is so unhappy with the entire thing. It’s like those stupid TLC shows where the mother wants to call the shots. It’s not your wedding. It’s my sister’s wedding. So it’s her choice on the date, on the dress, and even the location of the wedding.
I got to my parents house to pick up my kids and my mother confronted me right away. When she is unhappy with something, she usually corners me so she could vent.
She went on to angrily explain that my sister was just there. She said my sister expressed her desire not to have a church wedding. That sent my mother through the roof. What is she thinking not having a church wedding?!?
All she ever wanted as a parent were for her children to have a church wedding. Then she said something that not only angered me, but hurt me as well.
“I wish I had another child.” Oh, so they wouldn’t disappoint you as we have. God we are such shitty kids!
Lets just get this fucking elephant in the room out in the open then. Not only did I not get married in a church instead choosing a nice quaint wedding at the Justice of Peace; but I also married someone who was not in the same religion as I was brought up in. My parents love my husband but I think all in all they would have liked me to marry someone from the same denomination.
My sister is marrying someone from the same denomination but she is choosing not to do at the church for whatever reason.
And my mother is livid. She is taking it personally. And of all people she talks shit to me!
I contained my anger and my tears. So basically, she is saying that my sister and I are big fat fucking disappointments to her. All because of a stupid wedding fucking tradition. How outrageous!
I always remember to respect my mother. She does a lot for me. She does watch my kids while work but I also pay her to do so. She is always helping me out. However, when she has an opinion, I feel like it doesn’t matter who she hurts. She is just going to say it anyway. Funny thing is I am close to her. Out of the whole family, I am closest to my parents. However, I don’t think it’s so much for me as it is for the kids. Because honestly, that’s all we have in common now.
And now I see how things have come full circle. My mother for years had no contact with her mother. Why? Because her mother riddiculed her for the choices she made in her life. My mother chose to give all her time to her family and her beliefs. While her other sisters were out in the work field helping out their husbands bring in the bacon. My mother’s mother even went as far as to say my mother thought she was better than everyone else in the family. She used to make my mother cry. And that’s why I never liked her. I don’t want my kids to feel that towards their grandmother. As much as I will keep this whole situation under wraps, they will figure it out just like I did. Cause sometimes you can’t hide pain.
I feel bad for my sister cause my mother is not being supportive like I think a mother should. Incidents like this just remind me how I should distant myself from my family. I know that sounds harsh but I am not close to any of them anymore. The biggest distant is with my sister.
I am so jealous of my husband’s relationship with his younger brother. His younger brother is always seeking Gus out to hang out with him and us as a family. It’s the littlest things. If his brother needs to go to the store, he calls Gus up to see if Gus wants to go with him. It’s funny that this is all coming up because this weekend when Gus and his brother played til dawn on the 360, Gus came up to me and said, “It bothers me that your always alone.”
I assured him that I am ok. Truth is I am not ok. I do alright not to let it bother me but it does. I have fixed it to make it into an old wound.
Ok, well now I know. I am not part of their world anymore. I have created my own world just like they have their own. I just would like them to make appearances in mine like I am so willing to do in theirs.