In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Well I had an interesting evening.

Right now my sister is planning to get married. She is not actually engaged yet. However, both her and her boyfriend know they want to get married with each other. And from what I hear they plan to do it soon.

So this should be a time of excitement and happiness. Especially for mother whose youngest daughter is about to get married. However, I feel that ship has sailed.

My mother is so unhappy with the entire thing. It’s like those stupid TLC shows where the mother wants to call the shots. It’s not your wedding.  It’s my sister’s wedding. So it’s her choice on the date, on the dress, and even the location of the wedding. 

I got to my parents house to pick up my kids and my mother confronted me right away. When she is unhappy with something, she usually corners me so she could vent.

She went on to angrily explain that my sister was just there. She said my sister expressed her desire not to have a church wedding. That sent my mother through the roof.  What is she thinking not having a church wedding?!?

All she ever wanted as a parent were for her children to have a church wedding. Then she said something that not only angered me, but hurt me as well.

“I wish I had another child.” Oh, so they wouldn’t disappoint you as we have. God we are such shitty kids!

Lets just get this fucking elephant in the room out in the open then. Not only did I  not get married in a church instead choosing a nice quaint wedding at the Justice of Peace; but I also married someone who was not in the same religion as I was brought up in.  My parents love my husband but I think all in all they would have liked me to marry someone from the same denomination.

My sister is marrying someone from the same denomination but she is choosing not to do at the church for whatever reason.

And my mother is livid. She is taking it personally. And of all people she talks shit to me!

I contained my anger and my tears. So basically, she is saying that my sister and I are big fat fucking disappointments to her. All because of a stupid wedding fucking tradition. How outrageous!

I always remember to respect my mother. She does a lot for me. She does watch my kids while work but I also pay her to do so. She is always helping me out. However, when she has an opinion, I feel like it doesn’t matter who she hurts. She is just going to say it anyway.  Funny thing is I am close to her. Out of the whole family, I am closest to my parents. However, I don’t think it’s so much for  me as it is for the kids. Because honestly, that’s all we have in common now.

And now I see how things have come full circle. My mother for years had no contact with her mother. Why? Because her mother riddiculed her for the choices she made in her life. My mother chose to give all her time to her family and her beliefs. While her other sisters were out in the work field helping out their husbands bring in the bacon. My mother’s mother even went as far as to say my mother thought she was better than everyone else in the family. She used to make my mother cry. And that’s why I never liked her. I don’t want my kids to feel that towards their grandmother. As much as I will keep this whole situation under wraps, they will figure it out just like I did. Cause sometimes you can’t hide pain.

I feel bad for my sister cause my mother is not being supportive like I think a mother should. Incidents like this just remind me how I should distant myself from my family. I know that sounds harsh but I am not close to any of them anymore. The biggest distant is with my sister.

I am so jealous of my husband’s relationship with his younger brother. His younger brother is always seeking Gus out to hang out with him and us as a family. It’s the littlest things. If his brother needs to go to the store, he calls Gus up to see if Gus wants to go with him.  It’s funny that this is all coming up because this weekend when Gus and his brother played til dawn on the 360, Gus came up to me and said, “It bothers me that your always alone.”

I assured him that I am ok. Truth is I am not ok.  I do alright not to let it bother me but it does. I have fixed it to make it into an old wound.

Ok, well now I know.  I am not part of their world anymore. I have created my own world just like they have their own. I just would like them to make appearances in mine like I am so willing to do in theirs.


Comments on: "Family Affair- or Family Major F*&% Disaster" (11)

  1. Oh girlfriend. That stinks and I am so sorry things are the way they are. As hard as it is let go in one ear and out the other with your mom. Don’t let it get you down. You know you are a wonderful woman.
    Family sucks at times. We have a similar situation. I have always had a close relationship with my parents and my sister. My sister has been in Tennessee with me for almost 7 years now, we are very close and I can honestly say she is my best friend. I have always been close with my dad, always calling and keeping in touch. Same when my mom was still here. Billy on the other hand is not close with his family. On his 18th birthday he came down for breakfast and his mom said “happy Birthday” you need to get out. And had his stuff in a garbage bag waiting for him. He lived in his car for 2 weeks. He even said to me the other day “I want to email my mom and ask her On a scale of one to ten how do you think you did as a parent?” She doesn’t call and isn’t involved in our lives. I bring her name up and my kids say “huh? who’s that?” It infuriates me! When asked about his sisters he says he has one real sister..that’s my sister he is talking about even though he has 2 of his own. It’s sad really and my heart aches for him at times.
    Chin up. What comes around goes around.

    • Aww poor Billy. Your right though. Karma is a bitch. I am just hoping people realize this and see how much they need family in their lives. Sooner or later, they will realize how wrong they are.

  2. Excellent advice: but right now she’s making it all about herself. Let her do that by herself.

  3. That’s roughtha sweetie…let me guess, is ur mom Catholic or Jewish?? Best thing u can do with her is never agree OR argue with her when she gets like this…if you’ve already told her how you feel about this being your sisters wedding and not hers, just “ummm, mmmm” and take the kids and get out as soon as you can but don’t be rude…just refuse to engage in that fight.

    This may become the opportunity that will bring you and your sister to become best friends. Then when Gus’ bro calls, just call up your sister.

    Love ya girl!

  4. Oh lady I’m so sorry. I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel. I am not close to anyone in my family but I tried for years. I tried to be the bigger person and break the cycle, for my kids sake. It was tough and ultimately it was just better to bail (there are more issues in my family that I just didn’t want the kids exposed to). I have created my own family that I am very proud of. Unfortantely, when something exciting happens I have no one in my own family to call and share with. I don’t have a family member to hang out with. Mr. T’s family is wonderful though, and I am thankful for that.

    For me, I have come to realize that family has a different meaning for everyone. My family does not inlcude the typical people you would think of. I have my husband and my kids, of course. They are most important to me. It includes my in-laws, but not my own parents. My family does however include the few close friends that have been there for me when I needed someone. They are people who care enough to answer the phone or a text when it’s most important and are willing to come share a drink when you need a good laugh.

    I’m so sorry that such a festive situation is taking a different turn and that you sometimes feel alone. Just remember you can holla at me anytime! I truly hope it all turns out ok.

  5. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Poster of a girl, Poster of a girl. Poster of a girl said: Family Affair- or Family Major F*&% Disaster: […]

  6. Sigh……boy do I know how u feel. Made out to be the fucked up selfish child. The one who supposedly doesn’t care about their parents and whose fault it us when they get really sick. Maybe our parents should have had other kids I mean I’m sorry its not what they expected….nothing ever is. I understand the full circle thing too. My grandpa (dads father) grew up in the religion and he left and raised his children to be different they “distanced” themselves from him and then my grandpa had his kid and my dad decided to be different then my grandpa stopped talking to him then my dad had me I grew up and didn’t want that and its a whole cycle and it sucks its hurt and then anger…..sigh its exhausting!

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