What can you say about these search engines?
Search engines like Google and Bing are ready to serve on our every need. And probably, were they human, could tell us some interesting stories on the kind of things they gotta look up and research. Forget the fact that both Google and Bing sound like sexual innuendos (ie. you wanna Google? or did you just Bing me?), they gotta have a crazy sense of humor. They actually might be down right crazy.
I actually might want to party with Google and Bing!
I have been scratching my head at all things people type in to get to my blog and column (Read my column everyday @ AJDaily.com)
For example, some woman searched “my husband wants me to get breast implants“. You poor thing! I say divorce your husband and get them anyway! I can’t imagine having huge boobs. If I ever got breast implants, I would then refer to them as Ta Ta’s or call them Badda and Boom. Again, to the woman (or man… hey I don’t question) who was looking for guidance on Google or where ever, your man just might be a piece of shit. He should love you matter what. Remind him you love him for his small, un-proportioned ummm….. head.
The ones that people search for a come upon my blog are …. disturbing?
“My subconscious hates me“. Wow, then I am truly sorry. Your mind has turned against and is working on its own. That must be the break up of the century! I still couldn’t get over Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. That just brings it to a whole new level! I hope you got the counseling that you needed to move on. YOU WILL FIND SOME CONSCIOUS THAT LOVES YOU FOR YOU!
“Real zombies eating people“. Does the government know about this? When you find the answer to this, I need to know where and when and more than likely how. Planning is everything!
Australians were all “Forget natural oils! Lets ride our kangaroos!” That’s going green for ya!
“Place to buy a wife“. I hope reading my blog deterred you from that. Even though, I never mentioned buying a wife. But if you get a wife anything like me, she will probably be just as annoying and pestering. My opinion: Hire a maid. Maybe a mute one?
“Santa’s Naked Helper” I don’t even know what to say. Wait, of course! The reindeer don’t wear clothes. Dear God my mind was in the gutter for a while there.
“Happy Zoloft” Well, duh! Where is my cut?!
Google, Bing and all the rest of those bad boys know their audience! I am glad they are helping all those in need of those searching for “snoring coffee” and “are you talking to me bitch.”
The internet is magical and wonderful thing!