During these wonderful holidays family visited often and I was able to trick some of my family members.
One family member reported that they ran across an article online of a case involving rabies somewhere in the south. It was the first rabies account on a human in many years. I have no idea why the hell she told us girls that. Maybe to fill the awkward silences of conversations, I don’t know. I mean you only can only complain about men for so long
So I turned around all stone faced and told my sister-in-law and her sister that this was indeed serious.
I said, “Every one knows that if the rabies virus isn’t taken care of, humans can become zombies. Flesh eating monsters are no joke!”
I expected to get a laugh outta that… cause I am such a jokester.
Alas, their mouths hung open and they stared at me. After awhile, they started to reason that it was true!!!
One said,” Well yea that’s true. Dogs wanna attack and eat human flesh. (HUH??) They foam at the mouth, their eyes turn red (What??? Zombies not vampires!!), and they are extremely angry!”
I wouldn’t call a zombie angry. I would a call a zombie more carnivorous, leaning toward ‘I am so hungry, I can eat a horse’ hungry!
Actually more like a pregnant woman as soon as she wakes up. If she doesn’t eat in the next five minutes, the mother fucking house is gonna burn down!!
You know what I am talking about. There were times I remember I was so hungry and when the anger was rising up, I swear I spit fire!
Zombies are not pist off. They don’t have daddy issues; their jobs don’t suck because there is no corporate ladder to climb as a zombie. They are dead!!! Oh excuse me…. they are the undead. Dead but not quite. Like 50/50.
Animals that have rabies aren’t dead!! They aren’t the undead coming back to life. Its an infection in the brain!! And the end result is that rabies kill!
I watch these girls continue the conversation without me talking about how becoming a zombie is so possible now.
What the fuck!! I mean… normally I would jump on any bandwagon that included zombies especially if it meant it was now more than ever of great importance to use my entire credit card to purchase the badass 1911 pistol.
Fuck the credit card because we are all gonna die anyway.
However, even I know (sadly) that zombies don’t exist. And rabies are not the starting point.
Or is it….
No no it’s just not possible. It has to be man-made! Fuck!! We can’t even cure zits how the hell we gonna make a zombie virus!!!
I mentioned this whole conversation later to the hubs. He couldn’t believe that I actually said someone needed to create this zombie virus. He asked if I was some kind of monster or something. Zombie? No! Monster? Maybe.
A zombie apocalypse is just what we need. It would certain liven 2012 up. How many of us would be forced on a exercise plan in order to flee from zombie. America would no longer be the fat country of the world!
Just imagine eating flesh, brain eating, moaning, dancing the Thriller dance….
I need something til Walking Dead comes back on.